beautiful tidbit of the day

When you catch a cold and you are mostly in bed and/or in a chair 24 hours a day, yeah, it pretty much turns into pneumonia.

Seriously, could this month
suck
more?

Yup... S.A.D.

moar humorous pics

I really usually don't care about Valentine's day. I mean, as a KID a did. It meant decorating a mailbox to receive the boxed cartoon valentines from each kid in class, picking out what my favorites were for my favorite friends, even making homemade ones for my very best friends. And, hopefully, candy and a party to break up the school day. But after growing up a bit, well, it changed. Got more boring.

And I was USED to that. Then I had last year when I actually sorta CARED. You know, like that weekend Fresno came to Utah. And we played. And, yeah, kissed, too. So, I have to admit, even though I am USED to joking around and calling it Single's Awareness Day and not caring or expecting anything at all... after last year, well, it makes THIS year kind of a let down after all.

Besides, it was just sort of a hard day anyway, emotionally. I am applying for some insurance stuff and had to tell ANOTHER doctor all about my mental stuff and basically had to rehash EVERYTHING and answer questions about suicide and stuff and it was bad.

HOWEVER, Some fun stuff. Rinny and her roomies did their Heart Attacking thing to me again. The funny thing is she gave me a SEALED box of conversation hearts with 1 heart in it! The whole box just had one! HA!

And then for dinner Padre took "the girls" out. Me, Rinny, and Mom. When we got there he had balloons and gifts at the table. REEEEEAL classy gifts... a potted Geranium for Mom and dollar store red and white stuffed animals for Rinny and I. A dog for me and a bear for Rinn. It was funny. It WAS sweet? but well, it's Dad... so it was CHEAP. hee hee. Ah my family! I love them. What can I say?

Anyway, I am going to bed.

progress... well, a little...

I am far from 100% okay. However, I did put some weight on my dumb left foot (yay!) with out crying so that's a start and the doctor wants me to go to Physical therapy for it on Wednesday. (I have some nerve damage.) I also have THERAPY therapy with Dr. Apparently that day and, yeah, I've been having a hard time but my little furry therapists help, too. They truly are the BEST little gliders EVER, though they are not too impressed with this scary unfamiliar house! But they are handling things pretty well even though they are crabbing at every unknown sound and smell. Silly babies!

Random Tangent: Sometimes I forget other people read my blog. I mean, like, other than Steph... Stewie... maybe Ehu... a few people from LinkUp. But then, like, Dave from work says "I love what you said in your blog!" which tends to sort of floor me mentally for a minute O_o and making me review "What did I even SAY? Anything WEIRD? Because he's like, cool and a professional."or "rebecca" comments on that last post and I remember, "WHAT? Strangers don't just RANDOMLY read me but follow along? And say nice things?" WEIRD! Umm... Hi random readers. Uhh... hi, Rebecca?

More later...

Friends and Fuzzies!

I went to the doctor again yesterday. Something in my ankle is... TORN.

So I am living in my parent's basement with a wheelchair... possibly for WEEKS. My mom and roomie are taking care of my gliders (and turtle and tortoise and crabbies and fish) for me and I sit here for hours doing NOTHING on the couch because I can't even get to the bathroom with out help. Not exactly good for my Depression. And I feel like crap and, I'll be honest, I wanted to die.

So, amazing move by my dad who I often hate and who on many occasion has said the gliders are not even allowed to VISIT their house because "they smell," and regularly tells me I should get rid of them, suddenly agrees with my mom to MOVE THEM TO THEIR HOUSE SO I CAN TAKE CARE OF THEM HERE!!!!!! Actually give me something to care about and DO and love and live for! I am so excited! I have missed them terribly!

AND while I was gone? MY RAFFLE PRIZES ARRIVED!!!! *hugs Megs so hard* They are amazing things and made me feel so loved, even though, you know, I WON them, I still felt loved! I just started crying and HUGGING toys and pouches and stuff. It was ridiculous, I know. But, Oh it meant so much.

And soon... SOON... my parents will bring my gliders to me again! I feel like I am getting sugar babies all over again! I am all excited and anxious to see their sweet faces! I have missed them. My babies.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They are here!!! My dad went and brought them tonight and I have been holding my babies for hours now and they are SOOOOO tired of me! hee hee hee hee! But I am so happy they are with me now. My dad put their cage in the storage room (the only place he'll allow it) but it is warm in there and I can roll in there with my chair so it is okay. I just BARELY let them go IN there, though, just now, because I haven't let them OFF of me since they arrived.

AND I had mom check my mail... Stewie, THANK YOU!!!!! A tin postcard of Rosie the Riveter!

I love my friends!

I love my family!

I love my furrkids!

A Survey to Pass the Time

Eight lasts

1. last cigarette? Haven't had my FIRST... don't plan to.
2. last beverage? Just water. Bleh.
3. last phone call? My Neurologist. Because apparently NOTHING is normal anymore?
4. last text message? From Steph saying she got hired by Pepper Nix. :O)
5. last CD played? The Scarlet Pimpernel audio book
6. last BUBBLE bath? I'm allergic to most, so it's been awhile, like years
7. last time you cried? 3 minutes ago?
8. last meal? Some pasta salad *I* made and brought with me and a breakfast burrito my mom made me.

SEVEN have you's:
1. have you ever dated someone twice? If you mean like DATED-as-in-boyfriend broke up then dated again, then NO. If you mean, ummm, like been on 2 dates with the same guy, then Yes! twice! I am SUCH a player! hee hee hee!
2. ???
3. have you ever kissed someone & regretted it? kinda, a little, maybe?
4. have you ever fallen in love? I think I did.
5. have you ever lost someone? as in died? Yes, my cousin Brady. As in broken heart? Yes, Fresno. As in misplaced them in the grocery store, no, not yet. ;O)
6. have you ever slept until 2pm? Yes. More often than I would care to admit.
7. have you ever been drunk and thrown up? no, but the second half of that PLENTY of times.

SIX things you did in the past three days:
1. Sprained my ankle
2. Watched a lot of CSI, Law & Order and other killing shows
3. Went to my Psychologist
4. Cried
5. Cried some more
6. Took a lot of stupid medication

FIVE people you can tell pretty much anything to –
Mali, StephAnn, Gilch, Mom, Megan

list THREE favorite colors —
Purple, Red, Green

list FOUR things you want to do before you die -
1. Swim with Dolphins
2. Hold a baby Monkey
3. Get married in the Temple
4. Have Sex

This month have you…
Laughed until you cried? No. Just cried till I cried.
Went behind your parents back? In... a WAY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT:
1. Your last kiss? Wasn't good enough... apparently...
2. Gay Marriage? I... waver. On principle, I am against it. However, there are people I LOVE who struggle with that temptation. So I really do know it isn't as easy as "principle."
3. Lowering the drinking age? I don't much CARE as I don't drink, though I DO think it is kind of off that you consider someone old enough to fight in a war or get married at 18 but not drink till 21.
4. Straight, Gay, or Bi? What do I think about... I... am? hee hee! I am straight. Yeah.
5. Who are the best huggers that you know? my cousins' little kids... Gabe and Caleb. THEY are the best!
6. Do you believe in love at first sight? No. I do believe in ATTRACTION at first sight. But real love takes work.
7. Is there something you want to tell someone? There are lots of things I want to tell lots of people.
8. What brand of shirt are you wearing? Interestingly enough, Eddie Bauer
9. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends? On my MySpace? Lemme look... NOPE.
10. What is your current annoyance? my health. Especially my stupid ankle and foot.
11. How many kids do you want to have? I don't know. Between 1 and 10?
12. Do you want to change your name? Sure! I often make up better ones.
13. Last time you saw your father? Half an hour ago... aka: TOO SOON.
14. What did you do for your last birthday? Is it horrible I have to CHECK? Oh yeah. Worked at the Farm, was all CRUSHY (bleh!) and got flowers from Fresno, and got Chinese food with the fam!
15. What time did you wake up today? 11 am
16. What were you doing at midnight last night? Watching some random murder-y show with my foot in an ice pack, finishing that last blog post, starting this one.
17. Name something you CANNOT wait to do? play with my gliders again! I MISS MY BABIES SOMETHING TERRIBLE!
18. What is your favorite thing in your room? My Rosie the Riveter poster, probably, or my stuffed dog, Max or one of the other things that has memories.
20. Where is your best friend right now? Ummmm.... Brigham City? Or Sandy? Or Orem?

"but I see things getting better! Why don't you?"

Well I heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do ya?
Well it goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
she tied you to her kitchen chair
And she broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well baby I've been here before
I know this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew ya
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me do you?
And remember when I moved in you?
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Well maybe there's a God above
But all I've ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who'd out drew ya
And it's not a cry that you hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah

I am pretty sure despite what the x-rays didn't show my ankle is not just sprained. Because if it was, I could put SOME weight on this left foot, and I wouldn't be sleeping at the Padre's house, and I wouldn't have screamed SHUT UP at my dad today and he and Mom would not have argued over what it means that I have Depression, AGAIN, and I wouldn't have bawled for half an hour in the bathroom, and I would be playing with my gliders before bed instead of missing them so bad I could scream.

I am not... coping so very well. Depression is hard. It's harder when you randomly find yourself unable to walk.

My mom told me she recently has felt things are going to get better. That she has "seen" me healthier, working, happy, and making new friends. I want to believe her. But *I* sure haven't "seen," "felt," etc. anything of the sort. But then, 1. I am not mentally well, and do NOT always see things as they are right now and 2. Moms. You know, they have that whole Mom-sense.

But still... yeah.

Oh, and p.s. my crutches just broke coming in the room

At the parents again.

No dripping ceilings this time.


moar funny pictures

I slipped on the ice going out to the car for some Carefresh for the gerbil and may have broken my foot but hopefully just sprained it. Waiting on the X-Ray, but I can put NO weight on it at ALL so I am in the Padre's basement hobbling on crutches and an office chair cum wheelchair.

As my Mom said, "[Kipluck], if you didn't have bad luck, you'd have no luck at all."

Dad and I are fighting already.

I am hurting like hell.

And I am watching a lot of Law and Order, trying not to cry all the time.


moar funny pictures