Panic but No Disco

I am over at the Padres because I thought my little brother was going to be ordained an Elder in our church tonight and I wanted to be there. Unfortunatley, they had to reschedule. But oh well.

It is so weird. Things are happening a lot in my family right now. My little baby brother is going off to Brigham Young University and preparing to serve a mission for the church after one semester. My little sister just got her reccomendation to be able to go through the Temple.

Whereas I am trying to go BACK to college after a few years to a local community college and didn't even make it to church today. I am feeling more than a little bested, I suppose. Petty, I know. SIGH.

On LDSLinkUp, one of my friends, Thai, has been talking about changes. Man, are there a lot of them lately! But the thing is, I am feeling like all of the changes are for good... but nothing is HAPPENING. I am changing all kinds of things about myself with health, school, attempting to get a dang job.... but I have no RESULTS. I am not really healthier. I am nervous about school. And I have no job and no money and unfortunatley, plenty of bills. There are so many things I *want* to change... but I want results... I feel f l o a t i n g and stagnant and generally not doing so well Depression-wise.

Blargh.

However, on the bright side this week should be fun as long as I am well enought to do so! Monday and Tuesday are probably church things that I do not know about since I didn't go to church again this week. But chances are I wouldn't go anyway. But Wednesday one of my bestest friends, Coats, is coming south to play! She is semi-dating a boy! His name is Bill! He lives in Sandy, and so that rocks for me as that is even more enticement for her to make northward treks through Orem! WooHoo! She freaking CRACKS ME UP that one.

Then Thursday we are going to UrineTown in Park City which should be either hilarious or hilariously bad.

Friday is, well, nothing yet, but maybe I can play with Megan or something. Or hang out at home with the critters. Or whatever. But Saturday is our friend, Stewbert's bridal shower being thrown by Colorchrome. I haven't got her present yet... need to figure that out. (and not post it here, cuz dude she can read it!) And After the shower Dirt and Heatherbella, 2 other friends are having an awesome classic movie night watching Arsenic and Old Lace which is one of my favorite plays so I imagine the movie should rock.

And Sunday I will go to church. I WILL. Even though it is changing to an earlier time, I WILL. And I will be cured of insomnia because school starts Wednesday the next week and my class is at 8:30 am and if I am not cured I am screwed and I am terrified and I am babbling and I really really need some direction and purpose in life and a career goal to work towards besides a job which I also need because oh my hell I owe so much money and just paid for school on a credit card and still haven't paid the power bill yet and I really need SOME job but also a career goal because I am not exactly thinking my life with be marriage and family anytime soon so I damn well better have a good job at least so I am successful on some level and I am going to stop typing now because I am feeling more and more screwed as we speak... errr... type. Stop. STOP. STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can somebody stop the world? I wanna get off.