Normal Depression.

I don't know why I watch shows like this. House. Grey's Anatomy. Even Scrubs. I watch them and there are people that die, but mostly problems get solved. People go the hospital and doctors take hard problems and they solve them. People get better. They don't keep hurting. The answer isn't yeah, this is normal. Normal for Gastroparesis. Normal for Fibromyalgia. Normal for YOU. The answer isn't suck it up and just know you will keep hurting.

Hurting and hurting. Not dying. Not being cured by the star of the show.

So I try to distract myself with things like, well, that last entry. Cabbage Patch clothes, Critters 2 Go, etc. But sometimes I just... those things get hard to handle while hurting and feeling hopeless. And I get frudtrated and even all the things I want to do, wish I could do, and NEED to do... they fall by the wayside.

So pardon this rant, but I just got back from the hospital again. And I am watching Grey's Anatomy. And I am crying, not for the story on the TV, but selfishly just. for. ME.

This is My Brain on Christmas. Any Questions?

Things on my mind (that I am paying more attention to than blogging) are as follows:
My 1st official "gig" as Critters 2 Go. Trying to pull together a Utah sugar glider (and other small exotics) club called Mountain West Pocket Critters Conference. Learning to sew Cabbage Patch Kid clothes... steampunk ones! My Endoscopy... toworrow at 5 am (Bleh!). My mom's eye surgery to TRY to correct some of what the stroke did to her (it was Monday. But they are doing more on it tomorrow morning. So we will both be in the hospital tomorrow morning.). Printing (and maybe selling) my own stick figure family window clings that INCLUDE sugar gliders! Learning to decorate cakes. Becoming a Big Sister (as in Big Brother/Big Sister. Not as in my mother is having a baby). Writing Christmas cards and wrapping gifts. Perry Mason.

Yeah, my brain is a bit busy.

my brain... in the family way

no, not THAT. Heh heh. That'd be pretty tricky minus the sex. Makes me think of Glee, though, and how she was faking with that baby bump. (WHAT WILL HAPPEN NOW?! HE KNOWS!!!)

I am just thinking about family right now. Part of this is because I am attempting to cobble together a more complete family tree for a project via Facebook's FamilyLink.com and LDS.org's FamilySearch.org combined.



Part is because Megs texted me her hubby was very sick and I am worried about him. Megs is my bestfriend and cousin and Jake is easily among my favorite cousins-in-law. He is a great guy. I am praying for things to go well, but I hate any time anyone is in the hospital.

I know that feeling.

*I* am in the hospital enough. Tonight I am on heavy meds as I am hurting badly. I don't want ANYONE I love to feel like this. Not ever.

I want to know my cousins more... and my cousins' kids and all of the various relations. I want to KNOW my family better than I do. I feel THAT more keenly than any pull to know my ancestors. I mean, they are alive. They have lives and needs NOW. I want to have them as friends. Facebook helps. But I need to learn more. And actually freaking remember who is who.

in project mode

So guess what? I have a church calling for the first time in over a year at least. I am Relief Society "Publicity." So I need to make a poster for their Christmas Party this week, plus the door hanger invite thingies with rubber bands. I know it's just a small thing... flyers, posters, a few meetings... but I am nervous to have a calling again. I know that's weird. *sigh*

The other project on my mind is being totally ready for my first OFFICIAL Critters 2 Go show this month! Sure, I have shown off pets to classes before for work, and to my family, but this is the first time it will officially be under the Critters 2 Go heading. The name, the whole show I have worked up, the outfit, etc. I am trying to get the passports I give out to each child all written up and made now.

Yikes.

Thanksgiving and the Boob Blanket

BoyKid and I went to UCMT for their 2 for 1 massage special. BoyKid has never gotten a massage before and sadly didn't love it. But mine was very helpful. A lot of good massage therapists come out of there, though... Thai, Ehu, apparently The Irish, too, who we saw after. She ran up to me and hugged me and said "Why didn't you request me?!"
"I forgot you were going here! Sorry?"

Anyway, it was probably good for my sore muscles. Fibro is doing a number on me.

Also, BoyKid bought a blanket. He was all excited because it's the size of his room and, as the package says "extremely soft and supple." I told him I have never heard the word SUPPLE used in relation to anything but BOOBS. I said it was a Boob Blanket and he was mad at me, which was pretty funny. Yes siblings are awesome, I know. hee hee!


My FAMILY is awesome. I loved Thanksgiving. Even though I ate (not like turkey or anything, just "allowed" Gastroparesis things like the sweet potatoes and rolls) and therefore HURT a LOT, it was so much fun to see everyone. I love my cousins! Megs and Jake came, T-La and Lester and their little boys, Aunt Claire and Uncle Lynne, and Uncle Pat. Aunt Shy and her partner couldn't come this year as they were going to her family's house. But it was super fun.

OBSERVE!!!

Thanks!

This Year I am Thankful for...

Jack's little gecko smile

NCIS

my mom surviving her stroke

Muppets singing Bohemian Rapsody

my Blackberry and the awesomeness of checking email in line at Walmart

effective sleeping medicine

the blessings of taking the Sacrament

BoyKid

BoyKid's guitar and him to play it for me

my cute little tree frogs and long tailed grass lizard

reusable grocery bags

the idea to start Critters 2 Go

finding a nice wagon at DI

my aunts, uncles, cousins.... and those semi-relatives like ex-uncles and ex-aunts who are still part of things and aunt's lesbian partners and coiusins' awesome spouses, etc.

Brazilian Cheese Roll mix from Sunflower Markets

the distraction of boys even if they are only sort of "practice" relationships, since they are so far away... Brazil and Spain.

the chance to tend the puppy, Ratchet

Ratchet finding a real, forever home

my hilarious sugar gliders and their antics every night

being able to help educate people about gliders via Twitter

my Cali Cat coming back and being friends again even after betraying her by holding a puppy right in front of her!

SNL skit about Lawrence Welk

"Artctic Shatter" PowerAde

The Living Planet Aquarium

G2 Gel Pens

Nice Weather!

Holy Tea

Perry Mason

knowing how to raise my own mealworms so that the shortage did not affect my animals.

Visiting Teachers

audio books

a little motivation to work on my portfolio so that I would start drawing, painting, and doing other art again.

a room with a window

REXANO people

Sugar Glider People

Russian Tortoise People

Medicaid accepting me again

Friends who've known me for more than 5 years and are still friends

baby toys from Big Lots

my Job!

Axert

a New-to-me Computer

this day. :)

Nine and BoyKid

I went with my little brother, BoyKid to a movie today! It was fun to hang out with him. We were PLANNING to see Where the Wild Things Are but it's not playing anywhere, so instead we went to Nine.

I liked it! It was rather creepy and unsettling but awesome and beautiful at the same time.
It was like The Secret of NIMH and the Steampunk comic, FreakAngels, had a baby and named it 9. I THINK I recommend it. It was super good. But don't take little kids to it unless you want them to have nightmares for a month.