Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Normal Depression.

I don't know why I watch shows like this. House. Grey's Anatomy. Even Scrubs. I watch them and there are people that die, but mostly problems get solved. People go the hospital and doctors take hard problems and they solve them. People get better. They don't keep hurting. The answer isn't yeah, this is normal. Normal for Gastroparesis. Normal for Fibromyalgia. Normal for YOU. The answer isn't suck it up and just know you will keep hurting.

Hurting and hurting. Not dying. Not being cured by the star of the show.

So I try to distract myself with things like, well, that last entry. Cabbage Patch clothes, Critters 2 Go, etc. But sometimes I just... those things get hard to handle while hurting and feeling hopeless. And I get frudtrated and even all the things I want to do, wish I could do, and NEED to do... they fall by the wayside.

So pardon this rant, but I just got back from the hospital again. And I am watching Grey's Anatomy. And I am crying, not for the story on the TV, but selfishly just. for. ME.

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