Tuesday, October 17, 2006

the *only* thing good was gilmore girls

I have had a very hard day today, starting very very early. 2 am, even. I wrote about it in my other blog, but to say little, Latte, my sweet little gerbil (which Stewie and colorchrome know well) Latte died in my hands early this morning and I buried her. I cried a lot.

Then I dreamed. HORRIBLE dreams.. I dreamed she was Diego... then Plice... then a real human Baby and I was burying a human baby in my bushes and screaming "I am so sorry, my baby! I am a bad mommy!" I woke up screaming that a few times, but I didn't sleep much.

Is it silly to grieve so deeply over a Gerbil? Maybe. But I guess I feel I never grieve for one thing only anyway. It seems like every death is just that... EVERY death. Every sadness that is or was or will be or may be... a lot for one dead gerbil to bear, I guess... but that's what it seemed. Sigh.

So it has been a hard day all over. My head has been out of control (crying all night would be terrible for ANY head abut for killer headache 2006?), and I am so scared that although I could find NOTHING wrong with Latte (besides, ummm... DEATH), there COULD be, that I have been SANITIZING everything that may come between
her and Boo... or WORSE...

the Gliders. If anything happened to my sugar babies... I know I could not handle it.

Other than that... well, I went down to the church tonight to talk to my bishop. I only got into his counselor, but still, yeah, THAT was... interesting... huh.

On the social front, I think that if a boy insists on being cute and being nice to me he needs to own a computer. Not occasionally borrow his roommate's. Own his own. Because it takes a long time to get messages when you are a break in a roommates' own online misadventures. That really isn't fair to the girl who is getting the niceness, of which is pretty freaking RARE in her not-so-girly-girl life. Grrrr...

And tomorrow... Tests. *shudder* Wish me luck.


  1. oh babe - I'm so sorry.... I am so so so so sorry. I don't know what to say really. I love you. I hope that your tests went/are going all right.

  2. Me too, BethAnn!

    What a very sad post. I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of one of your babies. :(

  3. Oh, kip, I'm sorry, too. I told you we'd lost ours, too, and Lark cried and cried and cried, and told me she'd loved them just as much as me and daddy. and when I told her about yours, she got really upset again. :( It's not silly to grieve something or someone or somegerbil you love. :(