would you like some cheese with my whine?

I am feeling a little better (physically), though, at least, thanks to a WHOLE lot of Lemon Theraflu and books (finished Eclipse last night. Good book, but now I am needing the NEXT and THIS one just came out. SIGH.) and a fair amount of feeling doped up and exhausted all the time... oh and waisting a lot of time goofing around on Gaia.

As for... the boy... I don't know if I said the right thing.

Hey [Fresno],

I will have to see that movie. It sounded interesting (And I like Beatrix Potter).

I want to be able to talk and be friends. I have missed that, a lot. But I am still having a hard time with it all and it still just hurts to get emails from you. It takes a lot for me to fall for somebody, you know?

I hope I will get to that time, I just don't know how long it will be. For now, I don't think I can. I am not over you yet.

Sorry,


[Kipluck]

I *just* sent it, like 20 seconds ago, so I am already questioning. I mean, I have thought about it a lot. And prayed, too. I basically prayed "I am going to tell him I can't talk to him. If I am wrong please tell me!" I got nothing... so... hopefully I am not being stupid.

My heart hurts so much right now.

The doctor told me not to work this week, but I can't get out of tomorrow, it's SCOUTS. But at least it will be something not in the house and, in theory, not related to Fresno. Thinking about him hurts and he pops into my thoughts ALL THE TIME. It is NOT fair.

Anyway, I will write more later. I need to lay down again. BLEH.

Well, it's later. I don't feel better.

I am coughing more. I am DREADING the early morning the begins with boy scouts. And I am sick over Fresno, but not even sick like "oh I should have said" because if I WAS I would write again. I am no closer to the "right" thing to say than before. I just know I wish we hadn't ever met if this is how my life was going to feel from now on.

Goodnight. I am going to feed the babies and take more gaggy lemonade so I might sleep.