Stroke

Saturday, my world fell apart again.

My Mom had a stroke.

We were watching some recorded NCISs downstairs and I was about to start another when Mom said not to. I thought she was going to say she was going to run to the bathroom or something. Instead she said "I think I am having a stroke. I need you to call an ambulance.... wait, no..." she paused a minute as I picked up the phone, but her eyes were wall-eyed, like going 2 different ways. "Are my eyes crossed?"
"No, they are wall eyed" And I dialed as she said "yeah, I think you need to call."

I called 911. I told the paramedic, and at first it was pretty easy to be calm because Mom answered all my questions clearly.
"Is your mom having trouble breathing?"
"Mom, any trouble breathing?"
"No, I'm breathing fine."
Etc.
But then she started to slur, and sort of fall asleep. I kept trying to make her stay awake and talk to me, but she got less and less coherent. I yelled upstairs to BoyKid that he needed to go outside so that he could wave down the ambulance. He did not really know what was going on, but came downstairs instead, so I said, "fine, *I* will go out! Keep talking to her and 911 wants to be called back if her condition changes!"

I ran upstairs and threw on clothes (because, as usual, I was still wearing PJs at, like 3 in the afternoon) while calling Padre on the cell (because, as usual, he was golfing) and ran outside just as the paramedics and a firetruck arrived in the cul-de-sac. I told them that she had now basically gone UNconscious, and we could not keep her talking and that they would probably have better luck getting a gurney thing down the outside stairs/lawn thing and through the bay doors then through the front.

They came and took her to the hospital. They couldn't wake her up all day. She was sleeping, but sleeping so HARD it was like she was under anesthesia. The doctors kept saying everything was normal. EKG, normal. Blood sugar, normal. They tried smelling salt stuff and she wouldn't wake up but she was breathing heavy, and snoring weird... like a cartoon snore... they had her on oxygen.

For hours, she slept. Every time she seemed to stir, we almost yelled at her and begged her to wake up and stay alert. A few times she almost did... she even woke and TALKED, but it was only to say something weird. (Like once she said "I'm okay. I'm gonna go get some peaches." Before going out again.)


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So, I started this post over a month ago, and never finished it. I guess I just wanted to end it differently. Like "and that was last week. But now she's fine." But the thing is, while Mom IS much better... she is out of the hospital, and can talk and stay awake and stuff, she still can't walk with out help, and can't see right. Her eyes go different ways making it near impossible to really see more than doubled blurs. She uses a walker, and one of us, to go to the restroom, but a wheelchair for trips to the kitchen. She still gets foggy, and slurs when she gets tired. She is on oxygen.

I am doing so okay with things. Lately, I have been having to rely heavily on my mom for things, with my whole medical thing. Now she is worse off than me. I feel worried for her... and worried for ME, too. Anyway, it has just been... bad. My mom is awesome. My family is AMAZING. But I am feeling scared of what will happen to us. I don't know that we can make it with a Mom who can't mother.