Thursday, September 11, 2008

At least the weather is nice...

Today I did so many PEOPLE THINGS! Like SOCIAL! Okay 2! That's "so many" right now, okay?

Yesterday was Doctor Day. I had an MRI on my stupid lower back. I had an appointment with Doogie Howser, my OBGYN. And I met my Psychiatrist, Dr. Rx. She was all no-nonsense and not much the TALKIE type... I have a psychologist, Dr. Jen, the New Dr. Apparently, for that. Dr. Jen is REALLY nice. I like her a lot! Dr. Rx, is good, too. And we are going to try some things. *sigh* Then I had physical therapy and really got worked over.

Today was GROUP Therapy for Chronic Pain people. I have never been to a Group Therapy thing but both the Psychologist and Psychiatrist really suggested it. So I wanted to try. And the group leader, well one of them, was my social worker lady, Half Pint, who I really like. It was good I went. It was good stuff... but kinda hard.

Not as hard as Relief Society, though. Why is that SO HARD? It's hard. Really bad. The headaches and the back stuff... those chairs just shred my nerves. It hurts so bad. And then the stupid stuff. Not knowing people. I start getting so stressed and nervous being there with people... I get so embarrassed to be there. Because people can TELL. Like they all have to come over and say "are you okay?" and I want them to ignore me. I want to disapear. And yet I want to belong. I know that makes NO SENSE. But that's where I am right now.

I DID stay the whole time.

But I cried on the car ride home.


Anyway. I have been purposley avoiding watching any news shows about 9-11 today. I had a hard time when they mentioned the tragedy at the church thing. I am torn. I would be angry if the world forgot about 9-11. Ignored it, and those we lost. I would be furious. But let the WORLD remember.... let ME forget... right now. I am too iffy emotional right now to get on a dark spiral thinking about Brady, you know? But I do remember... I'm just CAN'T think yet. Not now. Okay?


  1. I'm so glad you went to your social things! It is hard to go out and do that, so proud of you!!! Hugs, chica.

  2. Yay for you. RS is hard when people ask if you are ok. I know. There are times when I want to scream at people for asking if I was okay. Sometimes it is all you can do to get through, which you know. I'm sorry you hurt so bad.

    Seriously I could just ditto stewbert. You are AWESOME!

  3. I empathize. I posted on 9/11 and was a big pile of tears. I miss that guy like crazy! Even if we were the annoying little cousins, he didn't act like we were bothering him, ever.

    Do you still have some of Liz's missionary emails?? I wasn't on that emailing list, apparently.