Sunday, April 3, 2011

Latter-Day Saints and Lizards

Watching General Conference on TV right now.  It is full of messages I need, but I am having a really hard time right now.  I don't feel like my prayers are being answered right now.  I still believe in the Gospel, make no mistake, I am sure if I had more faith I might get more answers.  But right now, I just feel sad and sick and stressed.  And, though I am sure it is not TRUE, I feel like my prayers are only reaching as far as the ceiling these days.

My heart is aching right now.  Depression is really heavy and we are still playing around with my medication.  My stomach and head are both hurting pretty seriously at present.  I am going back to school the day after tomorrow, and I am scared that I will fail in this endeavor.  I am so stressed out about moving and trying to cram all my stuff into my bedroom in the Padres'.  And to top things off, my leopard gecko, Clementine has not been eating for a long time. 

I knew she had eaten little, but until I moved things around in her cage I didn't realize how many little hissing roaches were happily ALIVE in hiding... and how few gecko poops there are.  I had decided that I could do nothing, since *I* can't afford the vet right now and my parents don't believe in taking "just a little lizard" to the vet.  I decided I would have to rehome her to someone capable of giving her the medical care she needs.  I may still come around back to that, but for now I have a list of suggestions to try for a bit, including feeding her chicken baby food by putting it on her nose and making her lick it off, raising her tank temperature, and cleaning and sterilizing the tank again.

So my heart and mind are all messed up about things.  So I keep crying during Conference for stupid reasons.  I just want to be happy. I want to do what I should.

I DO love the Savior, though.  I know that He loves me... it's just me that doesn't love me.


General Conference Notes:

 I love watching conference with Twitter.  I will hear something, kind of miss it and then BOOM up pops a quote I need to hear (along with a few semi-snarky comments...) just like watching with a room full of friends.

Since I missed Saturday (sleeping or crying during the whole thing), I will likely start over once Sunday session ends.  And then maybe rewatch Sunday because I was/am only half way there.

"Neither professions nor possessions should define identity or self-worth." - - Elder Lynn G. Robbins

Because of his infinite love, Jesus Christ invites us to repent so we will not have to feel the full weight of our sins -Elder Grow 

C. Scott Grow... yeah, his name's a sentence. :)

"Reflect in the days ahead... on the unique phenomenon that General Conference is." Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

 "one way or another, God will have his voice heard!" - Elder Holland

"The Church is not a fast food outlet. We can not always have it our way" -Elder Holland

"Bedlamites" hee hee hee.

"Our membership is found throughout the World. Let us be good neighbors" - President Monson

Christ did not turn back! Do not turn your back on Him!


  1. The New Psycho-Cybernetics. Get it. Listen to or read through chapter 3. Then we will discuss.

    Also, I love you.

  2. You're in a much harder place than I am, but you are showing so much more faith than I am. I want you to know that it's probably impossible that's being ignored.