Tuesday, October 3, 2006

You and Me, Charlie.

Is it just my perception? I have been home sick with this horrible headache so long now... I have been seeing way more TV now, more News than usual... is that why?

Or is it really true that *suddenly* there have been a school shooting nearly everyday? It seems like Columbine was such NEWS... such a horrible thing, but something unique, shocking, memorable. But it seems now (to me, but maybe it has been a long time, and it is just my change in TV habit that makes this seem remarkable?) it happens all the time. Not remarkable.
Like they would say

"...and today's school shooting was..."

What is going on?!

It's starting to feel like the most dangerous place you can be these days is at school. I am watching the news right now about an Amish school shooting (and actually thinking about how they decided who would agree to be interviewed about it and if they got in trouble or if their elders and such made an exception under the circumstances).

Somehow, it made me even sadder than usual because I have such respect for people with such devotion to their faith, well, and also it just seems somehow meaner to let all the little boys and grown ups escape and kill all the little girls.

Okay, fine, I s'pose that shouldn't feel worse. It is still HORRIBLE. But, umm... *blush* ya know... *I* was a little girl. hee hee!

I don't know.

I guess I am having a hard time being happy right now. And it is not just School Shootings (not that children dying violent deaths or being frightened all over the world isn't sad enough!)... in fact it's much more selfish than that. And I feel PERSONALLY sad about the school shootings... like bad for myself about other peoples tragedy! It's ridiculous. It's selfish. But it is pathetically true. But I just am SAD.

I *COULD* blame Depression in general, and I am sure it would be true. But more than anything, it is this headache. This headache that has lasted more than a week.

Not headaches all week... one headache, all week, dizziness, can't go to school, can't drive, very sick, can't diagnose, can't THINK,
HEADACHE! I have been to the regular doctor about it 3 times, then ended up at the ER on Saturday, which leads me to tomorrow (well, it is 2 am, so ummm Today, but either way that is actually a miracle of sorts because the next available 1st appointment is the end of February!). I am going to a Neurologist. I know I shouldn't be scared.

But I am.

p.s. one GOOD thing about feeling sick as can be. Looks like I have lost almost 10 lbs and have reached an almost ALL-TIME LOW! This is the least I have weighed as an adult for at least 7 years!

p.p.s. Hmmm... So, Pet Semetary might be a bad movie to start at 3 am when I am Sad and Nervous... though on the other hand it *seems* cheesy enough it may be okay, and I am sure not *tired* and well, it's on, so we'll see.

p.p.p.s. I hate insomnia.

p.p.p.p.s. I should probably do at least a little homework, even though I won't be able to go to class tomorrow and knows when I WILL... instead of endlessly blogging. *Sigh*

Good Night, Y'all.


  1. Neurologists *sound* scary, but really it's a good thing. If it means finding out what is wrong and what they can do to FIX all this for you, then it is worth it.

    Also, it's not just you about the school shootings. It's all of a sudden. Like, one happened and then a bunch of other idiots decided that it sounded like a really good idea. It makes me really sad when I think about it. Jesse had to sit there and listen to me cry about it last night actually. Just thinking about those children... and especially the ones who lived and have to live with the scars of that day forever.... and the parents of those children. How do you explain something like that to a child???

    I'm really affected by it, too. I don't think that makes us weird. It makes us human.

  2. love you! I hope that things went well... I'm sorry I'm too busy to write realy, supportive comments or anything like that... like a good friend. But you're in my prayers.

  3. Hope you're feeling better.

    Oh and most of the individuals that have been interviewed up in Lancaster County are mennonite--they belong to a less strict congregation.

  4. ruby g,

    I was *wondering* if they might be Mennonite!

    On a (sort of) related note, the most beautiful boy in the entire world happens to be a Mennonite boy riding a Tractor in Jamesport.

  5. Man...I haven't really been paying attention to the news (my schedule is so crap right now I don't have time for anything but work and school) so I had no idea about those shootings.

    I have this selfish thought...do I really want to be a teacher? It is scary and it is sad that children are killing children. Just this week I've had to resolve several violent squabbles (though not at ALL to the same degree) that have emerged in my classes. It is...hard, and sad.

    I meant to tell you that I ran into your mom the other day. She seemed to be doing rather well, which made me happy. I'm sorry you are feeling so crummy still. I am praying for you! *hugs*