A Handy Guide

I am glad to be back at work. For one thing because it is out of my flooded house. Also because there are new babies! Piglets! Gosling! Etc. But poor, poor Pepper is STILL pregnant. How pregnant? Well, THIS was her BEFORE I WAS SICK. Yeah. I am pretty sure she is going to someday just give birth to 2 fully grown goats.

So those of you, my friends who are preggy, feel free to look at this picture when you feel fat and crappy and thank your Heavenly Father you are not a goat.

ANYWAY, as it is Monday I thought it was a good time to teach you about my job. Consider this a virtual employees handbook!

Helpful Safety Warnings:

1. If you smell something bad...
on the farm, it's probably animal poop. Ignore it.
on the tractor, have a farmhand check it because Rinny may have broken it.
in the office, it is the printer that will, most likely start a fire and kill us all someday. Unplug it and leave ANOTHER note that it really needs to be replaced, for REAL this time.

2. *Sinatra, the pony foal, bites HARD. He also eats buttons and coats.
*All the turkeys EXCEPT Tom, bite. Tom likes to be rubbed on the head.
*Eeyore the Donkey bites when he thinks he can get away with it (ie: small children), but is otherwise good.
*Meagan aka: Molly McButter is the cream colored goat. She is evil. She will butt and gore you if you are in the pen. Holding her horns will not stop her. Spanking her will just make her madder. Scolding does nothing. EVIL.
*Most of the chickens nip.
*The pigs love adults but can eat children. Seriously.
* Most of the geese are all show about hissing and being brats. Unless they have babies or eggs and then they are SCARY. Stay on the left side of the pond as the right side is their favorite nesting area.
*The "bulls" are just beef steers and are sweethearts. Don't be scared of them. Just fear the cute little baby pony and innocent looking goats.

How to use the Restroom in the red show barn:

1. Tell someone where you are going in case you never come back they can know where to start the search. Take your cell phone as the doors occasionally lock you inside.
2. Feel around the corner of the wall of the pitch black bathroom even though you know full well there IS no light switch and that when not open for a function like a dance it is 1. motion sensor and 2. delayed so that even if you do jumping jacks in there it will turn on 15 minuets later.
3. Grumble about there being no light switch.
4. feel along wall until you find a stall, feeling, also lower to be sure there is toilet paper in there. If your hand is wet you have reached too low and stuck your hand in the toilet. You will just have to do this all over if you leave to wash it, so just paper it off until you are done.
5. ...you know...
6. Do not try to flush. They are motion activated and chances are in trying to flush you will stick your hand in the toilet again anyway.
7. Feel your way to the sinks. At this point, if you have taken long enough to potty the lights will finally turn on. So will the air freshener. Standing too close may cause asphyxiation.
8. Remind yourself that THIS is why you usually hold it until it is time to clock out and you can go in the brightly lit, NORMAL public restrooms at Farm Country.

CAST! (a guide to your co-workers and cow-workers)

Rinny - Boss! Education Director. Apparently can not fire somebody to save her life.

"John Wayne was Tall..."


Dave - Scout guy. Pretty awesome, when he is in our department. He doesn't WORK for Rinny, just WITH her. He is more with USU Extensions. But he is such a teacher type and rocks with the teenagers and 4-H.



SGary - Museum Director AND Farm Manager. A total suit who looks HIGH-LARIOUS on a tractor. He doesn't really like animals... messes... children... or people. GREAT choice. We miss Mac!!!! Waaaaaah!




Rerun - Idiot boy. He randomly hides from his shifts or gives kids and teachers wrong information habitually. Rinny needs to fire him. She knows this. OH, and he thinks he is Jim on the Office, but is really more like Andy. He kept trying to talk me into putting SGary's things in Jello. But I didn't feel like causing MORE problems. So he put MY stuff in Jello. WHEN I WASN'T there. So it just meant inconveniencing Rinny. She washed it off before I even came back.


Stewbert 2 - a new girl who, I swear, Stewie, is your TWIN. She is funny, too. I rather like her. When I said "you seriously look, and sound, JUST like my friend [Stewie]." She said "Really? What modeling agency does she work for?"


HotShawn - new boy. Rinny already pretty much has a crush on him. He IS cute, and pretty good at the job, too. YAY! I wish he had more hours.


Others would be Janekke, CrazyConnie, GrandmaBetsy, Boston, Cowboy Matt, and Reena. (the last 2 are more of cow-workers than co-workers, as they are technincally Farm, not Education, but anyway.

Bad Days, Big Dogs

With all the TMI I do put in here you may wonder if I write EVERYTHING here. The answer? No. I don't. Do I leave out the boring stuff, making Margaret Mason proud? No. Not always (obviously, you, readers, would know! Ha!) But as depressing as I sometimes write, I keep a lot of my darkest ugliest thoughts private. Not because I am trying not to scare people, even, usually. Just because sometimes things are worse out loud... or... you know... Typed. They are worse to ME. Better swept under for awhile. Maybe.

I don't know, maybe none of that makes sense. I am mostly just venting to myself, because it's been a bad week... a bad weekend. I hate Depression. And I really REALLY hate Anxiety attacks.

ANYWAY, DONE with this weekend. I am back home, me and the suggies. We left for a little while. Stayed the night at the Padres. And I went to sacrament meeting! Yay! Also, my stomach is doing better and I am talking to the Psych tomorrow and I am going to work. So, yeah. Good. And hopefully getting better.

And now I will delight all with pictures of my boyfriend's dogs being bigger than him. Okay, correction, not now. Tomorrow. Because meds finally kicked in and I have to sleep whenever it lets me!

NOW it is the next day (aka: Monday) and I am here to delight all with pictures of my boyfriend's dogs being bigger than him. Because yesterday was their birthday!
That's Demi (sister).
That's Darby (brother).And that's Darby, Demi, and their Daddy, Fresno!

HUGE. (Fresno is not short, even.)

YARR.

I am still not at work. But I can't be AS crappy as yesterday because LOOK AT WHAT FRIENDS I HAVE?!

I was feeling exceptionally crappy today as, that's right, the flood SPREAD. Under the walls and into the glider room closets. And the smell in my basement is like living in a cave. It is horrendous. Especially since I have been sick and so I am extra queezy anyway.

I was feeling really crappy when I got a phone call from CC saying "are you home? We are coming over!" I didn't even know for sure who "we" would be, but it ended up being CC and Cupcake down from Ogden AND Stewie, too! AND they gave me a present to celebrate my growing "ocean" of a basement! A pirate hat, a musket (that can really shoot caps!), an eye patch, an earring (clip-on... my ears are hole-less) and a hook hand and a pair of rather creepy bride and groom rubber duckies. Big ones! (these! I found the pic online! Except the close up...)

Personally, Mrs. Duck, if I had those head freckles(? Tattoos? OR maybe she is, like, whatever Dax was on Star Trek? (YES, I am such a NERD.)), I'd have opted for a veil.

Anyway, yeah. GOOD friends.

Also good family. As CC, Cupcake, and Stewbert were leaving, my Mom came over to help me with the sugar glider room and Padre, too. The damage is a lot worse than he thought (I knew that, but whatever) she we had to rip up all the carpet and throw away the padding and move my poor babies into the hall away from the cold, damp fans. I HAD been doing better, sickness-wise, a little better anyway. But I was talking to Mom, and I threw up without even feeling sick first. Just... BLEH. No warning. I think it was the first time Padre even was really believing I was "really sick" not just "dealing with something." Because, you know, to my dad Depression isn't an actual ILLNESS... whatever. Anyway, he was really nice to me all of a sudden. I think it really surprised him. He said "Hey, maybe you should sit down. I think you're sick?"

Mom gave me a really funny I really DID tell him look and I sat down. Anyway he WAS a lot nicer after that and worked really fast ripping up my carpet and trying to prop fans and heaters everywhere.

I found another casualty of floods, though. I was looking around a few minuets ago. The humidity from the water on the floor has wrinkled framed photos and unstuck pieces of a collage I made and that made me cry again.

But not as much as before. I feel like I am sort of running out of tears, if that makes sense. Maybe I should drink more water?

ANYWAY, my parents helped a lot and after they left I felt like we HAD accomplished a little and I was feeling pretty good about the friends I have. Then I went upstairs and remembered that I was a little embarrassed that my flowers were literally ROTTING at the stems and dead when the girls came over. I had popped the dead balloons yesterday (but flattened the mylars... to keep. "To Cheer You" Hee hee hee hee...) because the day before they had floated like a ghost across a dark room and scared me. SO, I just now threw away the flowers except for the one remaining alive daisy and the... what are those purple filler flowers? They almost seem dried before they ARE. They aren't Baby's Breath. Maybe statice? (Laurie? Do you remember from high school horticulture?) Anyway, I saved that. Tied it with some hemp string... to keep it.

I *AM* getting better at the being a girlfriend thing, I thing. At least, more sappy? I don't know. Sometimes, it still weirds me out. Like today. See, I am on Kaboodle. Because I feel it necessary to have a place to keep all the things that I go "Oh! I want that!" about, I guess. Anyway, it said invite your friends, and I did,m a few, but I don't REALLY care THAT much. Anyway, sort of forgot about that. Then I get this "accepted" notice... from Fresno. And my first thought was "HOCRAP! I think I mentioned things my BOYFRIEND would like!" And my panic was not because it would spoil a surprise but because I called him a boyfriend.

HELLO, KIPLUCK, YOU AND HIM HAVE SAID THAT ALREADY! It's not a secret! But still, my initial thought is PANIC that he'll find out I like him. It is STUPID. I KNOW that. But it remains that way still. Anyway that was my freak out today that I had to step back from and go, umm, okay, that is okay.

And, of course, days like yesterday there is still my stupid SadBrain thinking "Don't do this. Tell him not to like you. Don't make someone else be part of THIS." Sometimes I can think happier about these things... about HIM. He is... ALWAYS... awesome. I'm not kidding. He IS. It really is me. And sometimes I do not like me.... especially lately.

WORKING ON THAT, THOUGH.

ANYWAY, yeah. I have wonderful friends. (Not just for bringing me pirate stuff... or sending me flowers on my birthday (OH! And CC! You were HERE and I didn't give you your Christmas gift. It is UNDER THE TREE!!!! GRRRRR.)... but also all y'all and your sweet words on my notes. Blogger is like my own little support group! *hugs*)

In OTHER news:

etcetera.

You know the expression, "When it Rains, it Pours?"

Well, SOMETIMES when it rains, it pours, sleets, hails, and floods. And I mean that literally AND figuratively.

I think if I write things out it will help me not feel so out of control. But I would also like to not type the f-word 600 times because I hate that word. So here goes.

Woke up with the pretty obvious realization that I was still sick and not going to work, but with too much pain to even sit up. I heard water running, but decided once it had stopped awhile and given it enough time to heat up I would CRAWL, if need be, to the bathtub and try to coax my muscles into working again. Just let The Roomie finish her shower or let that laundry load finish or whatever was running. I called Rinny to say I was death warmed over and closed my eyes for a few minutes to let my turn come. But here's the thing, I fell asleep for a couple HOURS... but could still hear water! I was annoyed that I had slept through... what, one load, and into another? I decided to check.

I climbed out of bed and thought I was still dreaming, maybe abut that bath, because my feet were inch deep in water. Not standing water. RUSHING water rushing under the door and covering my bedroom floor, my hall, my bathroom. Coming from the laundry room. The water heater was burst open and I couldn't turn it off. I turned every knob I could find while calling my dad on mt cell for help. I could barely talk. I kept crying... and throwing up.

Padre came over and was yelling, I was crying. I don't even know if he was yelling at me or just the situation, I didn't even hear words. He turned off our water and called a plumber and started pulling up my carpet. I slipped on the kitchen floor going to the door and killed my back. Suzy had had an accident on the floor. I cleaned it up. Then back downstairs. I got a broom and started trying to sweep the water out and into the drain in the washroom.

I was sick again.

Mom came over, They were both helping me, but I couldn't stop crying. My bed and stuff was all moved into the family room, everything I had on the floor, which being me, was a lot... was drenched. The parents had to leave. I went upstairs to make sure the plumber get in and slipped on the floor AGAIN. I yelled at Suzy, which was not only unfair, fruitless, and cruel considering her background... but stupid. Because suddenly a drop fell on my HEAD and Suzy can't FLY. There was a huge wet crack above my head and it was storming outside. Our ROOF was leaking. I started to cry again and apologize to the pup, who, of course, understood not a word.

Then The Roomie showed up with J, the disabled guy she tends. I told her all of what was going on. Then the plumber man came and he got to work. Hope at last! I continued to sweep water from under the now propped up carpet with fans everywhere. He did stuff, I swept, then he told me to turn on the hot water faucet to release some pressure. It didn't do any WATER, of course, but I guess it did something. J thought it was AWESOME of course and kept CLAPPING for the plumber and saying "Yay! You did it!" He also thought it was so fun that there was water on the floor.

Anyway, Roomie and I swept and then couldn't do any more for awhile and went upstairs, used The Roomie's bathroom, and generally talked myself through a little breakdown... at first. The Roomie took J out for awhile, luckily, too.

After awhile, Plumber man asked if we had a mop. So I brought one down and he said "so, I guess your sink drain was blocked and the hot water was on. So, yeah". I looked. WAY WAY WAY more water on the floor. Not one inch... more like 5. Standing water, EVERYWHERE. EVERY room. "So, umm, you have hot water now.... couldn't hear the faucet over the fans. S**t. Sorry about this, but I have to go to school."

I couldn't fight back. I literally sat down in the water and cried. Then I thought the fans would electrocute me, so I jumped up and unplugged them and began to sweep and bail water out of my room again. Then I checked the drawers of my bathroom cupboard, each totally full of water and just plain crap. My jars and bottles of meds and things were open, many of them. I threw away so much. Everything ruined. Meds and soaps and other things. And apparently cleansers that when I was dumping all the spoiled things down the toilet splashed on me... because my hands and feet are covered in rashes and chemical burns.

I tried. I tried really really hard. I just could not handle things. J and The Roomie came home and as soon as she turned her back J booked it downstairs to look at the FUN that was going on in the basement. Unfortunately, the "fun" he found was me down on the floor crying and saying "I give up I give up I give up" and thinking really bad things. And it terrified him and he started to BAWL and then yell "NO NO NO" at me and hide under my blanket which I told him to put down because I didn't want his snot on it.

Because I am a really wretched person today. I yell at abused dogs and handicapped people who I have scared the crap out of. I felt AWFUL and it made me feel worse and cry harder.

I really hated me today. And I hate the extent to which I hated me today.

After I scared away J, I cleaned up more, cried more, prayed like mad, and told the parents what happened and to see if they still had a carpet cleaner that could suck out the even MORE water that now was in my basement. Padre came to help and ask HOW this happened. I told him. He was FURIOUS at the plumber. He helped clean a little but mostly, I think he left to go chew out the plumber. I told him it was probably my fault. I didn't know I needed to stay at the faucet or whatever. I was sick, I left. I assumed that the plumber should have things covered himself. I don't know. I can't care anymore.

So now I am in my bed in the family room feeling only a little less depressed than the rest of the day. But I think I will, at least, have my hot shower at last before going to sleep.

You could name me Polly...

...for all the crackers I've eaten. Well, crackers and water. As that is ALL I can eat right now.

I am pretty dang sick and tired of being sick and tired. However, finally talked to a doctor about it today (because I MISSED WORK today AND yesterday since I was busy worshiping the porcelain idol. And I actually LIKE work and feel awful when I can't be there! Missing work is BORING! I mean, I feel too crappy to go in, but I miss stuff happening! Pepper the goat could be having her kids! The baby bunnies have their eyes open... they could be doing funny stuff! Weak tummied children could be barfing at horse poop... okay, I don't really mind missing that. Today I'd probably join in.) just to be told that it wasn't my new meds, I just had picked up a "nasty stomach bug."

Probably from working with messy children or farm animals? hee hee hee!

ANYWAY, in honor of, umm, being bored, here's a SURVEY!

Questions People Wouldn't Ask. [Yeah, only "you" Just DID?]


OO1. When's the last time you ran? Last week I ran to get T-Bone (or Jake... I don't ACTUALLY know the difference between the twin Jersey calves yet)'s head out of the fence he was stuck in. I do NOT run for fun. Only emergencies.

OO2. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?
Not most of them, no. A few pairs I use for, like, yard work or painting.

OO3. What are you dreading right now?
Certain doctor's appointments... and the possibility I might feel as crappy tomorrow as I have today.

OO4. Do you celebrate 4/20?
National Look-a-Like Day? OF COURSE!

OO5. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night?
not 8 in a ROW, no

O06. If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would ya'll do?
it depends on who's coming over! <--- EXACTLY <---- Ditto. :O) O07. Who last grabbed your a**? Last and ONLY thus far... Hermana Butler. YES, REALLY. She's a psycho!!!! (but a funny psycho)

O08. Have you ever been on your school's track team?
Have I ever even been on my school's TRACK?!

O09. Do you own a pair of Converse?
Nope, but my BoyKid has some seriously Old School RED ones that we play with. Awww... I miss my brother!

O10. Did you copy and paste this survey?
No. Actually, I printed it out and then retyped it word-for-word into my blog. WHAT KIND OF STUPID QUESTION IS THAT?!

O11. Do you eat raw cookie dough?
Yes I do. Salmonella be Damned I WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO! But probably, not, like, ummm... TODAY. But when I have the opportunity and am not sick to begin with.

O12. Have you ever kicked a vending machine?
No, but I have hit the side to try and make it give me my paid for goodies!
(however, if I met THIS one I would be scared it would hit back. It's FREAKY.)

O13. Don't you hate it when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over?
Yes.

O14. Do you watch Trading Spaces?
No. I abstain from ALL "reality" shows. That is one, isn't it?

O15. How do you eat oreos?
Guiltily.

O16. Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone?
I am a nerd. I see my best friends once a MONTH in real life if I am very VERY lucky. My boyfriend lives in California and we met on LDSMingle. My entire social life is through the internet. What do YOU think?!

O17. Are you cocky?
Nope, I'm Heny!

And Punny. And on a very large amount of medication right now.

O18. Could you live without a computer?
Sure, but would it be worth it?!

O19. Do you wear your shoes in the house?
HA. I hardly even wear shoes OUT of the house, except at work. Actually, not even at work when I'm in the office.

O20. At what age did you find out that Santa wasn't real?
I' M NOT LISTENING I'M NOT LISTENING.

O21. How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house?
2 phones to the land line, my cell, and The Roomie's cell.

O22. What do you do when you're sad?
Cry. Hide. Cry-de?

O23. Who would you call first if you won the lottery?
Probably my mom?

O24. Last time you saw your best friend?
I have a few fabulous people that fall under that heading. The one I saw most recent was Megan and that was on Sunday!

O25. Who or what sleeps with you?
Well, during various points during the night most get thrown onto the floor but I usually start out with Max (stuffed dog from when I was little), Camilla (fluffy, yellow pillow), and Cherry Cordial (fluffy red dog from Fresno for Valentines)

026. Are you/have you ever been in love?
Probably?

027. Are you in high school?
emotionally sometimes. ;) <--- Ha! DITTO.

028. Is anyone on your bad side now?
I try to be a nice person. I do not like everyone however. So, I would have to say YES. But nobody that hasn't been there many MANY times. (So if you are reading this, then trust me, YOU are not on my bad side!)

O29. What jewelry are you wearing?
right now, none. I WAS wearing a cute necklace when I thought I may be well enough to go to work. WRONGO.

O30. What's the first thing you do when you get online?
Open, like, 5 windows. Usually that means iGoogle (homepage)email, Yahoo listings if I am home/thanksgivingpoint.com if I'm at work, maybe Blogger, and anything else I am actually WORKING on.

O31. Do you watch Grey's Anatomy?
Nope. But I watch Scrubs, MASH, and sometime House or ER so that fills my medical TV needs, thanks anyway.

O32. How do most people spell your name?
with a lowercase a and an e at the end. Neither is correct, but I am pretty used to it so most don't bug me (especially the non-caps A because, really, it is WEIRD to SAY your middle name as part of your first and yet capitalize it (but not so weird that I am the Only one, right CC?!). Therefore, misspelling that is no big deal.). I am always extra impressed when people spell it right, though.

O33. Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes?
Umm, DOUBTFUL as I am BIGGER than him and it would make me feel super fat. (Not because HE is fat, but just the whole "I AM THE GIRL! I WANT TO BE LITTLER!" thing.)

O34. Where do you work?
Education Department of Thanksgiving Point in Lehi, UT!

O35. What are you doing tomorrow?
I HOPE I am teaching the class "Crazy Crawly Caterpillars!" and holding baby bunnies and watching hilarious goats and being given a million dollars by a random philanthropist going door-to-door. But at least the first 3 things. Otherwise I am throwing up some more and crying probably because I HATE BEING SICK!!!

O36. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson?
Michael is a creepy PERSON but a dancing/song writing PHENOM. Justin Timberlake is NOT EVEN CLOSE to being that cool, even with the creepiness. Not now, not ever.

O37. Favorite name for a girl?
Amythyst

O38. Favorite name for a boy?
Kimball

O39. Will you keep your last name when you get married?
Yes and No. If I get to be a writer or illustrator I will keep my name professionally, but change it for REAL stuff. Unless I marry somebody with a stupid last name, like, Booger or Ashwipe. If that happened he could take mine.

O40. When was the last time you left your house?
Ummm... around 7, I think? Just to take Suzy out for a potty walk, though.

O41. Do you return your cart?
If they have a cart return corral thing YES. I am rather a stickler about that. Sometimes I will even take in a few that are near my car. And I will usually take MY cart from the lot into the store to start with rather than getting one at the door. HOWEVER, when they don't have corrals I just put it with other carts unless I am in a nice mood and take it to the store. The only one I will ALWAYS take back into the store even though they do not have corrals is DI. I figure it's like service tithes.

O42. Do you have a dishwasher?
yes, thank GOODNESS.

O43. What noise do you hear?
just the gurgle of Tortuga's pump in the tank and the clicking of my keys. (I just turned off the TV and am going to go to bed as SOON as I finish this survey!

O44. Would you survive in prison?
I don't know. Probably.

O45. Who is the youngest in your family?
BoyKid, age 19

O46. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would be most likely to over pack?
Probably me <--- she's right. I mean, as in CC would. Not Me.

O47. Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
Yes. At least THREE people, one of which is my good friend on Glider Alley. Wacky, huh?

O48. What's the last thing you purchased?
Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid by Lemony Snicket
But it hasn't arrived yet.

O49. Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you?
Not usually, except, like for Christmas presents or something. OH! Except on Friday, I think it was, Rinny bought me (and the new employees, Stewbert 2 and HotShawn) kiddy ice cream cones at the Harvest Deli after our Tractor driving lesson! Sometimes she really IS a good boss.

O50. What brand are your pants right now?
I don't know, actually. I am a habitual tag cuter-outer.

O51. Ever been to Georgia?
No, I don't think I have.

O52. What irritates you most on the internet?
irritating people who are using the internet.

O53. What brand is your digital camera?
I have a Kodak and a Nikkon and... I think a Cannon?

O54. Do you watch movies with your parents?
yes, but I usually avoid it because my dad STOPS them to say stuff or replay things he thinks are weird.

O55. What song best describes your life right now?
Tonight it is Girl in the War by Josh Ritter. (p.s. Sherpa, you ROCK for introducing it to me!)

O56. Do you own expensive perfume/cologne?
HA HA HA HA HA... oh, sorry... no.

O57. Are you taking college classes right now?
No, but contemplating it.
Again.
*SIGH*

058. Do you like sushi?
depends, I am a wimp. But the stuff I like of it, I like a lot.

059. Do you get your hair cut every month?
Maybe if I was a BOY. But, no, I SHOULD get it cut soon. I keep planning to. And colored again.

060. Do you go online everyday?
See O16.



SAY GOOD NIGHT, GRACIE!!!

"Computer, is there another Berilium Sphere on board?"

I am pretty sure it is 4 million degrees in this house right now. I DON'T KNOW WHY. And you really can't get any more naked than nude without removing SKIN. I know how that sounds. But no, I am not, nor have I ever been, on Meth. Though I am not 100% sure part of this is not due to the new meds. I don't know. But right now I feel like I may burn up or become dehydrated from sweating so much... I really CAN'T drink enough water either. That, I am sure, IS mostly pills.

And now guzzling water like that, I think, has made me sick to my stomach.

This is NOT a good night.

HOWEVER, I finally found a link to singing , though not Lyrics, for Suck by Chump (it gets better as it goes on ). Aww, our little home-grown Utah Hip-Hop Rappers. Meeeeeemories!

Honestly, how did I survive before the internet to feed my Give-Me-My-Answers-This-Instant! demands? Fresno laughs at me because we will be talking on the phone in the car and a question will come up and I will be almost enraged at having to wait till I get HOME to look it up online and find the answer instantaneously. I am an Info-Addict.

I need, like, a Star Trek/Galaxy Quest car. "Computer, what are the lyrics to..." etc. Or, you know, Kitt... (I do so adore Threadless.)

And now I need to shut up and go to sleep. SIGH.

ReTitled Tune Tuesday; or, In search of Chump

You know how bad I am at keeping with Memes. It's like I've said before, I usually just forget, or else can't be, umm, Wordless , for instance. However, I have toyed with Tuesday Tunes and I have recently decided I will actually do Tuesday Tunes Retitled. And to kick it off I will do more than one because I have been so entertained with recent lyrics.

For Instance, this one I would call The Kind of Song I Can Totally See BoyKid Writing, or How to Live with Sisters and Girl Friends

(formerly known as Mood Rings by Reliant K)

We all know the girls that I am talking about
Well they are time bombs and they are ticking
And the only questions when theyll blow up
And theyll blow up; we know that without a doubt
Cause theyre those girls, yeah you know those girls that let their emotions get the best of them

And Ive contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow man
Lets get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
So well be tipped off to when theyre ticked off
Cause well know just what theyre thinking
Cause what theyre thinking...

Shes so pretty but she but doesnt always act that way
Her moods out swinging on the swing set almost every day
She said to me that shes so happy its depressing
And all I said was someone get that girl a mood ring

If its drama you want then look no further
Theyre like the real world meets boy meets world meets days of our lives
And it just kills me how they get away with murder
Theyll anger you then bat their eyes; those pretty eyes that watch you sympathize

And Ive contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow man
Lets get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
So well be tipped off to when theyre ticked off
Cause well know just what theyre thinking
Cause what theyre thinking...

Shes so pretty but she but doesnt always act that way
Her moods out swinging on the swing set almost every day
She said to me that shes so stressed out that its soothing
And all I said was someone get that girl a mood ring

Cause when its black (it) means watch your back because youre probably
The last person in the world right now she wants to see
And when its blue it means that you should call her up immediately
And ask her out because shell most likely agree
And when its green it simply means that she is really stressed
And when its clear it means shes completely emotionless (and thats all right I must confess)

We all know the girls that I am talking about
She liked you wednesday but now its friday and she has to wash her hair
And it just figures that well never figure them out
First shes jekyll and then shes hyde....at least she makes a lovely pair

Mood ring oh mood ring
Oh tell me will you bring
The key to unlock this mystery
Of girls and their emotions
Play it back in slow motion
So I may understand the complex infrastructure known as the female mind

This one is If Kipluck Wrote a Love Song on One of her Down Days (With Great Apoligies to Fresno But it's One of Those Days)

(Formerly known as You Don't Suck by Chump)

But MORE about this gem. Story #1 - See, it was NOT easy finding. Monday morning I was driving to work and in a yucky mood. And this song came on. It totally made me giggle. I decided I needed the lyrics. It was by Chump, which ALSO made me giggle as they were a little local band when I was in high school and, well, I WAS listening to KOHS 97.1... that's right, boys and girls, I listen to Orem High's little alternative radio station. I think I even SAW Chump a few times, like at Wrapsody when that still existed. I like going to little local shows. Plus, you never know when they will get big, Like The Used used to play there, ooh and remember when Auqabats was semi-local? Or the Killers? Yes, I am a geek. ANYWAY, so when I got home I searched the net for the song. The problem is all it would give me is some rather NOT it lyrics from Eminem.

FINALLY I found the BAND named Chump, Here! Only problem? THAT is not them. Then I realized that SOMEWHERE in this house I owned at least 2 old Chump CDs. (One of which has the Chicken Butt song on it, Mali! Remember that? "NOOOOOOOO!" Hee hee hee hee hee!) So I looked in my CDs. The CDs are there, but with out website info (And I DON'T have the one WITH the song of the day on it.). SO I dug through a box to find CD CASES and... HOORAY!!!! AN ADDY! www.chumpsucka.com!

Story #2 - did you notice how I started that story 1 with an heir of "this is how I found the lyrics?" Well, that was crap because I just wrote that all right as I found the address. Only to find the site defunct. So this could be the STUPIDEST Tune Tuesday I have ever done as it won't even HAVE the lyrics I was desperate to post! Also, it is the ONLY Tune Tuesday I have ever done making it, pretty much, a faliure ALL AROUND possibly. SO this is all I know now after MUCH more research than one SHOULD afford things like this. The song is actually called "I Love you 'Cuz You Don't Suck." It was off the Chump CD Sucka, circa 1998. Their old website is now gone.

However, their label has one listed as www.dcsproductions.cjb.net... and... nope, it's gone too.

So, ummm... does anyone have the lyrics for me?