Sunday, May 27, 2007

Trouble with a Capitol T and that Rhymes with P and that Stands for Pool!

Sometimes I am such an idiot.

I have always considered myself a hospitable person and tried hard to be so. I just figure that if someone (non-scary) needs a place to crash, and doesn't mind the mess and the pets, well, they are welcome to a couch. It is the way I was raised. Granted, house guests may have stressed her out, but my mom never turned people away. They were always the "party house," with the ping-pong table and pool table, and my mom's willingness to provide snacks to an Airsoft militia or allow for an impromptu cast part after a show.

My adopted 90 year old grandma (and honorary Fringe) in Texas, Sister Enloe, explained it perfectly. She'd had a pool table when she had kids too because then "other parents may have worried about their teenagers, but I always knew where my kids were."

So, yeah, I think they all had the right idea and that's the kind of person I have wanted to be. And, not to get to personal, but my patriarchal blessing talks about doing so. Comes just short of saying "Thou shalt buy a pool table!"

HOWEVER, balance this desire to be anyone and everyone's home away from home with my life... hectic, struggling with depression, etc. And you have what amounts to a trouble and my stress today.

Also, I am sick today. I expect it is just a bad cold, but it is enough to affect my mood today and to make me very VERY nervous about this coming trip to see Fresno. I REALLY don't want to feel crappy for that! But for right now, my more immediate problem is HAVING a house guest, not being one.

This friend is coming from Canada. I told her a lot time ago she could crash on my couch. However, now she is coming and I don't know what to do. I already told her that I am not sure I would feel stable enough, emotionally, to talk to her about things she was asking about. She said that was fine. I thought things were okay. But when she said she was still coming, I thought, fine. My house is messy, we have dogs, I am sick and I have work, but if all she wants is a shower and a couch she can crash a night, still, and I will still meet her and maybe play a day... at least take her to TGP once. She said she had other people to stay with.

I wrote and appologized that I could not spend more time with her but with work and suych, etc. I assumed that should make the situation clear and things would go okay. But THIS was her answer...
"Oh, we'll have plenty of time...I'll actually be in that area for awhile. I'll stay with you for awhile and then head up to SLC and stay with a friend there. I'm aiming for at least a week, maybe two. I need the time away..."
"But I'm also very capable of entertaining don't worry about being at work while I'm there. There are things I want to do, and those are things that I will do on my own. It will all work out fine!"
This does not sound fine. Not fine not fine not fine not fine. I do not know what to tell her. No, that's not true. I know WHAT to tell her - that is too much, I can not have her stay that long, it is not fair to The Roomie, nor to my health - I do not know HOW to say it.

I am going to cry.


  1. "That is too much, I can not have her stay that long, it is not fair to The Roomie, nor to my health - I do not know HOW to say it."

    You say just what you said. "That is too much. I cannot have you stay that long. It is not fair to me, my roomie, or my health. I can have you stay one night, no more. So if you "need" to be away that long, you'll need to make other arrangements."

    Just do it. She's not all that stable herself and is completely capable of taking care of herself. She's made me go from being just fine to being unstable in one fell swoop by bringing up some particularly painful memories, and I was at a good place at the time and had no health issues. Pissed me off royally.

    You HAVE to stand up for yourself, BA. You just have to.

  2. You know what, BA, if you can't tell her, *I* will... she's hasn't emailed me since the last "I have to bail again" email... because I didn't respond and she needs to NOT stay there. So I am hoping that you have not given her your address yet... you and I need to talk! Forward her email to me. Seriously. I am beyond pissed.

    I mean, even if your PB says that you'll take others in, you still have to keep in mind that the Lord wants you to be able to take care of yourself FIRST. Because if you can't, you can't help others.

    And She is insane and I don't want her there personally. Especially without you there. I don't trust her. And if she's coming in that damn van, she can go sleep down by the river for all I care.

  3. As the pig in Toy Story said "Toss him (in your case her) overboard!" You don't need to "deal" with not worrying about her. There are at least 3 of us who will help you "deal" with her if she is resistant.

  4. Aww, Kipluck. You're a people pleasure; a truly generous soul.

    Here is my honest opinion. What you've got going on in your life is actually really serious. Your priorities should be taking care of YOU and only YOU right now. You are going to someday feel like your authentic self again (you WILL!!), but you don't need this added stress to set you back. Really, as you can see, many people think this is a highly inappropriate situation, for her to ask this of you right now. I don't know if she just misunderstood your message, or if she really is that overbearing, but one thing is for sure: You gotta set up those boundaries, and fast! I actually really like the idea of having Steph being your rock if you feel you can't do it yourself. One thing I've noticed and really like about Steph is that she says it like it is, but is very respectful of both the person she's talking to and to (most importantly) *herself*. I think taking her up on her offer might be a great, great idea. If you were feeling in a better place, then most people would expect you to confront her yourself, but I say let somebody else bear the burden for you until you are back up on your own two feet.

    ... and then you gotta evaluate whether or not this is a friendship worth keeping... or if this is someone who is using you. If she is using you and holding you back, then run, Kip. Run as fast as you can. Because believe me... a real friend will love you and would back off once you said no.

  5. I told her I just couldn't have house guests right now. I don't know what she'll answer. I feel like crap.

  6. I'm so glad you said that to her. If she still persists, Steph and I will take a Louisville Slugger to both headlights ... wait, country song just popped into my head ...

    Steph can tell her. Or I can. Or both of us. But Laurie and cupcake and both of us all love you no matter what, and this girl ... she's loco. So ... yeah. Let us know if/what she says.

  7. Well, she wrote back. And to her Credit she was much cooler about it than I thought. She apologized, said not to worry at all, etc. So, everything SHOULD be okay. (except, you know, this cold and stuff)

    SIGH. SO SO SO GLAD. But thank you for all y'all's threats of violence on my behalf! hee hee hee!

  8. Man, I'm sorry I missed the pitchforks and torches...oh well.

    I did laugh my head off at the pronouncement, "Thou shalt buy a pool table" though. Wouldn't that just be freaky if PB's said stuff like that?