Exits Suzy, Enters [fill-in-the-blank?]

Holy cow today has been SO FRICKIN LONG!

I got up at 8, went to work, which then ENDED at 8 pm, ran errands and just got home in time before The Roomie went to bed so I could see our newest member of the household (because, you know, Suzy has been gone all of a DAY and really, the house feels emptier!) a WOUNDED BABY STARLING she found in the road! Okay, and sis you know they can learn to TALK? I had heard that, but nobody told me they sound like creepy whispering ghosts!!! Anyway, if the bird is not TOO hurt she doesn't plan to keep it in captivity long enough to teach it to say "Good morning, Liverlips!" or anything, but we will see how well it heals.

Anyway, the reason today was so long was it was ROBOTICS CAMP TRAINING! We learn how to teach THIS (and look how expensive our equipment is! YIKES. I am afraid to BREATH wrong on it!) to start with. But look how awesome me and the 2 little volunteer 4-H girls did making our bottom feeder?! (the lady behind us so did not help. She was their leader, but I swear just DROVE. But whatever, BE in our picture, lady.) Oh, and CC and Cupcake, they are from Weber County 4H, just FYI. We were SO proud of ourselves it was ridiculous, but it was seriously tough! So neener neener!

But I still feel wofully unprepared for teaching the whole CAMP Monday.

For now, just pretending that's years away and focusing on happy things. Like the fact that even though I have a cold still, I am feeling MUCH better thanks to prayers and correctly prescribed antibiotics. YAY!

Also, tomorrow is THE TRIP. I am actually sort of panicking about that but trying not to. Especially since it is just your basic I-Hate-Packing-I-Know-I-am-Forgetting-Something panic not a relationshipitory panic. REALLY trying to ignore those. Tonight my mom on the phone said either "try to come back engaged!" or "try not to come back engaged!" and I HONESTLY don't know which it was and that kind of bugs me, not that it matters as I answered the same "umm... NOT ALLOWED yet." and sort of laughing with out really laughing. Yeah, I THINK we have talked enough about this that he knows that if he officially asks me I won't say yes yet, because we have talked ABOUT it a lot and I really really think we need more FACE time, you know? And I don't mean just kissing. I just mean, I really want us to be living in the same state before we get any more serious than we already are.

I would also like to be more financially independent first, have a better handle on my health, be Flying a little better, etc. But even if not, well, yeah... SAME STATE. This is as Long Distance as I am willing to do right now and it is frustrating as is.

And I just need to be sure about a few more things. Not even about HIM. HE is great. Just... about myself. It's just a me thing I need to conquer. Aside from the boy, who is pretty perfect, I know. It really is JUST ME.

(So, I don't know what Mom even SAID, but DON'T expect me to come home wearing a ring or anything.)

Anyway, I feel like I am not ready for the trip either. Well, I am NOT but it seems like EVERYTHING has to be a last minute, on my way out thing. That scares me. Plus I feel like I am forgetting stuff, though I don't know WHAT and have to remind myself that I have a HOTEL and they can provide me with, like towels and stuff and probably stuff I forget. Or I can go to a store. It's Fresno, CA... not the Amazon. But trips always make me nervous.

At least I know my babies will be well taken care of. The Roomie is on top of that. But maybe I should cut up fruit so she doesn't have to. I dunno. I just want it to be easy because it is a nice favor.

I really DO like to fly. It is just taking trips and packing that makes me anxious. The FLYING part is cool. It is the Lay Overs, the baggage, the 6 dollar cans of soda in the airport that give me stress. Also I don't think my cell works there. I am rather sickeningly attached to HAVING a phone even when I don't ANSWER it. However I made dang sure that my room had WiFi. Because that is one addiction that I don't intend to quit just because I leave my house.

Though I do wish I could bring my sugar gliders too. Just HAVING them with me makes me feel better. (I *have* taken them with me to Vegas... to Temple Square... to Zion's Park... yes, I am a dork) But stupid California has them ILLEGAL. In Hawaii I LOVED it there but had nightmares about things happening to my babies almost nightly. But this time I have to keep remembering that they are just at HOME, not at a kennel, and that The Roomie is a SUPERB animal person. But still... I rarely leave them over night. Like, almost never. More for MY sake than theirs at times, but they bark and stuff... I just... yeah. They are my babies. I can hardly remember life before them and can't imagine life without them in the future. I am, like, a miniature, Australian version of a crazy cat lady.

Anyway, I may pack a LITTLE more, but I should FEED my aforementioned fuzzbutts, take pills and go to bed and finish packing in the morning. And the next time I write I should be in CALIFORNIA!

22 Mushy Things (besides oatmeal and playdough...)

1) Single, Taken, or Flirty?
Yes to all 3, the 2nd mostly, the 1st next, and the 3rd when I am hyper.

2) Are you happy with where you are?
Sometimes I am and sometimes, I'm not

3) When you meet the right person, do you fall fast?
Nope.

4) Have you ever had your heart broken?
yes

6) Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you?
I doubt it, but I don't know because I am not in that place in my life (thank GOODNESS) and HOME I never will be.

7) Have you talked about marriage with another person?
Yes, though I try to keep it hypothetical

8) Do you want children?
eventually

9)how many?
somewhere between 3 and 15? I am not sure on the details.

10) Would you consider adoption?
DEFINITELY.

11) If someone liked you right now how would you want them to tell you?
They do... and he tells... and it makes me nervous... but I am working on getting over that because I like HIM too.

13) Do you want someone you cant have?
No.

14) Do you believe love at first sight exists?
Yes, but USUALLY not and either way it has to be followed up with effort.

15) Do you believe in celebrating anniversaries?
Sure! I am all for celebrating ANYTHING!

16) Do you believe that you can change for someone?
In SOME ways, I think you DO change... but never in ways you or they plan on so nothing you should/could COUNT on.

17) If you could get married anywhere, money's not an object where would you?
if money was no object and could therefore fly out all my friends and family then the Hawai'i temple with an awesome beach party.

19) Have you ever wished you could have someone but you couldn't?
Ever? Sure. I'm a girl.

20) Have you ever broken a heart before?
I am not SURE, but I may have. *guilt*

21) Would you ever fight somebody over your boyfriend/girlfriend?
if I needed to, probably? Not, like, "don't you make eyes at MY man" type fight but like if he was tied up by robbers and for some reason I felt like I could take the robber, sure I would fight them to save him!

22) What would you say about your ex?
Hmmm... depends on who is technically my EX. TexasBoy? He used to be nice. He used to be funny. He became a big fat jerk and a half and got married without telling me.

Not Listless...

I have been WAY too entertained here.

Things to Do...
43 Things

Places to Go...
43 Places
People to See...
43 People

Other lists...
Lists of Bests

Badges?! We Don' Need No Stinking Badges!

The bad news is that I am still at home, sick.

The good news is that I *am* working! Sometimes my sister Rinny really is a great boss.

See, right now is a really bad time to take time off. It is day camp season! I asked for the Fresno weekend off a LONG time ago, and got it with some iffiness and rescheduling of EVERYONE'S Robotics training and such, but this random being sick for days thing is NOT working out at ALL, especially not so CLOSE to the planned absence. In short, when I call in sick, I know I am putting the whole program in trouble. But I also know that if I get RINNY sick things will COMPLETELY fall apart. So, what do I do?

I'll tell you what... Rinny just emailed me a TON of work I can do from home! How awesome is that? Basically I am revamping the entire Junior Master Gardener program to fulfill scout merrit badge requirements... FROM HOME! It needs to be done. Our Scout classes are extremely popular. Moms come to pick up their kids and ask "okay, so what do they need to do next to get their badge?" and we tell them "nothing. We did it all and will mail in the paperwork." and the moms look like they are going to hug us. We make those boys WORK and they do have fun. They are good classes. And JMG are good classes, too, but if we can make them fulfill a Gardening, Landscape Architecture, Plant Science, or Soil and Water Conservation badge they should go through the roof. The more involved we can get the BIG groups like scouts, schools, and 4-H in this place the better.

Anyway, so now that the Dinosaur museum has curriculum to get started with, my new pet project will be Boy Scouts and JMG. And being able to work on it here at my desk in my basement while I am coughing out a lung and keeping the Kleenex company safely in business for a year is a HUGE help. Rinny gets something done she needs (and does not feel pressure to fire me anytime soon!). I get money I need... but more so I am not so FREAKING BORED!!! And hopefully this gives my immune system and antibiotics one more day to work overtime before I practice high-tech animatronics (and another before I practice not so high-tech osculation. ;O) Heh heh!) Moving on...

while less FUN than showing UP with Fresno's birthday present, I decided to mail it to him with a Don't Open Till June 1st note (and hoping he GETS it by then.) because the airport would probably be nervous about it and unwrap it and I worked HARD on the wrapping. Yes, I am such a girl sometimes. But yeah. However, I never did decide which of 3 cards I bought for him I was going to USE so I didn't include one and now they all seem dumb. So he may not get a card. I don't know. Maybe I will bring them all with me and write one there if I decide to. Give it to him with... I don't know, whatever they have at my continental breakfast? Hee hee! "Here. Happy birthday... blow out the candles on your birthday... cinamon roll." I really should bring a candle. (but not that Elmo having a special moment with the 4 one. Though he is turning THIRTY 4. Hee hee!)

Weird. That really DOESN'T seem that old. I mean it's NOT, but if it was ME it would feel old. Like ME turning 34 would be old-ish. But Fresno doesn't seem much older than me (except when we are teasing each other about it, like me only being 13 when he graduated high school and got ready for his mission and how it was a good thing we didn't know each other and like each other then because GROSS or being in kindergarten when he started Scouts. But it is only teasing because the years really AREN'T that far apart when you are older. But it is still funny to think about, especially when he's wrong, like when he said "...whatever, you couldn't even TALK when I was in 5th grade."
"Dude, I started TALKING in SENTENCES at 10 months."
"Oh."
"Did YOU not talk till you were 3?!"
"No, I probably talked around the same time as you... or something..."
"Whatever."

Sigh. I so like him.

ANYWAY. I need to focus on Scouts now. Plants. Gardens. Merit Badges. Irrigation. Propagation. Horticulture. Greenhouses. Pollination. Earth Worms. Compost. Conservation. TIME TO WORK!

Farewell Sweet Suzy and Windmill Punch

My mom is visiting my grandpa's grave today. OH. And GRANDMA'S. That's just... weird. I still forget she's dead. Grandpa B., well, he died when I was still little. But Grandma, I still expect her to, like, come to family stuff. Anyway, what am *I* doing this fine Memorial Day to remember those who have died? NOTHING.

Well, that's not QUITE true. I am watching a MASH marathon and eating soup and taking pills and playing with the parrots. And we have a flag in our yard (because we gave a donation to the Boy Scouts.).

I was so annoyed when I called in sick this morning, though. Rinny said, "Oh, I was going to give everyone the day off for Memorial Day anyway. TGP's open, but USU Extensions is closed." CRAP!
"Okay, that just sucks."
"Why?"
"If I wasn't sick I could totally go to Ikea with [CC]!"
"Oh, I am sorry I forgot to tell you!"
"Well, I couldn't ACTUALLY decided not to have this... whatever it is... anyway."
"Oh, right."

As for what it is, apparently it is a sinus infection and MAYBE Bronchitis! UGH! That MUST be gone mid-week! I am busy this weekend damnitall I do NOT have time to be ill! I am poisoning this Cold tout suite! Azithromycin, Cold Eeze, echinacea, Airborne, Vitamin C, Mucinex, Sudafed and more chicken soup than anyone person should consume. BLEH.

Oh, and of course, lots and lots of "clear liquids" even though I am SO sick of water and anything that either has sugar or fizzes makes me cough. Double Bleh.

Random tangent (Ha! As if everything I SAY isn't just a squiggling bundle of random tangents?) sometimes I call water Windmill Punch. Not ALWAYS, but sometimes it pops out as if is the most normal thing in the world. In Texas we got our water from these water filter thingies... big bottled water refill stations in parking lots shaped like windmills. This old man we taught used to call water Windmill Punch because of that. And sometimes I forget WHY and just think filtered water is called Windmill Punch by normal people. I was thinking that today.

And yes, apparently I am so boring today that I am talking about WATER.

It is gross and muggy in my house today. I am NOT looking forward to the summer making things even HOTTER. Watering the gardens is a pain, too. I am in charge of the gardens this weekend, as well as bird-sitting, but I REALLY don't mind considering the Roomie will tend MY furbabies while I'm in California (where they are illegal. Grrrr.) The Roomie is camping out in Kanab, taking our little Suzy Sparrow on the first leg of her journey to her new Mama, who lives in Illinois! But before she heads east she will get some paper work and more veterinary care at the very awesome Best Friends Animal Sanctuary. I have worked with them before and getting Suzy "in" was a GREAT blessing. But still, even though we haven't had Suzy very long and are so proud of how much better she is doing now, we will MISS HER!

However, yeah, it's getting warm. And I feel crappy. So, BAD combo. Maybe I'll watch something cold. March of the Penguins, maybe? And I am going downstairs where I will not roast as much for a bit. Maybe I will do some more laundry, too, and at least ATTEMPT to scale Mount Washmore and do some Flying (15 minutes at a time, right?!)!

I NEED SOME PRODUCTIVITY!!! Tomorrow, I MAY be able to get away with another sick day if it is ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY (but mostly because my sister/boss is a hypochondriac and major germophobic and is scared I'm going to make her sick) but Wednesday is UNDEBATABLE. That's Robotics Camp training! And Thursday is a big training day, too, and THEN I FLY! (as in, in a plane.... not FlyLady. Just to disambiguate.)

P.S. Is there a tornado coming or something? Because my turtle AND gerbil are both SPAZZING OUT over here! I feel like they need to get out, but I think they spray the lawn and don't want Tortuga touching something he shouldn't. And Boo is a little Houdini, so she can't be in a play pen and doesn't seem to like the hamster ball. She just sits in it and tries to climb up me in it.

And by the way, P.P.S. I am a dork but...

A Stupid Sunday

The House Guest issue is not the only thing sucking the life out of me today. This cold(?) has floored me AND kept me out of church. I had decided this was going to be my last Sunday in this ward, and I would be joining my Padre's ward. (Next Sunday I will be in California anyway, and I wanted to start this new month in the new ward) But here I am with this cough and fever and sore throat... and missing church.

I watched a BYU Devotional to at least feel a LITTLE righteous, but I admit my heart wasn't in it anyway, thinking about my waining hospitality and needing to talk to my new Doctor, Dr. Apparently, PROBABLY before I leave (I have been putting it off, I admit it. I am nervous.) and my head feeling 3 times too big for my face and rasping like an old man. Yeah, very inspirational.

Anyway, to stop thinking for awhile, SURVEY TIME (as stolen from CC)

1. If your doctor said you were pregnant, what would you do? probably change doctors to someone NOT insane, seeing as I'm 1. a Virgin 2. very possibly infertile ANYWAY.
2. Do you trust all of your friends? Basically... trust them with the same information? Not so much. <--DITTO. But CC... Stewie... Laurie... believe me when I say you are some of the good'ns.
3. Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love? Maybe. If that was the best thing for both of us.
   
4. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? I believe SOME things happen for a reason. I believe most things just HAPPEN.
   
5. Name two things you would NOT tolerate in a relationship. Child Abuse and Animal Abuse?
   
6. Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor? I don't really hang out with Doctor types. Because they scare me.
   
7. When was the last time you snuck out? Like, maybe 4th grade? In high school I pretty much TOLD my mom everything I did.
8. Are you afraid of falling in love? Terrified, sometimes.
   
9. Is there someone who pops into your mind at random times? Ha! Yep. ALLATIME! (actually, a FEW people, to be honest... Fresno... Fringe... CC... Mali... Megs)
   
10. Would you stop talking to your friends because you hooked up with a new person? No, who would I talk to ABOUT the person?! I can not do relationships with out a consultant team!
11. When was the last time you flew in a plane? Christmas to Hawai'i! It was AWESOME. But I will be flying again on Thursday. *grins*
    
12. What did the last text message you sent say? "Okay. Glad you are still coming." to CC.
    
13. What features do you find most attractive in the opposite sex? HUMOR, Smile, Eyes, Intelligence, Patience (with my hang ups, for instance), and facial hair APPARENTLY.
    
14. Fill in the blank. I like... animals.
    
15. What are your goals in life? To be like Jesus. "And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature and favour with God and man."
16. When you get married, how would you envision your dream wedding? Temple wedding and a huge party after - no line... just a PARTY. <---MAJOR Ditto.
17. If you could say just one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? "Why?" It would sort of be like being a 3 year old for forever.
    
18. If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended period of time, name some people you would call? Nobody. If they haven't visited ME, what's the point?
    
19. How many kids do you want to have? I don't know. Sometimes I want, like 10, other days 2, sometimes none. However many I get... and can handle... I am good with.
    
20. Would you make a good parent? I will make a FUN parent. That's not always the same thing...
    
21. Where was your default pic taken? Default pic? Ummm... it's just a cartoon?
    
22. What is your middle name? Ann, silly!
    
23. Honestly, what’s on your mind right now?? Why that has 2 question marks... what my Canadian friend will say... my stupid throat... how I wish I had some popcorn... how popcorn would probably NOT be good for my throat... it's REALLY hot in here, or maybe it's just me but I lot my thermometer... hey my red bug, Barry the Red Dwarf is still alive... what I need to pack... how cute Fresno is... I am hungry... I really REALLY hope I am feeling better by the trip... kissing... I hope I don't get Fresno sick...
    
24. Are you musical? Not musically TALENTED, but I live a very musical LIFE.
    
25. If you could go back in time and change something, what would you change? Not told the friend she could stay in the first place... and kept in better touch with friends from the mission.
    
26. Shoe size: 9 1/2 (or 9 wide)
    
27. What are you wearing right now? my dorky "Mom" nightgown
    
28. Righty or lefty: Right, except for a few things. But I REALLY wish I was ambidextrous!
29. Can you make a dollar in change right now? I don't think so. I rarely have cash.
30. Best place to go for a date: I'm ALL about the dinosaur museum. Hee hee!
31. Favorite jeans: I have these ones that are kind of stretchy but not STRETCH. They are long and a little wide legged. And mostly, they FIT.
32. Favorite animal: Sugar Gliders
33. Favorite month: October
34. Favorite juice: Pineapple
    
35. Have you had the chicken pox? Yes.
    
36. Have you had a sore throat? OF COURSE. I have one right NOW.
    
37. Have you had plastic surgery? No.
    
38. Who knows you the best? CC, Fresno, Mom, Parker, and Megan
    
39. Do you get along with your family? in general? Yes. Individually, it very much depends.
    
40. Do you wear contact lenses or glasses? Yes, Glasses.
    
41. Ever been in a fight with your pet? I have yelled at my babies, they jabbered at me, even nipped me, but none of those I would really consider full of FIGHTS. Just... disagreements.
    
42. Been to Mexico? When I was very little, and just to Tijuana. I would like to go again.
    
43. Did you buy something today? It is the Sabbath.
    
44. Did you get sick today? YES. Bleh.
    
45. Do you miss someone today? Yes! But I am very excited to see him this coming weekend!
    
46. Did you get in a fight with someone today? Not exactly a FIGHT, just reacted emotionally to emails.
    
47. Did you have sex today? HA! No.
    
48. Last person to sleep in your bed? You mean, besides myself? Ummm... My mom took a nap there when we were cleaning up the flood.
    
49. Last person to see you cry? to SEE me cry? Mom.
    
50. Who made you cry? The time Mom just saw, my Psychologist. The time most recently, the house guest.
    
51. What was the last TV show you watched? I am watching Bonanza right now. hee hee!
    
52. What are your plans for the weekend? After Robotics Camp Training go to the Airport! Fly to California! Play with Fresno! Explore Caves! Play fetch! ETCETERA! It is going to be a big weekend.
    

Trouble with a Capitol T and that Rhymes with P and that Stands for Pool!

Sometimes I am such an idiot.

I have always considered myself a hospitable person and tried hard to be so. I just figure that if someone (non-scary) needs a place to crash, and doesn't mind the mess and the pets, well, they are welcome to a couch. It is the way I was raised. Granted, house guests may have stressed her out, but my mom never turned people away. They were always the "party house," with the ping-pong table and pool table, and my mom's willingness to provide snacks to an Airsoft militia or allow for an impromptu cast part after a show.

My adopted 90 year old grandma (and honorary Fringe) in Texas, Sister Enloe, explained it perfectly. She'd had a pool table when she had kids too because then "other parents may have worried about their teenagers, but I always knew where my kids were."

So, yeah, I think they all had the right idea and that's the kind of person I have wanted to be. And, not to get to personal, but my patriarchal blessing talks about doing so. Comes just short of saying "Thou shalt buy a pool table!"

HOWEVER, balance this desire to be anyone and everyone's home away from home with my life... hectic, struggling with depression, etc. And you have what amounts to a trouble and my stress today.

Also, I am sick today. I expect it is just a bad cold, but it is enough to affect my mood today and to make me very VERY nervous about this coming trip to see Fresno. I REALLY don't want to feel crappy for that! But for right now, my more immediate problem is HAVING a house guest, not being one.

This friend is coming from Canada. I told her a lot time ago she could crash on my couch. However, now she is coming and I don't know what to do. I already told her that I am not sure I would feel stable enough, emotionally, to talk to her about things she was asking about. She said that was fine. I thought things were okay. But when she said she was still coming, I thought, fine. My house is messy, we have dogs, I am sick and I have work, but if all she wants is a shower and a couch she can crash a night, still, and I will still meet her and maybe play a day... at least take her to TGP once. She said she had other people to stay with.

I wrote and appologized that I could not spend more time with her but with work and suych, etc. I assumed that should make the situation clear and things would go okay. But THIS was her answer...

"Oh, we'll have plenty of time...I'll actually be in that area for awhile. I'll stay with you for awhile and then head up to SLC and stay with a friend there. I'm aiming for at least a week, maybe two. I need the time away..."

And

"But I'm also very capable of entertaining myself...so don't worry about being at work while I'm there. There are things I want to do, and those are things that I will do on my own. It will all work out fine!"

This does not sound fine. Not fine not fine not fine not fine. I do not know what to tell her. No, that's not true. I know WHAT to tell her - that is too much, I can not have her stay that long, it is not fair to The Roomie, nor to my health - I do not know HOW to say it.

I am going to cry.

Dream of

I am getting rather excited about my upcoming California trip. For one thing, I am one of those weird people who actually LIKES to fly. Also, Fresno has just been super funny and cute lately and so I am missing him. I fly out LATE a week from today. I will just sleep at the Courtyard that night because I don't want him to come get me at, like 3 am. So he can come pick me up the next morning. I don't know ALL of what we are going to do but we plan to:

• Go spelunking... okay, fine, probably just walk it, but STILL! CAVES!
• See other stuff in Sequoia national park
• Play with the monster dogs a lot
• Meet his mom and dad *gulp* and AVOID meeting any siblings.
• Probably go bowling or play games with his Illegal Alien roomie/best friend.
• Make ice cream with the ice cream making hamster ball I gave him for Christmas
• take a lot of silly pictures on the family camera, especially for BoyKid to go in his next letter (he has the same camera... so he can look at them, we just send memory cards back and forth.)

The Roomie is babysitting the sugar babies (and other zoo members) for the trip so I don't have to worry about them. I got work off (I am working right up until I leave from there and to the airport, but that's fine) and am only REALLY missing Saturday. SO, I figure if I can keep the headache under control, barring a plane crash, getting my stuff stolen, etc. I should survive this and have fun. I *hope* anyway!

Other than that, sort of hanging on by the proverbial thread to my sanity and, well, happiness. Lots of "assignments" from the psych and such. They seem too hard though, and I am tired... so tired and things HURT right now. Just muscles in general. My head, OBVIOUSLY. Just trying not to let my fragile mental health as it were screw up this thing with Fresno. It's a good thing, and a more perfect boyfriend I couldn't invent. He is sweet and not shallow and funny and smart and even super cute. I just get so nervous that I am going to mess things up. And, though I am excited for the trip, I admit I am also quietly terrified.

But it is not just the boy... there are other good but potentially terrifying developments. Rinny just asked me to DIRECT ROBOTICS CAMP!!! I will be in charge... and I still don't even know the PROGRAM! Training is on Wednesday. I AM excited to learn it... but I was expecting to HELP a few of the more experienced staff... not be in charge them. I am nervous!

Also, I am being "drafted" into my family's ward at Church. My mom wants me to teach a certain primary class that she can't find anyone for. (She is the Primary President) And I have been thinking about it, and my feelings about my current ward and, at least for the summer, I am "going home" for church.

In a way that makes me uneasy. Not that 1. Bishops should SAY anything to parents 2. I am doing anything major that needs confessing to said Bishop BUT it is still kind of weird to be in a homeward again, especially with the folks, you know? But ward-wise I AM needing a change, and Mom asked me with out pressuring me, so, yeah... I think that's the tentative church plan.

I don't know, I guess we will see what craziness the future brings but I am pretty sure it involves a lot more responsibility, a lot more doctors, a lot less sleep, and a lot more ROBOTS. So at least it's not ALL bad.

Gradumation!

I just accomplished something pretty big and am feeling a bit frazzled so I am blogging for a bit. What did I do? Today I finished ALL GRADES dinosaur museum field trip curriculum, including individual student booklets AND letters to teachers telling them how each activity ties to the Core. Basically, this is what I have been working toward since starting here. So, yeah, it may not sound it, but it's pretty major. Next step in the project is probably to make some pre and post trip activities for the teachers in their classrooms, but with summer and day camps coming, I may be focusing more on 4-H, Scouts, Robotics Camp (I am SOOOOO EXCITED FOR THAT!!!!), and developing the youth volunteer program with the day camps because, yeah, more pressing need.

Anyway, Granola Girl went and tagged me for this...

I am Kipluck.

I am BethAnn.

I am a girl.

I am a sister.

I am a daughter.

I am a girlfriend.

I am a good friend.

I am a Sugar Mama... it's not what you think.

I am a border-line vegetarian.

I am a Diabetic.

I am trying to be like Jesus, too.

I am happier when I am not thinking too much.

I am mentally ill.

I am a voracious learner.

I am a return missionary for the Church or Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

I sometimes struggle with that.

I am quiet and shy.

I am loud and over-confident.

I am funny. Sometimes.

I am an Aries (Greek/Roman? Whatever the "normal" zodiac is...) AND Year of the Ram (Chinese). Baaaa!

I am a bibliophile.

I am antsy in silence and usually have music on at all times.

I am moody.

I am dramatic.

I am impatient.

I am tired.

I am compulsive and sometimes scare myself.

I am idealistic and romantic... but not really in the roses and mushy stories way.

I am girthy. (and btw, I am totally loving the Fat Wonder Woman Blog)

I sometimes swear, drink caffeine, and am lazy.

I am good with animals and kids.

I am not so good with babies, human ones anyway.

I am creative.

I am a fairly good writer, but with terrible handwriting and spelling (but I use my spell checker all the time.)

I can spend hours just staring at my sugar gliders playing. They are, like, magical to me.

I am addicted to popcorn.

I am going to do clock back in. Peace out!

Oh... and I tag... you.*


*As I have been met with much objection when I have tagged in the past, YOU is, umm, whoever decides to be tagged.

Bleeding from the outside in would be... like... a Transfusion, wouldn't it?

Wow, the clouds are so pretty right now. They are BRILLIANT pink. I haven probably had a TV overload. I am watching the season finale of 24 right now. Before that the (tapes of) Scrubs, The Office, and Gilmore Girls.

At least I overloaded on GOOD TV. Hee hee! But, well, BAD TV has it's happy place, too. I am watching TV and an ad for some silly Made-for-TV suspense movie called Pandemic comes on. This guys gets sick and the doctor person says "It's like he bled from the inside out!" Ummm, people, we ALWAYS bleed from the inside out. You can't bleed from the outside in!

But then, I have recently been deciding the world is just full of bad writing. Case in point, margarine at Smith's grocery. HA!

I'm sorry but does that slogan sound a little weird to anyone else?! Like, "I don't know what it IS, but Butter it's NOT..."

Anyway, today was really really frustrating. I am trying to not bawl any more, though, so here goes the sunshine edited version...

First I met with my Psych and ended up crying a ton, because, that's what I DO when I have to talk about Depression stuff. However, he gave me a TON of assignments for the insomnia and said that 15 of 15 people who actually DID the assignments got into normal sleep in 8 weeks. The other 2 in his study didn't do the assignments.

So I have full intentions of being insomnia free by mid-July. And I will never again even take "how early does it start?" into consideration in career exploration! See how positive I am being?
He also told me I needed to go to regular appointments with another psychologist, like therapy and stuff. I haven't CALLED Dr. Apparently yet, but I will tomorrow. Because, well, THIS is not working. Whatever we want to call this.

So I will get an appointment with him soon. I hope he can help.

But I will tell you what I am pretty sure is NOT going to help... this OTHER counselor, a career counselor lady at Voc Rehab which was ALSO today. I only even WENT there because the Psych referred me to try out their program. I didn't want to go anyway. So FINE. Whatever. I don't care if she DOES ever get back to me. I left crying my head off and stayed crying much of the rest of the day.

I want to do this. I want to fix me. I want to stay happy awhile for a change.

I want...
to wake up at a normal time and go to SLEEP when I get in bed.
to be able to have a full-time job with benefits that I like as much as my part-time, $7/hour/ no benefits on at TGP that will, after all, be pretty much phased out once field trip season is over. I mean I can get hours here and there, but yeah, BLEH.
to be happy when things are happy and be able to HANDLE having a good relationship.
to control my blood sugar and not be diabetic!
to lose around 105 pounds, ideally.
to curb these constant headaches and just "get a headache" like a normal person!
to get all normal in my, uhh, SOUTHERN region and the hormonal crap that goes along with that junk.
to gain more flexibilty in my calves so I don't get Charlie Horses so much.
to be on meds that do more HELP than HARM! Grrr!
to be more financially independent... yeah, that's a LITTLE off-topic, but not much because all that makes a significant difference in how difficult THAT particular goal is to accomplish.

ANYWAY, as for the whole insomnia thing, one of those assignments besides a journal thingy to fill out is a very strict bedtime regardless of whether I SLEEP during it. SIGH. Not as hard as the OTHER end though... waking up at 7 am.

So, to that end, I am off to feed the babies and go to bed. :O/

Steph Infection?

I got in the car and honestly didn't even feel nauseous, but right as I was pulling up to Thanksgiving Point I went to swallow my meds and that was the straw that broke the camel's gag reflex and for no reason I just vomited all over inside my car. We are talking projectile all over the dash with no warning, like one of those scary demon babies. SO GROSS. So... ummm... apparently I am ill? Anyway, NOW I feel like crap. I called Rinny from the parking lot and am, at present, waiting for my clothes to wash at the Padres'. BLEH. VERY bad. So, ummm... survey?

1. Do you still talk to the person you LAST kissed?
Heck yes. (Because it's Fresno, after all.)

2. Have you ever seen your best friend cry?
Yes.

4. What is the last thing you ate?
Water. Tums.

5. Did you get any compliments today?
Well, I read an email that said I was awesome and adorable (See question #1) but none in person today.

6. Have you ever gone to court?
Yes, but just as a *witness* because my Jeep and identity got stolen.

7. Are you friends with your neighbors?
Some of them. I like The Nerds. They are a cool couple that fence and quote Monty Python and stuff. But the rest are basically elderly ladies who think The Roomie and I are either witches or lesbians. But even they are entertaining.

8. What languages does your mom speak?
Just English and Guilt.

9. Where have you lived throughout your life?


create your own personalized map of the USA
or check out ourCalifornia travel guide


10. What's the last piercings you got?
My... ummm... gall... bladder.

Yeah, okay, I have no REAL piercings, but I poke myself a lot with a stupid insulin pen?

11. When was the last time you drove more than 15 minutes?
Work this morning. Then right back again. What a waste of very expensive gas. SIGH.

13. Have you ever thrown up/passed out from drinking?
Nope.

14. Do you still have feelings for your ex?
Loathing is a feeling, isn't it? (Just kidding, "Ex" is a little hard to define anyway.)

15. Have you ever toilet papered someones house?
Yes, but I *also* helped clean it up later.

16. Have you ever had a crush on your sister's/brother's friend?
My sybs have HORRIBLE taste in friends. So, no definitely not.

17. Have you ever gone to a beach?
Well, YEAH. I *heart* the beach!

18. Have you ever had a stalker?
Well, I had this guy tell me that I was not listening to the SPIRIT if I didn't get rid of my gliders, quit my job at MyFamily.com and move to Ogden to date him. Then he wouldn't stop writing or calling. So, maybe not, like, dangerous stalker, but highly ANNOYING stalker.

19. Do you remember your music teacher's names?
I really really suck at names. If I heard the names I'd recognize them. I never took a lot of music. There was some intro to music with some man teacher I had a crush on in 7th grade, some poor lady choir teacher who ended up having a nervous breakdown when I was in 9th(?), and then nothing until Music for Elementary School Teachers in college with that professor who wrote the text book and therefore thought she was god's gift to education.

20. How good is your eyesight?
BAD. 20/400 in one eye, a little worse in the other (astigmatism). Legally blind.

21. Have you ever gone to a party?
Is it just me? That really seems incomplete. I mean, umm, YES, obviously I have BEEN TO A PARTY. Shouldn't this be like "Have you ever gone to a party on a cruise ship?" or "Have you ever gone to a party you weren't invited to?"

"My name is Trevor. I am a vampire and"

22. Would you ever swim with the sharks?
Yes! You know, properly protected and such. But I really REALLY want to swim with dolphins. "Glovey!"

23. What would you say if I told you I was in love with your brother?
I would say "figures." and hope you were 1. cool enough and 2. close to his age.

24. Have you ever been out of your country?
Just Mexico. And Texas sometimes felt like it. But SOMEDAY, dang it all, I WILL!!!

25. Have you seen your best friend naked?
My Meggers and I are cousins and grew up like sisters, including *blush* baths. So in her case, yeah.

26. What's the best wedding you've been to?
I dunno. I loved Megan's wedding to St. Jake because I can't imagine her marrying a more awesome guy. OH NO, okay the BEST was still Parker's because we are in the TEMPLE and it was STILL so very very HIM he was ARGUING with the sealer. "when you look into the mirrors, what do you see?" "Millions and millions... OF CHANDELIERS." And also it was amusing to see to what depths Parker's mom, MommyDearest hatred reached for me. Awww... FRINGE!

27. Would your parents be mad if you got suspended for fighting?
HA! Yes. Unless I really did have justification, I think they might understand. They have seen my side (well, MOM has, anyway) before on that (I DID get sent to the principal's office for it a couple times, but never really suspended, by the way)

28. Where are your siblings right now?
My sister is at Thanksgiving Point (where I should be) teaching a Boy Scout class on Citizenship in the World. My brother is in Cuneo, Italy teaching the *Gospel* TO the World.

29. What's the last dream you can remember?
Last night's was yucky, weird, and STUPID and involved my friend Gilch turning anti-Mormon and selling church materials he had marked with arguments on eBay and Mali randomly trashing the Roomie's garden and BoyKid was in Mexico getting an operation? It is sort of funny and silly now, but this morning it just felt... ugh.

30. Who was the last person that called you?
Mom. Texted-wise was CC.

31. What time did you wake up this morning?
7:30 am *dies*

32. What are you doing this weekend?
Apparently throwing up. :O( HOPEFULLY, *also* talking to Fresno...
going through some boxes (keep/FreeCycle/eBay)...
taking a nice girly bath...
AND watching the (recorded) season finale of The Office and *SNIFF* the SERIES finale of Gilmore Girls.

33. What does the 4th text message on your phone say and who?
4th from top or 4th from bottom?
From the bottom it is "Can we have it next week? Sorry my life has been crazy lately :) " - Sally, RS chick in charge of a meeting we were supposed to have about Compassionate service. From the top it is "Yeah but [TheBoy] got sick after I saw HIM. Wacky." - CC, who apparently *carries* deadly diseases but does not CATCH them.

34. When was the last time you were really sick and where?
3 freaking hours ago in my Jeep. :OP

35. Who's the last celebrity you touched?
I don't know if they are really CELEBRITIES. I shake hands with a lot of people in plays.

36. What's in your back pocket?
Probably lint?

37. Do you wear colored contacts?
I don't even wear clear ones!

38. What were you doing at 4am this morning?
trying to sleep so I could wake up.

39. What do you usually do first in the morning?
look at the clock and panic.

40. What are you going to do after this?
Sort some boxes while I am at the Padres, but at least I may watch some recorded Offices and Gilmore Girls(es?)... while doing so.

Cat Empire and Gerbil Torture

FRIDAY FRIDAY FRIDAY!

So, Fridays aren't usually as exciting when you not only work Saturdays, but work an extra long day... in the sun... teaching wild and crazy boy scouts. But it WAS rather Friday-ish. For one thing, even though I was writing 8th grade curriculum (ugh... WAY too close to my own skill level to be fun or effective!) most of the day we kept giggling at the pageant ladies next door and quoting Miss Congeniality all day. ALSO because Rinny needed to leave early to a meeting with some chocolate guy we met at this Show to try and get us some cocoa beans and plants and such for our field trips, *I* got to leave early, too! So I was driving home when CC called to play! YAY!

She drove to my house and brought me my birthday present! She gave me Trivial Pursuit: Totally 80s AND a card game called Big Fish Little Fish. And if you are thinking SHE is late, well, consider I gave her her CHRISTMAS present, what, a week ago? hee hee hee!

Anyway, we drove around, went bead shopping (including some that I intend to make into a very awesome necklace that look like... uhh... PEACH PITS(?)... hee hee hee!), laughed at people who try to shop at Target after closing, and had diet Limeades at Sonic while listening to CC's fantastically eclectic tunes. (Hey, and CC, don't forget to give me Cupcake's rejects!)

OH, and we saw SUCH a cool car! Seriously, new cars... MEH. I *HEART* OLD STUFF. Especially with their eyes closed. Yes, I over anthropomorphize cars. Hee hee hee hee hee!

Then we came back to the house and played with (ie: mildly traumatized) my gerbil, Boo for awhile. Don't worry. She'll get over it. Hee hee!

It was a good night. THANKS, CC!

The one bad thing is I realized I missed a call from Fresno and I am sure he is asleep and he sounded pretty bummed because we haven't really talked in so long, like almost a whole week. So I will email him before heading to bed and try to cheer him up with firmed up travel plans and... umm... pictures of me in pimp hats? Hee hee?

"My parents don't like anything ostentatious. And they really don't like fire. "

So, it sort of sounds like there is a stampede outside the office. Not that I have HEARD a stampede, but what I imagine one sounds like. And, being as we are technically on a farm, I guess that IS possible. But it would just be Daisy, Oreo, the Jersey twins (Jake and T-Bone) and the Holstein twins... can 6 cattle really BE a stampede? But either way, the reason for the tumult is actually a wicked sounding DUST STORM! And any minute Rinny and I are going OUT in it to get ready for the insect class "What's Bugging You?" Yay?

I have to say one thing about working at Thanksgiving Point... it is rarely BORING. Guess what is going on in the barn? (where our office is) MISS SENIOR UTAH (as in the running for THIS? (and also, maybe Mrs. United States?) That is right, Grandmas are in there wearing CROWNS. And if you know ANYTHING about my little sister you know that crowns and princess (of ANY age, apparently) are big to her. So when she SAW this lady walking around near the water tower with, yes, a tiara, looking lost my starstruck little sister raced to her aid.

And the princess yelled at her!

"Where the hell is the red barn?!" and went on and on. IT WAS AWESOME. It was pretty much like Snow White or Cinderella screaming at her, because that is how Rinny saw her. She seriously looked crestfallen. I am evil, but it is was SO FREAKING FUNNY.

Anyway, I will write later. I am off to teach butterflies with macaroni.

SO, several pasta and pimp hats later, the bug class is over. *grins*

I once was asked by a student "Why are you big?" Assuming, naturally,l that they meant FAT, but in a better mood than the time when the kid asked me if I had a baby in my tummy and I told her not unless I ate it *guilt* I started to cheerfully say that some people were bigger than others and blah blah blah when he stopped me and said "no, how come you are big and you are COLORING?"

Yeah. Sometimes I take liberties with my right to make "examples" during class because dang it all, I WANT TO PLAY, TOO. The kids are not quite sure if I am really a teacher or just a really weird classmate. ANYWAY, I say that because this was so one of those days. The Roomie better have room on the fridge because *we* colored.
AND made squirt-paint-on-one-side-and-fold-in-half-butterflies. Very Rorschach, no? Hee hee!

We talked about bees, mostly, though, because we have a hive in the classroom (never could find the queen though.). I LOVE that classroom, though. I wish we were at the Children's discovery Garden more often instead of the Farm. I mean, hello, look at those clouds with jewel rain that I must someday use to decorate my ceiling at home?! Plus, I discovered a box of dress ups. NOT bug related (especially as, to ME, they appear to all be PIMP hats, but STILL, it meant time to take a few photos of myself for your entertainment! Ha!)*Maybe I'm my own Silver Living?*

Anyway, back to the actual CLASS (because I did all that goofing around BEFORE class) when we were bug-hunting I found the coolest thing! Granted the kids were looking in the grass, but I admit I was drawn to the pond... and found the weirdest little underwater critter and I still don't know what he is. I took it home and would love to learn more.

Expecto Depressio!

Some days are better than others.

This week has not had those so far.

I am having major medicine issues.
And idiot doctors.
And lost my tax check and can't get help.
And am going to be starting stupid vocational rehabilitation.
And just in general CAN'T HANDLE much of ANYTHING right now.

It has has better MOMENTS though, when I am NOT crying.

Like when Sarah came with her kiddlet's preschool class Monday! It was so fun to see her and she is awesome and she is going to be famous, I am telling you. (More famous than she is. hee hee!) I love when people I know come to my work!
And today's Harry Potter-themed class, Owls, Potions, and Spells was very funny.

But other than that, I am sort of not stable so I won't write right now.

REALLY tired of crying.

PG-13... so now you know!

Your Life is Rated PG-13

Your life isn't totally scandalous, but you definitely don't shy away from adult themes!

What is Your Life Rated?

Your brain: 60% interpersonal, 160% visual, 160% verbal, and 20% mathematical!

Congratulations on being 400% smart! Actually, on my test, everyone is. The above score breaks down what kind of thinking you most enjoy doing. A score above 100% means you use that kind of thinking more than average, and a score below 100% means you use it less. It says nothing about how good you are at any one, just how interested you are in each, relatively. A substantial difference in scores between two people means, conclusively, that they are different kinds of thinkers.

Matching Summary: Each of us has different tastes. Still, I offer the following advice, which I think is obvious:

1. Don't date someone if your interpersonal percentages differ by more than 80%.
   
2. Don't be friends with someone if your verbal percentages differ by more than 100%.
   
3. Don't have sex with someone if their math percentage is over 200%

Link: The 4-Variable IQ Test written by chriscoyne on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

The Priss Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLD) Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss. Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy. These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards. Your exact female opposite: The Playstation Random Gentle Sex Master You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing. ALWAYS AVOID: The Playboy (RGSM), The Loverboy (RGLM) CONSIDER: The Manchild (RBLD) Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating. My profile name: : Kipluck77

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

>Spider-Man 90% Green Lantern 85% Hulk 80% Superman 80% Robin 65% Catwoman 65% Supergirl 63% Wonder Woman 58% The Flash 50% Iron Man 45% Batman 40%

You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

http://www.thesuperheroquiz.com/
Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

You Are 7 Up

Understated and subtle, people warm up to you slowly. But once they're hooked, they can't imagine going back to anyone else! Your best soda match: Diet Coke Stay away from: Mountain Dew

What Kind of Soda Are You?

You Are a Tulip

You have a wild, experimental side that craves change. You often switch jobs and lovers, always looking for something better. But deep down, you're also very well grounded and content. And you will come to know that the life you live is already ideal.

What Flower Are You?