Sunday, June 29, 2008

I want to KEEP my Foster Kid but I can't afford a damn farm.

I was explaining this to Steph earlier who got it so hopefully this won't sound stupid to everyone else either. The reason I haven't been writing lately is I feel like a hypocrite and I don't want to feel like a hypocrite. ("Doin' the Hypocrite Rock rock!" Yeah, I still like Scripture Scouts. I AM a dork.)

I am having a particularly hard time emotionally right now. We have been adjusting my meds, continuing therapy, and working on it from other directions (I am on "meal time" shots, too, now)... but I still mostly feel like I am only half living, and am not "correct thinking" sometimes, which means 1. I finally got approved for one of the lower plans on Medicare (Yay!) and 2. Have been living at my parents' house and under their supervision since January. This week I moved back in to my own home with The Roomie and my critters! Unfortunately the reason I convinced everyone I could go back home WASN'T because I was doing so well, but because I had PROMISED the roomie I would tend the birds (and my own critters) for her big week long hike to Havasou which is now.

Right now the dealio is I HAVE to check in with my parents everyday. Which works since my mom babysits Josie the days I am in charge of day camps. But I am getting ahead of myself. Anyway, they think maybe after The Roomie comes BACK from her hike I should come back to the homestead, but I am negotiating. ;O) hee hee!

So, yeah, struggling. HOWEVER, the crazy part is I have been DOING super fun things! WHY AM I SAD?! It's not fair to be sad when things are good! That's screwed up! Besides being screwed up it makes me sound stupid and fake and hypocritical! "Life is so good! I want to die! Yay fun! I hate myself!" (Wow, that was a LOT of exclamation points.... bugger it. I meant them. They equal emotion, I was being emotive.) Grrr...

But anyway the good things, and I mean REALLY cool things. 1. Parkerisa and the Mini-Fringe HellBaby and new baby, Tommy came from Illinois to visit! 2. I got a foster kid and fell so in love with her it may rip my heart in to pieces to give her back when the time comes... oh, that last part is not so good. But Yeah.

For those of you worried that some deluded child services worker has given me the care of another human being, I mean LITERALLY, a KID. Josie is a baby goat. A Nigerian Pygmy goat to be specific and she is adorable. Her mama rejected her, now she thinks I'm mom. I bottle feed her every 4 hours, let her potty inside my house when we don't make it outside (though we are trying out diapers), worry about her sniffles, and laugh at her hysterical antics. I will have her till she is weaned and then I think I may die. I am so attached. She is horribly spoiled. She is also, unfortunately, every ounce AWARE of how cute and tiny she is and pushes every rule.

I am worried for her. She was a very tiny preemie and not expected to live, so some things are developing GREAT, others she is coming along, others she is behind. I can NOT get her to lick water from a bowl to save her life, though she loves to chew everything in sight. She loves to play and butt and jump onto EVERYTHING, but has major attachment issues when I leave her. It is back and forth. I want to keep her so bad, I have looked into houses with land and SHOCKINGLY (HA!) there are no small farms for rent for under 400 bucks with in commuting distance of work.

For now just trying to enjoy the moment... and learn to heat up bottles faster, change a GOAT'S diaper one handed, and cover the bruises my baby gives me by LITERALLY walking all over me.

Many MANY pictures to follow (of Josie, the wonder goat, not my bruises) as soon as I can find my dang connector cord that said housegoat has probably dragged away to hide and chew. Naughty little brat.

So, yeah, THE FRINGE WILL REAR AGAIN!!! At least Parker (and Risa and HellBaby and Tommy) and Me. And I will finish THAT story later because it is late and I WAS in bed till Josie woke me up and I decided to hold her and blog a little. TA DA! More later about Parker and Sue and MommyDearest and day camps and Stewie's baby shower and my awesome friends etc.


  1. Aaaand I'm finally caught up! YAY!

  2. I'm still struggling to see why you felt like a hypocrite. Blogging is a means to an end, I think. Just a way to express yourself that's immediate and allows others to react as well. I may be missing the mark from what you said but really, we are all pulling for you.