Niaspan = Hell

Last night I started a new medication, and I didn't think a thing about taking the cholesterol med.  Until, in the middle of the night, I woke up and thought I was going to die.  My skin all felt like it was on fire.  I had to throw up, but I was so dizzy I could hardly get to the bathroom.  I called to my parents for help, they helped me to the bathroom, my skin burning and red and my muscles week.  I thought I was having a massive allergic reaction to something and said I needed a ride to the emergency room.

Then Mom remembered I just started the Niaspan.  She read the side-effects:  flushing, headache, diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, increased cough, and itching.  Flushing.  I had read that before but for some reason I assumed it meant the kind of red face and mildly uncomfortable hotness I get from some tartar sauces.  I did NOT expect to feel like my skin was on being covered in flame-tipped needles.  Or be hanging over my head over the toilet, aching like I had the flu.

Apparently my body and Niaspan do NOT get along. I threw them away and I won't be taking it again.  But I was able to take something for the Nausea and sleep at least.  All today (because, yay, the pills were EXTENDED RELEASE) I have felt like crap, but not AS much like crap as earlier.

This is the 2nd worst medical reaction in my life.  Maybe even equal to the worst time.  The Neurologist, my old neurologist, ordered me the wrong dosage on a pill... FOUR TIMES the right amount, and it caused an actual "trip."  Like hallucinations that my ceiling was dripping with thick pink paint and my stuffed animals dancing around, erratically. IT WAS TERRIFYING.

Okay, actually, this was the 2nd or 3rd.  The worst was after the Sphenopalatine block.  They dripped some numbing stuff in my nose and I couldn't walk, with out falling down or throwing up ALL DAY.  It felt like when I had West Nile on the mission, but WORSE.

I hate hate hate pills. I hate being sick.  I hate being me.

Latter-Day Saints and Lizards

Watching General Conference on TV right now.  It is full of messages I need, but I am having a really hard time right now.  I don't feel like my prayers are being answered right now.  I still believe in the Gospel, make no mistake, I am sure if I had more faith I might get more answers.  But right now, I just feel sad and sick and stressed.  And, though I am sure it is not TRUE, I feel like my prayers are only reaching as far as the ceiling these days.

My heart is aching right now.  Depression is really heavy and we are still playing around with my medication.  My stomach and head are both hurting pretty seriously at present.  I am going back to school the day after tomorrow, and I am scared that I will fail in this endeavor.  I am so stressed out about moving and trying to cram all my stuff into my bedroom in the Padres'.  And to top things off, my leopard gecko, Clementine has not been eating for a long time. 

I knew she had eaten little, but until I moved things around in her cage I didn't realize how many little hissing roaches were happily ALIVE in hiding... and how few gecko poops there are.  I had decided that I could do nothing, since *I* can't afford the vet right now and my parents don't believe in taking "just a little lizard" to the vet.  I decided I would have to rehome her to someone capable of giving her the medical care she needs.  I may still come around back to that, but for now I have a list of suggestions to try for a bit, including feeding her chicken baby food by putting it on her nose and making her lick it off, raising her tank temperature, and cleaning and sterilizing the tank again.

So my heart and mind are all messed up about things.  So I keep crying during Conference for stupid reasons.  I just want to be happy. I want to do what I should.

I DO love the Savior, though.  I know that He loves me... it's just me that doesn't love me.

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General Conference Notes:

 I love watching conference with Twitter.  I will hear something, kind of miss it and then BOOM up pops a quote I need to hear (along with a few semi-snarky comments...) just like watching with a room full of friends.

Since I missed Saturday (sleeping or crying during the whole thing), I will likely start over once Sunday session ends.  And then maybe rewatch Sunday because I was/am only half way there.



"Neither professions nor possessions should define identity or self-worth." - - Elder Lynn G. Robbins

Because of his infinite love, Jesus Christ invites us to repent so we will not have to feel the full weight of our sins -Elder Grow 

C. Scott Grow... yeah, his name's a sentence. :)

"Reflect in the days ahead... on the unique phenomenon that General Conference is." Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

 "one way or another, God will have his voice heard!" - Elder Holland


"The Church is not a fast food outlet. We can not always have it our way" -Elder Holland

"Bedlamites" hee hee hee.

"Our membership is found throughout the World. Let us be good neighbors" - President Monson

Christ did not turn back! Do not turn your back on Him!

Why the Long Face?

Last night I cried for a few hours straight.  I am just feeling really really messed up right now.  And scared and sick and just sucky.  So, I don't feel much like joking today, but...







graphics & comments | April Fools Day Graphics |
And that makes everything a bit more fun.  Especially online.

Gmail Motion  made my day.  ESPECIALLY the printable motion guide.
Then the job offer for  Autocompleter. HA HA!
Then pretty much everything at ThinkGeek (like the Arsenic-Based Sea Monkeys and the Playmobil Apple Store.).

The only April Fool's joke I actually FELL for  happened yesterday (DARN TIME ZONES!!!) when Mali announced her engagement. It's not my fault! It wasn't April 1st yet and she DOES have an awesome boyfriend after all.  Yeah, she got me.