Friday, August 3, 2007

Not much of a FlyBaby, but...

Last night I fed the babies and left my house crying hard again. My mom asked me about 4 times yesterday if, with all my depression if I was going to do anything (hurt myself or anything). No. No I am not. That is not the way *I* function, not even at my worst... I am more likely to STOP doing things and just sleep all the time than anything else. But I am taking my meds still, most of the time. Anyway, she kept asking and asking and asked if I would stay the night and I said no but finally got tired of the Roomie's date going on and agreed.

Besides that, Mom and I had plans previously to maybe go to the FlyLady at the Highland Fling. I wasn't so sure I felt up to it, really. But I slept at the parents. Okay, by SLEPT, I meant more of crying and tossing and turning and occasionally reading (presently I am reading Bridget Jones's Diary which is a very entertaining book (even thought I have to say, as a warning for the swear-sensitive, it's not that she even uses a variety OF swearwords. She just tacks the f-word ONTO every thing. Like instead of saying something is retarded, it is f***tarted. ) thus far.). But once again, it somehow became morning again.

And, somehow, I went with my mom to the FlyFest and I *am* glad I went even though I am still struggling with a hundred things (one of which is a killer headache) and having a shiny sink does not exactly seem high up there on the importance scale.

However, Marla Cilley (THE FlyLady) was great. She was very real and very funny and sweet and made good points. A lot of reminders about perfectionism and clutter and of course F.L.Y. (Finally Loving Yourself) and using your talents and things to BLESS people instead of hording them. (She is a very good Christian). Also there, but more announcing than performing was was Amy Benson Lacey but she only sang her very cheesy I'm Flying... PAINFULLY CHEESY. But my mom really likes her churchy stuff. But the real music there was Eric Dodge. I am NOT a country fan, but he was pretty dang good (the When I Was Your Age song was really cute) and hey, he's a friend of a friend, too!

Anyway, it was good and could be applied to A LOT more than just housework or even "body clutter" even though both are pretty important. But other little stuff about what is going on in my heart and mind. It was odd like that. Yay. At least some things are happy.

I am still struggling. A LOT. I spend the majority of my time crying, still. But today I spent 4 hours not crying. That's improvement. I am back to crying now. But STILL. I didn't cry ALL day. Not all day. And I am doodling just for fun here. And eating some chicken. And wishing I wasn't crying anymore.


But I am grateful to good friends, a good mom, and ridiculousness of Gaia and such. Talking to silly people. Turning off my brain awhile. Wish I could do that more permanently.

1 comment:

  1. *HUGS!* Sounds like we have both are a hard time. I' so sorry! You will make it!