Sunday, September 23, 2007

That's so Suet of you, Walrus...

Ummm... The Animal in You quiz is pretty accurate, but not very FLATTERING.

Genera and species: Odobenus rosmarus
Collective Term: A suet of walrus

These superficially benign individuals are usually easy to recognize. When you think of walruses, think of those large people sunning their perfectly rounded bellies at the beach. Or just think of Wilford Brimley. Either way, the walrus is that ruddy uncle at the family reunion, who dispenses charm and off-color jokes like donuts.

Aah donuts! Walruses have an unrelenting sweet tooth and a weakness for home cooking, and though they might seem comfortable with their roly-poly physiques -- one shouldn't overdo the teasing. Underneath that thick skin is a surprisingly sensitive spirit. But still, it's difficult to embarrass a walrus. Nothing in life is taken so seriously that it cannot be laughed at. Its infectious love for life contaminates everyone who has unprotected encounters with this hearty beast.

Walruses are not to be trifled with however, and as good-natured as they appear, they can be cantankerous and aggressive when slighted. Mostly however, their bark is worse than their bite and their big-hearted natures soon reassert themselves.

Although it is accustomed to large groups of people, the walrus is self-contained and respects the privacy of others. It is happiest when surrounded by the comforts of home and feels little need to travel far afield. For all their carefree mannerisms, walruses are dependable and forthright, and people are attracted to their consistent and predictable personalities. A walrus friend can always be counted on to dish out a loan or lend a hand.

Walruses don't shower their lovers with gifts, but communicate their feelings with demonstrative hugs and sloppy kisses instead. Their biggest asset is their hearty laugh; a generous, deep-bellied guffaw that can disarm even the most cynical, and with such an engaging disposition it's easy to see why walruses are so effective in their social lives. In the bedroom, the assessment is not quite so encouraging. With their belief that affection can substitute for physical contact, they tend to be lazy and indifferent to their partners' sexual needs.

Walruses not natural communicators and prefer to let their actions speak for themselves. But when pushed to disclose their feelings, they will reveal the naked truth. When they've achieved closeness with that special someone, they throw open the hatches and reveal a genuinely loving soul.

Careers and Hobbies
Food inspector Store manager
Government worker Actor

Watching TV Babysitting
Dinner parties Playing cards

Famous Walruses
Drew Carey, Roseanne Barr, Wilford Brimley, Boris Yeltsin