The dreaded tomorrow

For over a month, I have been having really bad stomach pain.  More than I ever have before with my Gastroparesis.  So began the last little while of test after test.

Blood tests

CT Scan

XRay

Fecal Tests (everything comes down to poo!)

Urinalysis

Gastric Emptying Study (eating radioactive scrambled eggs and watching them digest)

I've had a few results (Gastroparesis is a lot worse, my white blood count is up, and so is my sed rate.)  but I have also had a very harrowing ER visit, and am hurting worse than ever, which brings us to today. Today I am prepping for a short hospital stay and going under so they can do an endoscopy (a camera goes down my throat)  and a colonoscopy (a camera goes up my... well, you get the idea).  Have I mentioned anesthesia is pretty much my biggest fear? I HATE the idea of being out of control of my senses. Actually my BIGGEST fear, and I mean very biggest fear is that I will be PARTLY under, like under enough not to speak or move but not under enough not to feel and they will start procedure and I will be screaming inside... basically, that movie "Awake" that came out a few years ago? The trailers gave me panic attacks, no lie.

So, that probably won't happen. And if it did, this is a colonoscopy... not surgery. So it would be really uncomfortable, not, like, kill me.

RIGHT??? *sigh* I hate hospitals soooo much...