Monday, August 28, 2006

How did they KNOW?

ColorQuiz.comkipluck took the free personality test!

"Takes easily and quickly to anything which provide..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

Kind of amazing they can be so accurate based on the colors i choose...

But, well, YEAH.

Your Existing Situation

Easily affected by her environment and readily moved by the emotions of others. Seeks congenial relationships and an occupation which will promote them.

Your Stress Sources

The existing situation is disagreeable. Has an unsatisfied need to ally herself with others whose standards are as high as her own, and to stand out from the rank and file. Her control of her sensual instincts restricts her ability to give herself, but the resulting isolation leads to the urge to surrender and allow herself to merge with another. This disturbs her. as such instincts are regarded as weaknesses to be overcome; she feels that only by continued self-restraint can she hope to maintain her attitude of individual superiority. Wants to be loved or admired for herself alone; needs attention, recognition, and the esteem of others.

Your Restrained Characteristics

An unadmitted lack of confidence makes her careful to avoid open conflict and she feels she must make the best of things as they are.

Circumstances are forcing her to compromise, to restrain her demands and hopes, and to forgo for the time being some of the things she wants.

Your Desired Objective

Takes easily and quickly to anything which provides stimulation. Preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting nature, whether erotically stimulating or otherwise. Wants to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality with an altogether charming and impressive influence on others. Uses tactics cleverly so as to avoid endangering her chances of success or undermined others' confidence in herself.

Your Actual Problem

Greatly impressed by the unique, by originality, and by individuals of outstanding characteristics. Tries to emulate the characteristics she admires and to display originality in her own personality.

Your Actual Problem #2

Has a fear that she might be prevented from achieving the things she wants. This leads her to employ great personal charm in her dealings with others, hoping that this will make it easier for her to reach her objectives.

( I stole it from Steph.)

Anyway I making the babies food and going to be and trying to not think about how nervous I am for sign tomorrow!!!

Aaaaaaand I'm still awake

I turned off the computer and lay in bed and...

no, that's it. No and. Didn't sleep. Didn't doze. I FELT exhausted but apparently that makes little difference.

But I plan on staying awake until I can GO to bed. With this little sleep I am counting on being able to sleep tonight. I just have to keep from falling asleep in the meantime. Not an easy task as my homework on video is SILENT. I am not a good person with silence. But having on music while trying to translate is pretty counter-productive. So I just need to stay alert! Stay awake! Stay vertical! Stay off the internet!

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Hey, Santa? I think you added too much of the Bummer...

Today has been a horrible mixture of positives and negatives. I know, that's what life is. I should Cowgirl up and face that. But today just was HARD. It was Sunday. I should have gone to church. But I Slept through my own and couldn't face the idea of going to any ward crying the whole time. I hate nice people. Not always, just when I am crying. I just get over my crying spell and then someone has to come up, put a consoling hand on my shoulder and say "Aww, are you doing okay? Is there anything you want to talk about?"

No. No, I sure do not. Because then I will start bawling harder, and probably have to explain that the reason I am an open flood gate (other than general depression and crapness) is that I gave away my littlest Sugar Glider yesterday and have yet to stop crying my head off about it. Which 1.) makes me sound like a stupid baby crying over just rehoming an animal and 2.) would likely result in a confusing "Is that some sort of airplane or something?"-type discussion.

So I spent all last night crying... and almost all day doing the same.

I know there is much MUCH more to think about than my little Plicethenese... but that just seems to make it worse. Giving him up was supposed to simplify my frustrating life. But instead it just feels like one more sorrow.

School went... Well, OKAY. Not good. I am very nervous to go again Tuesday. I am amazed at how rusty I am. (And how much homeowrk I have with only 2 little classes a day! ARRRGH!) I have HAD ASL 2020 and I feel as if I am in completely uncharted waters. I get everything fellow students say... but scant little that the professor says. WAY rusty... I feel like everything is new. I really really hope I can get up to speed before I have a nervey spaz!


Yeah. Pretty much.

I am not doing so great on my meds right now. Not good at taking them, and they don't really seem to help when I DO take them. Plus I have to go back to several doctors... an OBGYN, the General Practitioner AGAIN, and then a Psychologist. Yay. >:OP

SIGH. Mental Illness is FAR too hereditary. Sometimes I think it even affects my gliders. Oh, speaking of depression and the like...

Today (okay, when I say today, as usual I mean "the day it was when I started to write" because yes, it is now Monday , but I mean Sunday) my family asked us all to Fast for my Grandma to have peace of mind in her new place. They just got her out of the hospital and she hasn't tried to kill anyone again, but she is still acting scarty, escaping, cutting down window blinds, etc. She may be nuts (Alzheimers just plain SUCKS!), but she is still fast, strong, and SMART. She doesn't want to take her meds, but she has to. So, she puts them in her mouth and then hides them under her dental bridge so if they look in her mouth they won't find out. They leave and then she spits them out. Yeah, my grandma is trouble.

But then, on some degree, so am I. BLEH.

Tonight, it appears is a very bad sleeping night. My sleeping stuff is doing nothing at present. It is almost 4. I am glad I don't have school Mondays, but I DO have a lot to do. Like job hunting, water aerobics, clean cages, work on the house, take my pills at appropriate times, eat food, do laundry. I should at least try to go to bed even though I feel pretty dang AWAKE right now. But I want to end with SOMETHING positive, SOOOO....

On my way home from delivering Plice to Ed, I wanted to play with Megs but she had plans to go on a date with her hubby, Jake and I have to be in support of THAT! Yay for them! (Oh, and hey, they will have been married a whole year September 24th!) But I DID go to her fam's house to get some Paul's Books (Paul was Megan and T-La's cousin... and Meg and T-La are MY cousins... besides that I think it is an AWESOME thing they are doing, even if we weren't almost related) And ended up playing with the 3 cutest little boys in the WORLD, Gabe, Caleb, and baby Elijah, T-La's kiddlets. They are SO funny. Gabe was out of control hyper because, well, he had been made to sit still in a boat for a long time while fishing with Daddy. And Elijah was BEAUTIFUL and giggled at everything. But the main entertainment of the evening was totally Caleb.

Gabe and Les got home with 6 dead, headless, rainbow trout and put them in the sink. Caleb said he wanted to "Help" so he pushed a chair up to the sink and stared at the catch. Then he asked me...

"The fish can bite me. No?"
Nope, they can't bite you, Caleb."
"They can hurt me, no?"
"Nope they can't hurt you. They are dead." (not that if they were alive rainbow trout would be particularly nefarious.)
"But the fish. They can eat me, no?"
"No they can't eat you!"
"They can kill me?"
"No, Caleb the dead fish CAN'T KILL YOU!"
"Because if they kill me I cut off their heads?"
"Ummm... sure."


I love those boys. I love being part of their life! They call me Auntie sometimes. (Though on this particular visit Caleb greated me with "Hi, Umbrella!"
"What is my name, Caleb?"
[look of confusion] "Umbretan?"
"Oh! Yes! BethAnn! Hi, BethAnn, Hi Hi! You wan'to see my puppy?")

Megs and T-La and Me and my sister Rinny grew up like sisters (but do NOT expect to EVER see a pic of all 4 of us in the bathtup together... even though such pictures DO exist) and I love their whole family more than basically any other part of our family. I guess it comes of their mom and our mom being the closest sisters in the family... but I still sort of doubt that my future kids and Rinny's future kids will be like that. MAYBE.

But I can also see my kids making fun of her kids, or beating them up, or setting their toys on fire, or teachng them to make dry ice bombs and getting Rinny so mad she bans my kids from her house and makes her children sit in their rooms acting out Bible Stories all day. Hee hee! Hmmm... yeah, it may be a good thing I will probably never have kids. I figure Rinny will either have ONE and no more because of how scared she is of germs and mess OR be Mormon Super Mom have have, like, 15 all named after prophets. Or have NONE because she insists on trying to date and CHANGE Gay boys. Psycho.

(Like I said... HERDITARY)

And with that, good night... or morning... WHATEVER.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

can i have a really big band-aid?

my life hurts.

I am feeling so celestially homesick today, even though it was better than yesterday.

My stomach has been feeling better today than it has been. And walking the pups went much better, too. No almost fainting, for one thing. School starts for me tomorrow. I am excited to have a goal, but terrified to fail at it. I was explaining this over in a group blog for weight loss, Losing It.

"ACTUALLY, I was thinking about this in the 3rd doctor's office today and I decided the biggest thing is fear of hoplessness. I am so scared that if I do everything I should, it still won't work. And if I am doing everything right and am still sick and fat, well there is no way to go but down (in health... not weight). At least when I am NOT doing all I should there is the possibility that I could. I know it's screwy. And backwards. And stupid. But there it is. I am afraid it is hopeless... and really REALLY trying is only a means to PROVE that. That fear has recently been creeping into every aspect of my life. I am scared for school to start in case I can't hack it. I am scared to apply to jobs in case I don't get them. ETCETERA, Like I said, it's a crap philosophy and I know it... but it is anchored pretty firmly in my head and heart today. So there you have it. My Intro... a bummer."

I need to put things into perspective, I know that. Even if I fail my classes, I can be a telemarketer for the rest of my life.

Okay, Perspectivizing is really not helping today. Because that seems awfully bleak afterall.

Argh. For some reason we are having some serious connectivity issues with the net right now. (figures, eh?).

I am going to bed way early tonight. I didn't sleep last night and took a short nap at noon, so hopefully making a bit of a sleeping pill cocktail can help me fall asleep...

so that I can wake up...


and so scary.

Everything is gonna be alright, though... right?

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Tine Fime to Whitch and Bine

The High(ish)lights of today... huh. Yeah. SPECIAL.

Seriously, can I just leave the house once in awhile without ending up at a doctor, surgeon, or EmergeCare?!

I will spare you TMI's a plenty by omitting the details but
1. I have a UTI
2. I have a yeast infection
3. I am seriously thinking I may decide never to have sex. Yeah, the doctor's visit was that bad.
I bought my textbooks. I start classes Thursday. I didn't get the library job. (Huge shock, I know.) But I need to get somethings fixed before I find another job now. I am so tired of going nowhere and leeching of the padres for money. I got a refusal letter and just started bawling. I am so scared of school, really. I need something to work for. Something to "be when I 'grow up'."

But what if after all this I can't do it? What if that one teacher was right and and I really do sign like a robot? Am I setting myself up for a fall? What am I going to DO? To Be? Sure seems like I won't be a mom, a wife... nor a librarian, a teacher, a professional artist...

Time to reinstate that dream of roller derby, eh? Hee hee.

But yeah, really frustrated with... well...

I did something stupid to myself today, well, and tomorrow. And now I can barely walk my legs hurt so bad. My knee and my calves and thighs want to kill me. They are succeeding.
My mom told me what I was wearing, especially my hat, made me look like I was Lesbian. Grand. Because the rest of what we talked about regarding the possibilty I would never get married wasn't enough.
One of my friends wrote me today and asked what was wrong with me today. She said when she thought of me she felt like her "spirit hurt." We haven't talked in a few days and she just felt like we needed to because she felt like something was wrong with me. On the one hand that is really nice of her, and maybe she is really spiritually in-tune... or psychic.

Or maybe it is statistics, because honestly how many days lately have I NOT been unhappy or in an emergency room?! Assuming I feel like crap on any given day is just common sense.

anti-telemarketing EGBG counterscript

anti-telemarketing EGBG counterscript

Just decided to try the "Blog This!" button on my Google toolbar. Because having been a telemarketer this makes me laugh my head off. That's all.

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Self-Examination by Trivial Quizzes...

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You are secretly sensitive, but you often put up a front.
Shy and private, you yearn for security.
You take relationships slowly.
You need lots of reassurances before you can trust.

Really, though, how often DO I sleep anyway?

You've Changed 56% in 10 Years

You've done a good job changing with the times, but deep down, you're still the same person.
You're clothes, job, and friends may have changed some - but it hasn't changed you.

I was 17... weird.

You Are 20% Left Brained, 80% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.
Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.
If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.
Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.
Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.
If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.
Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Honestly, I am surprised I even got 20% left.
Just call me Algernon...

Your Boobies' Names Are...

Mork and Mindy

But which is which? "And they hold hands because they're Friends..."

You are 60% Aries

And here I thought it was just about my birthday.

Who Should Paint You: Andy Warhol

You've got an interested edge that would be reflected in any portrait
You don't need any fancy paint techniques to stand out from the crowd!


Your Personality Is Like Alcohol

You're the life of the party, a total flirt, and probably a pretty big jokester.
Sometimes your behavior gets you in trouble, but you still remain socially acceptable.
You're a pretty bad driver, and you're dancing could also use a little work!

As I do not drink this is hilariously accurate. I don't drink it... but I *am* booze.

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy:

Your propensity for monogamy is high.
You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.
And in return, you expect the same from who you love.
Any sign of straying, and you'll end things.

Experience Level:

Your experience level is high.
You've loved, lost, and loved again.
You have had a wide range of love experiences.
And when the real thing comes along, you know it!


Your dominance is low.
This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced.
You know a relationship is not about getting your way.
And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom.


Your cynicism is medium.
You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...
But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.
You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist.


Your independence is high.
You don't need to be in love, and sometimes you don't even want love.
Having your own life is very important for you...
Even more important than having a relationship.

Hmmm... I don't know about the Experience part, but the rest... sure.

You Are 52% Brutally Honest

Honesty is important to you, but generally, you try not to be brutal about it.
You'll sugar coat the truth when you need to... and tell a white lie when necessary.

Roomies may dispute this.

You Should Be a Painter

You have the vision, patience, and skill to bring your unique visions to canvas.
And you're even tempered enough not to cut your ear off in the process!

I really haven't painted in awhile. Now I kinda want to. But I should do laundry first, probably.

Your Geek Profile:

Music Geekiness: Highest
Academic Geekiness: High
Geekiness in Love: High
Movie Geekiness: High
SciFi Geekiness: High
Fashion Geekiness: Moderate
Internet Geekiness: Moderate
Gamer Geekiness: Low
General Geekiness: None

I am a musical Geek. But I do NOT bite the heads off of chickens. *shudder*

Your Linguistic Profile:
65% General American English
10% Midwestern
10% Upper Midwestern
5% Dixie
5% Yankee

I do NOT call today "Sun-Dee" that is for dang sure.

What You Really Think Of Your Friends
Tiff is your soulmate.
You truly love TexasBoy.
You consider Megan your true friend.
You know that Steph is always thinking of you.
You'll remember Roomie Sarah for the rest of your life.
You secretly think Coats is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.
You secretly think that Nobody Is That Boring is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.
You secretly think that Dad is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Dad changes lovers faster than underwear.
You secretly think Rinny is shy and nonconfrontational. And that Rinny has a hidden internet romance.

I am ending with this one because it is SOOOOO FUNNY!
TIFF is my SOULMATE?! Her husband will be awfully surprised to hear that. MY DAD CHANGES LOVERS LIKE UNDERWEAR?! And my sister RINNY has a SECRET INTERNET LOVER? Wouldn't that require her to USE the internet for something other than stupid email forwards and reading church articles? *snort*

Good Grief! The Comedian's a Bear!

Well, for once my weekend felt like a WEEKEND! Not an always perfect one, but a real weekend! Like with leaving my house on occasion, seeing friends, and... an unfortunately common weekend occurrence, getting sick. But those first 2 things are good!

Friday night I got to play with my bestest friend/cousin, Megan! I HAVE MISSED HER! There are few people I love more in the whole universe than Meggy. She was coming to hang with me at the Ark but then called to say that her Doctor had called her and she had an appointment in the morning, so could I come there. NO PROBLEM. I will drive to the ends of the earth... or Sandy, Utah... to get to play with my Meggy. So I did. Her hubby, Jakey was on his way out to Wargame with Megan's daddy, Uncle Lynn, so I said a quick hello (he is such an awesome guy. I LOVE Jake. He is so good to Megs, and that goes a very long way in my book. Plus he is dang funny and also from my part of Texas!) and me and Meg played with her "girls," Pixie and Monet, the cats. I love animals... though not so much a cat person. But I really LIKE Meg-n-Jake's cats, actually. Not even just because they are hers. They are pretty good cats. Not too stand-offish, not too rubby and shedy. They play with stuff even though they are adults instead of lying around like lazy lumps. Yup. Good cats. Pretty, too.

We giggled LOTS and talked about diabetes (that she probably has, too, it turns out. <:OC Like she NEEDS another crappy sad thing in her life!!!! Grrr...), Jake, boobs, the kitty cats, the boys (T-La's hilarious kiddlets... ie: Megan's Nephews), movies, and general silliness. I LURRRRVE MEGS!!! Then we jumped around on her LuvSac until we were comfy and watched Serenity and Chicken Little... both of which were EXCELLENT FLICKS I would highly recommend!

On the way home though, well, I had a very very scary experience. The Jeep needed gas and so I started to pull into the gas station and a police man blaring his siren and lights drove so close to me , screeching his tires and almost hit me! Then more and more cops came and there was I guess a gun shot, but no ambulances came so I assume nobody was shot but there were at LEAST 10 cop cars! They blocked the road and I decided I needed to get out of the way! I drove to another gas station. It was like a hold up or something. I freaked out. I couldn't drive, I was shaking and crying. I almost saw a shooting. It was just almost. I was fine. But I just got a MAJOR panic attack. Yuck. Thinking about it makes me feel sick.

afterwards, I decided I was a bit too unhinged to drive home from Salt Lake. So, since I still hadn't got her a gift, I decided to go to the nearest Wal*Mart and get Stewbert her bachelorette shower present! I also called Steph because I was all stressed and shakey and plus needed help on the gift. With Steph's help I got her as risque and sexy a gift as I a virgin at Wal*Mart in Utah could which was essentially just some silly stuff including fruit roll-ups and a pair of scissors and post it notes on which I wrote and stuck on the roll-up box "Make Your Own Edible Undies Kit!" Seriously, apparently stress and fear, combined with friend silliness makes me DIRTY! (PS and yes, they were Scooby Doo tattoo ones!!!)


Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee! They did, however, turn out to be a hit at the party the next day (ie: today, Saturday... or what WAS today a few hours ago. I should SO try to go to bed, but unfortunately... BLEH....

In fact, I should REALLY try. I want to go to church tomorrow. I want to sleep tonight so I can a) wake up in time for church tomorrow and b) not fall asleep DURING church tomorrow. In fact, okay, this can really be finished tomorrow AFTER church.

*Saving as Draft*... TTYL!!

Okay, it is now after church... but I did not go. And I am feeling sick sick sick!!! I have been keeping the toilet company ALL DAY. SIGH.

My mom is on her way over to give me a test thingy for something undiabetic... and NO it's not a preggy test, unless we are due for another immaculate conception. I certainly haven't had sex... or kissed anyone lately... or TALKED to a boy lately. So it would have to be one heck of an immaculate conception. Really that is one thing I hate about weddings, bridal showers, etc. It makes me think. About sex it is *bad*, but mostly just funny and silly. The dangerous preoccupation is not even about sex so much as about boys and life and the fact that I have neither. I start feeling like an old maid. I don't really care to be MARRIED right now... but I WOULD like to have a boy who likes me and will play In a Pickle or King's in the Corner or Poker or go fly kites or go to the dinosaur museum with me at a moment's notice.

On second thought maybe I don't need a boyfriend...

I need a NANNY.

Anyway, back to describing my weekend.

I slept through many many alarms because I had a crappy night, but got ready in record time and went to Stewie's shower. It was fun! And I am not a shower person. We did not have to make wedding dresses out of toilet paper or newspaper so that is one plus. hee hee hee! We played a few games, drank water bottles with fun quotes on them. My water said:
"It doesn't make any difference what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses." - Mrs. Patrick Campbell hee hee

Which made me giggle.

The whole thing was fun, though it made me a bit achey for boys, even very platonic friends like Parker and Cousin Jas (who it really wasn't platonic, but I won't screw it up by admitting that (not MY cousin, by the way. Coats' cousin.) I am very happy for Stewbert and her impending Hubby, Mo. She deserves it. But it doesn't mean I am immune from a LITTLE bit of jealousy, you know? Dumb things make me girly. Bleh. BLEH I SAY!!!

After the party I went home for a bit, played with the critters and stuff before heading to Dirtius and Heatherbella's movie party which was also VERY FUNNY! The Muppet Show and Arsenic and Old Lace! Old school hilarity and funny people. I didn't realize how close Dirt and Heather's new house is to MINE! Yay! We shall have to play again.

I went home though, as I said, feeling awfully sick. I am pretty sure now it is NOT all blood sugar, judging by today. I am seeing the surgeon tomorrow. Hopefully they will give me some idea.

Holy Hannah. It just now occurred to be that school starts THIS WEEK!!!!!!!!! I hope... well... I don't even know what to hope. I think I want to do this, the Interpreter program I mean. I think. I want to do SOMETHING, though, that is for sure. And this is something.

But I am scared.

And what SHOULD I do, anyway? I wish I'd get some sort of inspiration or help. I also wish I would sleep normal hours.... and stop throwing up today.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

I *KIDNEY* Park City and My Family!

Ladies and Gentlemen, TODAY was QUITE the day!

The interview was... actually I don't know. Parts seemed positive, parts (like the fact that when I get nervous I babble profusely *shudder*) were, to say the least, NOT so Positive. I still don't even know if I WANT the job, but I have decided that it is pretty stupid to decide either way unless I am actually OFFERED the job. No use getting depressed prematurely.

But then I went to the Padres and we all got in the car to go to Park City. Despite it being with my family, IT WAS SO FUN AND FUNNY!

First, we all went shopping at the factory outlets. Okay, that wasn't actually a ton of fun because I momentarily forgot how much I hate clothes and tried on a skirt and shirt that was cute and was instantly reminded how much I hate clothes shopping and my bodyshape in general. GRRRR...

I did entertain myself a lot with this really annoying toy. You plug it into an iPod (or, in my case, my Zire PalmOne.) and it moves and lights up and acts like a crappy speaker. Honestly it made me laugh so hard for it's annoyingness that I almost bought it. But I didn't...


Oh, and by the way, while looking for a picture of it online, I accidently got sent this instead. Ummm... EW.

OH and speaking of eew ( a much more infantile version of eew, however) Urine Town was FREAKING HILARIOUS. I *literally* CRIED I was laughing so hard. So good and so horrid... holy crap I can not even tell you. But if you can, see it. See it! If you have to pay 50 bucks for a ticket. SEE IT. It is sooooooo bad! I LOVE IT. I want to see it again RIGHT NOW. We laughed a TON. And I love my family, even.

An example of their coolness? My hilarious little brother told me, totally out of the blue when discussing my possible jobs...

"You know what you shouldn't be? An Inspirational Speaker. You would be the world's WORST inspirational speaker. You'd start like, making fun of people for being losers. You'd be all, 'Kid, you are a whiney little loser. Oh and PS, once you are happy you will probably have your gall bladder explode. See how THAT works for you, Wussy!' And you'd be laughing at all the idiots in the ampitheater. And teachers and principles would chase you out and kids would kill themselves." Where the HELL did THAT come from, you freak?! DUDE, I have da COOLEST little brother!

And now I should REALLY try to go to bed.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Porn-erific Cats and My Little Elder Brother

News, news, news!

Tonight was interesting to say the least. 1st of all, I got called back for an interview with a LIBRARY! Now, I have no idea if I will get it, if I SHOULD get it, or if I really want it. It is part time, but don't yet know the schedule and how it relates to my school schedule. And if it is the same time as the classes... is it worth it to do that instead? I just don't know. But may be a moot point. But yeah, an interview... in Springville, UT, for their public library.

I hope...

Well, I guess I don't know WHAT I hope. I guess I hope things turn out for the best. Whatever the devil the "BEST" may be!

Then I got to the Padres and went to their church to see my little brother ordained in the Melchezidech Preisthood as an Elder in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I am really really proud of him. He has made a lot of hard choices in his life and stayed very VERY valiant to his beliefs to get him to this point. Last week he got his Eagle scout award. And tonight he was made an Elder. I am just so proud of my baby bro! He is so smart... 4.0ing in every year, going to BYU... and just GOOD. He is nice to people, everyone really. He is kind to every girl, opens doors, speaks respectfully. My little bro just rocks!

Afterwards, I hung out with my mom, watched some recorded Gilmore Girls. But when I went to the Jeep to go home I had to break up a cat porn-fest! There were these 2 cats mating on the hood of my car! I chased them off and they went UNDER my car.

Now, I LOVE animals... cats included. But they totally ticked me off! For one thing, well, it's dangerous! What if I didn't see them and started the car? They could be hurt or killed! Stupid kitty cats! Besides that... Eeew! EEEEW! Just grosses me out, howling and You-Knowing all over my Jeep. Blergh!

But other than the copulating cats, it was a good evening, I think. I love my Younger... Elder... Brother. Plus, you know, MAYBE good things with this library thing. SIGH.

I hope...

Monday, August 14, 2006

I've Seen Betta Days...

I woke up today angry at my life more than sad. I am not sure whether that is an improvement or not... but it's different. And, at least according to Arby's, different is good.... right? SIGH.

But anyway, it's still been quite the day. Grandma is still in the hospital. Mom went out to the hospital to be with her and got to read her chart. She tried to strangle a nurse with a plastic bag! Good Gordon. Grandma is SCAAAAAARY right now! Mom is so stressed out right now, trying to find a place that has a full-time nursing staff and such that will take her. I just feel so bad for my mom.

I went to Animal Ark, a pet store around here, to apply for a job there. Naturally, I came home with an application... and a new friend. Hee hee! I got a cute new male betta. His name is Gorbie and he is a white Delta Tail. I like him. :O) And yes, I have no will power. What of it?

The highlight of the day, though, was I finally got to talk to Coats! I kept calling her back and missing her and then she'd call me and miss me... it has just been phone tag all weekend. I love that girl. Anyway, we can't play wednesday. She can't get off work at the bank (and I think she is slightly hiding from the boy she likes, Bill. Because, well, we also have complete and utter relationship ineptitude in common) and it looks like mom's bought tickets to the play Wednesday instead of Thursday.

I do very much love my friends, though. I have a good roommate with funny little dogs that I love like my own. I have great Ex-Roomies like Coats who are far too alike for our own good. I have friends who know mw mostly from online but really KNOW me and know what to say. And awesome friends who plan parties, have massively cool Bettas that all my fish wish to be like,blog on their phone, and generally keep me sane... ish. ;O)

By the way, speaking of Bettas, well, I am not the most sheltered person in the world but what the devil is a Betta besides a fish or a computer term?! Because OH MY HECK, do NOT Google Image the term Betta! Not a clue what that means but porn-o-plenty! YIKES and EEW!!! And I am on Moderate Safe Search... Moderate?! UGH.

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Panic but No Disco

I am over at the Padres because I thought my little brother was going to be ordained an Elder in our church tonight and I wanted to be there. Unfortunatley, they had to reschedule. But oh well.

It is so weird. Things are happening a lot in my family right now. My little baby brother is going off to Brigham Young University and preparing to serve a mission for the church after one semester. My little sister just got her reccomendation to be able to go through the Temple.

Whereas I am trying to go BACK to college after a few years to a local community college and didn't even make it to church today. I am feeling more than a little bested, I suppose. Petty, I know. SIGH.

On LDSLinkUp, one of my friends, Thai, has been talking about changes. Man, are there a lot of them lately! But the thing is, I am feeling like all of the changes are for good... but nothing is HAPPENING. I am changing all kinds of things about myself with health, school, attempting to get a dang job.... but I have no RESULTS. I am not really healthier. I am nervous about school. And I have no job and no money and unfortunatley, plenty of bills. There are so many things I *want* to change... but I want results... I feel f l o a t i n g and stagnant and generally not doing so well Depression-wise.


However, on the bright side this week should be fun as long as I am well enought to do so! Monday and Tuesday are probably church things that I do not know about since I didn't go to church again this week. But chances are I wouldn't go anyway. But Wednesday one of my bestest friends, Coats, is coming south to play! She is semi-dating a boy! His name is Bill! He lives in Sandy, and so that rocks for me as that is even more enticement for her to make northward treks through Orem! WooHoo! She freaking CRACKS ME UP that one.

Then Thursday we are going to UrineTown in Park City which should be either hilarious or hilariously bad.

Friday is, well, nothing yet, but maybe I can play with Megan or something. Or hang out at home with the critters. Or whatever. But Saturday is our friend, Stewbert's bridal shower being thrown by Colorchrome. I haven't got her present yet... need to figure that out. (and not post it here, cuz dude she can read it!) And After the shower Dirt and Heatherbella, 2 other friends are having an awesome classic movie night watching Arsenic and Old Lace which is one of my favorite plays so I imagine the movie should rock.

And Sunday I will go to church. I WILL. Even though it is changing to an earlier time, I WILL. And I will be cured of insomnia because school starts Wednesday the next week and my class is at 8:30 am and if I am not cured I am screwed and I am terrified and I am babbling and I really really need some direction and purpose in life and a career goal to work towards besides a job which I also need because oh my hell I owe so much money and just paid for school on a credit card and still haven't paid the power bill yet and I really need SOME job but also a career goal because I am not exactly thinking my life with be marriage and family anytime soon so I damn well better have a good job at least so I am successful on some level and I am going to stop typing now because I am feeling more and more screwed as we speak... errr... type. Stop. STOP. STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can somebody stop the world? I wanna get off.

Counting Down to The End!

Beatrice Letters comes out 5 September and Book the 13th, The End of the series is 13 October... I am so excited. (Yes, I admit I am addicted to a children's series.)

Only one that YOU can see!

CRAP. Okay, so it has been bad lately with my mom's mom. She has Alzheimer's very bad but unfortunatley is rather healthy PHYSICALLY... thus she can run away (she ran marathons till she was 70) and apparently hurt people who she attacked because she believed they were after her.

The other day we were giggling because she called my mom and was so mad at the nurses at her nursing home. She said "They have me surrounded! There are 4 of them after me!"
The nurse, who was by herself, said "Francis, there is ONE. I am only one."
"Only one that YOU can see!" She says crazy stuff all the time, but we have been worried she will get kicked out of her center because she tries to hit the nurses with things and stuff.

Well, tonight my mom called. Grandma hurt someone. Another nursing home resident@ And she hurt them bad. And now my Grandma is in the Psych ward in a hospital in Salt Lake.

My mom was crying. This is so weird to be happening with my grandmother. I can't imagine seeing my own MOTHER doing stuff like that. My poor mom. This is out of control.

My grandma is a good person. Weird and old fashioned and now completely crazy... but a good person. She was a nurse, a good Christian, a college graduate, a beautiful woman, a really hard worker, and my mom's MOMMY. But all they see now is a crazy dangerous old lady.

My poor mom.

(In case you couldn't guess, these pictures are her... her as a nurse... and then her last year at my bestest friend/cousin Megan's wedding)

Friday, August 11, 2006

The Power of Thought

Wow... ummm... I just wrote this in my other blog but our Canary just died. It is very sad, but really... creepy for the lack of a better word. We had both just said how we hoped she would die (she was sick and in pain) and she DID. RIGHT THEN. Like as soon as we both said it she died in my roomie's hands.

I won't lie... it gave us a turn and we are both a little weirded out and now we are a little nervous to talk about stuff. Creepy. I know, it was a blessing and such, but... ugh... you know?

Jagged Little Pills (would totally hurt to swallow!)


And THAT, ladies, gentlemen, and hermaphodites, is how I feel about life right now.

Hmmm... the parrot (McKenzie) apparently agrees because I swear she just screamed "sgroijherjpwdgjheyfk" in her little angry parrot voice. Anyway, yeah. I am out of my meds and need to go to the pharmacy today before they close. But that implies getting dressed... getting in the car... not crashing it... and paying the pharmacist a ton of money. None of those things are particularly on my list today. But yeah, I will go because I know I have to. In a minute. Right now I just want to cry and maybe eat some chocolate. I don't HAVE any chocolate, mind you. I just WANT some (sans drowning fat boy, obviously.)

I love my friends, though. They make me feel better just to know they are there. Also Thoroughly Modern Millie. And my sugar gliders. "It's a Good Thing (c)"

But back to too much whining, it is pretty gross and muggy in this house. Not like TEXAS Muggy but much more muggy than it should be here. The fans and such just blow around the warm stickiness, they don't really stop it. Yuck.

Okay, I have stalled enough. SIGH.

Mindless Quizzes

You Are Lisa Simpson

A total child prodigy and super genius, you have the mind for world domination.

But you prefer world peace, Buddhism, and tofu dogs.

You will be remembered for: all your academic accomplishments

Your life philosophy: "I refuse to believe that everybody refuses to believe the truth"

You Have Low Self Esteem 32% of the Time

Generally, you feel pretty darn great about who you are, even when you mess up or fail.
Occasionally, a huge setback will make you question yourself, but you pick yourself up quickly.

You Are 55% Normal

While some of your behavior is quite normal...
Other things you do are downright strange
You've got a little of your freak going on
But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

Your Ideal Pet is a Little Dog

You're both high strung, hyper, and cute.
You're one of the few people who can get away with carrying your little dog in a little bag.

You Are Wonder Woman

A true goddess, you have the strength and skills to rule the world.
You're one sexy amazon... all of the superhero guys are fighting over you!

Your Aura is Violet

Idealistic and thoughtful, you have the mind and ideas to change the world.
And you have the charisma of a great leader, even if you don't always use it!

The purpose of your life: saying truths that other people dare not say

Famous purples include: Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Susan B. Anthony

Careers for you to try: Political Activist, Inventor, Life Coach

You Are a Dachshund Puppy

Loyal and playful - with a good hunting instinct.
You sometimes go a little crazy and need to chase down a rabbit or two.

You Belong in 1966

If you scored...

1950 - 1959: You're fun loving, romantic, and more than a little innocent. See you at the drive in!

1960 - 1969: You are a free spirit with a huge heart. Love, peace, and happiness rule - oh, and drugs too.

1970 - 1979: Bold and brash, you take life by the horns. Whether you're partying or protesting, you give it your all!

1980 - 1989: Wild, over the top, and just a little bit cheesy. You're colorful at night - and successful during the day.

1990 - 1999: With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

You Should Weigh 146

If you weigh less than this, you either have a fast metabolism or are about to gain weight.
If you weigh more than this, you may be losing a few pounds soon!