Remedial Tractor Driver's Ed

If you had asked me a few weeks ago, "Do you know how to drive a tractor?" I would have said "Yes. Though, not very well."
I would have been WRONG.
If you ask me that TODAY I can say "Yes. Though, not very well." without lying but for some reason I THOUGHT I could before.
In fact, I thought I HAD before.
But going back through my mind through field trips I have ALWAYS managed to get someone else to do the actual driving for the wagon ride, even at our most short-staffed.

I guess THAT'S not true. Our MOST short-staffed is NOW. And NOW is when, realizing I will be driving alone for the first time "in quite awhile" [read: EVER except a few minutes training], I asked Rinny for a refresher. It was then I realized I had no clue in HELL how to drive the tractor and never really had.

Before you mock me, those of you who believe learning to drive a stick is easy, let me assure you, OUR TRACTOR IS NOT YOUR TOYOTA. For reasons I do NOT understand, it has 2 brakes. Neither of which actually STOP in enough of a hurry in case a feral cat or hyper child runs in front of you as fast as SLAMMING ON THE CLUTCH DOES. Does that make sense? NO. But it's still true. It also has 2 gear shift stick thingies. WHY? Why 2? And why does one of them have no labels? Why do I need to feel if it's in Neutral? Why can't it have an N next to it? Is that so hard?

So I practiced and practiced all day. Oh and it's a dumb orange Kubota, so I can't even call up Coats and be all "guess what I drove" and throw her into a farm girl dither. (Farmers make WEIRD and creepy FanGirls.)

AAAANYWHOO....

That was MY day.

HIGH on a Mountain Top...

I have been hurting a lot lately and haven't been IN to work, but HAVE been working. Fairchild Challenge. *screams* HOWEVER, I have to admit I have spent even MORE hours campaigning against a bill in a state that I don't even live in. Because it involves Sugar Gliders, but also, it is just a BAD BILL. And I have friends in Missouri and I just... I have kind of become obsessed with not letting it pass. I have been flooding message boards and email with info. Writing letters to the editor of news papers in Missouri (where it is) and contacting pet stores and politicians around there. Anyway, yeah. Listen, House Bill 1847 basically bans ALL birds, most reptiles, and several small mammals like gliders, Degus, and maybe ones like rats and stuff for the whole state of Missouri. And if we get all Millennial and we end up having to move there I better damn well be able to bring my babies with me. Anywhoo... If this sounds at ALL like something important to you look at my other blog, Tails from the Ark, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE and DO something.

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On (Good) Friday I went to the temple! I haven't been in a REALLY long time. It was a very very good thing to do considering it is the week to remember the Resurrection of the Savior (not that we shouldn't remember ANYWAY, but you know what I mean!)! Rinny, the Righteous One was the one who instigated it, and Mom and I came with. However, I probably really shouldn't have. Even with a LOT of meds... and I mean a lot... INCLUDING the one that gave me a bad trip last time (but a much MUCH smaller dose) I was hurting a lot. Also I was scared I was going to be, like, stoned... in the Temple. I felt sick the whole time and it was hard to pay any attention and fell asleep, not just during, uhh, quiet times, but actually while DOING things. In fact, once I fell asleep while I was standing. A Leeeeetle scary.

So it probably wasn't wise to go right now. My mom thought so anyway. But it was good, too. So, sometimes good cancels out unwise. Hee hee! Anyway, I am kind of paying for it more now. There is something bad happening in my leg right now. I am pretty sure my thigh wants to kill me. STUPID LEG. But yay for the gospel!

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[removed by request of my mom... who read it... and was mentioned... and also thinks I may potentially hurt feelings of family members so, yeah. Sorry to Mom. And her sister and brother in law even though I have NO idea why they would ever stumble upon this entry or even this blog. * And private mom stuff has been eliminated. I really AM sorry]

So, I need to be more righteous! (Because I need a buncha blessings and need to be worthy of them and all I got right now is VERY occasional temple attendance and, hey! I updated my spiritual blog!


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Easter was good-ish. Rinny came over (to the Padre's. Because that's where I am right now. *SIGH*) and I brought over Bratanik, too. We decorated HIS shell (just with stickers for pics for BoyKid. Don't call PETA! Hee hee!) as well as eggs. It was fun. We were VEEEERY creative. We had dinner. We read The Living Christ together. Dad gave Rinny a blessing of safety in preparation for her upcoming business trip to Seattle. Then Dad gave us a random moralistic Lecture involving enduring till the end, toddlers, and stuffed bunnies that sort of just ended with me being really pissed off, which is NOT how I want to feel after hearing a priesthood blessing but, well, that's Dad.

It's a good thing I like dying eggs a lot!




*You are not really a doormat and slime. (it was an analogy ;O) )

Family Ward: WARNING MAY CAUSE IDENTITY CRISIS

Family wards are weird.

Yes, I am going to church with my parents right now. Which is kind of awkward. Not that I was all THAT close to my Young Single Adult's Ward. But at least I was in the right AGE group. This just confused me I am sitting there next to my mom and dad and I saw this girl who was nice and smiled at me and she was sitting by her mom too and so I suddenly thought "maybe she'll be my friend."

Why did I think this? Because in my IdiotBrain we were both KIDS, you know, because we were sitting with moms. The difference? Oh, I don't know the fact that she actually IS a kid, and I am technically an adult? Yes. I seriously thought I was the same relative age as a 12 or 14 year old. Because, like a nerd I just thought "Hey she's with a mom, I'm with a mom, maybe she is my age." Realize that this stupidity only lasted for a moment, but it really happened and caused me to feel VERY dumb and look around at the congregation and decide that I pretty much see strangers in that way. Adults: Married people. Kids: Non-married people like me. And, apparently freaking teenagers if my brain turns off momentarily. Kiddlets: Elementary school kids I guess. The funny ones. Babies: The crying ones. Only cute from a distance. (unless they are the furry variety)

I have plenty of friends who are married... MOST in fact. And they don't make me feel like a stupid little kid. But strangers do, somehow. Like I just don't fit into the grown up world without either a hubby on my arm or barring that a high-flying career and feminist attitude.

I don't know. Blah.

But yeah, the ward... FUNNY! There is a baby blessing almost every week. And the child blessed's NAME? ANIME. The Grandpa giving the blessing tried to say it slow and spaced, like, Anna May, so the congregation would not know the mother (a young, unmarried girl my mom visit teaches) was such a nerd, but I SAW how she spelled it. The baby's name is Anime. HA HA!

Anyway, that was my Sunday.

Bag Tag... Ehu Ask's...

What's in my purse?







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OH, so you wanted my REGULAR purse did you? Well, too bad. Hee hee hee! I can't find my camera's connector cord thingy. So it'll be a few days. ;O)

The Difference between Return Missionaries and Malificent...

I know this isn't REALLY how the priesthood works, but whenever a baby is given a blessing in church, I imagine fairy godmother gifts and try to see how the "spell" could go wrong down the road. I know that is silly, but I read too much. Like in Ella Enchanted how the fairy Lucinda gives her the gift of Obedience and so she HAS to obey whatever she is ordered which is why she has to obey her wicked step-family. And how Amethyst Alexandra Augusta Araminta Adelaide Aurelia Anne aka: Amy gets all those gifts and then the most powerful fairy makes her "Ordinary." (Or, you know, the basic "fall asleep if she pricks her finger on a spinning wheel" but, yeah.)

So, I went to church today, in the Padre's ward and there was a baby girl being named and blessed and blessed to be "energetic" and all I could think was "dude, she's gonna be so hyper!" My poor future husband (if I ever have one). If we ever have kids, I will be so nervous about the dang blessing I will probably make him tell me what he plans to pray for!

So, anyway, one of the guys in the circle was Walter of The Chums! Not to be confused with the Fringe, the Chums were a group of awesome friends back in my old 'hood. I know, I've moved a LOT. So technically there are a lot of old neighborhoods. But I USUALLY mean my favorite neighborhood. The one in Orem that I spent half of 5th grade through high school in, played night games (in the back yard of one of said Chums) in, met Mali in, got my dog Cassie in, etc. We liked it so much we lived there twice... 2 houses on the same block.

So, yeah. Not that I really KNEW knew Walter. I just know he was a Chum. And it made me miss Gina and the rest of the 3/5 Ward and that TIME. I have been really nostalgic lately. I miss... times. (And, on a semi-related note, I HATE DAYLIGHT SAVINGS. It sucks.)

So yeah. That was my Sunday. (I know, I am just SOOOO spiritually minded sometimes. But hey, I WENT. Even though I wanted to cry because I was hurting the whole time I DID go, so that is something.) And now I am going to go to bed so that I can wake up and maybe get some work done on the Fairchild Challenge project for work before my doctor's appointment. SIGH.

I'm sorry, Celebrate the WHATS?!

SO, I am following in my little sister's footsteps. SIGH. No, it's a good thing, really.

I have decided since I actually LIKE my job and would like to do it for REAL (elsewhere... for more money and better benefits) someday I am going to start trying to get to sort of where SHE is... but without her degree from the Y (since, you know, they wouldn't take me anyway.) So I am going to do this by PRACTICAL learning. Basically being willing to get, like, every BSA certification we are offered, and dive into 4-H with Rinny. I am going to be doing a lot more Training-type stuff. Like going to a 3-day and night 4-H conference thing out in PRICE called a Leadermete. That's the day after my birthday, the 10th, 11th, and 12th. It could really suck... or be cool. We shall see. Some of the classes sound fun. Others sound, well, boring. But that's how inservice is, you know? And I need this stuff. I need DIRECTION in my career... I need ANYTHING in my career for it to BE a potential career instead of a year round summer job.

I am going crazy with boredom.

And yet...

some days I can barely manage to get out of bed. Not just Depression, either, even though OBVIOUSLY that's sure there. I mean actual physical pain. So it seems pretty stupid to be all "Ack! Must have real job!" since I can't even GO to it half the damn time. I know that. But I just feel so frustrated with myself. I hate feeling, for the lack of a better word, so DISABLED right now. I want to do MORE... my body wants to do LESS. I want to see less doctors and take less pills... I need to see more and take more to get me figured out before I can get more normalized. It's an ugly place to find myself in. I hate it. It feels hopeless and sad. Like being in a prison with a tiny window with good view. Pointless.

What's so "fun" about having only 4 candy eggs per package?

Random... news.

News 1

Well, BoyKid DID get transfered. I think it's gonna be hard on him, too. He loved training. He LOVED Parma. Also, even though he has that perpetual good attitude thing that few can manage but him, but my mom always looks at, like travel info wherever he goes. And all of it says stuff like "don't plan any time for Ancona. It is a noisy dirty truck stop." Not that missions are for site-seeing... they are for soul-saving! But Parma was Gorgeous. OH and the only thing touristy she found about Ancona? NUDE BEACHES. HA HA HA HA! I mean, Elders can't swim anyway, but they couldn't even walk ALONG the beach here! hee hee hee! SO in a desperate search to find fun things to talk about to baby bro about his new area I went Google happy and found out some LESS, uhh, CONVENTIONAL fame for Ancona. CROP CIRCLES, People. ("I'm insane with anger!") HA! According to several sites, he is in, like, Area 51. "in Ancona are found many mysterious and some of the world's most beautiful crop circles." (one of my favorite parts was where it said that ONE of the 10 was probably a hoax according to ufologists. Did you know that "ufologists" is the same in English and Italian?

News 2

Another deer died. This time it was technically in the next door neighbor's yard but we still had to call to get it picked up. Because we are the Lorax! We speak for the deer! The padre's neighbors are these very nice people from Vietnam who speak very little English. My mom is good friends with the mom. They go out to lunch together, which cracks me up, even though communication is a lot of smiling and nodding. (Also very funny was when my mom and another lady from her church decided to give her a Book of Mormon (VietnaMom is not LDS) in her language, and accidentally gave her one in Urdu (Pakistani language) which looks NOTHING like Vietnamese because it was in Alphabetical order but on the wrong shelf and my mom didn't know any better. She gave it to her, and when she told my mom "I can not read this." she thought she had totally offended her. Then she said "No, I can't read this language!" my mom protested and said "yes! You can! Look, it's in Vietnamese!" So that was pretty awesome because it cracked VietnaMom up for like 20 minutes.)

Anyway, so the other day, VietnaMom comes over and gets Mom and says "you have deer, yes?"

"well, we have them in our yard, but they aren't REALLY OURS you know. I mean, they live here, but I don't own them. I can't like... call them." I think she was worried "our" deer were causing trouble and maybe VietnaMom thought we could stop them. But instead, VietnaMom started to CRY!

"Oh, I so sorry! Your deer is dead! I tell [some other random neighbor] deer die on yard and they say call [Our last name] they know what do!"

So my mom did. She called and they came to take, yet again, another deer away. VietnaMom kept crying, and asked why it died. Mom told her that just happened in the winter.

"because they just so cold?"

"More because the food runs out. They starve."


It was... cute somehow. I don't mean that condescendingly, or to sound racist. It just... was.


News 3

My friend and Crater-ville roomie, Alabama, might just move back to Utah! This is a happy thing, I think. For one thing, I know we don't REALLY live in "Happy Valley" (do I EVER!) but maybe, somehow, being here would be GOOD for her... church-wise. And for me, well, I have been feeling such a longing for old friends, for reconnecting.

News 4

I am dealing with an odd medical thing. A nerve thing. Like an all over body carpal tunnel. Like electric shocks. Like hitting my funny bone all the time. I don't know what I am going to do. Right now it looks like it's to do with a collapsed part in my spine. It hurts, even with meds. I'm not doing so well. It's frustrating.

News 5

I have NOT eaten any Cadbury Mini Eggs from the "fun-size" bag in the drawer in this desk. I am saving them TILL EASTER. I gave them up for Lent and dang it all, I am going to do SOMETHING right this time!