But sometimes seeing bright spots just means you are having a stroke or something...

You know how Friday was the 13th? Well, it has kind of, like, STUCK or something.

I know, I am not technically superstitious. However, this week has just been sort of pissing me off, and this weekend was the poisoned icing on the poop flavored cake. First of all, I am a nerd. I don't think anyone really denies that. Unfortunately I am just a NERD, not a smart geek, so that means I like/depend on/LIVE on the computer but without the skills to fix stuff. So when I suddenly had no service starting, like Thursday I think it was, I got more than a little panicked. However, I am also working like crazy with day camps so I don't get HOME during very convenient "trouble shooting hours." So I have not had access to the net for DAYS and FINALLY get on the phone with "Ted" from Qwest Customer Quick Care Technical Support because that is what my computer diagnoser thingy said to do. (I am PRETTY sure Ted is NOT her real name, but I think she should have had a little more guidance on picking a pseudonym for talking to American customers so that she didn't have a weird BOY name, but that isn't the point.) She didn't find out much, after being on the phone with me for about half an hour, but some of that was probably... ummm... communication difficulties.

I really REALLY hate this about myself but I become a little more racist every time I have to talk to customer support. It's not their fault. Companies make the decision to outsource like that. But it is just really really frustrating.

Anyway, it ended with Ted saying she would send me out a technician the next day (today... Sunday) and that if they just checked outside the house and found the solution it would cost me nothing. But that if he needed to come in, it would be my decision, but it would be 90-100 bucks. I didn't really want to skip church for this, and was feeling guilty so I asked when it would be. She said she would check and then came back to tell me it would be between 8 am and 5 pm. Okay, to ME, THAT is not a TIME. That is a WORK DAY. But I am desperate. So, sinner that I am, today I stayed home from Church today with a sick... COMPUTER.

At least the Technician guy was really nice when he got there. But wasn't able to fix it. And then HE called tech support (and had to call the same number... how is THAT fair) and it SOUNDED like HE had to talk to Ted. And he got off the phone very frustrated as well. But at least he seemed like he really did do his best. (but DID come inside, and so I admit I may throw a fit if I get charged $100 for that...) But in the end they said it was a problem with my OTHER ISP actually BLOCKING me. (Net[Worst-in-the]World) My guess is that my subscription is up. But that they only have said so via email... THEIR email... that I have never used and can't check as it has never worked. And all their tech support, customer support, EVERYTHING... is closed except Monday through Friday from 9 to 5. When *I'm* at work. Which since I assume they want me AT the computer at the time, I can't really do on a break.

So, yeah. Kinda screwed.

Also, personally. I am worried. I am worried that "trying harder" just will not be enough. And that I am going to lose Fresno. I haven't heard from him in AWHILE and it is making me nervous. We may have talked a short time Wednesday, I think. But on Friday I called and left a message he never returned. Saturday I sent a Text. Today I will (finally (dumb internet. Not FIXED but now I am at the padres for a bit)) email. And call again.

The thing that ticks me off is that NORMALLY I would SO not consider a few DAYS reason to worry. Except that HE does. And that after breaking up, well, I am a little gun shy.

Also because I have recently been worried about "us" anyway. And feeling the whole hopeless "what is the point, he is going to eventually decide he's fed up with me anyway" feeling. I have been feeling that lately even WHEN things are supposedly good. So when things AREN'T for sure it intensifies. I don't know that it's a premonition or the Depression... or something in the middle. But that's what's up with me and Fresno right now.

On the other hand, last night I had a really FUN dream with him in it. It was really sad to wake up. SIGH.

Another thing that, even though this is really REALLY stupid, has my heart on edge is that my friend Pepper's little sister just sent me a wedding invite. That's not the reason (even though sometimes those DO make you a little more heartsick), though. This is dumb, but it's the picture that is bringing up a lot of stressful memories. Her fiance looks like TexasBoy. EXACTLY like him. I do NOT miss him... but seeing "him" makes me all scared that Fresno will become like him to some... to ANY... extent. I know that is neither logical nor fair to Fresno. But it is what pops into my head when I look at that stupid wedding announcement. SIGH. STUPID STUPID STUPID.

At least Threadless ROCKS. Just FYI.

There WERE BRIGHT SPOTS however, and I kind of have been forgetting them. For one thing CC is so awesome she actually came down to help me cut 100 yarn manes and tie 1oo rope bridles for 100 stick horses to be made for Family Night at the Farm this Monday. I am skipping it (got a sub. The new girl, BoPeep, who, I am ashamed to say has NO idea of the hell she is in for with this particular activity...) to go to my Family Reunion and (hopefully) go river rafting (just tubing, really) with Squall and any other relatives that aren't pissing me off at the moment. RINNY will ALSO be missing work that day... but for a long day of FILMING with Kirby Heyborne in the Dirty Little Secret and HOPEFULLY come up to the reunion for a LITTLE to rescue me. We'll see.

CC and I talked and tied and cut (and complained about how things SHOULD be run but aren't) and sat until we had done ALL the bridles and almost all the manes and the farm was closed for the day. Anyway for CC's AWESOME service to TGP and mostly Me I treated her to a movie and we went shopping in AF and she bought Old Navy shirts and tried to talk me into it, too. I would have. They WERE cute. I just wish the places they were slightly tightish were because I was "broad where a broad should be broad" but they aren't. I felt way not cute enough for that store. (their REAL plus size stuff has been moved EXCLUSIVELY online. SIGH.)

Maybe someday.

But we went to Ratatouille and it was SO FUN! Funny and very well done and just GOOD! BRAVO, Brad Bird!

GO SEE RATATOUILLE. If you have any sense of humor, chances are, you will love it. It is excellent. Well, in my opinion anyway. Hee hee hee!

Aaaand as much as I hate to leave net access again and go home to my messy house to clean it and stuff, my Padre and I are NOT getting along right now (me being here all day is not helping) and absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Sometimes.

At least between dads and daughters who sometimes can't stand each other. SIGH.

Tah! :OP