Trouble with a Capitol T and that Rhymes with P and that Stands for Pool!

Sometimes I am such an idiot.

I have always considered myself a hospitable person and tried hard to be so. I just figure that if someone (non-scary) needs a place to crash, and doesn't mind the mess and the pets, well, they are welcome to a couch. It is the way I was raised. Granted, house guests may have stressed her out, but my mom never turned people away. They were always the "party house," with the ping-pong table and pool table, and my mom's willingness to provide snacks to an Airsoft militia or allow for an impromptu cast part after a show.

My adopted 90 year old grandma (and honorary Fringe) in Texas, Sister Enloe, explained it perfectly. She'd had a pool table when she had kids too because then "other parents may have worried about their teenagers, but I always knew where my kids were."

So, yeah, I think they all had the right idea and that's the kind of person I have wanted to be. And, not to get to personal, but my patriarchal blessing talks about doing so. Comes just short of saying "Thou shalt buy a pool table!"

HOWEVER, balance this desire to be anyone and everyone's home away from home with my life... hectic, struggling with depression, etc. And you have what amounts to a trouble and my stress today.

Also, I am sick today. I expect it is just a bad cold, but it is enough to affect my mood today and to make me very VERY nervous about this coming trip to see Fresno. I REALLY don't want to feel crappy for that! But for right now, my more immediate problem is HAVING a house guest, not being one.

This friend is coming from Canada. I told her a lot time ago she could crash on my couch. However, now she is coming and I don't know what to do. I already told her that I am not sure I would feel stable enough, emotionally, to talk to her about things she was asking about. She said that was fine. I thought things were okay. But when she said she was still coming, I thought, fine. My house is messy, we have dogs, I am sick and I have work, but if all she wants is a shower and a couch she can crash a night, still, and I will still meet her and maybe play a day... at least take her to TGP once. She said she had other people to stay with.

I wrote and appologized that I could not spend more time with her but with work and suych, etc. I assumed that should make the situation clear and things would go okay. But THIS was her answer...

"Oh, we'll have plenty of time...I'll actually be in that area for awhile. I'll stay with you for awhile and then head up to SLC and stay with a friend there. I'm aiming for at least a week, maybe two. I need the time away..."

And

"But I'm also very capable of entertaining myself...so don't worry about being at work while I'm there. There are things I want to do, and those are things that I will do on my own. It will all work out fine!"

This does not sound fine. Not fine not fine not fine not fine. I do not know what to tell her. No, that's not true. I know WHAT to tell her - that is too much, I can not have her stay that long, it is not fair to The Roomie, nor to my health - I do not know HOW to say it.

I am going to cry.