Letter-versery and Writer's Block

WHY CAN'T I WRITE?!  ARGH!  I have 2 articles that I am semi-Jazzed about writing. One about pumpkins (more fun than it sounds) one about the Feline Conservation Federation.  And yet, I am totally suffering writer's block. Big time.

One thing that is kind of cool. To me anyway. It is like my Letter-versery tomorrow.  One year ago today MyNigerian and I started writing regularly.  Dang but I love that boy.  I hope he can be patient.


Thing-a-Day: I know that was meant to be for creative endeavors.  But for me, I call TADs doing ANYTHING because so often my head and other medical crap keeps me doing NOTHING.  So anyhow TAD: I totally redid my Crabitat and the crabs are totally running around checking it out.  And, yay, my little surface molting streaker is back in a shell and looking healthier.  And JACK, my awesome leopard gecko is acting healthy!  And since I was scared to death he was going to die when his cage looked like a murder scene.  But whatever it was, he seems to be okay now. I am so glad. He hates me... or rather he wants to eat me... but I love him.

Broken, and Broke to Boot

Today's headache remedy?  Botox (yes, I have a *pretty* headache again.) and a huge Coke.  The Coke helped a little today, hoping the poison helps within a week or 2.  REALLY hope so. If it does then I am going to have surgery.  Get some muscles in my forehead removed, and the nerves in my temples removed too.  Scary but worth it because a 2 + month long headache is NOT ACCEPTABLE.

I just watched Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.  Getting ready for November and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I!  Woot!  I am such a nerd.  Now I am watching Chuck.  Like I said, NERD. So what?

They still haven't sent my papers to get started on my Exhibitor's License for Critters.  I am getting worried. I hope I am allowed to do shows and classes again SOON.  I have had to turn one down already, and have one as a "Maybe" depending on how long this takes.  SIGH.  I also hope it is not expensive.  I don't have  much at all, plus I am attempting to earn enough to go to Spain to visit MyNigerian.

I haven't been able to work for real, like at Thanksgiving Point.  I spend all my days mostly in bed, my head stabbing and trying to kill me.  It is not cool AT ALL.  So I am not earning any money, either.  This while I am still trying to save as much as I can for that Ola trip.  And I have felt sick besides. 

So NOTHING is really going great in the luuuurve department.  MyNigerian and I hardly talk. We love each other, I think, I mean I KNOW I love him and think he loves me but with his life being all screwy right now with not having any money for school and losing his home and MY life being all screwy with no work and pain in a non-relenting series, ugh.  It is just a struggle catching each other.  Plus I am scared he is going to give up... on me.  I would. :(

Okay, I'm going to take a bath and probably be a baby and cry.  I need to get an appointment with my therapist, I have been too Bleh to go and I just got a letter from her asking if I was doing too well to come. HA! Awesome. That would be so funny. "Sorry, I am a little too happy to come to Therapy, thanks anyway, Ivy." HEE HEE HEE!  Instead I am too, well, BUMMED for THERAPY. hee hee! Yeah, I am a nerd.  A depressed, screwed up, hurting, in-love-with-a-boy-in-Spain, NERD.

Goody 5 Shoes

1. General Conference is good. I loved the counsel of the church leaders. I loved what they said. I loved how I felt - for at least a few hours, and then I was back to normal (depressed).  But such is (my) life.

2. I am reading the last of the 3 "His Dark Materials," The Amber Spyglass.  I am sure there are some of you that think it is a bad book. I'll tell you why I *don't*: Okay so in the book God is the villain. But the thing is in the books he IS a villain.  He's a liar and he's cruel..  IN THE BOOK. It's not reality. It's fiction. This is a story of if God was this way and the world were this way than such and such.
He's NOT and it's not, so yeah.  I am not stressed by it. It's a fantasy and a good one.  And the fact that the author is an athiest doesn't mean anything/  I'm not. 

3. Saw the aftermath of an accident. A bad one. A man was layiung on the road, so was his motorcycle. And his shoes. Why does it always knock their shoes off.  When my aunt was killed on the freeway, her shoes were knocked off too.  Seeing those shoes today made me sick. 

4. I am going to get my USDA license.  Critters 2 Go will NOT be taken down by a tattle-tale. I am not sure how much this is going to cost me. Or how long it will take me. But I want to do this right.

5 I am watching Iron Man 2/  It's good. ;)

HOLY CRAP. Bad day.

Yesterday was one of the worst in my life.  The first half was annoying. The second half was HORRID.  Here is why. I woke up early to a phone call from a lady from APHIS of the USDA.  Me doing Critters 2 Go is breaking the law. FEDERAL LAW.  I don't have a license to exhibit animals. And until I fill out a lot of papers and have my *house* inspected and get an attending veterinarian for all mammals (Fable, Heber, Lilo, and Nani.) to write out health certificates for them and pay some, possibly a lot, of money this tiny business that I am so proud of is kaput.

NOT COOL.

But that was just the beginning.  Somehow amid the conversation it turned into my OTHER job and she told me that THEY don't have a license.  So, now I am out one job, a whistle-blower on another for which I am scared to death I am going to lose my real job over. WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT.

Oh, it GETS WORSE. So I am stressing about this on my way to Dr. YeahBaby.  He is going to help my headaches by doing that scary Transferaminal thing like a few years ago, which is scary but if it will work, I am game. Only after we are all ready and I am in one of those delightful gowns with no backs, we TALK about said headache.  He thinks something else might work better.  Drip pain meds into my nose which is pretty much awesome even though it feels like drowning it is WAY less risky than the thing.with the spine. 

Except then, at the end I reacted badly to those meds.  I got dizzier than I ever have in my life, anytime I moved my head in the slightest I threw up and fell down.  They had to take me to the car in a wheelchair and I was vomiting all the way.  Padre had to carry me in the house (and I didn't stop throwing up then either.)  I landed in my bed and lay in a semi-fetal position, moving at all, like looking across the room, or reaching for a water knocked me down, left me retching.  So I didn't move the whole day. I had to be taken to the bathroom (didn't stop throwing up) but other than that, just lay in one place and threw up.  It FINALLY subsided some time this morning.  Still not good, but I can walk to the bathroom unattended if I am careful and drink apple juice.  So, yeah, never doing THAT again. EVER.

P.S. my headache only stopped for a few hours, that whole time. 

Ola's Birthday and My Headache... I heart the first, hate the 2nd

Today is Olakunlemi's birthday.  I meant to do something, like make him a movie or something but I haven't had the energy.  Even though I am drinking Coke everyday.(I am PRESCRIBED Caffeine for my low spinal fluid. I am not JUST an addict. ;) The tests did not find a leak, though. I am just "naturally" low.)  This headache is sort of sucking the life out of my... LIFE.

Anyway, I think I will at least call him.

Yup, called him. LOVE him. He is such a sweet man.  He said he was expecting my call, because he knew I would remember his birthday. It wasn't a long talk but it was a good one. SIGH.

After we talked I went to a doctor's appointment (a stupid one.) then laid down to listen to Pirates! which is really good despite the lame name.  Came back to finish this little entry (nothing earth-shattering, I know) and then I think I'll lay down with the book again.  Tired of feeling like crap.  Tomorrow I am getting a "Transferaminal," one of those scary epidurals up into my brain to try and get rid of this headache.  I really, really hope it works this time.

Strict Bookrest Says the doctor! Hee hee!

*SIGH* So a good book can REALLY help you survive the boredom of bedrest.  But I JUST finished Mockingjay and I am still sort of soaking it in and it feels weird starting something silly like Bree Tanner's Half Life or whatever it's called.  MAYBE Love is a Many Trousered Thing. I have those and a few others awaiting me in a little pile in my room.

But I am not supposed to walk around yet, so instead I am watching some inane Disney Channel movie Princess Protection Program. Holy lame. And I am BOOOOOORED.  I also have no results yet on when and if I am leaking out   So until I have answers or this powerful headache STOPS... I am stuck being bored in a bed with the freaking Disney Channel.


I need something to eat AND a book before I go nuts.

TOO LATE! I HAVE gone nuts! I seriously just spent 15 minutes laughing at those emergency shoes "Fast Flats!"  WHO keeps spare shoes in their purse?! HA HA HA HA!

Oh and speaking of being prepared, I just finished another article on Emergency preparedness for exotic pets.  I really am enjoying writing in more of a journalism sense rather than just blogging.  It's fun, and EVENTUALLY I will get a little money from it (as long as they are BEING READ, HINT HINT.  Subscribe to me!!!)

Low on Fluid, should I check my oil too?

So, after my spinal tap results returned they determined that I don't have MS, West Nile, or any other crazy thing they tested for. What I did have was very low spinal fluid.  They think I may be leaking out spinal fluid either from a crack along the spine or in the brain.  Anyway, they are going to test me all over and find the leak so they can patch it.  I go in to the hospital for those next Wednesday.  In the meantime I am on heavy pain meds, sleeping all day mostly.

EXCEPT for last night. Last night I went to a concert! One of my favorite bands, Colors.  Colors hasn't made a new CD in YEARS but they did, a little short 5 song one, but still good things.  I went with the sybs as Rinny and I got BoyKid totally hooked on them though they were before his time. They ended the concert covering Hey Jude, so that especially made me happy. Colors and The Beatles=JOY.

Now, it would have been awesome if I could have done all that with out the dizziness of my meds and the lingering headache, but I need to be grateful I ever get to leave the house.  Right now just feeling really frustrated with life in general.  Major Celestial Homesickness, you know?  But, yeah. Good tunes.