Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Stumbling Blocks ~ Stepping Stones

What if I Stumble - D.c. Talk

[the greatest single cause of atheism in the world today
Is christians who acknowledge jesus with their lips
Then walk out the door and deny him by their lifestyle.
That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.]

What if I stumble?
What if I fall?

Is this one for the people?
Is this one for the lord?
Or do I simply serenade for things I must afford?
You can jumble them together, my conflict still remains
Holiness is calling, in the midst of courting fame

Cause I see the trust in their eyes
Though the sky is falling
They need your love in their lives
Compromise is calling

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You never turn in the heat of it all
What if I stumble, what if I fall?

Father please forgive me for I can not compose
The fear that lives within me
Or the rate at which it grows
If struggle has a purpose
On the narrow road you've carved
Why do I dread my trespasses will leave a deadly scar

Do they see the fear in my eyes?
Are they so revealing?
This time I cannot disguise
All the doubt Im feeling

(repeat chorus)

What if I stumble?
Everyones got to crawl when you know that
Youre up against a wall, its about to fall
Everyones got to crawl when you know that (2x)

I hear you whispering my name [you say]
My love for you will never change [never change]

(repeat chorus 2x)

What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You never turn in the heat of it all
What if I stumble, what if I fall?
You are my comfort, and my god

Is this one for the people, is this one for the lord?

Today, the Anniversary of 9-11, was not as bad as I thought it would be. Flags were flown and Mom and I talked about Brady on the way to the pool. But other than that I kept busy, avoided the TV in case there were specials, and went shoe shopping (BLEH!).

So that was my day of general avoidance of the subject. It's not anti-patriotic, you understand. It is a matter of self preservation and not curling up and crying with no help from my Celexa. I am proud of our country. I love America. I love those who serve it, whether as soldiers or civilians like Brady. But I just can't handle that much thinking today. Thank goodness it's over. I am ready to get on with this week about now.

Well, except for the whole, you know, rest of the week. Hee hee! I am NOT so ready for my classes. They are not going well, nor is the job search and I am in a fair amount of Debt. But I really WANT to succeed. So I will keep attempting my homework without breaking down into tears, and may even need to hire a tutor.

Right now, work-wise, I am just trying to find something to DO... but I am trying to really find something, like the sign language I am studying, to BE, if that makes any sense. I need a purpose. I don't feel like I have anything right now.

So... at least tonight... "I wanna be an ASL Interpreter when I grow up!"

Yeah. Other than that, well, there is trying to get my life under control with better health, Prayer and faith, FlyLady organization goals, and... I should be going to bed now. Blasted Insomnia.


1 comment:

  1. Ahem... Do you need help with the ASL? I'm a bit rusty, but I think I'm pretty decent! I'd love to get together sometime.

    Also, I just wanted to add that I've been reading your posts, and I want you to know that I totally feel ya on all you've been going through lately. I absolutely ADORE you, and I think you're one awesome woman. In fact, I listened to the cd you made for my baby three times this past weekend and I still maintain it was one of my all-time *favorite* baby shower gifts received. I can tell there is a lot of love in that mix cd.

    And further... I don't know if you know this, but there was a blurb on the news about Brady this evening and I could just tell that he is the perfect person to have as your guardian angel. There is no doubt in my mind that he's with you far more often than you know.

    I love you lots!!