Contemplative Brainlessness

I am having one of those weekends.

I was at work for so long today in the heat and I am just BEAT (and burned) and the dogs are downstairs with me because there are fireworks and they are scared. Poor things.

But one of those half contemplative/half mindless weekends.

Part of the time I am all thinking about stuff. (Fresno's most recent, apologetic (for the other weekend) letter for one, where I am going to end up in the next few years of my life, etc.)
But the other part I am most decidedly NOT thinking. Not thinking... eating beer-battered shrimp and watching old (very old) movies on PBS. I watched The Asphalt Jungle and now I'm rather enjoying Marty. Yup... I am a dork.

Anyway, tomorrow is Sunday.
I am tired. I may go to bed early... but want to wait awhile to see if Fresno becomes available to chat.

Oh! Okay, like right now.

Sunny Baudilare had to use her teeth to fold her own staples out of metal rods. So it could be worse.

Why do things the easy way when you can do them the hard way? So, I am working my butt off to pull together Leonardo's Lab. The PLANNING is done, now it's the gathering supplies stage, which I HATE. For instance...

to teach linear perspective we are going to put up plastic sheets on the window and TRACE the scene with dry erase markers. Easy enough, right? Right. So I ask for 30 acetate sheets. You know, overhead projector films. Instead I am given 15 plastic sheet protectors.
"Ummm..."
"so, yeah, cut these apart."

So that is what I am doing. Cutting open sheet protectors with the best of the crappy scissors rather than simply purchasing a box of overhead projector sheets.

Education is ALL about adaptation. *hits head on wall repeatedly* (And yes, Mali, we should talk. Though I admit most of my ideas are for younger kids. But we should, like, powwow on ideas. YAY FOR A REAL JOB!!!! Color me jealous!)

So is wildlife rescue. The robin (who still doesn't have a name, but I have been calling him Oliver as he is an orphan and also because I have been thinking a lot about Brother Mayhood and that's his middle name. But The Roomie may have a real name for him by now. I should check. He makes me miss Martin.) is not hurting, and seems heeled... but healed wrong. His wing is crooked as it wasn't set right away and we only just received him. If we were real vets maybe we would re-break it... but we won't. And none of the real vets will treat him. SO, as long as he seems happy otherwise, it looks like he will NOT be released. Either he will become a permanent resident at the Ark or, if possible, we will try and find a refuge.

The deer have a half-happy update. While McKell died, according to Mr. Coffee, even with the dead mom she has a LOT of spunk and is alive and making a PEST of herself, thinking she is a PET and following him around for a bottle and some loves. Bad for when she grows up, but I admit that it still makes me giggle and be SO proud of her. Now I just need a kitten update from V and the SpazCat!

Adaptation... in education... animals... and relationships. Oh, and don't worry about my ears. To be completely honest I am more likely to GET a tattoo than pierced ears, even though that sounds crazy. Knowing me, it's true. And really, seeing whether I can get used to makeup so Fresno can feel like he's with a real girl on occasion, well, that's gonna be a stretch. And I am stubborn. So worry more for him than me, I suppose. Hee hee hee! SIGH.

"Yes. I shall go down in history as the man who opened a door!"

So, at work I am writing a whole day camp called Leonardo's Lab about Leonardo da Vinci. It IS a little daunting to write up the program from scratch as people are already signed up for it and it starts Monday... but since Leonardo is one of my favorite geniuses... even more than Einstein, my OTHER favorite genius... it has actually sort of been fun! (but the above quote wasn't REALLY him... it was him in Ever After.)

I am planning to have them paint a Mona Lisa picture, make a blaster sculpture with a cast of their thumbs, invent ways to protect eggs in an egg drop, learn about linear perspective, design paper airplanes, etc. But also, one of the activities is going to be about how he wrote backwards... like mirrored. And the project (after practice) will be to pick a favorite da Vinci quote and write it backwards on a card. He said some awesome stuff! Anyway, I thought I would share a few of my favorites with all y'all!

ABOUT FLYING:

“There shall be wings! If the accomplishment be not for me, 'tis for some other.”

“For once you have tasted flight you will walk the earth with your eyes turned skywards, for there you have been and there you will long to return.”


ABOUT LIFE AND DEATH:

“While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.”

“As a well spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well spent brings happy death.”


ABOUT HUMAN NATURE:

“The depth and strength of a human character are defined by its moral reserves. People reveal themselves completely only when they are thrown out of the customary conditions of their life, for only then do they have to fall back on their reserves.”

“Where there is shouting, there is no true knowledge.”

“It's easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.”


ABOUT CATS:

“The smallest feline is a masterpiece.”



ABOUT LEARNING AND KNOWLEDGE

“Learning never exhausts the mind”

“The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding.”

"Poor is the pupil who does not surpass his master."

“All our knowledge has its origins in our perceptions.”

“Blinding ignorance does mislead us. O! Wretched mortals, open your eyes!”

ABOUT FEET:

“The human foot is a masterpiece of engineering and a work of art.”


ABOUT ART:

“Art is never finished, only abandoned.”


ABOUT SCIENCE:

“Nature never breaks her own laws”

“He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind.”

ABOUT OTHER STUFF:

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”

“I have been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Being willing is not enough; we must do.”

A few that I probably WON'T give them the option of (as they are under 11 years old), but that rather amused/disturbed me:

“Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel.”

"He who wishes to be rich in a day will be hanged in a year."

"The function of muscle is to pull and not to push, except in the case of the genitals and the tongue."

Hee hee hee hee!

A WACKY man, that Leo. (He's Mormon NOW... acording to Pres. Judd. Hee hee!)

ANYWAY, so that is what MY day has been filled with, in the absense of any kittens or deer...

OH, but when I came home the other night and told the roomie that V had kept Marco and the sadness with our deer and said "Well... we are out of the rescue biz awhile" she said, "Weeeell..."
"What?"
"Check in the bathroom."
A young robin with a broken wing. The bone was sticking right out. Poor little guy. He is eating well, though, and doesn't seem to be hurting, just grounded. So we shall see.

On a completely OTHER topic, this whole ummm thing with Fresno has got me... weird. Like oddly panicked. Because I used to have no problem when we wouldn't talk for a day or something because I would figure "he's busy" and go on. But now I start thinking "oh no oh no maybe he doesn't like me now!!!"


I hate that feeling. YUCK.

So yesterday we didn't talk but I texted with no answer and so today I have been all crying and questioning stuff and getting scared...

and then he called and we talked and I get all giggly and crushy again. I am SUCH a stupid GIRL sometimes.

Yes, I know BEING more girly is one of my Fresno-related-goals. But by that I mean trying makeup more, maybe getting my ears pierced (okay, not likely on the ears thing. *shudder*)... not having panic attacks every time we don't talk or crying over not getting a text back. That isn't good girly. That's just Stupid Basket Casey.

I'm working on it. SIGH. He really is SO cute and funny though. It is too bad I am now back to wondering why he likes ME when he IS so awesome. Bleh. Confidence sucks.

Oh Deer!

I should go to bed, but I am sort of having a little freak out. This evening... holy crap. CRAZY. I was meeting with this girl, V, who is very cool and wanted to adopt Marco, who is going a little CRAZY, so it is REALLY good to get her someone to REALLY love and bond with her. Psycho cat totally shredded my Mom's legs out of boredom and wild cattitude! It was really bad. So, yeah, very good to place her officially.

However, while she was trying to find the house (the Padres', we were meeting there), more animal drama was going on there. Did I tell you that 2 or 3 days ago a buck DIED in our yard?! Actually, I am really asking. DID I tell you? I am going to go check and finish this, more educated, tomorrow... errr... later today in the hours of Non-Zombies.

So, I checked. I DIDN'T blog about it (but told The Roomie, Fresno, and maybe CC?) A couple days ago (after the fawns) my mom looked out the window to see a very disturbing sight. There was a young (but big) buck in the yard (not unusual or disturbing... as I have said, the deer claimed the yard pretty much the day my Cassie died.)... but he looked like he was TALKING. His mouth was just going like crazy. Then he layed down on our back porch, still "talking" and DIED!!!! It scared my mom but also was really sickening. This was a Friday evening. She called Fish and Game (because while they just let BABY deer die, we could at least trust them with an already DEAD one.) to come get a DEAD dear out of the yard. Well, guess what the genuises there said to my mother?
"I am sorry, we are really busy. If you could have called us this MORNING we could come get it."
"It wasn't HERE this morning."
"I am sorry, Ma'am. But you need to call earlier in the day."
"But it JUST DIED. It is on my porch! I can see it!"
"We can come out Monday, if you'd like?"

My mom was so annoyed she hung up. A big dead buck... over a hot weekend. GREAT. She called animal control and they said "I am sorry, but you REALLY need to call Fish and Game."
"They told me I had to call AHEAD OF TIME!"
The man laughed at that and said "if you HAD they'd have ticketed you for KILLING it!" He was nice and came and took the corpse away that night.

But you see, that is only BACK story. Because I was over to the Padres to meet with V and was driving down from the U and I was trying to play with Marco enough to TIRE HER OUT (IMPOSSIBLE. If I could PACKAGE that energy and sell it, I would be rich. But I am pretty sure it is just another version of Meth.) so a car ride wouldn't make her nutso. So I was over there when a neighbor called and said she had been hearing the remaining twin (K-Lee) crying all day and knew my Mom had been watching out for her to call the rehabber Mr. Coffee to take HER too if Mama wasn't doing her job. Mom started to say so when the lady said "the mom just died above your house."

We ran outside to find the baby. We are pretty sure both the mama and that buck were poisoned. MAYBE by some new plant put in one of the landscaping houses going on. But, and maybe this is just my suspicious mind, I think there is a chance that, as the deer have been pissing people off a LOT lately eating their plants, I think someone DID it.

And when we FOUND K-Lee she was trying desperately to NURSE off her dead, poisoned mother and crying. She was still very hard to catch, though. She was so frightened. With the stress, and drinking what is, likely, poisoned milk from her mother... I don't think she has much chance. But Mr. Coffee will TRY at least. Mr. Coffee is my new hero. He looks like SANTA... but he reminds me of Brother Mayhood from Texas. I LOVED Brother Mayhood.

Catching her took most of the evening... and several NEIGHBORS! One guy (very cool) even LASSOED her!!!!! And another (who seems really young and nobody even knew his name) offered to DRIVE her to Mr. Coffee's reserve in Heber. I want to know who that was. He was cute, too, and SO sweet with the fawn. He should date the Roomie.

And V came in the middle of all this. She was actually really excited to see the deer once we had her bedded down in a box for the ride. She just kept saying "Wow. You guys really DO do rescues." I kept telling her THAT was not normal. At ALL. But she DID fall head over heals for Marco and did take her home. Marco is, if possible, even MORE nuts than before but I think having more one-on-one time will help. And I think she and her new Mama, V, will get along VERY well. For one thing because I was talking about how she still needed some time to get tame and she said "oh, I hope she doesn't get TOO tame though." I laughed and said I didn't think THAT would happen.

V is cool. She is a rape counselor at the U of U and a very sweet girl. I like her! She said she's keep me updated with pics and stories and that made me feel better too. And she seemed fully enchanted with the kitten (as well she SHOULD be! hee hee!)

So, yeah. It's been a really crazy day. Tragedies and Triumphs... but even the triumphs, well, I just don't know. I will miss Marco, but I believe V will love her and take care of her right. I don't think there is much luck for K-Lee. McKell died yesterday, too. I wonder if they ever had a chance or not. Sometimes they just DIE. But how long was the Mama sick for? When were they poisoned? And by what? (And, to take the more maudlin route by WHOM?)

I just can't believe that the wildlife people wouldn't at least do a BASIC necropsy. I mean, at least check their STOMACH as to what was last eaten! I know they don't care. As they told my mom when she asked "we are not worried about the deer population." I mean, to me, I think screw the POPULATION... what happened to THESE 2 INDIVIDUALS? They have faces and names, you know! Okay, so the buck didn't. But the doe was Ashley. She had babies that needed her. But POPULATION... But what about the NEIGHBORHOOD population? How do they know there isn't something in that neighborhood that could kill family pets? Or KIDS? At least CHECK.

GRRRRRRRRRR...

Where is James Herriot when you need him? Or Dr. Doolittle? Or Noah? Or St. Francis of Assisi?

Or Brother Mayhood?

But I <3 NERDS... Don't I?

I should call Fresno FIRST tonight. But I still keep thinking "but we broke up! Maybe he doesn't WANT to talk to me right now!" but since that was a major PART of said break up I should call... unless he is annoyed by me right now. How does that work, relationship pros out there? Like, how do you know when calling is a pain and when it is good? How am I even sure that we are back together because he still likes me and not just because he felt bad for making me cry? Part of me doesn't even CARE why... but the other part is still just wondering "but how long will THIS last?" and worse "I will like him MORE then... how hard will I fall if we break up again? I really need to figure out my brain (and nether regions) soon.

CONFESSION: I STILL haven't actually called for an appointment with my new psych, Dr. Apparently, yet. I have just been... busy.

Yeah.

Anyway, I guess... I'll go call? And hope it's a good thing?


I am back and can I just say WHY could I not date a nerd?! I do NOT have the computer knowhow to be my boy's tech support! He gets SO frustrated with his (really NOT his... Roomie, J-Alien's) computer and honestly, SMART dude but NOT computer savvy at ALL. I try to explain something and he just gets frustrated that he doesn't KNOW it already. hee hee! Poor Fresno. I am pretty sure I could figure out what's up if I was SITTING there, but over the phone, with a stressed out male ego? Not a CHANCE! SIGH.

His phone was dying and he may call BACK though I am really REALLY hoping J-Alien comes back and fixes his computer first because I would way rather talk about, like, work and dogs and Transformers and stuff than why he can't download Adobe Flash. My answer is BECAUSE YOU HAVE AOL!!!!!!!!!!

And My solutions are usually stop USING AOL. AT LEAST stop using their BROWSER and use Firefox. Which makes PERFECT sense to me, but he just gets frustrated and says "but it's [J-Alien]'s computer..." and I try to explain this isn't, like changing his computer, but whatever.

It's a good thing he is so cute, funny, sweet, etc [in a word: HIM] because sometimes he is so FRUSTRATING!!!!!

But I think he WAS still glad I called... even though I was not able to help. :O(

"That is not a photo. That is a sharpie marker drawing on a piece of photo paper... that IS a very good likeness, though."

Dang but it is hot. I am still not convinced my swamp cooler really works... not just because Padre is my Landie and is the one that fixed it, either. It just DOES not seem to be doing the trick. I am melting!

Today was bad at work. I need to remember I do NOT want to do birthday parties! UGH. SUCKY SUCKY day, work-wise.

I am still up and down with the relationship thing.

Fresno and I are... iffily... dating again. I don't know how this is going to go. On the one hand that whole thing forced me to think hard about things... on the other it made me discuss my, umm, SEX DRIVE with FRESNO (TALK ABOUT EMBARRASSING!) and then with my MOM (HOLY HELL.) and probably later with my DOCTORS.

Because, okay, here is the thing. I suppose there IS more to it than just "not having practice" like I thought... after talking. And that kind of weirds me out. A LOT.

But... I don't know.

Part of me doesn't care because, for the moment anyway, I have Fresno BACK. And I so like that boy! I do not want to lose him... I don't know if I am delaying the inevitable... but for now... SIGH. Confused, mixed up, happy, scared... BLERGH.

NOW IT'S SUNDAY...

On a completely frivolous note I have watched 2 movies this weekend, and, shockingly both TOTALLY entertained me!


First of all I FINALLY saw X-Men - The Last Stand! Took me long enough, I know! But I liked it. I expected to... I liked the other 2, after all. But still Yay! I am a nerd and it was good comic bookness!

But the other I saw I sure didn't know if it would suck. It was the Mockumentary about Mormon movies, The Work & the Story which *I* thought was pretty hilarious. But, apparently I may be in the minority. It cracked me up... especially the nod to the Coen brothers at the end. Hee hee hee!

Anyway, now I gotta get to church.

Negotiations?

This is way too hard on my heart and brain.

22,23, 24...

I don't really know what I expect to say, or have him say, either when/if we talk Saturday, or if he answers that last email. I guess nothing.

I don't know what to think or feel right now. I feel like... well, like taking too many meds till if I wasn't certain that with my luck they would just make me throw up... and if I didn't have enough testimony to believe that dying doesn't even end anything anyway. And I feel like... apparently... eating macaroni and cheese and watching chick flicks and turning off my brain. Only the problem if I really DON'T feel like that. It is too hot for Mac & Cheese and chick flicks are a sure fire way to BAWL. And yet, that is just what I am doing. Mac & Cheese and watching Music and Lyrics and the only pill I may be ODing on is Prilosec because my Ulcers have seriously decided to kill me.

I am trying to be cool about this. But to be honest, I feel completely and totally broken. And while logically I know I will get over this someday... maybe even someday meet someone again (though that part is less sure)... I don't feel like it at ALL.

disintegration

He said:

I'm losing interest real fast.

She Poured Out her Heart:

Dear [Fresno],

I know the most logical thing to do would be to call. But I can't
really think and talk at the same time. And letters help me sort my
thoughts. And so, yeah, I am emailing.

Problem is, I still don't really know what to say.

I am not good at the relationship thing. And long distance makes it a
lot worse. I don't call or email as often as I even THINK I am. It's
not really an "out of sight, out of mind" thing. You are usually on
my mind... especially lately. But with day camps I don't notice the
time as much, and usually don't really sit down till late and then
think "I have so much to say, I won't write or call right now. I'll
wait till I have the time to really talk or write a longer letter."
But then it IS later and I haven't.

Also, sometimes I don't talk when I am not sure my thoughts on things.
Like I don't want to say anything untrue so I wait, trying to figure
out the right way to say stuff, and the right time. And then I miss
the opportunity, I guess.

Here are the things I have been thinking of... but afraid to talk
about in case I am wrong or whatever, since I don't know for sure how
to figure everything out:

I don't think we can (successfully) date much longer with out more
"face time." Like just time doing hanging out stuff... not vacation
stuff, just being around. We know each other pretty well, but still
really haven't spent THAT much time together. I won't pretend I
wouldn't rather you move here. But, also, if you really want to do
the prison thing, well, that is important. So I understand that.

I have sort of been deciding to move to California... at least after
Day Camp and Field Trip season at TGP... like the Winter... and at
least for a little while. But I will be honest, even THAT scares me.
I am scared to be away from my friends and my family... my support
system. And I am still trying to figure out what to do about my
babies.

But the thing is, I want to try. Because I care more about you than,
well, anyone ever before. And I think I love you.

But I am relationshiptarded. And when I don't know what, or how, to
say something, I tend to... just... NOT.

That being said, I really don't want to screw this up. Even though I
admit I am mildly terrified to talk on the phone about this and how
sad this email made me feel, I am home from work and both online AND
near a phone. So after you read this, even if it's super late, call
me.

Love, [Kipluck]

He Did, too:

[Kipluck],

I just finished looking up my maps for work tomorrow and read your email. I would call but I have to get up early so not a good idea tonight. I have like a million thoughts going through my head. Yes I do want to relocate and if it's for the job with Corrections that would make me happy. I did have a great time both times I visited you in Utah. Your visit out here was equally fun. I had a great time. But I'm just feeling more of the whole friend vibe thing going on here.

I have to be honest. I love your personality and character. Who you are is what I dig. But relationships have other parts that need to be there, too. Romantically, I'm struggling. By your kiss, I don't really feel like your "into" me. I always know if a girl is truly into me by their passionate kisses. Your kisses seem scared of me.

And I do realize that you don't do a whole lot of girly stuff (like makeup and such). Maybe that's not very important to you but a man likes to see a girl get all dolled up for him. I mean a little mascara to bring out your eyes and some lipstick to eccentuate your full lips is not too much. I feel like from your pictures when I met you that I misinterpreted them. It seems like you only do that sort of stuff if you're dressing up for halloween or the navy girl.

And mostly I feel that we only talk if I call. I do admit that I let some time pass to see if you would call but you didn't. Relationships are reciprocal. Even a quick note from email lets one know that you were thinking about them or a quick message on a cell phone.

Why don't we think about this for a day and evaluate where we are at and what we want out of this. You can mail me back but I won't get it until tomorrow night and I'd like you to call me sometime Saturday afternoon. Please don't be offended but I had to let you know what I'm feeling inside, too.

[Fresno]

She Said:

[Fresno],

I hope you know that my eyes are pretty water logged over this but NOT
because of you, because of the situation. You have to be honest about
it too, after all. So don't worry, I am SAD, but not OFFENDED. You
could not offend me.

One snaffoo, I am teaching all Saturday. Is there another time? (if
you still want me to call?)

The changeables:

The make up thing, well, I can change. It is true, I really only wear
it when I am dressing up because I feel weird in it... not even
pretty, just like awkward. But I can wear it more (though, it is
likely to LOOK like Rosie as I don't really KNOW "my colors" and
such)... if that would change things.

And I can definitely could call more. You want to know the stupidest
reason for that? I KNOW this makes no sense, but very often I think
of calling and think "No, I don't want to bother him. When he wants
to talk, he'll call me." I do it to my friends, too. They get so
annoyed and tell me "if your calls annoyed me I would just not
answer" but it's a little insecurity/phobia thing I have. I could
call much more often, if that would change things. If that would be
enough....

But the stuff I don't know how to change:

The kissing... I don't know how to kiss more "into you." I honestly
don't. If my kisses seem scared, it's because they are. I am scared
of relationships. I am less scared of relationships with you than
anyone ever before, but I am still nervous. And totally
inexperienced. I GOT kissed once before meeting you... my 19 year old
alcoholic ex-hardly-counts-as-a-boyfriend kissed me once before I ran

away and never came back. And I didn't even kiss him back. You were
the first guy I TRIED to kiss. Maybe with more practice I would kiss,
like, I don't know... "make-out-type" kissing or something. I don't
know. Never been to that point. This has been all new territory for
me, [Fresno]. I don't even KNOW for SURE what I feel... I don't mean
it to be Friend Vibes. But maybe it's the only Vibes I know how to
put out. I don't know.

I am not telling you al this hoping it FIXES THINGS. (that would be
awesome, obviously. These past months have been some of the best) I
just... wanted to lay it out, you know? Yeah.

[Kipluck]

Pretty sure it is still over. I went to work all of an hour before crying and feeling too nauseous to think and telling them I had to leave.

My heart and stomach, PHYSICALLY, hurts SO BAD.

damn

I feel like today might be the beginning of the end.

I think Fresno and I may be breaking up. I don't know.

I left work early, major anxiety melt-down.

At least the fawns are okay.

Ugly Nature Continued

Here are the pictures. When I left (when Mom told me I had to leave and I bawled) the Mama was there, paying attention to ONE twin. The one we took out from under the car. K-Lee.
The other was still crying.... Mama was ignoring it. Made me feel ill. Mom SAYS she will call me in the morning if it's still there... and ALIVE...

I doubt it. I doubt it will survive. I doubt the Mama will take it. And I doubt Mom will call me.

But here they are, anyway...

The first fawn.

see? right there. (I didn't touch her!)


I still never touched them, I promise.


This is the 2nd fawn. Neighbor's granddaughters found it under our car and told their grandma who called us saying "DON'T MOVE YOUR CAR!" THAT one we DID move... but still just used gloves, a blanket and a cart to put it in the back, nearer to it's syb. It seems healthier, but still dehydrated and starving, than the other.


These are Kailey and Mikkel, the little girls who found the second deer... and named them... after THEMSELVES.
"Because we're twins, and so are they!"
"And the one that was hiding under the car is K-Lee" explains Kailey. "Because I like hiding under things, too!" Ummm... OKAY? They were cuties.

"K-Lee." The one that has a CHANCE.

"McKell." Dying as we speak.


SIGH.




By the way, people, DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. Just FYI.

Forget what I said before. Nature is ugly.

You will NEVER believe what I am listening to right now. Pitiful, heart-breaking mewing. Not one, but TWINS. No, not more kittens.

Newborn deer with a very stupid mother. I hate her. I hate her so much. They cry and cry. One was under our DURANGO TIRE. The other in our back yard. Finally the K-Lee and McKell's idiot mother came and sort of listened to ONE baby... but not enough to nurse her. She is an idiot. The little things are weak and shaking with dehydration. The mama was one of the baby twins LAST year. She is young. And I am afraid she is going to abandon at least the weaker of the twins all together. The Roomie already has possible homes lined up to surrogate if she does... and we can keep one or both alive for a day or 2. But the sound is making me cry. It is so full of fear and hunger and pain.

I think it is hopeless.

Nature is ugly and cruel.

Just another Manic Monday...

Today started very dumb but then got good and then ended, well, bittersweet. Such is the Roller Coaster of my world.

First I went to the hospital to turn in my PEE... and Dr. Princess had messed up the lab order and so I had to wait 45 minutes just for a fax to get REGISTERED to turn IN said pee. Me and MOM had an argument while there. We both cried. It was way stupid. And while waiting, Dr. Princess's office called... not about the fact that it was taking 10 years to get the fax right now, but rather about the results of the blood work/ultrasound. There is something out of wack ("Wiggedy Wack?" "No, just the regular type.") with my pituitary... and they are back to checking for Tumors. Another MRI. SIGH.

Dumb dumb dumb.

I was not really focused at the pool, either, after the hospital because I was worried about the MRI... and Marco... and issues with Mom... so my work out was pretty lame. I just felt BLEH and distracted and sad and scared.

Work was better. It was a little hectic, but I LIKE working. I like the kids and I LOVE the critters. That new pony, Lucky, really IS darling. OH! So, his story!

So, ponies usually have their foals in the middle of the night or very early morning (according to the farm girls). But Missy randomly dropped hers a couple days ago, late afternoon (as my class was ending and we were cleaning up) and 2 weeks early so she was not in a pen by herself, but in the middle of the field. So we are cleaning and suddenly we hear the farm girls screaming for EVERYONE to get out there. We see the pony give birth and AS he is hitting the ground ONE OF THE MALE PONIES RUNS OVER AND TRIES TO TRAMPLE HIM TO DEATH!!! We ALL had to spring into action! Farm Girl Becky grabs the still bloody colt in her arms and runs! Another farm girl grabs Mama Missy and pulls her out. The male is now trying to kill the pony AND BECKY! So me, Rerun, and LRG are out in the field trying to scare the OTHER ponies away from the gate and open it.

Finally Missy WAS able to clean her baby. He was JUST fine, regardless! YAY! That's why he's named Lucky... for SURVIVING that! He was beautiful! He has a huge head, though... looks like a mule. hee hee!

Here are pictures RIGHT after... and a few hours later...

Working at a Farm is never EVER boring!
(and I am becoming a slide show JUNKY.)

But anyway, it was a GOOD work day... but HARD. I was in charge of Family Night at the Farm (Tonight it was all about Daisy (our Milk Cow) and Milk) and it was a busy evening.

But then guess what? CC and TheBoy came to take pictures of flowers! That was fun. (Even though me tagging along on a little psuedo-date probably was NOT what they were planning. *blush*) OH, but while in the garden (not the real Garden or the Children's Garden, just the "backyard garden" behind the Emporium) guess what I found?


COOL, HUH? No, I didn't touch it, just reveled in it's perfection. Cute, isn't it?! Nature ROCKS. Except, you know, for when bears attack. *shudder*

Anyway, that was just a fun diversion. THEN, I went to the Padre's to play with the kitten (she has been having such FUN having a whole ROOM to play in, well, I have been letting her stay and just bringing her food and visiting to play daily.), who, of course, was hilarious. She is so cute. She EVEN in a rare cuddly moment, curled against me and nuzzled... it was so sweet.

But my best... bittersweet... news is about her. ONE day online and already we have a very likely possibility Mommy for her. We are talking and hopefully she will come meet her. But yeah. I am happy. But crying... I AM attached, even though I CAN'T be, you know?

Anyway, I will finish this tomorrow... errr... later today after I sleep. It's too late. TTYL... Tuesday... in the hours of NORMAL people.

I'm back. Anyway, also fun I got a good little email from Fresno (with more pictures from our trip) and it made me simultaneously happy (because I SOOO like him) and sad (because I miss him. And want him to move HERE.).

Then I watched Dodgeball (because, well, I needed some silliness) with the kitty and called it a day. THE END!

Pussy Cat[s and VooDoo] Dolls

Well, I am at the Padres' house with the kitten for our Father's Day/Mom's B-day Party watching the very boring Somewhere in Time...on TV.... which is ironic since that, on DVD is what I GAVE Mom for her birthday! I gave Padre a golf voodoo doll and some good salad dressing. Church was okay. Oddly there WAS one person there I knew... Kelly W.(Mali, YOU know her! From the old ward!) It was a TINY ward... about 40 people according to the guy who invited us. I... don't know. I will go back and try it again, at least.

As for the pussy cat, Marco is, officially, a GIRL. And she seems pretty healthy, her nose, eyes, poop, etc. All good. She is doing very well. This is what I put on Petfinder today. Oh, and Did you know that June is Adopt-a-Shelter-Cat month? I hope that that also translates to Adopt-a-Never-Taken-to-a-Shelter-but-still-in-great-need-
of-a-Loving-Home-Cat month, too. Anyway, yeah. Marco's ad:

Little Miss "Marco Polo" is no ordinary kitten... but for the right person, I think she'd be PERFECT!

When the day camp kids heard her crying from inside a brick wall filling with water in the rain, it was no easy thing to get her out with our hands intact! She was hissing scratching, spitting, and biting... not surprising for a frightened, half-drowned wild kitten! But she has come SO far since then!

Marco is still shy and likes to hide, and doesn't love to be held often... but she is hilarious and frisky and spazzes out at random times! We think she chases the GHOSTS of mice! She will make an EXCELLENT mouser, though, I am sure. She still has a wild streak and is a little hunter and even LOOKS like a wild cat, especially her adorable spotted belly. And even with her kitten craziness and starting out feral, she seems to love attention and company. She is eager for visits from her foster people, but I bet she would adore a furry friend, too. Also, she has NEVER had an accident. Even when she was wild and got loose in my house and in our WALLS she snuck out to go potty in a litter box! (Kudos to the Cat Attract litter people! WOW!) She makes EVERYTHING a toy. She loves Purina Pro Plan kitten food in the can and eats it very healthily... when she can quit playing long enough to eat it!

I already love this kitten. She is DARLING. I keep a little collar on her with a bell so I can tell where she is when she is "stalking" me or being shy. Her eyes change COLOR from the brightest blue to hazel. A cat with MOOD EYES?! How cool is that?!

Anyway, all this goes to say, I would love Marco to go to someone who TRULY LOVES HER. Someone who embraces her "wild side" but can be patient to get her more cuddly someday, perhaps. She may not be able to be an "outside cat" as I am not sure she wouldn't revert to being wild again, but in time you may be able to get her to adapt to any safe environment.

Also, I would like to know she is going to get the care she needs... AND not contribute to more homeless pets like her. Therefore, though Petfinder requires an Adoption Fee, I will *fully refund* it with proof of getting Marco fixed and appropriate shots. Say, $40... but you will get everything back when you show the vet stuff (or Marco's belly. hee hee!)

Also, she comes with all of the stuff I ran out and bought when I brought her home wet and muddy and hissing from work at the day camp...
bowls
litter box
several toys (though she prefers pieces of crumpled paper, ping pong balls, pop bottle lids, etc. hee hee hee!)
collar with bell
food
blankie
treats

Pictures (and videos) are available upon request!

That's right... I said VIDEO. I just put Marco on You Tube! hee hee hee!


I don't want a cat.

But I DO wish I had some way to keep Marco. But in any circumstance I am likely to have DOGS in my life, and if things go the way they look they might, very large kitten-eating dogs. I can't BE a cat person, not even an exceptionally-FUNNY-cat person.

If I WERE to have a cat, well, Marco would be what I would want. Not the rubby, fat, lazy kind. The frisky crazy funny kind. Like Cassie was as a dog... though she was the first type too. But dogs, well, you WANT a different kind of loyalty from a dog anyway. Either way, I love my Cassie more than anything. I miss her terribly. And, as kitties go, I am really adoring Marco. I really really want someone to LOVE her and know how wonderful she is. I want to find her the PERFECT home. I made the mistake of saying so to Mom in front of Padre who said "you know what is perfect? Anywhere, besides you, that won't kill her. That is all you need."

SIGH.

So, if you know someone... I mean that adoption fee thing, I don't NEED it, but just is a way to be sure she gets her shots ad gets spayed with out me putting forth more money on a darling I don't get to keep. Even then, if I HAVE to, I may get the vet stuff done beforehand. But I just think someone adopting her ought to at least be prepared to have a vet, you know?

I just... I wish I could truly HAVE a zoo and take care of *all* the critters that pad into my life. Martin... Plicethenese... Suzy... Marco...

But I can't be responsible for everything and everyone. But I feel better if I at least know that, like Plice and Suzy they have wonderful forever homes. That pic IS Plice, a photo from his daddies. Still a beautiful combo of his mama Nani and daddy Heber. If I can just know Marco is HAPPY... I won't cry so much.

So... yeah. If you know of a worthy mama or daddy for my little SpazCat, PLEASE let me know?

Is Your Boss a Psycho?

This quiz deserves it's OWN POST. Because the questions cracked me up. Or rather, the lack of CORRECT answers cracked me up. Close as I could come the results were:

Your Boss Isn't Psycho, but Your Boss Stinks

Your boss is probably not mental. Still, your boss is not competent or professional. You may want to transfer departments or get a new job, before your boss sucks out your soul.

Is Your Boss Psycho?

But they are wrong. Rinny IS Psycho. They just don't have bubble choices crazy enough. OBSERVE...

1. True or false? Your boss expects you to work, no matter what, even if your mother died.
• That's somewhat true, though you'd probably get a pass for a family death
• Pretty much
• Actually, you're boss is fairly understanding when you have to miss work. [Especially considering it would be her mom, too!]
  
2. If your boss messes up:
• Your boss finds a way to blame you or your co-workers
• Your boss accepts full responsibility for his mistake
• Your boss glosses over it
• and She cries for hours.
  
3. A co-worker is telling offensive jokes that bother you. Your boss:
• Would join in with a few jokes as well
• Would tell you not to be so sensitive
• Would write the co-worker up
• would scream and run away plugging her ears and praying... but never reprimand anyone unless it was me.
  
4. You've been passed over for a raise for two years. When you bring it up with your boss:
• Your boss pretty much ignores the issue
• Your boss is surprised and wonders if it's really been that long
• Your boss takes it under consideration - and then either gives you a raise... or gives you a good reason why you're not getting one [ie: working for a "Not-for-Profit institute" sucks sometimes and then takes me to lunch or something.]
  
5. If you get a bad review at work:
• You get a bit of feedback, but your boss is pretty vague
• You know what you're doing right... and what you're doing wrong
• Your boss scolds you, but you aren't exactly sure what you're doing wrong
• If I am ME, we chat. If I am Rerun or one of the other morons, she sulks and never says anything because she doesn't want any of her employees not to like her.
  
6. At the holiday party:
• Your boss is drunk and out of control
• Your boss doesn't even show up
• Your boss makes an appearance and acts professional
• Your boss is still hanging streamers and baking cookies till even after the party, and probably also making a take home craft.
  
7. Has your boss ever threatened to fire you?
• Not really, but you have felt like your job was in jeopardy
• No, never
• Yes
• Rinny says "your fired." ANYTIME she is annoyed to anyone as a joke. I think if she EVER tried to fire anyone (not likely) they would never believe her.
  

In short, good try Blogthings, but my sister/boss IS a psycho. A pushover when she needs to be tough, a snotty bossy brat when she needs to chill, a dancer/drama queen/people pleaser, and... I love her. I wish I could help her deal better. Because sometimes I can see her on the verge of many a melt-down. She needs meds... and counseling... and a hug... and a raise... and a date...
instead, she's got 5 extra goldfish, a box of toilet paper rolls, and a fear of medication. Go figure.

I love my little sister. I think this season of Day Camps may just do her in. :O(

Brave New Ward and Sunday Surveys

Yesterday I worked a birthday party and though the birthday boy was very cute (he was turning 1. Why pay over $100 on a party for a kid who I am pretty sure I earned my tip just by playing peekaboo with a balloon? He would have been just as happy with a party at home... if there was balloons and cake. He loved the goat (my Ambrosia, now much bigger, but still MY baby who likes me and lets me hold her!) but just called it a "Do[g]" and patted it. hee hee hee! Still it was a good party. And it's a living. But it WORE ME OUT. And today I am just exhausted.

HOWEVER...


I am going to church. NO. EXCUSES.

Even though I HAVE excuses. Like that 1. I will have to go home to pee because I have a 24 HOUR urine test that has to be kept on ice. Eeew. And 2. It's Father's Day and yesterday was my Mom's birthday and I have stuff to wrap. (okay, that's a sucky excuse anyway. hee hee hee. But the urine one?) ANYWAY, I AM going. AND I am going to be brave and try a NEW WARD.

The Roomie tried this one back in the day and did NOT like it because, ummm, it reminded her too much of work. But a guy from it came buy the other day sort of recruiting and 1. I was thinking of changing anyway... going to church with the fam. And I may still. but for now I thought I should at least check it OUT because 2. I do not LIKE my ward. Egg throwing, dog murdering, weirdos. It is MUCH BETTER than it was. But now it is nicer but at 9 am. Which leads us to 3. My ward is at 9. This one is at 1.

Therefore, that is my plan of the day. Scope out Special Park ward.

And now, on to nonsense!

What Your Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich Means

Your eating style is gluttonous. If you like something, you're going back for seconds... no matter how full you are! You don't really have a sweet tooth. If you go for dessert, you tend to go for something light. Your taste in food tends to be complex and sophisticated. You're probably a great cook, and talented at mixing unusual flavors. You belong to a class that's all your own. You resist rules and traditions of any sort. You never really grew up. While your childlike innocence is charming, you often just come across as a big baby. Precise and controlled, you can be a bit anal retentive when it comes to how you like things. You're definitely a perfectionist.

What Does Your Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich Say About You?

Wow. That's a pretty accurate sandwich. *blush*

In 1979 (the year you were born)

Jimmy Carter is president of the US A major accident occurs at a nuclear reactor on Three Mile Island near Middletown, PA An American Airlines DC-10 loses its engine and crashes seconds after takeoff, killing 275 people Hurricane David kills over 1200 in the US and the Dominican Republic Some 90 people, including 63 Americans, are taken hostage at the American Embassy in Tehran, Iran The Soviet Union invades Afghanistan ESPN starts broadcasting Aaliyah, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Norah Jones, Heath Ledger, and Kate Hudson are born Pittsburgh Pirates win the World Series Pittsburgh Steelers win Superbowl XIII Montreal Canadiens win the Stanley Cup Kramer vs. Kramer is the top grossing film Sophie's Choice by William Styron is published "My Sharona" by The Knack spends the most time at the top of the US charts The Facts of Life premiers

What Happened the Year You Were Born?

I don't remember... being very YOUNG at the time I was born...


Sigh. More about this over there.

Scattegories (from CC)

SCATTERGORIES...it's harder than it looks!

Rules:

1* Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following...
2* They MUST be real places, names, things...NOTHING made up!
3* If you can't think of anything, skip it.
4* Try to use different answers if the person before you had the same 1st initial.
5* You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question...

I have done mine. You can replace my answers with yours and send on to your friends to see if they can do it. Now Go!

Your Name: BethAnn
1. Famous Singer/Band: OOh! Beatles AND Barenaked Ladies, of course!
2. 4 Letter Word: boob (I know, scandalous. hee hee hee)
3. Street Name:
4. Color: Black

5. Gifts/Presents: Books!
6. Vehicle: Solstice..... gahhhhhhhhhh
7. Things In A Souvenir Shop: Boxed card sets?
8. Boy Name: BOB!
9. Girl Name: BOB! Oh... sorry... Betsy... Ross... it was just flag day. She could cut a 5 pointed star with one snip, you know.
10. Movie Title: Big Fish
11. Drink: Black Cherry Fresca. Mmmmm....
12. Occupation: Blender Repairman
13. Flower: Bachelor Buttons
14. Celebrity: Brendan Fraser
15. Magazine/Book: The Bad Beginning by Lemony Snicket
16. Pro Sports Teams: Da Bears... Da Bulls...
17. Fruit: Blueberries
18. Reason For Being Late For Work: Boss asked you to buy De-chlor for goldfish on the way and there was major traffic in American Form by Animal Ark
19. Something You Throw Away: Bad fruit and veggies (seriously, can NOTHING stay fresh longer than a week in our fridge?!)
20. Things You Shout: Bite me!

So, Buddy is cracking me up. He is talking up a STORM ever since The Roomie started playing him clips of creepy smart parakeet Victor. I think he wants to BE Victor. Anyway, right now he is up there saying "Victor!" and whistling. Poor McKenzie. She loves him... and he has a gay crush on a Celebirdy.

Speaking of pets, The Roomie's sister has opted NOT to take Marco. Therefore, I am going to be putting him on Petfinder this week, after I get him checked out and am SURE he is a him so I can say so in the ad. SIGH. I am going to miss that kitten TERRIBLY. But he needs to go to his real home soon so THEY have a chance to bond with him. But I love Marco more than I thought I could ANY cat especially in such a short time. That wild thing invaded my heart with record speed. SIGH.

And now it is time for church. I wish I didn't feel nervous. TTYL

Doctors and Day Camps... who has time for a LIFE?!

First order of "business" I FINALLY finished the blog entry about my Cali trip complete with TONS of pictures! It's right here for those of you so inclined.

Now, onto the PRESENT, this week has been CRAZY. Basically, my time has been taken up by medical stuff and day camps. It is our "busy season" at TGP with all that stuff. And the kidletts are sometimes HORRIBLE but always HILARIOUS!

"I lost my Glifying Glass!"[Magnifying Glass] - Gracie, age 4

"It's been a hot hard day. I think we better get french fries." - Jenson, age 5

"But the cavemen didn't respect the mammoths." - Britton, age 5 [after NotSoHotAsGayishShawn telling then to respect the animals]

"I don't believe in big sharks!" - Cole, age 4

"I can't take the fish home! My brothers will flush him down the toilet!" - Jenson,
age 5
(I *heart* Jenson!)

They have been the good parts. (Also, the look of FEAR when I go into PetSmart now is pretty hilarious as the LAST time we came we asked for 40 feeder goldfish... in INDIVIDUAL BAGS... shown here in the back of Rinny's Subaru! Hee hee hee!)


The bad stuff has been doctors. Especially the new endocrinologist, Dr. Princess. I HATE HIM. He is a jerk. And NO, Not just because this week he has made me give at least a pint of blood in tests, a 24 hour urine collection, and a rather painful ultrasound of my stupid ovaries. It's because he washed his hands then primped his hair for 5 minutes before my exam. And because he wouldn't let me ask questions when I was scared of the procedure. And because he didn't read my chart at ALL and said, like 30 minutes into it "do you have any history of diabetes?" Ummm DUH?. And because he had NO bedside manor at all. But, frankly, he is the only one I can go to. But I am ONLY seeing him for the minimum of things and getting referred for EVERYTHING else. We was prissy, hard to understand... I DO NOT LIKE DOCTOR PRINCESS.

And the tests and crap are far from over. SIGH. But hopefully they can, at last, figure out what is WRONG with me. In Dr. Princess' case we are talking about possible PCOS or something else about my defective nether regions. SIGH.

HOWEVER I did do SOME fun stuff...

CC (who, with TheBoy, tonight came and gave me pictures from Ikea of Rubber Duckies PERFECT for my bathroom!), Cupcake, and our Canadian friend Prism played! And, btw, despite former concerns, it was fun. AND she is DEFECTING! Apparently she has fallen head over heals... for Sluggo actually! hee hee hee!

Anyway, we messed around at Boondocks, ate at Cafe Rio, and had Cold Stone ice cream. It is so good to have friends!

Other than that, I have played a lot with Marco, the kitten. OH, and big stuff at the farm! We helped save a pony! I will show you pics and stuff later of that. A little farm update or something. For now I really should go to bed, even though I am not tired.

And p.s. Fresno is still adorable.