My VisualDNA is a LOT cuter than a Strawberry's REAL DNA.

I know this because we teach the 7th graders how to extract it at the TGP. And, in case you have never extracted DNA from a strawberry (what is wrong with you?!) it looks like a blob of SNOT if you have done it right. Anyway, yeah.

Today was another birthday party at the farm. It was SO HARD I am wondering if they are worth the money. See, they don't REALLY fall under Education. But we agree to do them sometimes to pick up extra hours and sometimes (because, let's face it, we are in Utah) tips. Some parties are worth it. Some are not. This one was wicked long, and stressful, BUT was thrown by this richy MINO (Money Is No Object) lady for her daughter and so even though I have heel spurs that left me hobbling, etc, it WAS pretty interesting to see how BIG a party she could make it in our barn! Plus, MINOs give HUGE TIPS for our mad face painting skills and such... 20 bucks for both me AND Grandma Betsy (plus $5 for my new little friend, one of the volunteer kids, a 12 year old boy who follows me around talking BUT I don't even MIND because he actually HELPS.)

But before the day was over Grandma Betsy and I were in a rather... ummm... HEATED argument with SGary about birthday parties at the farm, so basically, I don't know how many I will agree to do if his idiot ideas are actually implemented. Seriously, that man knows NOTHING about the farm and one of my favorite cowgirls quit today because of it, and Grandma Betsy and Crazy Connie said that they will not do anymore parties unless we can do them the way Education does. So, if SGary lays down the law, it is going to be a very LONELY little group over there... maybe Sgary will end up hosting the parties himself. Heh heh.

Oddly, one of my favorite new farm kids is SGary's own shy little daughter, Babble. So, I will watch my Ladder-Climber-Bashing mouth around her. She is a sweetheart. (I love when school gets out and our volunteer program gets going. That is one of the reasons I was HIRED is to work with the funny teens that come to get hours here!)

Anyway, he, tough day. But 20 dollars richer! And all practiced up on my face painting. It... ALMOST... made me think about being a clown again (but not for the farm.)

That's right. For those of you who did not know my deep dark secret, I really did used to do kid birthday parties. I just did a few... back in high school. And considering how big of stage frieght I get, I honestly don't know HOW I did it.

But I face paint.

And I can twist balloon animals. (though I am very VERY rusty.

And I don't make Transformers (but WORSHIP the guy who CAN!).

My name was Rosie the Clown. *blush*

However, I have, the past few years been toying with a related, but not the same, idea. Once I am in a house I own... as I would plan to probably also own a pygmy goat, hedgehog, and maybe a parrot of some sort. See, I am thinking I may eventually do birthday parties of sort of a tiny traveling zoo/safari. Teach about the animals. Have "passports" for various "shows" and explorer hats and stuff. And, yeah, probably do balloons and face painting.

It sounds better in my HEAD than my blog, but most things do. Because I *heart* ideas. But usually need help actually IMPLEMENTING them. (Usually from CC. hee hee!) I have many, MANY beginnings of books, either that I have illustrated or written. I have ideas (and some supplies) for coffee potpourri (to do with CC). I have poems out the wazoo (that CC will make into amazing fontastic ART, eventually). I have sugar glider toys to make and sell... eventually. (Not on here. Because that's just stuff I LINK to from Amazon though I get a small commission. If I had ever SOLD a single thing. I mean EVER.)

Ideas. *SIGH* Anyway...

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Aaaaand, I'm going to bed. I need to wake up EARLY because Anziano BoyKid is calling the fam from Italy in the wee hours (dang time issues!) for Mother's Day.

Little Anziano

My baby bro, Anziano BoyKid is such a good kid, for real. We got his first letter and he sounds like he is doing good. I like it when he told about his first mission companion, over there at the MTC. "He is a good kid, but he listens about as well as I do so we may be in trouble! He was a jock in school, but he doesn't seem to jock-ish (wow that was intelligent). I haven't really gotten to know him yet but I bet we'll get pretty tight." He is so cute! But I thought I would let all y'all read his Farewell Talk, given 8 March 2007:

Brothers and Sisters, I am grateful for the chance to speak to you this morning. Seeing as the last time I was asked to speak in church, I completely forgot about it, I do feel like things are going better this time. It is comforting to see so many familiar faces. I am grateful for our faithful little 9th ward. I am thankful for the friends and family that are here today. Judging from the smiles on your faces, there are quite a few of you who are delighted to be finally getting rid of me!

I'd like to start off by reading the poem "If I Only Was the Fellow" by Will S. Adkin. Let me warn you, a portion of this poem is written with a strong accent. So forgive me if I draw my on drama experience a little.

If I Only Was The Fellow
While walking down a crowded city street the other day,
I heard a little urchin to a comrade turn and say,
"Say, Chimney, lemme tell youse, I'd be happy as a clam
If I only was de feller dat Me mudder t'inks I am.

"She t'inks I am a wonder, an' she knows her little lad
Could never mix wit' nuttin' dat was ugly, mean or bad.
Oh, lot o'times I sit and t'ink how nice, 'twould be, gee whiz!
If a feller was de feller dat his mudder t'inks he is."

My friends, be yours a life of toil or undiluted joy,
You can learn a wholesome lesson from that small, untutored boy.
You need not be an earthly saint, with eyes fixed on a star:
Just try to be the fellow that your Mother thinks you are.
-Will S. Adkin-

If we really were the kind of person our mother thinks we are, how much better would we be?

At times it can be difficult living up to the high expectations of our parents. If you'll pardon a personal example, I have experienced this first-hand.

Anyone who knows me has probably heard of my uh .imperfect driving record. Heaven may forgive and forget past sins, but unfortunately State farm Insurance does not. This explains my extreme fear the first time I was ever pulled over. To my embarrassment I admit that I was pulled over for drunk-driving despite the fact that I sure wasn't drunk. This story started as a not so innocent practical joke war between me and some of my friends. I use the term "friends" very loosely in this case. Once our battling factions ran out of the classics like toilet paper, and silly string we were forced be more creative. My truck fell victim to the worst attack. Thugs sprayed cooking spray on my windshield, leaving the world a blurry mess. Foolishly, I decided to drive anyway. I realized how
dangerous I was being, but the streets were empty, so I pressed on. It took flashing red and blue lights to finally come to my senses. As I imagine the sight of me trying my hardest to stay in the lines, I understand why the Officer was shocked to find me sober. It may have been how absolutely horrified I was, but the officer took pity on me and let me go with a warning.

Unfortunately this story is only half over. I was then faced with the mini-moral dilemma of whether or not to admit this ever happened or just bury it. I decided since I didn't get a ticket I did not need to tell my parents. No harm, no foul right? I went to bed foolishly thinking that would be the end of it. Much to my surprise.my mom had a dream that night. That morning she shared her dream. She told that she in her dream I had broken a window. But I had the courage to tell her about it, despite the consequences. Her next words were, I quote: "I know that if you ever did anything wrong. you'd tell me about it."

I'd felt that I had been personally ratted out by revelation! It could have just been a coincidence, but I heard the message loud and clear. The Lord wanted me to be open with my parents, even if it was something trivial. I knew I had to come clean!

I learned a valuable lesson that day. At times when I was tempted to make choices that weren't correct, I could think back and realize my parents didn't just hope I would choose the right, they fully expected I would do so. That knowledge made it much easier to make the right decisions.

Our parents aren't the only ones that expect us to make the right decisions. So do ur friends, our coworkers, our neighbors and church leaders. We also have expectations from our Heavenly Father. The poem I read discussed how good the world would be if we acted the way our parents thought of us. Imagine how much more powerful a change it would be if we all were the person our Heavenly parents expect us to be. Heavenly Father has made it very clear how he expects us to act. During his sermon on the mount, Jesus commands us, in Matt. 5:48 to "Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect."

This may seem like an impossible commandment. Sometimes it is hard to believe that we can ever be perfect. On our own this is true. But as Nephi said, "I know the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he should prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." Jesus Christ is the way that we can accomplish this commandment. We may not ever be perfect in our lives, but we can all be perfected through the atonement of Jesus Christ.

Still, it can be difficult living up to our expectations, because perfection involves doing the right things for the right reasons. Too often we do things we good things, but don't get anything out of it. We read our scriptures, but don't take anything to heart. We pray for guidance, but don't stick around long enough to receive answers. Sadly, what holds many of us back isn't our actions, but our attitudes.

Our attitude can make a big difference in our lives. Whenever I was having a bad morning, I remember my dad would simply tell me to change my attitude. He'd tell me I had the choice to be miserable or happy. At the time, his statements only made me angrier. Since then I have realized our attitudes determine far more than how our day is going to be. Our attitudes play a role in living up to God's expectations. Knowing that, I searched for ways to improve my attitude.

I found that the scriptures are full of ways to improve our attitudes, and progress towards perfection. A classic example of attitude is found in 1st Nephi. When the Lord commands Lehi's sons to retrieve the plates from Laban, we get a great demonstration of how attitude affects our progression. Nephi's response is classic. "I will go and do." While, Laman and Lemuel's responses are a little less inspiring. In chapter 3 verse 5 it says, "And now behold the brothers murmur, saying it is a hard thing which I have required of them; but behold I have not required it of them, but it is a commandment of the
Lord."

It is tempting to be critical of Nephi's brothers. After all, "It is going to be hard!" is a pretty pansy response. However, we sometimes forget that retrieving the plates was hard. It involved hiking the same distance as
from here to St George, and then back. It involved marching right up to Laban, the Jerusalem equivalent of the Godfather, and asking for the plates. It was a huge risk, and Laman and Lemuel knew they could easily lose their lives. And did they do it? Yes. They complained but they did it. How often do we follow their example? We do our home teaching, but we complain about it. We fast but we complain about it. Now it is a good thing, a great thing, to do the right things. But to live up to our divine expectations we need to have more of Nephi's unwavering faith.

So how do we adjust our attitudes? To make that kind of change we need to keep in mind a larger perspective. I learned a lesson about this principle when I was a Teacher in the 3rd ward. It was my first experience with the
now legendary Pack Pedal Paddle. Now I could make a lot of jokes about how Brother Borup got us completely lost several times. I could point out that every time Borup promised us "Just one more mile" we planned on two or three. But I won't mention those things; that just isn't how I do things.

Actually I found that our journey through the High Uintas could teach a lot about of journey through life. I remember specifically a section of the trail that seemed only to go up. We climbed for hours, each time we reached what we thought was the summit, we saw an even higher hillcrest. Finally standing on the highpoint of the trail, we were able to look down into the beautiful valley below us. Among the trees we saw small mountain lakes and a larger one that we knew was our destination. Looking at that lake it seemed so simple. We would walk down and arrive with enough light to cook dinner and rest. Unfortunately, what seemed so easy when we saw the whole landscape became much more difficult once we were surrounded by trees. Without seeing the big picture we had to follow a small trail a long distance. We even lost our way at times, and said a prayer that we would find the trail again.

The similarities of our own journey through life are obvious. When life is smooth, and we are on top of the world our destinations seem so clear. We are certain who we are and where we are going. Unfortunately, when we are in the thick of things such certainty is sometimes lost. Without that far sight we can lose our way. If we are lucky, we will have role models, and leaders like Brother Borup and Brother Monney to help us out of the woods. I am very grateful for the many leaders that have helped me along my way.

The scriptures offer other examples of ways to change our attitudes. One example comes from the book of Moses. In this story, Moses has a powerful spiritual experience. If you would like you can turn to Moses 1.

Read from Scriptures V 1-2

Moses had the opportunity to see the Lord face to face and learn directly from him. If you had the chance to be instructed by the Lord what do you think he would teach you? I think it would probably be similar to Moses'
lessons.

In verse 3-4 He says

It is very significant that The Lord calls Moses His son. The first thing the He wanted Moses to know was his divine identity. The Lord repeats that statement several more times, reaffirming Moses' role. The Lord wants us all to remember who we really are. We are children of God. Once we realize that, it becomes much easier to make the right choices. Once this sinks in, the Lord show Moses all his creations, and the plan of happiness. After witnessing all things, Moses is left alone, to consider what he has seen.

His statements in Verse 10 say a lot about his changed attitude.

This statement shows us that he had truly humbled himself. However it is important to realize that although that we are nothing compared to God, but we are everything TO God.

In this verse 39 he tells Moses:
Moses' knowledge of who he is strengthens him when temptation sets in. Shortly following his vision, Satan comes to stop the new prophet. We can learn a lot from Satan's strategies.

In Verse 12 it says:

Notice the first thing Satan does is call Moses a "son of Man." He is trying to make Moses forget and doubt his potential as a Son of God. Moses' response in verse 13 is perfect:

We can respond in the exact same way. When we are faced with temptation we can tell ourselves that we are Children of God. We have the glory as children of God, so why would we trade that for the darkness of Satan?

This chapter of Moses is essentially a self-help book on self-motivation! The Lord was giving all of us a way to boost our attitude during hard times. If you'll permit one more personal example, I feel I learned a related
lesson early in life.

When I was 7 my mother and our neighbors planned a picnic at a beautiful spot along the Provo River, near BYU. It was late fall, so the waters were shallow and slow. My mother and the ladies watched and relaxed as their children cut loose enjoying the warm sun. As we little boys wandered off, my mom got suddenly nervous. The other ladies weren't worried, but my mother suddenly received a strong impression that she had to find me. She took off at a run being led by the Spirit. What she couldn't have known without the Spirit was that I was about to do something incredibly stupid.
Near where the water runs under the street, a part of the river was dammed by a metal floodgate. In this small area the water was much deeper. Near the bottom the gate was part-way open, and the water was pouring violently through the opening on the other side. Yet the water on the surface was dead still. So much so that a thick layer of trash and moss had the collected on the surface. In my childish haste, I saw this layer of foam
and mistook it for dry land.

And so, when my mother followed the Spirit to my location she arrived just in time to see me jump from dry land and get swallowed by the murky water. I had taken swimming lessons but the hidden current below was pulling against me. As I came up to the surface kicking hard I saw the face of my mother, for just a second before being sucked under again. I surfaced again and tried to grab her outstretched hand, but missed. I kicked hard and surfaced again, and this time I felt her arm grab me, and pull me towards the surface. I was cold, wet, out of breath, but because of the Spirit, and the quick actions of my mother I was alive.

I tell this story partly because it has so much meaning to me. I also feel that this story has many spiritual parallels. The first lesson I learned is that when the spirit tells you to do something, you do it immediately.
Don't wait, or else the opportunity may be lost. President Spencer W Kimble had a motto. He would often say, "Do it. Do it now!" It isn't enough to receive a spiritual impression if we don't act on it. As it says in James 1:22 "Be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only."

The second lesson I learned was the symbolism of the still water. Satan will try to trap us. On the surface sin may seem peaceful and inviting, but below there are dangerous forces trying to pull us under.

Finally the last lesson involved my mother. She has confessed to me she felt guilty her that her first instinct was not to jump into the deep water with me. While a dramatic dive would have been more exciting it could have
led to her to being pulled under the water as well.

We all have friends that aren't doing the right thing. It can be the hardest thing in the world to stand by and watch them slip away. In our desperation to help it can be tempting to dive in with them. In our desire to keep an eye on them, we can start to make small allowances. We'll go to a party where alcohol is served in order to protect them. This is a noble desire, but if we spend time where the spirit can't be present, how long before we start to slip? How can we pull them out if we too are struggling against the current? It is difficult, but we must be sure our footing is secure in order to help others.

On that day, my parents said something which has grown more significant to me lately. My father said "The Lord saved you for a reason. You have work still to do." We are all here for a reason. Heavenly Father loves us and would not send us down here to drift. We all have a work to do, every one of us.

Right now I know exactly what it is that I am called to do. I have been called, like all of us to share the Gospel with the world. I am thankful for the examples I have had. JT Ferrin, Sean Vest, who are just beginning to serve. And all the examples of those who have served, even for a short time; they have shown me the power of missionary work.

I am so thankful for my family. They have been everything to me. I know everyone says this, but everyone else is wrong, because I have the best family in the world. I am thankful for my sisters, Beth Ann who has been an example to me my whole life. I am so grateful that she served a mission, and has shown me how wonderful, and difficult it can be. I am grateful for Corinne, who is just so full of life. I am grateful for the chance to laugh, and fight, and just act dorky with her.

I want to thank my parents. My mother who tirelessly serves our family; I know the Lord will bless her and my family the way he has blessed me.

I also want to thank my father. He was my friend when I didn't have any, and when I did have friends he became their buddy too. I am so thankful for him.

I also want to thank my friends and family who are visiting. They have meant so much to me. I also want to thank the adults who have meant so much in life, all my scout leaders and church leaders and the Bishopric.

I should probably stop before I sound like an award show. But before I let everyone go, I would like to bear my testimony .

[And then he did. Hee hee hee!]

There you go, folks. My little brother rocks. The End.

T.G.I.S.

Guess what? I made it to Church! And most of the day was very good, if rather painful. But a BEAUTIFUL day for it. I parked far from the doors of the chapel because the weather was so nice at last! I wore sandals and it just felt so nice walking to the church in without shivering! Sigh! It felt so springy! Thank you, Puxatony Phil! (Though I am sure it is super temporary)

It was a good meeting. It was fast and testimony meeting, which sometimes annoys me, but this time it seemed everyone who shared their feelings about this gospel were sincere at least. And it was just good to be there. For a little while, my head got so bad I couldn't stay sitting and had to leave to lay back in the foyer. I hated that and felt embarrassed, but at least came back for a little after that, though I still hurt so much.

I also made an appointment to talk with the Bishop. I went home, played with the dogs a little, ate some soup, and, as our tradition dictates, watched LHOTP with the Roommate. Then it was time to hurry BACK to the church to talk to the Bishop. We talked about my health a lot, but also about getting my Temple recommend again. Get back going regularly, you know? At least as soon as I can get this head nightmare under control. I don't love this ward. But I am trying. And I DO like the Bishop and trust him. So that is SOMETHING anyway. He also gave me a blessing that the doctors would do a good job tomorrow, and that I would have peace about it. But I am still pretty nervous.

So it is a good Sabbath. Oh, and by the way, I *know* this isn't a normal Sunday. It is SUPER BOWL Sunday! But, well, I am just NOT in the mood for football today. Although, as I was explaining in a recent survey I have recently become much more of a football fan provided the "company" is right. I have always liked football, but am more of a walk in for 2 minutes, catch the score, walk out, etc. type fan. Sort of like Sports ADD. hee hee! But I think I watched an ENTIRE football game for the first time in a few YEARS this year day after Thanksgiving because I happened to be seated closely on the couch next to my SUPER football fan, "Fresno."

But I am not all that footbally when I am here, alone, you know? Plus, well, no team I love. That would make a difference. (Besides that I like COLLEGE ball, not NFL much anyway, but if it must be NFL it is 49ers or Texans... and I don't expect to see them in the Super Bowl anytime soon. Hee hee! But college is better.)

Anyway, I saw a commercial today (NOT a funny "Super Bowl" one, a really lame and sappy Hallmark card one) that showed the EXACT card my grandma sent me for my birthday on my mission that I kept! One that meant a lot to me, and that I hung on my wall here at my house with a turtle planting a tree. The commercial was stupid. But because of how my mission was going at that point, the poem on that silly card, well, it wasn't. And, well, today it also made me miss my grandma.

A Story About You
Who in their life
hasn't planted a peach pit
just hoping that somehow
a seedling would grow?
And then they move on
to some other adventure,
and if it comes up-
well, they don't even know.

That's one way
of picturing your style of living.
You've planted ideas
and dreams unaware.
You've noticed somebody
whose heart needs attention
and planted a positive feeling in there.
It's part of your nature.
You may not remember
the kind and encouraging
things that you've done...

But everywhere,
"peach pits"
are growing like crazy,
and people are blooming.
(I know it-I'm one.)

Thank you, Grandma. It is so weird to think of her being, well, dead. It's bizarre. Also, this may sound mean if you don't know our family, but, it's also kind of bizarre to be MISSING her so much. Not for Mom, obviously. She would miss her mother. But for me. Yeah... but I miss my Grandma today.

I'll tell you one thing about Grandma though, I did NOT get my lack of cleaning from her. She was like a scrub everything from ceiling to floor lady. Though pack rat, well we had that in common. But I didn't have the Great Depression frugality to blame for it... just not so great depression itself. And at least I don't wash, hang and REUSE plastic wrap. (Ew.)

So far, though, our sink is shiny and the kitchen is good in general and I am making headway on the living room. And I plan to do some serious FlyLady stuff this week. I am hoping to at least have the house looking good for Fresno coming. (And, no, I am not trying to trick him... he knows how messy I am. Just hoping he won't drown in clutter while he's here, you know. Though he is sleeping at the padres' not here. But yeah.

Blessings...
Football...
Peach Pits...
Grandma...
Fresno...
Kitchen Sinks...
Sigh. Trying not to think about shots.

BLEH.


Goodnight.

My Thankimony and Mourning the Fish

People that have lives, have lives that have real people. People at work, school, etc. to lean on when things are bad. But when your life seems to have all but STOPPED... and you rarely leave the house for anything but the pool or doctor... where are your people?

The answer, people, is HERE! Not just HERE-Here, but here, and you know, just here... in my mailbox. Because you people are freaking awesome to me. I love you people. Thank you for being my friends and being there for me even when "there" isn't a physical place, like, my living room. I was thinking about this a lot today. I am still uber stressed with my non-life. BUT I am very BLESSED with my friends. And I realized when I was praying that the MAJORITY of the important people in my life I have either met, or stay-primarily-connected-to, on teh inter-webs.

How weird is that?! I mean, I know, I am a pretty big nerd, that shouldn't be all that big of a revelation. But sometimes I still need a little divine pat on the back that, despite the many warnings about the "evils of internet relationships," mine are somehow kosher and all part of the blessing. Maybe I am wrong. I don't think so, though. I feel like I have been pretty fortunate in who I have met in this big crazy digital world and I think that Heavenly Father has HAD to have a big part in that. So to you, who are part of that, thank you. I don't really vent here to read that I am loved in the notes...

but it sure doesn't hurt. *grins* I LOVE YOU PEOPLE!

ANYWAY, so today I had a physical therapy appointment, but slept too late and had to call and cancel. That wasn't so good. I did work out at the pool though, and did work a little on my room, going through my clothes to decide what to Freecycle/DI and some other things. Not quite Flying, but Fluttering, at least. Hee hee!

One cool thing, though, is an email I got today. A very good friend of mine, "Gilch," wrote me. He hasn't in a long time and it was so good to be back in contact with him. (I also gave him my blog link though I don't know if he is a blogger) He is one of those people that I think is BRILLIANT, and spiritual... and just SO CLOSE to the truth of the Gospel. So close, but still... issues. Anyway, that's not why I write him. I write him because we are friends, not because I am in "missionary mode." Though I won't pretend I don't think about that too, the church thing. Because, well, I DO. I am fairly sure if Gilch was ever to convert to the LDS church he would end up being a STELLAR missionary... and probably teach seminary or something. Seriously, the guy is AWESOME. Anyway... Yeah, Mali knows. SIGH.

Another tidbit of today is that I decided I needed another Blog. I know, I am pathetic. But this one will just be a place to PUT my poetry, when I actually write it. Technically right now I just tried to find all my old poetry and put it in there so that CC could turn it into ART! She's freaking talented, you know. And she's doing a project with them like the one she did before. She makes my poetry look famous! (and thus I grant her exclusive copyrights to play with it at will. Anyone else must ask. And woo me with flattery and possibly chocolate and money.) I love having talented/brilliant/nice friends.

And, well, cute ones, too. The anatomical heart came in the mail today! My roomie thought it was very very funny. It does not come in a valentine like the one I pictured, it came on one of those anatomical skinless dudes. Not sized right though, unless, like the Grinch, it has already grown 20 times it's size. A very loving anatomical man. Anyway, the point is the heart anyway. I hope he likes it. I THINK he will. He tends to think the same things are funny that I do. Because he's basically a weirdo. Hee hee hee hee! Which is good as I like him muchly for it.

I should go to bed. What else happened today? I talked about my wonderful friends (you, mostly), the pool, FlyLady, Gilch, my new poetry blog (Oh! The name of it is Rye Mer Eazun. Just FYI.), Fresno... probably all that's missing is my critters and that should cover my life. HA!

Well, the critters of the Ark are all doing good. Actually, that's not completely true. The dogs, gliders, gerbil, and turtle are all good. However, I am actually very sad about my fish. The Goldfarbs, the goldfish "family," well, I really liked them. We made them a family, I know it is silly. But a few days after I returned from Hawai'i, Lucy the "wife" died. And then, just the other day when I was so sad, her "husband" Don Picard died! They were such fun goldfish... had more personality than most fish, I felt like. SIGH. Anyway, now one of my Long-Finned Zebra Danios, Italo (named after one of my dancer boys, if any of you remember him), well he's has a white tumor on his fin that has suddenly got much worse and I have been medicating, but I am afraid he will die, too.

I know that they are just fish... and I certainly am grateful it IS the fish and that my sugar babies are healthy and happy. I mean it is them that are my life. But I still feel bad for the fishies, too. I get pathetically attached. Even to fish. I am glad I am not the only one that silly. Sigh. (And yes, I am being VERY girly tonight.) But still.

And I should go to bed. So that I can wake UP. I HATE MORNING SO MUCH. Morning should die.

Resolutions... How 'Bout It?

I have been blogging my brains out the last few days. I know it doesn't look it, but the thing is I am STILL writing about my family's trip to Hawai'i! I am almost done writing it... but then I have a zillion pictures to share.... ("Slide show... boring! Losing... Consciousness!" ~The Tick) so I am still working on it. Because dang it all, this may be my blog, but I ALSO print it out and it goes in my JOURNAL. So I can't skimp on Hawai'i even if all y'all have no real interest in reading it, I am compelled to write it for myself. Whether it is more because I am a closet Molly Mormon or a wannabe author I am not sure, but the result is the same: The Library of Skittles Deferred gets a dose of Hawaiian Punch. Okay, random tangent, but do you remember those commercials where the little guy jumps out and hits people? I am pretty sure they had those and I didn't dream them... Did I? I think those were real. And violent! Only now I am not sure I didn't imagine them. I need to check YouTube.

Anyway... Now, for my Resolutions of 2007!
Once again I go to my favorite goal-making scripture Luke 2:52 (My favorite goal-ACCOMPLISHING scripture is Philippians 4:13). Talking about the way the Savior improved himself as a young man it says only "And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature and favour with God and man."

So those are my categories to improve in... Wisdom (Intellectual), Stature (Physical), Favor with God (Spiritual), and Favor with Man (Social). I have about a gazillion things to improve in in all those things, but if I have them ALL I won't do ANY, and so it is better just to do a few (and then make new resolutions later on in the year). So, here are mine:

Wisdom

1. I will get a tutor and re-enroll in ASL classes and make strides toward getting my interpreter's license. I will practice DAILY.
2. I will get a job so that my parents have to help me as little as possible
3. I will cook at least one real food from a real *recipe* per week
4. I will begin working on a real-ish online portfolio for professional illustration of children's books and possibly start trying to get in with Cricket (because it is my favorite magazine ever) or other real companies.
5. I will write either: a poem, a chunk of any story, some piece of atypical prose (ie: not a normal blog) once a week, either on paper or in blog, whatever.

Stature

1. I will be much more careful about sticking to the meal plans set up by my dietitian and meds in order to control my Diabetes.
2. I will eat wise choices (see above) and exercise more days than I do not, mostly water aerobics, with the end goal of being healthier and losing about 75 pounds, but with the emphasis on the HEALTH not the actual weight. But yeah. 75.
3. I will continue to fight the depression that seems so overwhelming in trying to deal with the headache thing (Now officially-ish diagnosed as Occipital Neuralgia) by being an active part in my health care and searching for answers and doctors. Also I will take the meds I am supposed to even when I feel sad and don't feel like it.
4. I will drink a LOT more water.
5. I will use the awesome resource of support that is my friends.
6. I will fit into cute t-shirts with web comics on them. I know that sounds dumb, but seriously, I don't. Not the girl ones... the "babydoll raglan" or whatever they are. I want to.
7. I will have a Bed Time and I will ENFORCE IT even if I am bored and laying in bed doing nothing.

Favor with God

1. I will read scriptures everyday. Even if it's just, like, A scripture some days. Yeah.
2. I will pray every morning and night and meals... aloud if I am alone. I haven't prayed aloud alone in awhile. But Fresno was just talking about that, and saying how it was so much easier to not let your mind drift off that way, and he is way right. Actually, I have to admit, the boy is way too good for me.
3. I will take the sacrament more seriously.
4. I will actually try to do my visiting teaching... sometimes.
5. I will do my calling or get brave and talk to the Bishop about not having it. I will try to do it first, either way.
6. I will go to the Temple at least once a month
7. When BoyKid goes on his mission I will write him something spiritual at least once a month.

Favor with Man

1. I will get my house in order by establishing good habits with FlyLady. That way I can be happier and healthier and friends can come over more and party!
2. I will learn to kiss. ;O)
3. I will try harder to know and remember peoples' birthdays and at least text them happy birthday so even if I am broke they will know I am thinking of them.
4. I will get in contact with at least 5 friends from high school or college that are worth re-meeting.

Enough Resolving... Resoluting? Anyway, whatever it is, enough of it. I need to go to bed. You will see Hawai'ian Vacation pics and blogging soon! HOPEFULLY tomorrow!





Ah! You see? I feel vindicated now.

Textual Harassment

BoyKid texted me.

"I offer up a poem:

Haikus are easy.
But sometimes they don't make sense.
Refrigerator."

I *heart* my brother.

YIPPEEEEEEE!!!!

In 8 weeks I have never not had a headache.

U N T I L. N O W.

That's right, people. Today I DON'T HAVE A HEADACHE!!!!!!!!!!!! Everything ELSE hurts, but my head doesn't! And really, even if the pain just MOVES I am okay with that!

This morning I had a neurology appointment, usually fruitless, but this time, even though I HATE shots, my mom asked him if he might TRY a steroid injection right into the muscle to stop the spasming. And guess what... IT WORKED.

Is it a permanent solution? Of course not. Long term, I need well, a whole new healthy healthy self. And especially a stronger, more flexible neck. Which leads me to the NEXT appointment of the oh so doctory day...

I am now in a NEW Physical Therapy Program with a general Wellness program and joining a NEW Physician's Assisted Weight Loss Program! And today was the first of the new PT program. The had me lift a bucket with weights in it with my HEAD! And other such ouchy things, but they will help... I hope. But holy hannah I am hurting SO BAD NOW, my muscles are so damn sore!!!

But after water aerobics I was drained and SICK SICK SICK... one thing I did NOT think about with the shot? Puts my blood sugar levels through the roof and not even insulin brought it down.

So now I am temporarily ( ihopeihopeihope) on injections because the solution to one problem causes another. BLEH BLEH BLEH!!! But still... the HEADACHE is gone, so hey...

However, my day has not been ALL about meds and docs (HOORAY!!!)

I have VERY CUTE CRUSHES and VERY TALENTED FRIENDS!!!

Yeah, ever hear of CR England? Big Trucking Company? Yeah, well, look long and hard at that logo because guess who's making the new one?! That's right STEPH!
HOW PROUD AM I?! So proud. I have a famous friend. So watch for her art ALL OVER THE COUNTRY driving next to you!

And yes, I am SOOOOO twitterpated with Fresno. And he is coming! on! Friday! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! He is just so... NICE. So sweet. He worries about me when I am hurt or sad and worries about my future. He thinks I am funny. He thinks I am cute. He is fun and flirty and GOOD... very good. He is better at church stuff than me, making ME want to do better... BUT hasn't always been so doesn't make me feel like he doesn't understand. I don't know... I just can't explain it all. I just really really LIKE Richard. A LOT.

So.... what do you feel about, ummm... re-gifting... poems? Because I wrote a poem song thing, well, last year. About another boy. But it TOTALLY applies MORE to Fresno... so... ummm... yeah, can it be his? Or is that too weird?

Mostly

I like to sip my milk from a sturdy Mason jar

I like watch folks at the store and wonder who they are

I like to name the lobsters in the tank, though they're for food

I like to read graffiti, even if I think it's rude.

But Mostly, I like you.

I like to buy a drink from local lemonade stands

I like to write to pen pals living in distant lands

I like to watch the tadpoles till they turn into frogs

I like to ignore joggers, but say Hello to their dogs

But Mostly, I like you.

You're almost all those good things that a girl like me needs

A crazy girl who reads much, star gazes and plants flower seeds

A boy who's almost silly as the girl writing this song

The girl she may just find she likes that boy her whole life long.