Deerly Departed

Today has been... highly emotional. I saw my neurologist and that was okay. She gave me more samples of Lyrica since going DOWN on the dosage made the side pain get worse so my new Internist, "Dr. Kovac" from ER, had me go up on it again and my insurance has yet to approve it. So that appointment wasn't too bad.

But on our way home we talked a lot, Mom and I, about what I thought of myself and what I feel I am becoming. Lots of crying. My eyes will not go back to normal and they remain all puffy and tired. I just want to be happy... I want to fix myself and become who I need to be. I need... purpose. And reason. I need... to matter. Right now, I don't to me.

So that was hard.

OH and remember when we had 2 deer die in our yard and they took forever to come get them? IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN! One of our little fawns has died on our front lawn, which is sad. But it's been there for a few DAYS NOW and they keep saying they will get to picking it up but they are "very busy" and there is a rotting CORPSE in our yard, which is sick!!! GET IT OUT OF OUR YARD!!! Ew ew eeeew!!!

I don't know which of our little regulars we lost, but this has been a BAD winter for the deer. Not enough food. Too much snow. That's why so many think they need to practically live in the Padre's house eating my mom's tulip bulbs and apple trees instead of, well, doing deerish things in the MOUNTAINS. The poor deer.

Right now I am avoiding thinking. Watching my boyfriend, Perry Mason, while my babies are doing pretty good figuring out how to get treats out of their new foraging toy. Lilo's got it, Heber is still trying, Nani is ignoring it. Yogurt drops are a good motivator to learn and they are smart little critters. I love them a lot. Little smarties. Hee hee!