Tuesday, July 31, 2007

red headed step children and watermelon bombs

I am so annoyed at the Powers-That-Be at TGP right now. We, the Education Department, are always... ALWAYS... the red-headed stepchild of the organization. And it is getting worse. Hee hee hee... Okay, TANGENT... Sorry, the phrase Red-headed Stepchild kind of cracks me up.

When I was little, I overheard my dad say to a friend about his golf game. "Yeah, he beat me like a red-headed stepchild!"

It totally confused me.

I had to ask why red-headed stepchildren were better golfers... which lead Padre to a very awkward explanation to his 5 year old about what child abuse had to do with the situation. HEE HEE HEE!

Which, actually, has amused me ever since, because the idea that a Red-headed Stepchild was a BAD thing seemed to me INSANE since my HEROES were just that.

I mean, Annie was pretty cool. She had a dog, and I was jealous of her for that. And she was tough.

And then there was the fantastically hilarious PIPPI LONGSTOCKING! I LOVED her! I think Gilmore Girls put it pretty well.
Luke: ...You know, Rory is like Pippi.
Lorelai: Pippi?
Luke: She can have adventures and be free, she's smart. The whole world's waiting for her.
Lorelai: You're comparing Rory to Pippi Longstocking?
Luke: Pippi is strong and independent. She can lift a horse above her head. Uh-huh. And beat up bullies and build a hot-air balloon. She's unique, like Rory. But I guarantee you, if Pippi had met Dean, there would be no horse, no balloons. He'd drag her down to his level, spend all her gold coins, and poof, like that, all her dreams would be gone.
I was Pippi one year for Halloween. And the PET THING? She had a horse AND a monkey and probably could have bought more with her pirate gold if she wanted and was just AWESOME.

But the RHS that has meant the most in my life anyway has been, of course, Anne Shirley. I wanted so badly to BE Anne. I loved the movies. Later, I loved the books. I could imagine BEING her. I imagined we were definitely "Kindred Spirits."

"And people laugh at me because I use big words. But if you have big ideas you have to use big words to express them, haven't you?"
~ Anne

Oddly, all of this rambling about how much I secretly wish I was a LITERAL Red-headed Stepchild, is just because I was about to say how annoyed I sometimes I am that we, the education department, are the FIGURATIVE RHS of TGP. SGary has hired his own B***h to do OUR job for HIM. But not the same. She is Cheerleader and there are MAJOR problems at work right now. I am worried things are about to get worse.

On the one hand I have the greatest job on the face of the earth. On the other, we are paid very little and are disrespected by every other department.

We blew up a watermelon like these... yet, sort of less... uhh... regulated so there was a bit more fire. It was AWESOME. But here is a TASTE of our Self-Carving Jack-O-Lantern Melon!

Steve Spangler is my HERO!

Sunday, July 29, 2007

My name is not MaryBeth.

Guess what? I went to ALL THREE MEETINGS today at Church today. Ta-dah! It was some good lessons and talks, too. Good enough, I suppose, that I finally decided to transfer my records to the ward I have been attending regularly. I gave the Bishop my papers, he read them and immediately called me MaryBeth. Grand. Oh well. Doesn't make the church less true, right? Hee hee hee!

Anyway, it was good to be at church the whole time. I had to take a "break" however and go and sit awhile in a dark classroom to get my headache to calm down (and walk the wiggles out of my legs getting there) but basically I was there the whole time, which is progress. It is frustrating because I feel like with all the crap in my life and the lives of my friends the thing I need very MOST is help from the Lord. And yet, here I am not even living up to His standards completely so, in essence I am saying "you do you part... maybe I'll do mine... MAYBE." And that isn't good. I have GOT to live up to those blessings. I need them. My friends need them. My family needs them. Going it alone in this life does NOT work.

Anyway, I AM working on it.

But besides my SLOOOW road to doing ALL I know I should be doing anyway, well, I am trying to stay positive about tomorrow... and go to bed...

As I will be having, basically, a 12 hour day. Bleh. So this is short, but good night.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Got the Blues?

I am feeling a little better today than yesterday. That's, well, improvement. I am still inexplicably crampy and cry at the drop of a hat... but not so many hats are dropped when I don't have work, I suppose. To think, I almost got trapped into working a Birthday Party today. Good thing I decided I am NOT doing those anymore because I was asked when I WASN'T in such a horrible mood and thus almost said yes. (see kids, that is why you decide to "just say no" long before the situation arises! Be it drugs, sex... or birthday parties...)

The Roomie and I babysat one of her nieces this weekend. Because we can't legally have the Mini-Roomie yet, but her sister who is fostering her is so stressed out, she has been randomly taking one of her OWN kids at a time. We had Miss Corduroy staying for about a week, today we had Tinkerbelle, I *think* she is still upstairs in The Roomie's other room (we each have 2. My other is the sugar babies' room. Her's she uses for when she does respite care with J, a guest room, and, if she gets approval, the Mini-Roomie. For now it is the "Random Child in Our Care" room.) because I didn't hear her parents come get her.

Tinkerbelle LOVED all the animals, though. She sang to the Parrots... made Buddy sing and McKenzie dance... and played with Boo and Tortuga, who love attention. But she never did get to see the gliders since they were not to keen to wake up when she came in and their grumpy crabbing scared her. Finally, before her bed time, I went in with her and chewed out Nani (the only one actually crabbing... she's such a brat!) and let her pet Lilo and feed her a Yoggies which both Tinkerbelle and Lilo REALLY enjoyed. It was so cute.

I love my babies!

However, they are certainly a handful. Especially when I am spacey.

I had a very bad headache around 6 and decided I could lay down just a LITTLE. Set my FlyLady timer for 20 minutes. I slept through it (I don't know how. It sounds like a fire alarm) and woke up from a very vivid dream to find it was almost midnight. Now, naps are ALWAYS against the rules for insomnia. But naps that close to bed are TERRIBLE. So, yes, it is now 2 am and I am super awake. ANYWAY, also during that time, I just realized a few minutes ago, I had left the cage open. I was chatting with CC and heard Lilo barking at me to come play with her. I wasn't GOING to... I had meant to just feed them and go to bed... but when I went in the room I realized she wasn't barking from inside the cage. The door to the room was open, so I am very grateful they like their room so much (or were just too lazy to go further) that they hadn't left the glider room, but I had a heck of a time convincing Nani back into the cage. Lilo came to me first for some cuddles and went right in after letting her wrestle my fingers a bit. Heber was finally convinced to dash in for some food. But Epiphany had to be CAUGHT.

(Oh, so, yeah, CC, that's where I went. Sorry for not saying something. I really thought I'd be right back.)

Speaking of FlyLady (yes I did. The TIMER.), I DID do some productive stuff today. I cleaned my room rather well. I "released" a bag full of clothes I don't wear that are now ready to DI. And I made a dent in the cleaning of my bathroom. (by the way, something we learned from Tinkerbelle today. You know those tablets that turn your water blue every time you flush to keep them clean? They really freak 3 year olds out. She didn't want to use the potty because "somebody already blued in there!" and kept flushing it. It was hilarious.''

Kids really are randomly cool. When I don't hate them.

Yes, I am a little afraid to be a mom someday. My fickleness towards children scares me. Mom and I were talking about that yesterday. Just your basic reminder that "Someday, though, you DO want NON-furry kids too, though... right?" To which I said "this has been a very bad day at day camp, therefore I would not recommend asking that right now. Do you want pictures of my gliders for your wallet."

Because, strangley, I *always* like my sugar babies.

No, that isn't true. Once I didn't. It wasn't their fault. They are just doing what they do... they are Animals. And Epiphany is a beautiful animal... but a very sucky mother. But when Nani killed Diego, her first baby and I saw it. I tried to love them, but I couldn't. It took a long time before I could do more than just feed them. I had so many nightmares. It was just... awful. I got Heber fixed after that. I never wanted to deal with that again. Plicethenese was an after neuter surprise, but yeah. My little glider colony and I are NOT cut out to be breeders!

And, as Ames is one of the main people who has got me through ever glider crisis I have faced, now is as good a time for any for an update. Unfortunately, there is nothing much new to say. I haven't heard anything since Pioneer Day. It looks like they may be putting Dave in a nursing home because his body is getting healthier (but he is still, mentally, unresponsive), and the hospital costs too much. Please continue to keep my friend and her hubby in your prayers.

Or, if you have, like, extra money laying around, then hey, that would be cool, too.

I will probably write more tomorrow (I mean, you know, chances are. I WRITE ALATIME!) but I should TRIE to go to bed though I think it's pointless. It is, at least, COOLER in my room.

And I mean temperature. I am sweating my head off. Though my room IS pretty "cool" at that! Hee hee hee!

p.s. Not flattering, but accurate....

What Homestarrunner.com character are you?

Strong Sad

You are annoying, depressing, and whiny. But for some reason, no one's killed you yet. You get pummeled on the hour, every hour......

Personality Test Results

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Friday, July 27, 2007

distant, composed allure... RIIIIIIIGHT.

I am in the office. In here, at least, it is cool and quiet. I kind of want to curl up under the desk and take a nap. I messed up on my schedule and thought I was on a day camp I was not... so I showed up at 9 am wearing my witch hat no less... for office work that could have started at noon. I could have gone to water aerobics first. And even though my plumbing is wonky and I am not HAVING periods, I *am* apparently having cramps and PMSishness... though with Depression that could be ANY time. But still... yeah. OW AND EEW. Bad ones. Like, labor pains for no reason. Because my body HATES ME.

Fair enough. I hate IT back. So there.

And yes, I am working. But I am blogging because I am talking a crying break. Some people take coffee breaks. I take crying breaks.

However, despite that, I can not justify a longer "crying break" and this Family Night will not get prepared on it's own (Harry Potter-themed... Owls, Spells, and Potions for the whole FAMILY. Hard to prepare for but should be cool.) *sigh* TTYL.

Work was okay. pretty much got done preparing for Monday and got to leave about 5 so I could do the pool with Mom. There was a girl in the dressing room who had on a Wiccan pentagram thingy necklace and even though this sounds lame it made me rather miss my friend Luna in Indiana. Dumb abuser husband chasing her out of Utah. I should send her a note on Gaia. OH! BLAST! Her birthday was one week ago!

I am not such a great friend sometimes.

(So, if you are a good friend to ME, feel free to reward yourself with this lovely award...

is it worth it now? Hee hee hee!

But being my friend is sometimes hard, I imagine, as I am frustrated with myself pretty often. I would want to kick me from the OUTSIDE, I suppose. I certainly do from the INSIDE, you might say. And I don't like hanging around with people who whine. It makes me angry at them. So I have to assume that when I am the whiner the reaction IS the same.

And what of being the GIRLFRIEND? I admit, even though I sometimes want to kick him in the head (like that whining thing), I think that Fresno really has probably one of the rawest deals here. Because I think he might really LOVE me. (I am pretty sure that most of the time I love him) But I make it really hard. Some of that's "fixable," some's not. I don't quite know which is which yet, either. SIGH.

The Priss
Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLD)

Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss.

Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy.

These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards.

You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Playboy (RGSM), The Loverboy (RGLM)

CONSIDER: The Manchild (RBLD)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating.
My profile name: : Kipluck77

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Restoring Peace and Alphabetical Order to the World!

My friends save me so much it is AMAZING.

I have been crying a lot this morning. I woke up from a bad dream that was a little too realistic, crying. I got ready for work, crying. Too many things in my brain... things about jobs and plans and Fresno and myself and my health and everything else. I decided, actually, that I was crying TOO much... that I was too out of it to even talk to people to day, much less go into work. I hd the feeling if I called or went in I might quit. Not mean it, but quit. And that's if I called RINNY. If Fresno called... you get the idea. It was just NOT a positive day.

Mom called, instead, and I started bawling again. I told her I had no plans to go in to work at all, I was only loosely on the schedule and could not face people today. She asked if I would still go to water aerobics with her. I said no.

Then I called back and said yes.

Then she came and I didn't answer the door.
(yes, very stable. *rolls eyes*)

She came in, thinking I had fallen back asleep... so I sort of pretended I had. We talked, then she talked me into going, somehow, to the pool. We talked more and I cried in the pool which is always embarrassing in front of people. Hopefully they just thought I had allergies or something.

Anyway, I was feeling better... not BETTER, but better, and so when we got back I went into work but with the stipulation I would just stay a little while and just help fix some of our *horribly* unorganized files and prep for tomorrow's Animal Adventures with Dora and Diego. So I did.

It actually DID help me feel better. Organizing sort of does that. Not cleaning or organizing my OWN stuff... but, you know, like files... books... ALPHABETIZING and sorting? It is kind of therapeutic. Just putting things in order. Things that HAVE a certain order, unlike the weirdness and confusion of my own life. SIGH.
(by the way, just for fun...
apparently Because can't do this you yourself?)

So, yeah. Work was okay. But AFTER work was WAY better. Because CC called and said to come play with her and Cupcake at Ikea! WOOHOO! FINALLY I go. It opened in MAY! Anyway it was Back to School College night and they were giving away free stuff if you had your student ID. I didn't think I had mine, but randomly, I DID!

We got little tool kit key chains and little envelopes with gift cards. When I opened mine I was AMAZED to find a $25 gift card!!! But when CC opened HERS... BUY ONE GET ONE FREE HOT DOG!!!! How sucky is that?! But it gets even worse/better than that. Cupcake, who didn't even want to come that badly opened hers to find a HUNDRED DOLLAR GIFT CARD!!!! It was SO unfair! But so funny. Bus so fun... and sad... and hilarious... and tragic. AWESOME. (You guys, thank you SO much for inviting me. I REALLY needed that.)

We shopped and looked and it was just fun! I spent all of my card plus on just silliness, but very GOOD silliness and I am happy with it all (oh except when I got the cute frog prince cube thing I accidentally only got the OUTSIDE not the inside! My poor gutted frog! I need to go back to Ikea, I guess. It cost half as much as on the site... but doesn't mean I should GET half as much of the THING, should I? SIGH.

Dang it. Oh well. I will be back anyway... I plan to buy an office chair eventually.

Anyway, so that is how throwing away outdated lesson plans and ripped samples, friends, and shopping restored a little bit of sanity to my life today. Probably temporary. But better than nothing.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

When I grow up... PART DEAUX!

Oddly, that last entry wasn't finished. I didn't mean to publish it yet. Then I saw on gmail there were comments. Oh well. One of the sentences left out of the INJF stuff when I was writing the other post.
The INFJ is a special individual who needs more out of a career than a job. They need to feel as if everything they do in their lives is in sync with their strong value systems - with what they believe to be right. Accordingly, the INFJ should choose a career in which they're able to live their daily lives in accordance with their deeply-held principles, and which supports them in their life quest to be doing something meaningful.

Unfortunately, eerily true. SIGH. SO, here are my "options" as I see them. I am sure there are others. But I don't know them.

Children's Librarian
I have always wanted to be a librarian!
I love books.
They make good money and usually have very good benefits since they are government jobs.
School. Lots and LOTS of school.
I'd have to go back to school, probably just UVSC and get my Bachelors... PROBABLY in English Education. Then I would have to go somewhere else (but maybe mostly online) and get my Masters in Library Science. That is a long time... a lot of school (and school is more than a little hard for me lately)... and thus a lot of money, too. A very good, very grown up job... but a long ways away. Maybe too hard for me to actually achieve. :O(

ASL interpreter
I like American Sign Language. I like the language, I like Deaf Culture.
There is definitely a demand and they make good money.
I could still be IN education, as that is the field I would choose to terp for.
I don't really know how good I am at the actual signing. I am not sure.
School. Stress. BAD STUFF. This is what I was working on when I started the headaches and stuff. BLEH.
Get my certificate. I am thinking I will DO that by getting the Bachelor's in Deaf Studies at UVSC. Because I want a Bachelor's anyway and that is a way to at least get trained. However, knowing how much I sucked before I will also need to hire a tutor (I am thinking Thai) and practice a TON. But will it be enough?

Preschool Teacher
Little Kids are HILARIOUS.
I can make up so many age-appropriate activities after THIS job it would make your head spin.
Most don't even require further schooling.
I am beginning to wonder if I LIKE children anymore. And that whole Patience thing again.
I have the immune system of a petri dish.
Kind of the same with my job at present... hard work, not a lot of money, not a lot of benefits, either.
Rework my resume, and apply. MAYBE, though, I would try to get my bachelor's anyway. Just BECAUSE.

English Teacher
I am part-way done. It WAS what I was doing before sort of melting down and quitting school at SUU.
I love books and kids.
My worst AND best teachers were English Teachers. They helped me realize I love to write and read. I think the kind of teachers you have in junior high can LITERALLY make or break the rest of your life. It is a pretty awesome thing to be, in my opinion.
I don't know what happened to me. I used to have more patience. I dunno. I am not as good with kids as I used to be. And stress... it's a stressful job and stress and I are NOT friends at present.
Long days that start EARLY for little money.
Bachelor's. Teacher's certificate.... student teaching... all that stuff... *SIGH.*

Because it would be the coolest thing in the world to be PAID to do what I ACTUALLY enjoy
You need to be LUCKY. REALLY LUCKY. I am not.
Until you BECOME lucky you have no money. That is not quite the path to independence we are shooting for, I suppose.
Ummm... become a bit of a hermit and draw and write all the time and have CC help me make it into a portfolio?

Social Worker
I like to help people, and, unlike working in a day care where I WANTED to fix things but couldn't that would BE my job.
If I am honest with myself I do not think I am actually stable ebnough for that. I don't think I could BE the kind of person that could leave their work at work. I think I might cry all the time for the kids I wanted to help but couldn't. And, if volunteering at the United Way Crisis Nursery was any indication I might end up kidnapping someone and stuff. Bad idea.
Go back to school... a lot of it, maybe, in a totally different direction than I have before. And get a hell of a lot of therapy, probably.

Animal Rehab or Vet Technician
It would be AWESOME to be PAID for taking care of critters that I have been taking care of semi-legally with The Roomie, anyway.
I love animals!
I would have interesting... resources.
Not just school in a TOTALLY different direction, but science and math and things I am not so great with.
If I ever had to, like, HURT an animal... I mean if I had to put one to sleep it would probably kill me, but even giving shots, I probably would bawl. Not so professional.
One of those college things they have on TV, I suppose... Utah Career College, SLCC, University of Phoenix, all of those it seems have ads about becoming a Veterinary Assistant.

Tech Support... somewhere... I s'pose.
get all certified and stuff. SIGH.
There are a lot of available jobs.
Most seem to have good Benefits.
They pay a heck of a lot more than my CURRENT job at least.
I've done it before. Not upper level, but with MyFamily.com and such. So at least I know I can kind of do it?
The job ITSLEF is okay but the actual position TOTALLY varies. And some are awful. And even the best, well, they are a JOB... but yeah.
I don't know if I want to go back to that sort of thing.
I am thinking if I DID decide to do it, I want to be higher up than that. So I think I would do the career school thing again... and get, like certified? Maybe? I don't know if I can really do that. Stupid idea.

The other things I am contemplating, even a little, are:
Photographer... like for real. I don't know HOW, it would just ROCK.
Medical Record thingies... like Stewie. It sounds, actually, like I might hate it. BUT that I would make good enough money and it would fit really well in my life, like in terms of sometimes being sick at home and such.
Nanny... but, not for that Amway lady. She was a wacko. And not a live-in some random place back east. Because I'm not 20. And have gliders.
Random Craft... er... person... with CC. We have ideas. Like Coffee Potpourri and poetry and stuff. Maybe If I would just follow THROUGH with something rather than being all Bi-Polar about it, yeah. BLEH.

So... What do I tell my counselor person I want to do? MY FATE IS IN YOUR HANDS!!!!*

*Except that I may not really do what you say. You know, cuz I'm stubborn like that. Hee hee hee hee!

Oh PLUS, not that this really has any bearing (HA! BEARing!) on what I say at Voc Rehab but with the boy situation... I don't know. I mean, I may... MAY... even move to California eventually (or at least temporarily this Winter... if I dare and things seem right to do so). So, how does, like girlfriend or even maybe eventually wife, fit into all this crap? WHERE do I have these jobs? Where do I study for them? And when? Etcetera. And if I start including HIM in my plans, will I end up getting my heart crushed?

I dunno. What DO I want to be?


I need to go to the temple and, like, pray about things.
Well, really, I need to do that anyway, but I would like to have a better idea of what I am even ASKING before I ask, if you know what I mean. And when do I need the new barcoded recomend, because I am sort of NOT going to my ward at present but HAVE been going to another ward and may be switching my records.
I don't know.

So, I am always confused about what I should do, but bringing it specifically to the surface is Voc Rehab. See, back in May my Psych thought I should try to get accepted there, like, Disability or something. Which was really hard for me to even APPLY for, never mind the fact there wasn't much chance I would be accepted.

But I tried. I went feeling unsure about the whole thing... and after talking to the VR Witch I felt worse than ever before. I felt not only like I would not be accepted but that I was stupider than anyone could be for trying and a waste of oxygen.

I don't want to go into it. But it was NOT good.

So, color me shocked when I get a letter this week FROM VRWitch saying "because of what we discussed and your medical records I think I can help you!" WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT?!

Okay, first of all, No. NO NO NO NO. I will NOT be talking to that person again. The only thing I planned to do further with her was to file a complaint against her with the department, to be honest, but I just hadn't got my nerve up yet.

And I still don't know that they can help me at all.

But it was a long shot that I got accepted and so, well, maybe I should at least find OUT. BUT I will not be doing so if it is not possible to change counselors. Because I really can't go through another visit like that.

The REAL problem (because basically, THAT almost ISN'T a problem. Either they switch me to another counselor and I check it out or they don't switch me and I won't go in the office ever again.) is what do I even tell them about what my goals are?

They need to know those. They will ask me what I WANT to be. Because IF they can help me, they would help me with things like going back to school... so I need to know FOR WHAT. And right now I don't know. Not good. :OP

Because I haven't the foggiest, really, what I REALLY want to do. I guess I really want my Bachelor's. But other than that, I have no clue.

I recently retook a Meyer-Brigs thing.

Introverted 44%
Intuitive 50%
Feeling 50%
Judging 11%

The Counselor Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in reaching their goals, and enterprising and attentive in their interpersonal roles. Counselors focus on human potentials, think in terms of ethical values, and come easily to decisions. The small number of this type (little more than 2 percent) is regrettable, since Counselors have an unusually strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others and genuinely enjoy helping their companions. Although Counsleors tend to be private, sensitive people, and are not generally visible leaders, they nevertheless work quite intensely with those close to them, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes with their families, friends, and colleagues. This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people.

Counselors can be hard to get to know. They have an unusually rich inner life, but they are reserved and tend not to share their reactions except with those they trust. With their loved ones, certainly, Counselors are not reluctant to express their feelings, their face lighting up with the positive emotions, but darkening like a thunderhead with the negative. Indeed, because of their strong ability to take into themselves the feelings of others, Counselors can be hurt rather easily by those around them, which, perhaps, is one reason why they tend to be private people, mutely withdrawing from human contact. At the same time, friends who have known a Counselor for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that they are inconsistent; Counselors value their integrity a great deal, but they have intricately woven, mysterious personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors have strong empathic abilities and can become aware of another's emotions or intentions -- good or evil -- even before that person is conscious of them. This "mind-reading" can take the form of feeling the hidden distress or illnesses of others to an extent which is difficult for other types to comprehend. Even Counselors can seldom tell how they came to penetrate others' feelings so keenly. Furthermore, the Counselor is most likely of all the types to demonstrate an ability to understand psychic phenomena and to have visions of human events, past, present, or future. What is known as ESP may well be exceptional intuitive ability-in both its forms, projection and introjection. Such supernormal intuition is found frequently in the Counselor, and can extend to people, things, and often events, taking the form of visions, episodes of foreknowledge, premonitions, auditory and visual images of things to come, as well as uncanny communications with certain individuals at a distance.

Mohandas Gandhi and Eleanor Roosevelt are examples of the Counselor Idealist (INFJ).

The following list of professions is built on our impressions of careers which would be especially suitable for an INFJ. It is meant to be a starting place, rather than an exhaustive list. There are no guarantees that any or all of the careers listed here would be appropriate for you, or that your best career match is among those listed.

Possible Career Paths for the INFJ:

  • Clergy / Religious Work
  • Teachers
  • Medical Doctors / Dentists
  • Alternative Health Care Practitioners, i.e. Chiropractor, Reflexologist
  • Psychologists
  • Psychiatrists
  • Counselors and Social Workers
  • Musicians and Artists
  • Photographers
  • Child Care / Early Childhood Development
Blah blah blah stuff I already know, mostly. Still, good reminders, I suppose, that the kinds of things I am "suited" to do are usually the same ones I LIKE anyway.

Monday, July 23, 2007

28 point 28?

So I just found out that I am 28.28 years old today.

I didn't even know! Somebody should make me a decimal shaped cake. Or bring me a fraction of a present.

"Oh great Mormons! " "Actually, we are Quantum Presbyterians"

hee hee hee hee hee! I am so missing my baby brother today. I am mean and just sent him a picture of me buying Harry Potter. But then I was nice and talked about how much cooler it was that he was on a mission. I love BoyKid.

Everytime I see the Simpsons movie trailer I think of BoyKid though, because he LOVES Simpsons. Poor kiddo. He is ROCKING as a missionary. But is having a hard time. Because there are books and movies here (and hot girls there). But he is phenomenal. Seriously.

In his honor (and cuz I liked Bucksome's avatars) I had fun Simpsonizing myself... etc.

and Rinny...
And Fresno...
and The Roomie... (note the Don't Have a Cow shirt? Because she's Vegan! hee hee hee!)

Sunday, July 22, 2007

I'm still a PotterHead

Today has not been a great Sabbath. Last night I didn't sleep much, and not just for the sake of reading... I felt sick, like WAY sick. I was thinking it was blood sugar (those evil cheese rolls and such), but I just felt worse and worse. I was intending to even go to all THREE meetings for a change! But I was in sacrament meeting when I had to bolt and run outside (closer than the restroom) to throw up. Feeling like crap all day, I am totally sick. Luckily, I don't have to be to work tomorrow till later than afternoon to get ready for 3 Cheers for the Pioneers family night at the farm.

Hopefully I am better by then because right now I am just dragging... dripping in sweat... and reminding myself hourly how much I need to clean my toilet. BLEH.

The only fun thing today has been I finished Harry Potter and it was good! I won't ruin anything for those of you who haven't read it yet, but I will say that parts of it I cried, that there is QUITE the body count in this one, and that I had guessed right on quite a few things... but not everything... so it was a good combination.

I *highly* recommend it. If, you know, you LIKE Harry Potter, it won't be a let-down, in my opinion.

In other news, I am worried about Fresno. He's not doing so well. He is having a really hard time with the job thing. And he is really hard to get on the phone. It's like he's... me. Which is scary.

"Ice Capades. I know a guy." Sunday Prop Fest

I have the most tremendously talented friends. Seriously.

I like to think I'm cool by association.

Case in point, Bucksome/Bethany who was cool in high school AND now one of my greatest friends from LinkUp. She is not only gorgeous... she is gonna be FAMOUS. Have you HEARD her sing? If you haven't, well, NOW YOU CAN! BUY HER SONGS!!!!

AND if you need a graphic artist... a web diva... wedding invitations... or interior design, CC is your woman. SERIOUSLY. Multi-talented.

I am feeling a little like my Padre. Like his "guy" arsenal. Like when he talks about "my car guy" or "my coin guy" or I am feeling a little like my Padre. Like his "guy" arsenal. Like when he talks about "my car guy" or "my coin guy" or "Radiology guy."

"Oh, yeah... you need someone to sing like an angel? I know a 'Guy.'" *snort*

And I could go on. Thai... not just a Baby Shower Planner extraordinaire, she is an expert Massage Therapist.

I am sure there are others, too (and at least a page of various animal rescuers. hee hee hee!) because I got CONNECTIONS, baby! Ha!

And if you are thinking "hmmm, I have some money that I don't KNOW what to do with but want to put it to good use" I got a solution for THAT, too. ;O) Prayers, too.

p.s. I still *heart* Threadless.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

a Wizarding Weekend

NOT accomplishing much today but dang it all, I haven't had a real vacation-y weekend in some time (or a "good pile of times." HEE HEE HEE HEE!) so except for the absolute certainties... Mount Washmore, the glider cage, etc. I am shirking all to curl up in the coolest part in the basement with Deathly Hallows, Tropicana Sugar Free Lemonade(holy cow, it blows Minute Maid's SF lemonade out of the water, taste-wise.), and, yeah, more Brazilian Cheese Rolls.

Until going to Order of the Phoenix with Squall in a little bit! (Take a little break from Harry Potter to have some Harry Potter, don't you know? Hee hee hee hee hee) In fact, I better get ready now. I have been reading most of the day and need to do my hair.


Back. And let me just say, even though me and CC watched it the other day, I really DO like that movie. NOT as good as the book... not even close... but it is still fun. They just left out SO much good stuff. BUT, I still must say my favorite things (without being a spoil monger) were:

* The cat plates on Umbridge's walls and her frightening similarity to some Relief Society presidents I have met.

Love him love him love him. Love to hate him. Love to love him. He IS Snape. He just IS.

* The Room of Requirment and the Mistletoe... like they REQUIRE kissing? hee hee hee hee! Anyway, it made me giggle.

And yes, I am a Nerd. And I don't care. And I really can't write much more right now because the BOOK... is... beckoning me... hee hee hee!

How big of a dork am I?


For the record I didn't wear the hat or wig IN the store. Just the car. But yeah, I had decided I wasn't going to do the crazy crowds thing. Then I decided I couldn't wait. But I didn't want to wait in a line with bookstore people... I am okay with being a nerd but not ALONE. Yeah. So I thought, okay, just go to WalMart. They should have a ton of books and so less crazy lines. I was wrong.

They had lines. HUGE lines. I was in one a long time before finding out I didn't have a wristband and that I would not be IN that line, etc. It would be, like, 3 hours before I got a book if I did.

Then I had a stroke of genius... went to Smiths. Yes, the grocery store. MUCH shorter line, chatting with the people in the line (most of which had RESERVED books at Borders but had given up when their wristbands were not enough and they started calling NUMBERS on the wristbands.), decent prices ($20 or so with a Fresh Values card), and most importantly... SUCCESS!

Now. Don't bother me. I'm reading.

Friday, July 20, 2007

5 minutes till the last Harry Potter comes out... debating going to at least WALMART to get it... RIGHT NOW

Buddy, the Roomie's Senegal is jabbering away upstairs! I don't understand everything but he is DEFINITELY talking. He doesn't like to talk when people are IN the room. Sort of like the "Hello my Baby, Hello my Honey" frog. The Roomie decided she would make a big long CD of Victor and other CeleBirdies that our critters seem to LOVE so much and play it a few hours a day while we are gone. Well, it seems to be working because he sure is CHATTY right now!

Silly thing. Animals make me happy.

Which reminds me, Wednesday, my mom called and said "I just wanted you to know that life DOES go on." I asked what she meant. She said that we had a new deer family frequenting the yard at the Padres... another doe (healthy) and 2 very cute (also very healthy THANK GOODNESS) twin fawns. We are calling the mama Anastasia and the twins Hope and Faith even though we don't know the genders. They are cuties, and barring any malevolent neighbors with poisons, they seem to be giving our family at least a little hope for the future.

Sometimes you have to take hope from weird places. Because it seems a little hard to come by in other locations. Yesterday I went to the hospital for an MRI. 2 reasons. One is that Dr. Princess says my dumb Pituitary doesn't work right so they are wondering if I have a tumor there. The other is that I am supposed to have another MRI to make sure that the lesions in my brain have not gotten bigger or that I have more or anything. I was supposed to do that in, like a few months. But we finally got them to combine the 2 because the next one won't be covered by my insurance. And MRIs are REALLY expensive. And they are looking the SAME PLACE.

So we will see. I think if it were a tumor they would have seen it before now. But maybe not. What do I know? But I have REALLY lost faith in my doctors. Mostly because I have really stupid ones. Seriously.

Dr. Princess is leaving the practice anyway. But his office people are being jerks about even switching to his partner. But after I lose my insurance, since it won't matter, I may go somewhere else anyway. I am going to be spending an arm and a leg wherever. I may as well get a competent doctor out of it. I just don't know. I am just feeling like crying right now.

I want to be NORMAL. I am tired of Depression. I am tired of Diabetes. I am tired of headaches. I am tired of not being... well, and who knows if this is even truly medical or if I am just a messed up tomboy... but not being as "turned on" as I "should" be? I don't know. I am tired of being myself somedays. And I don't even know who that is. What part of "who I am" is ME UNDER MEDICATED and what part of me is just ME. I mean, some stuff I am not anxious to "normalize"... I sure don't mind certain parts of me being "weird." I am REALLY okay with no periods. And I love not having to shave my legs.

But... Normal. HEALTHY. The unattainable. The Holy Grail. SIGH.


But the sad thing is that for all my complaining and worrying about myself, I am so so so much better off than some of my friends. Remember when I wrote about Amy and Dave? It turns out what had happened was that his car was totaled by a drunk driver. And it's been almost a month. And Dave is still unresponsive in the hospital. He opens his eyes sometimes. But there is nothing there yet. I hardly get to hear FROM Ames right now (understandable) but get updates from our friend Megi on The Alley or this site set up to try and get them some help. You guys, I am SO scared he is going to die. Please continue to keep the Osadchuks in your prayers if you would.

Dave was JUST layed off right before all this... I just can not imagine having to deal with all of these trials. My poor Amy!

In other (sad) news, Fresno called almost CRYING. A final interview for that job he wanted did NOT go well. The guy was a total French shower to him. It was terrible. The thing is, okay, to be honest, *I* think at least he saw the kind of jerks he could be working with and might be saved the trouble. But to him it is just one more dream dashed, you know? And since he really REALLY wanted to do it, I can be nothing but just supportive and it is just silly and sad and he's just miserable and I don't know how to help him. Because I really can't. I just want him to be happy.

I want him to have a FUN job! A job he loves. SELFISHLY, I want that job to be closer to me. But regardless I want him to like his job, whatever it is.

I like that boy. <3 style="font-weight: bold;">Okay, before I end I should AT LEAST say some happy thoughts:

*Last night I *guilt* blew off a friend's sister's wedding and went to a movie (HARRY POTTER!) AND out for Pancakes with CC!
TOTALLY worth it.

*I have no work because of the Utah County Fair! YAY!

*Today after water aerobics me and Mom decided to check if that little Brazilian dinner in Provo, Bona Brazil had Pão de Queijo... those cheese rolls that are so stinking ADDICTING and are really, like my favorite food. Yep, even more than popcorn. THEY DO. BIG ONES. Big ones you can buy individually for a buck 30 which considering some days I feel like buying a 20 dollar meal at Tucanos or Rodizio just so they will bring me the rolls as a side is quite a deal! hee hee hee!

Mmmmm... I want more.

I wonder how late they are open?

(Brazilian Cheese Rolls... Harry Potter... tempting, tempting! Perhaps that AND a bath! Hee hee!)

p.s. just for fun... yup. The WHOLE thing...

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Skittles Porn... Stat!

So, in a desperate attempt for feedback(?) I decided to add a tracker thingy. I added ShinyStat and SiteMeter... but I think I like Shiny better. Mostly because apparently you can find out what people Googled and found you. Which is REALLY REALLY amusing.

Here are a few of my favorite... my VERY favorites are
can i wax the day for my plane ride
[I... don't know?]

celexa and fresca

chump band mormon

do skittles have pork in it
[this came up, in variously worded ways, at least 5 times]

fluoroscopy, porn photography

[why are those 2 things TOGETHER?!]

girl real estate in utah
["the thing is, we are really looking for a cootie-less property, so we have to be specific..."]

good card for grandma that's sick
[is grandma sick? Or are you trying to find her a vulgar card?]

jesus christ's life in biodata form
[I think *I* may Google this now. Because they sure didn't find the answer on my site.]

just another manic

[So, SO true...]

lesbian pics skittles
[well SURE...]

putting dry ice in a swamp cooler
[SOUNDS LIKE FUN!!! And sounds like something that would get us EVICTED, but still... FUN! Till we got evicted!]

ronald baker solicitors
[Because yes. I mess with minds.]

skittles scripture
[whoever searched for this contact me. I know a whole object lesson about tithing with Skittles!]

sugar glider myths
[like, the sugar glidalope or the vanishing hitchhiking glider?
"And that's supposed to be true!" (Mali, that was for you!)]

vytorin cause weight loss?

[and possibly the most revealing of all...]
you talk too much

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Well, if there WERE Dinosaur Doctors maybe they wouldn't have HAD such a high mortality rate

Okay, so first of all, let me get this out of the way: Turns out Fresno was actually NOT receiving my messages as he was with J-and-Y and the fam camping and there was no reception. So he isn't a big jerk... maybe just a little one for not TELLING me he would BE in said woods awhile. I told HIM I would be. But whatever. As we have mentioned, many many times, boys are stupid heads. COOTIES. (and I *heart* this photo.)Anyway, like I said, *I* can go to the mountains and out of range TOO, you know. And we did, for the family reunion yesterday!

Our family. Woods. River. Pasta Salads. Kids. Dirt. Wild Animals. HILARITY ENSUES.

It really WAS cool. The few family members I DO like end up making up for the ones that don't. (Oh, and Bobbie, just FYI... my names really don't fool anyone. I am pretty sure if anyone came on the site they would know who they were and be more than a little pissed off and it would start a whole NEW feud. The Kip's Blog Incident would never be forgiven and we would be even less invited than we are to stuff. Luckily 1. I don't much CARE. 2. none of my family is all that net-savvy.) Mom, though, would DIE if she knew what I wrote. Like be mortified. Luckily she hasn't the patience to find out.) At first Squall and her kiddlets didn't come and as Rinny wasn't there (she had filming for her movie) and I am REALLY missing BoyKid right now, I was feeling REALLY bummed. I took some pictures of cute kiddlets of various cousins...

played in the river...

but was ready to go home within an hour.

But then my little cousin Scotty (little brother of Leslie and Cynthia... my 3 youngest 1st cousins) says "Hey, I found a moose! Wanna see?"

I think, hey, cool! A moose in the river, I want a shot of that and he runs down the path and I follow, cheered up until he turns a corner and see him almost TOUCHING a HUGE bull moose standing in the road. He is chattering away, and runs back to me not TEN FEET from the animal, "see?!"

I grabbed his shoulders and start pulling him backwards as I see some more little cousin's kids running toward the moose on the other side and I start waving them to freeze and go the other way. FINALLY I feel the situation is safe enough I tell Scotty that the moose is BEAUTIFUL but they can be VERY dangerous and never to go that close again. Then I started talking pictures, wishing I had brought my nicer fancy camera, which I considered but thought there was no way I would risk in the dirt, water, etc. So the pictures are not good and will NOT do it justice.
But STILL... SIGH! <3

I followed that animal for hours.... closer than I should have, but he was in velvet, and so with his antlers all soft like that he wasn't aggressive and besides he seemed really used to people of the camp. So I felt okay, Still, probably dumb, but I felt entranced. I took pictures. I talked to him. I wrote him poetry. I walked MILES just to stay near enough to watch. He was AMAZING. An absolutely gorgeous creature. SIGH. Like something magical.

He looked young but infinitely old at the same time, if that makes sense. It was the same way I
felt when I saw the sea turtle in the wild. I never wanted to leave him. What is it about animals like that that do that to me? It's like when I look into the eyes of my gliders. They become the most important thing in the world to me. Like they know more about the world, God, and life than I ever could. But it is a different thing with a truly WILD thing, like the moose... like the turtle... there is just this... magic they have. Like I never want to go home, like I CAN'T go home. Not until THEY leave. I wouldn't have left him first, I couldn't. So I took pictures. All the same shot, basically, too, so most I deleted. Filled a 512 MB SD card with the moose when the day was over, trying to capture something I COULDN'T... a memory. A feeling or experience. Not just an image. I don't know.

I wish I could explain that.

Anyway. Yeah. I saw a moose. Tried to avoid letting my cousins be trampled by said moose. Good times? hee hee! (oh and just as an aside, I know I picked a very silly Slide theme (8 mm) but it just made me feel a bit like a Big Foot tracker. So I picked it. hee hee hee hee hee hee! I am a dork, I know.)

And then, finally, Squall DID come and we had fun hanging out and laughing at her kiddlets. JanBrady told me she wanted to be a Play-lientologist or a veterinarian. (Squall told me she USED to say she wanted to be a "Dinosaur Doctor" till they explained to her that the dinosaurs WERE dead.)

"What are you doing with the rocks?"
"They aren't rocks. They are Raptor bones. I am working on the head and she has the belly."

(Incidentally, Stewie, JanBrady reminds me a ton of someone Munchkin would TOTALLY click with. We should have some sort of party with kids invited.)

Mini-Squall can totally WINK. Like on COMMAND. How cool is that for an 18 month kid?
So we had fun. But it got late and while Padre was one of those staying, Squall, JanBrady, and Mini-Squall were not and neither were Mom and I and we were carpooling.

We finally got home, late, and I finally had net (YAY.) and was online but should have been in bed when my Mom called me. She was sick. Like, maybe hospital sick. So I fed the babies and spent the night there. It was pretty scary. She is okay. But yeah. I have been with her all day till recently. Tomorrow, though I have Day Camp again.

But, well, Thursday I have my MRI and such. So... yeah. A bit nervous. SIGH. UGH. I hate Doctors.

So that is about it (isn't that ENOUGH!?). Family Reunions... SHEESH. But it was a good one after all.