Wednesday, February 6, 2008

"but I see things getting better! Why don't you?"

Well I heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
she tied you to her kitchen chair
And she broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well baby I've been here before
I know this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew ya
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you?
And remember when I moved in you?
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who'd out drew ya
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah


I am pretty sure despite what the x-rays didn't show my ankle is not just sprained. Because if it was, I could put SOME weight on this left foot, and I wouldn't be sleeping at the Padre's house, and I wouldn't have screamed SHUT UP at my dad today and he and Mom would not have argued over what it means that I have Depression, AGAIN, and I wouldn't have bawled for half an hour in the bathroom, and I would be playing with my gliders before bed instead of missing them so bad I could scream.

I am not... coping so very well. Depression is hard. It's harder when you randomly find yourself unable to walk.

My mom told me she recently has felt things are going to get better. That she has "seen" me healthier, working, happy, and making new friends. I want to believe her. But *I* sure haven't "seen," "felt," etc. anything of the sort. But then, 1. I am not mentally well, and do NOT always see things as they are right now and 2. Moms. You know, they have that whole Mom-sense.

But still... yeah.

2 comments:

  1. I've seen it too...what your mom has seen.

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  2. Oh, that is SUCH a cute picture. :) No worries, I won't carry my baby that way.

    And while I haven't seen that, I hope for it every day. Love you BA. Hugs.

    ReplyDelete