Expecto Depressio!

Some days are better than others.

This week has not had those so far.

I am having major medicine issues.
And idiot doctors.
And lost my tax check and can't get help.
And am going to be starting stupid vocational rehabilitation.
And just in general CAN'T HANDLE much of ANYTHING right now.

It has has better MOMENTS though, when I am NOT crying.

Like when Sarah came with her kiddlet's preschool class Monday! It was so fun to see her and she is awesome and she is going to be famous, I am telling you. (More famous than she is. hee hee!) I love when people I know come to my work!
And today's Harry Potter-themed class, Owls, Potions, and Spells was very funny.

But other than that, I am sort of not stable so I won't write right now.

REALLY tired of crying.

PG-13... so now you know!

Your Life is Rated PG-13

Your life isn't totally scandalous, but you definitely don't shy away from adult themes!

What is Your Life Rated?

Your brain: 60% interpersonal, 160% visual, 160% verbal, and 20% mathematical!

Congratulations on being 400% smart! Actually, on my test, everyone is. The above score breaks down what kind of thinking you most enjoy doing. A score above 100% means you use that kind of thinking more than average, and a score below 100% means you use it less. It says nothing about how good you are at any one, just how interested you are in each, relatively. A substantial difference in scores between two people means, conclusively, that they are different kinds of thinkers.

Matching Summary: Each of us has different tastes. Still, I offer the following advice, which I think is obvious:

1. Don't date someone if your interpersonal percentages differ by more than 80%.
   
2. Don't be friends with someone if your verbal percentages differ by more than 100%.
   
3. Don't have sex with someone if their math percentage is over 200%

Link: The 4-Variable IQ Test written by chriscoyne on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

The Priss Deliberate Brutal Love Dreamer (DBLD) Mature. Responsible. Aristocratic. Excuse me. The Priss. Prisses are the smartest of all female types. You're highly perceptive, and confident in your judgements. You'd take brutal honesty over superficiality any time--your friends always know where they stand with you. You're completely unfake. Don't tell me that's not a word. You're also excellent at redirecting internal negative energy. These facts indicate people are often intimidated by you. They also fall for you, hard. You have a distant, composed allure that many find irresistible. If only more of them lived up to your standards. Your exact female opposite: The Playstation Random Gentle Sex Master You were probably the last among your friends to have sex. And the first to pretend that you're pregnant. LOL. Though you're inclined to use sex as weapon, at least it's not as one of mass destruction. You're choosier than most about your partners. A supportive relationship is what you're really after. Whether you know it or not, you need something steady & long-term. And soothing. ALWAYS AVOID: The Playboy (RGSM), The Loverboy (RGLM) CONSIDER: The Manchild (RBLD) Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating. My profile name: : Kipluck77

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

>Spider-Man 90% Green Lantern 85% Hulk 80% Superman 80% Robin 65% Catwoman 65% Supergirl 63% Wonder Woman 58% The Flash 50% Iron Man 45% Batman 40%

You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

http://www.thesuperheroquiz.com/
Click here to take the "Which Superhero am I?" quiz...

You Are 7 Up

Understated and subtle, people warm up to you slowly. But once they're hooked, they can't imagine going back to anyone else! Your best soda match: Diet Coke Stay away from: Mountain Dew

What Kind of Soda Are You?

You Are a Tulip

You have a wild, experimental side that craves change. You often switch jobs and lovers, always looking for something better. But deep down, you're also very well grounded and content. And you will come to know that the life you live is already ideal.

What Flower Are You?

Happy Boys Call Day!!!

Oh, and ummm, yay for Moms, too? No, seriously, I love my mom. She is awesome. She somehow maintains that precarious balance of Mother/Friend because so many Moms swing too far the other way. But mine doesn't. She's the coolest!

HOWEVER, to be completely honest my brain has been SO not on her today.

I know, with Anziano BoyKid being able to call from the airport it hardly seems fair to get to talk to him for Mother's Day, too. BUT, as the next time won't come for 8 months and I have been WISHING I could hear from my baby bro, like every DAY, I DON'T CARE, WE GET OUR MOTHER'S DAY CALL DAMNITALL!!! And oh my heck, I love my little brother. He is so GOOD, but also so funny. He somehow escaped the MTC personality intact but with a powerhouse testimony. The kiddo is my freaking hero. I am glad I was able to wake up. I ALMOST wasn't. *blush*

See, after I blogged and all I DID go to bed... only to have Fresno call me at 12:30 (not too late, but...) and talk till, well, 4 am (yeah.). I know that was dumb of me but we haven't been able to talk for, like, 3 days and we really wanted to. We have just been so busy! So, umm, yeah, we talked. And it was so good to talk to him. I am really missing him right now. And, at least today, I think I love him. WEIRDWEIRDWEIRDWEIRDWEIRD! We talked about, like, EVERYTHING. We were having the weirdest conversations about his CRAZY family and donkeys and The Mormons and cotton candy and sex and prison and homosexuality and his ex girlfriends and fate and Jesus the Christ and genetics and BoyKid and balloons and diabetes and birth control and the internet and Lost and Land of the Lost and the 70s and Spiderman and cell phones and my trip to his place the end of this month and TexasBoy and missions and companions and abuse and love and marriage and fear and Missouri.

It was a really really good call.

And, no, I sure did NOT fall asleep right after, either.

So, waking up early was HAAAARD. But BoyKid was pretty worth it. He told us church had been cancelled because there was some big drinking fest going on and they weren't even allowed to go OUT. He said he was all excited for Milan and the fashion capitol of the world... but was now in some place called Cuneo that is AT PRESENT filled with very drunk lumberjack-types in feathered Peter Pan hats. HILARIOUS. He also sang I Often Go Walking for Mom (but in Italian, obviously) so of course made her BAWL and Rinny cried a ton, too. He is such a cute kid.

BUT, even that was not the end of my Boy Call day. Because after BoyKid and church and dinner PARKER CALLED!!! Yes, as in Sex=Basketball and Sperm=Elders Parker! Pardon My Fringe Parker! Parkerisa and Hell and new baby boy! They called! (And I *do* mean THEY because Parker is, one of my best friends but a VERY odd duck and in order to be completely beyond reproach in terms of fidelity when he calls me she stays on the line. Yes, like, for HOURS. Poor Risa. She is weird, too, mind you, but NOT as weird as HIM. And she really WOULD "let" him talk to me on the phone SOLO rather than having to sit there listening the whole time while doing stuff. (Though, she does OCCASIONALLY contribute a story too, and she does like me too, so she thinks I am funny, but still.))

He filled me in on the new baby being named Thomas S. (after Thomas S. Monson), I filled him in on pretty much all things Fresno, and MOSTLY they called to try to plan a FRINGE REUNION THIS AUGUST!!!! I AM SO EXCITED!!! So we are going to try to pull things together to get the 4 of us (well, the 4 of us OFFICIAL Fringe (Me, Coats, Parker, and Jeppers) plus Honorary Fringe (wives, etc.) and, yeah Parker's little MINI-Fringe, Hell and Thomas.) together for a major party! AWESOME.

But... ummm... yeah. Happy Mother's Day, Moms.

You Are Totally Like Your Mom

You and your mom are practically clones. You think alike, and you even seem to read each other's minds. You're definitely you're mother's child... and that's just fine with you.

Are You Like Your Mom?

My VisualDNA is a LOT cuter than a Strawberry's REAL DNA.

I know this because we teach the 7th graders how to extract it at the TGP. And, in case you have never extracted DNA from a strawberry (what is wrong with you?!) it looks like a blob of SNOT if you have done it right. Anyway, yeah.

Today was another birthday party at the farm. It was SO HARD I am wondering if they are worth the money. See, they don't REALLY fall under Education. But we agree to do them sometimes to pick up extra hours and sometimes (because, let's face it, we are in Utah) tips. Some parties are worth it. Some are not. This one was wicked long, and stressful, BUT was thrown by this richy MINO (Money Is No Object) lady for her daughter and so even though I have heel spurs that left me hobbling, etc, it WAS pretty interesting to see how BIG a party she could make it in our barn! Plus, MINOs give HUGE TIPS for our mad face painting skills and such... 20 bucks for both me AND Grandma Betsy (plus $5 for my new little friend, one of the volunteer kids, a 12 year old boy who follows me around talking BUT I don't even MIND because he actually HELPS.)

But before the day was over Grandma Betsy and I were in a rather... ummm... HEATED argument with SGary about birthday parties at the farm, so basically, I don't know how many I will agree to do if his idiot ideas are actually implemented. Seriously, that man knows NOTHING about the farm and one of my favorite cowgirls quit today because of it, and Grandma Betsy and Crazy Connie said that they will not do anymore parties unless we can do them the way Education does. So, if SGary lays down the law, it is going to be a very LONELY little group over there... maybe Sgary will end up hosting the parties himself. Heh heh.

Oddly, one of my favorite new farm kids is SGary's own shy little daughter, Babble. So, I will watch my Ladder-Climber-Bashing mouth around her. She is a sweetheart. (I love when school gets out and our volunteer program gets going. That is one of the reasons I was HIRED is to work with the funny teens that come to get hours here!)

Anyway, he, tough day. But 20 dollars richer! And all practiced up on my face painting. It... ALMOST... made me think about being a clown again (but not for the farm.)

That's right. For those of you who did not know my deep dark secret, I really did used to do kid birthday parties. I just did a few... back in high school. And considering how big of stage frieght I get, I honestly don't know HOW I did it.

But I face paint.

And I can twist balloon animals. (though I am very VERY rusty.

And I don't make Transformers (but WORSHIP the guy who CAN!).

My name was Rosie the Clown. *blush*

However, I have, the past few years been toying with a related, but not the same, idea. Once I am in a house I own... as I would plan to probably also own a pygmy goat, hedgehog, and maybe a parrot of some sort. See, I am thinking I may eventually do birthday parties of sort of a tiny traveling zoo/safari. Teach about the animals. Have "passports" for various "shows" and explorer hats and stuff. And, yeah, probably do balloons and face painting.

It sounds better in my HEAD than my blog, but most things do. Because I *heart* ideas. But usually need help actually IMPLEMENTING them. (Usually from CC. hee hee!) I have many, MANY beginnings of books, either that I have illustrated or written. I have ideas (and some supplies) for coffee potpourri (to do with CC). I have poems out the wazoo (that CC will make into amazing fontastic ART, eventually). I have sugar glider toys to make and sell... eventually. (Not on here. Because that's just stuff I LINK to from Amazon though I get a small commission. If I had ever SOLD a single thing. I mean EVER.)

Ideas. *SIGH* Anyway...

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Aaaaand, I'm going to bed. I need to wake up EARLY because Anziano BoyKid is calling the fam from Italy in the wee hours (dang time issues!) for Mother's Day.

Peas In Envy?

Today has been... arrrgh. Frustrating. Funny, parts of it, but others, yeah NOT funny. However, I am trying to be more positive tonight. Because I need to try to sleep. And being depressed or stressed makes that much trickier. And this Psych CALLED ME. Checking if I have been doing my assignments. I hadn't. I don't know. ANYWAY, happy things...

*I got a $10 tip after the semi-hellish birthday party I helped with today.
*Pepper FINALLY had her babies! 2 ADORABLE kids that seem much smaller than I would have guessed by how HUGE she was. A boy and a girl. I *will* get pictures. So far I have just petted the little female, but then, they were just born TODAY so, yeah, just give me time. I like Pepper more than a lot of the other goats, and I am VERY glad she doesn't have to be so massive and uncomfortable PLUS it means 2 new VERY cute baby goats.
*Fresno thinks he can get off work for the WHOLE time I am coming there for his birthday! Yay!

[Okay, that is much funnier now. I only JUST realized those were Soy Beans not peas. HA! Like I say, my brain is only half-there today.] CC thinks I should magnet this to my fridge, for my Roomie. (She's a super strict Vegetarian (but not Vegan. She eats eggs on occasion).)

nataliedee.com
Plus also I love Natalie Dee.

Aaaaand to end, a survey/quiz thingy I got in Email from the View (the Yahoo group. Not the TV show). Call it 4-Play. Hee hee!

4 things about me:

Four jobs I've Had in my life:

1. Secretary for my dad's Property Management Business

2. Teacher

3. MyFamily.com tech support

4. And (presently!) Education Assistant at Thanksgiving Point aka: Baby goat holding , curriculum writing, picture coloring, field trip giver!

Four Places I have lived:

1. Chicago, IL (born there)

2. Cleveland, TX (my greenie area on the mission)

3. Lai'e, HI (BYU-H)

4. Aztec, NM (where my little sister was born)

Four Places I have vacationed:

1. Nauvoo, IL (it was a church history thing but was actually pretty AWESOME)

2. San Francisco, CA to see WICKED!!!

3. Disneyland ! (the BEST trip there, though was with my friends in my ASL club for Deaf Days where EVERYONE was signing.)

4. Hawai'i... this year at Christmas. SIGH. I STILL miss it!

Four places I would rather be right now:

1. Fresno, CA (but WILL be later this month!)

2. Ireland <--- Oooh, Ditto!

3. I WAS going to Ditto THIS one of Stacey's too, but with #1 it would be rather redundant! (including the dogs, even!) But instead, I'll just pick another. Ummm... Hawai'i of course. (or another beach, if necessary. But Hawai'i has the BEST.)

4. Yellowstone National Park!

Four friends who I think will respond first:

1. Umm, anyone ELSE in the Mormon View? Hee hee!

2. Fresno

3. Mali

4. Rinny?

"Now here's what you are supposed to do: Please do not spoil the fun. Hit forward, delete my answers and type in your answers. Then send to a whole bunch of people you know including the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known facts about those who know you."

Darwin needs his butt kicked today for giving me a headache...

or at least making it worse.

Some days I LOVE my job. I love holding baby animals and the kids crack me up. Yesterday we had a 10 minuet discussion on why we could not feed the lambs and calves crayons even if they were green like hay or yellow like corn. Hee hee hee! I love the new baby piglets and petting the baby lambs. I love making Tom the turkey scare the older kids when really all he wants is to be treated like a puppy dog. And I USUALLY love dinosaurs. I love their size and new discoveries, and I love the air conditioning in the museum.

But other days I feel like screaming. Like when I am writing 7th grade curriculum about the difference between the normal Linnaean Taxonomy (ie: Kingdom, Phylum, Subphylum, Class, Subclass, Order, Family, Genus, and Species) and classification of fossilized organisms because of the difficulty of classifying non-living entities and I realize I BARELY know more than my students and if I have to read one more paragraph from Origin of the Species I will find Charles Darwin grave, dig him up, and kill him again. Yeah, today is a BAD headache day and a bad WORK day because my brain is feeling a bit overloaded.

SO, I am taking a little break right now at work from Phylum Arthropoda and Class Trilobita. But just to vent. NOW I should really get BACK to work so I am not here till 8. I have things I need to get done at home, too, you know. I need to make a bath of BML, pick up meds at the pharmacy, and see if I can FIND my missing tax return check that I JUST got and have now lost. I know it's not REALLY, like, free money. It is just MY money BACK, but still, pretty excited to get it. After all, since it has sort of already been paid and so it's not, like, budgeted. And therefore it's LIKE free money. Money that doesn't need to be as accounted for. And therefore can be used toward the the trip to California the end of this month! ANYWAY, back to work. Stupid taxonomy. Stupid curriculum. Stupid me losing a 400 dollar check. I could just cry.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In fact, I *did* cry. A common occurrence lately.

However, things DID get better. For one thing, work ended. Hee hee! After work I was headed home, but my mind was on Fresno and the trip. I can't do much about that right now, and I haven't found the check even yet. But I DID get inspired to do more on his PRESENT! And so I went home by way of Zurchers. And the dollar store. And PartyLand. And Big Lots.

Yeah, I went a little crazy. But if there is one girlfriendy thing I *can* do it is PRESENTS. Most of them are silly, private jokey things. The 2 "real" gifts are Charlotte's Web and the COOLEST tennis ball SLING SHOT for the dogs! It is, seriously, almost a weapon, it is AWESOME. And it will actually CHALLENGE the monster ponies to chase. Made by Hyperdog and I think I'd want my OWN, but I doubt the little dogs, Trinket, Shasta, and Suzy would fetch the balls for me as far as I would want to shoot them and *I* sure am not retrieving them. hee hee!

Anyway, yeah, I think he will really like the presents as long as the airport doesn't confiscate them or something. I am actually thinking of mailing it even though I *am* going, just to avoid taking the present on the plane. Because I wrapped everything really cool. And now I am remembering the last time I wrapped a gift (When we flew to Hawaii for Christmas) security OPENED them. And this on will even LOOK suspicious. And there are doggy TREATS in there, too, so if they have sniffer dogs the dogs may be saying "this bag has treats and toys!" and the guards will think I have drugs or something. Hmmm... so I really may mail stuff. Bummer. Haven't decided yet.

In other news, my computer has suddenly... and when I say suddenly I mean the last 10 minutes... started acting VERY slow and bad and near frozen. I want to restart… I NEED to restart. I am checking for spyware now. But I don’t want to lose my entry. I SHOULD have been saving, but I haven’t been. Arrrgh. Sometimes I swear, the computer HATES me.

Back (again) but I should really just post. Post and go to bed, though I am not tired. But it is too late to take anything for sleep. So, it's my own fault. SIGH. Good night... or morning... WHATEVER.

Arrivederci, Anziano BoyKid, Hello Aunt Flo

it's been a really really long day.

I want some chocolate. Even just Ovaltine.

Parts of today have been good, but still EMOTIONAL.

Early this morning my baby brother, BoyKid left the MTC to fly to Milan, Italy. He was allowed to call us, though (since the days of "seeing" missionaries off AT the airport is long gone.) when he reached Chicago. Next he would fly to England. THEN into Milan. Anyway, Rinny and I missed work to go to the Padres' to talk with him on speaker with Padre and Mom.

I can't believe he will be there. I am so jealous! But at the same time, wow, he is going to have a hard time. But STILL, he DOES get to see stuff like the Duomo.

But talking to him was SO much fun, but also hard. I miss him. We ALL miss him, so much. He really is perfect for this, though. He is so spiritual, much more so than I have ever been. But he is also so HIM. All funny and fun and crazy. He has to be careful not to flirt as much as he is used to, but all that have been serving with him thus far LOVE him, sisters and elders alike. He makes everyone laugh... but not at the expense of the spirit. BoyKid is, in my opinion, the PERFECT elder.

But, unfortunately, he is related... has our genes... and thus, already battles a bit of Depression. He is hard on himself, too, and wants so much to be perfect, but doesn't see himself anywhere close. The mission is going to be very hard on him, I am afraid. I don't want him to... well... feel like me. When he says anything that sounds remotely like it, I feel my heart screaming NO NO NO NOT BoyKid. LEAVE HIM ALONE! Please, spare him from this. He doesn't deserve it. He is, really too good for it.

I am so proud of my little brother. In the airport he had his first "contact"... he made a goal to try to share the Book of Mormon with SOMEONE on his way out. The first person he talked to? A polite, intelligent man who had a lot to say... part of which was "...well, to Christian's, like me who have been born again... of which I am a preacher..."

Yup, first person my baby bro chooses to talk to outside of Utah was, of course, a Preacher. hee hee hee hee!

Anyway, I have a ton more to write, but as I was saying it has been a very very long day. So I will continue this tomorrow. After ANOTHER long day.

Now it's ANOTHER 'nother day. Thursday. And I can't remember what I was even going to tell you. Let's see. It was emotional. Then I had a neurology appointment and they want to do another MRI in a couple months. And try new meds. And then work was frustrating. And I should really share more pictures of my little brother doing funny stuff in the MTC that he sent me. But I don't have them right here. So, ummm, later.

In summary:
Depression sucks
Fresno is sweet
I rock at shopping...
too bad I am not financially stable.
I hate meds.
I love meds.
I cried A LOT.
My girly parts do not work normal yet, they JUST cramp painfully. That is all. Just hurt, make me sick, and most likely undo any of the good being done by my anti-depressants. Basically, so far I ONLY get PMS.... with no actual period, nor *end* to the PMS in sight. Yeah. Still need to get THAT figured out.