Sunday, January 28, 2007

I'm a cartoon. I'm a robot. I'm clearly watching too much television.

Last night I dreamed that Fresno was Batman. And *I* was Poison Ivy... the one from the CARTOON. And, what's more, we were married (I know, I should have been Catwoman, then. I didn't CHOOSE.) And Jeeves from Jeeves and Wooster was Alfred. (Clearly I watch PBS too much.) The only dumb thing about the dream was that was pretty much IT. We never actually DID anything, had any adventures... the dream was just that we WERE who we were and we were just standing around in the Bat Cave and we were cartoons, except Jeeves/Alfred who was a real person and who was serving drinks. Nothing really happened. It was a comparatively boring dream. But, still funny.

Anyway, this weekend was sucky beyond all reason (car wreck, headache x50, being searched at Wal-Mart because they thought I stole something (I didn't), and Boo Bonic, the gerbil, escaped today and so I had to chase her down. (I *did* catch her and she is grounded! Little brat.))

I did manage to get SOMETHING accomplished, at least. For one, I was birdie-sitting McKenzie the Parrot and she didn't ever decide to attack me. With her, that's progress. She is a good bird, just... moody and unpredictable. Sort of like me, in bird-form. Also, I had fun talking to Fresno on the phone. The bank did not take his offer for the house, but he did not counter because he said he didn't feel right about it. I think that was smart. I need to not worry about him so
much... he is intelligent and mature. He is not going to do anything impulsive just because of me... things will work out for him because he will MAKE them work. I am just too used to surrounding myself with Lost Boys and me being Wendy. But Fresno knows what he is doing... so I need to learn to make my brain less bossy and stressy. Anyway, the other major accomplishment is I made an EXCELLENT Control Journal. FlyLady emphasizes "progress not perfection!" which is true and good! BUT I have been having a hard time because my Control Journal isn't how I want it! Ha! Yes, I know. Stupid. Anyway, CRISIS PASSED. I made a PERFECT Control Journal! Neener neener! Anyway, so that is what I did this weekend. (Sort of like when you're report is crap, but dang it you have the BEST folder to put in. Yeah, that's me. I was in an avoidance mode. Shaddup.) Actually, it is still not DONE, but I STARTED the perfect Control Journal. Control of my Life... HERE I COME!!!

Another dream I had last night was that all of my mail was being forwarded to the Padres'. I was so mad because my dad was throwing it all AWAY! He threw away my hilarious shirts and I was yelling at him. This morning I thought it was true and I was so ticked... but realized the shirts had not come yet.

Another dream I had was about my headache. I dreamed that it had been 10 years and they were still doing nerve block injections. I was crying and asking why I couldn't be normal. The doctor said it was because of the lesions on my brain [very possible] and also because I was a robot [because my dream couldn't be NORMAL.]. I was really mad and said that was crap because if I was a robot I couldn't cry, I would short out. He said "no, that's a common misconception. Most parts are actually silicon-based. Crying is perfectly normal." I was still so angry because 10 YEARS?! I don't want to still be dealing with this then.

I also don't want to find out I am a robot. Because really now, if I am a robot couldn't I get a less defective model NOW?! I have some serious issues with my tech support. Grrrr.

So there are shows I should not watch, at least not while fighting my depression. I think a "Without a Trace" about a little boy who eventually tries to kill himself... one of those I SHOULD NOT WATCH. Some things just feel... too... real. Though things are BETTER right now than they have been. Prayer... friends... narcotics... good things. This show... not good. Well, GOOD, like, yeah. Good show. BAD for me. Changing the channel. Granted if I was REALLY being good I would just turn the TV OFF and go to bed, but I still have a hard time GOING to bed knowing that it will be hours before I fall asleep. BOOOOOORING.


  1. Walmart searched you! They do that? Weird.

    Sounds like some fun dreams. Seriously it's nice to know someone else dreams. I keep having the same dream with Melissa L. in it and we are buying a house (J and I) and she lives there, but it's haunted and needs a lot of work. I don't understand it AT ALL.

  2. Maybe you should stop thinking "hey... why go to bed? I'm not going to fall asleep." Even when you DO go early. Maybe it's self defeating. Instead imagine/believe that you are going to go to bed and fall straight asleep within 10 minutes at the most.

    It might make a difference... I dunno.. it jsut seems self-defeating sometimes to think that something's not going to matter anyway.

  3. Heh...Gena always said I reminded her of Poison Ivy...for whatever reason.

    I'm gonna have to go with CC on this...mind over matter is something I really believe in so if you believe you WILL fall asleep, I think you can actually do it.