22,23, 24...

I don't really know what I expect to say, or have him say, either when/if we talk Saturday, or if he answers that last email. I guess nothing.

I don't know what to think or feel right now. I feel like... well, like taking too many meds till if I wasn't certain that with my luck they would just make me throw up... and if I didn't have enough testimony to believe that dying doesn't even end anything anyway. And I feel like... apparently... eating macaroni and cheese and watching chick flicks and turning off my brain. Only the problem if I really DON'T feel like that. It is too hot for Mac & Cheese and chick flicks are a sure fire way to BAWL. And yet, that is just what I am doing. Mac & Cheese and watching Music and Lyrics and the only pill I may be ODing on is Prilosec because my Ulcers have seriously decided to kill me.

I am trying to be cool about this. But to be honest, I feel completely and totally broken. And while logically I know I will get over this someday... maybe even someday meet someone again (though that part is less sure)... I don't feel like it at ALL.