Moving home from home

This gum commercial just said "the average person has 28 first kisses." For serious? Is that accurate?  My dad was in the room and I said to myself, "dude. I've only had TWO." Dad said "WHAT?! You've have 2?"
"Yes! [PoetryBoy] and [Fresno]!"
"That's twice as many as I will ever have!" 
"For serious?  You only ever kissed Mom?"
"And all I'll ever kiss."
"Well, obviously. But still, 28?!"
So there you have it. For all my parents' talk about making out all over the place in college, Padre is more of a dork than ME.  And that's saying something.

After about a year of living at my parents' house, when school starts I am going to MOVING there.  It is so hard.  I know that sounds stupid.  What is the difference? 

The difference is that all this time I have had this thing in my mind "I don't really live here.  I'm just visiting. I'm going to go home when I get better.  Things will get back to normal."  But now... it's just too expensive.  I haven't been able to work, so my parents have been just letting me keep the apartment.  But school is going to cost us so much, my family needs the money for my place.  And any money I CAN make needs to go towards school, not an apartment.  So I am going to pack up all my stuff...

No, that's not even true.  I am going to pack up a fraction of my stuff and give a lot of it to DI.  Because there's nowhere to keep it.  I am not excited to go through my things.  I mean, I bought them all for a reason.  Why would I get something I DIDN'T want?!  UGH. I hate getting rid of things.

I just finished Marrying Malcom Murgatroyd, and am going to start a new book on tape to sleep to.  Not sure what yet. Oh okay, The Invention of Hugo Cabret It sounds interesting and yes I am totally judging book by it's cover,. Or, mostly, it's title. But whatever, at least I have an audiobook to keep me half-entertained during my insomnia.  In the bath, I am still reading (paper copy) Percy Jackson: The Last Olympian.

I admit when I go to the library for audiobooks I just pick out interesting sounding titles.  I have to have SOME noise to fall asleep to. If I fall asleep at all. Lately it's been after 5 am. :(




'

HIGH on a Mountain Top...

I have been hurting a lot lately and haven't been IN to work, but HAVE been working. Fairchild Challenge. *screams* HOWEVER, I have to admit I have spent even MORE hours campaigning against a bill in a state that I don't even live in. Because it involves Sugar Gliders, but also, it is just a BAD BILL. And I have friends in Missouri and I just... I have kind of become obsessed with not letting it pass. I have been flooding message boards and email with info. Writing letters to the editor of news papers in Missouri (where it is) and contacting pet stores and politicians around there. Anyway, yeah. Listen, House Bill 1847 basically bans ALL birds, most reptiles, and several small mammals like gliders, Degus, and maybe ones like rats and stuff for the whole state of Missouri. And if we get all Millennial and we end up having to move there I better damn well be able to bring my babies with me. Anywhoo... If this sounds at ALL like something important to you look at my other blog, Tails from the Ark, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE and DO something.

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On (Good) Friday I went to the temple! I haven't been in a REALLY long time. It was a very very good thing to do considering it is the week to remember the Resurrection of the Savior (not that we shouldn't remember ANYWAY, but you know what I mean!)! Rinny, the Righteous One was the one who instigated it, and Mom and I came with. However, I probably really shouldn't have. Even with a LOT of meds... and I mean a lot... INCLUDING the one that gave me a bad trip last time (but a much MUCH smaller dose) I was hurting a lot. Also I was scared I was going to be, like, stoned... in the Temple. I felt sick the whole time and it was hard to pay any attention and fell asleep, not just during, uhh, quiet times, but actually while DOING things. In fact, once I fell asleep while I was standing. A Leeeeetle scary.

So it probably wasn't wise to go right now. My mom thought so anyway. But it was good, too. So, sometimes good cancels out unwise. Hee hee! Anyway, I am kind of paying for it more now. There is something bad happening in my leg right now. I am pretty sure my thigh wants to kill me. STUPID LEG. But yay for the gospel!

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[removed by request of my mom... who read it... and was mentioned... and also thinks I may potentially hurt feelings of family members so, yeah. Sorry to Mom. And her sister and brother in law even though I have NO idea why they would ever stumble upon this entry or even this blog. * And private mom stuff has been eliminated. I really AM sorry]

So, I need to be more righteous! (Because I need a buncha blessings and need to be worthy of them and all I got right now is VERY occasional temple attendance and, hey! I updated my spiritual blog!


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Easter was good-ish. Rinny came over (to the Padre's. Because that's where I am right now. *SIGH*) and I brought over Bratanik, too. We decorated HIS shell (just with stickers for pics for BoyKid. Don't call PETA! Hee hee!) as well as eggs. It was fun. We were VEEEERY creative. We had dinner. We read The Living Christ together. Dad gave Rinny a blessing of safety in preparation for her upcoming business trip to Seattle. Then Dad gave us a random moralistic Lecture involving enduring till the end, toddlers, and stuffed bunnies that sort of just ended with me being really pissed off, which is NOT how I want to feel after hearing a priesthood blessing but, well, that's Dad.

It's a good thing I like dying eggs a lot!




*You are not really a doormat and slime. (it was an analogy ;O) )

Dreamy

The Roomie and I are babysitting her niece (hilarious 4 year old) and nephew (boring and crying baby). Just reminding me that kids rule... and babies drool. Literally.

Last night I dreamed that Fresno came back. We were at the Harvest Festival that is coming up at work. He was there just to talk or something. I kept kissing him, trying to kiss him really HARD to, like, CONVINCE him that we WERE attracted to each other. Like, Frenching, which I don't actually DO. Incidentally, I don't think I was even DREAMING a very successful French Kiss, having no real life experience.

I woke up... frustrated.

It was stupid.

Uh Oh. I got crabs...

I am having a rather bad headache today and to be honest, it is making me really really nervous. Because it could be nothing... but it is almost feels like the beginning of THE headache. Which scares the crap out of me. I have been REALLY grateful to Dr. YeahBaby. But it's not, after all, a CURE. It should work, like 6 months. It has been 5. That's close. And I am nervous.

I am not ready for that stuff again.

I did go to church, though. The Special Park ward again. I dunno.

The other things in my life... hmmm...

Last night me and Fresno had a good talk on the phone. Lots of apologizing and being honest. It was a short one (my phone was dying), but we plan to talk today, too.

OH this is hilarious... yet seems *blush* appropriate to the situation.

VideoJug: How To Kiss Someone Passionately

You know, even with the GOOD stuff in my life (Fresno, an entertaining job, etc.), I admit I feel a little jealous of my friends and family right now. I am not sure what direction my life is headed. Rinny is being sent on trips with her job... her job that is far more career than mine. Mali is teaching! CC is an accomplished artist! Everyone keeps IMPRESSING me. And I am super happy for them, I really am. But part of me just wants to kick fate... I like what I am doing... but it can't be forever... it doesn't even get me benefits. Doesn't pay me enough to be independent.

But my life is so discombobulated right now... so up in the air... it shouldn't even worry me. Because good hell I don't even know if I will be living here in a year... or Nevada... or California. Should I go back to school? If so, WHERE? I don't know. What have I accomplished? What SHOULD I accomplish with my life?

Yeah. That has been the type of things I have been thinking (amidst random black and white movies) this weekend.

In very VERY other news, ummm... I am a dork, but yesterday I went in to the store for guppies and mealworms...

And came out with hermit crabs. 4 of them. They don't have names yet. They are both mine and the Roomie's. Because we were talking about getting some.

Oh, and by the way, yesterday the Roomie took Oliver the Robin to a reserve. He seemed healthy enough to get by even with his funky wing now, as long as he was somewhere away from roads or cats or other predators. So he was released in a reserve. He is independent enough to stay well and safe, barring anything tragic. So, off with the bandages (they weren't doing much. He was too healed for the splint to help) and off he went. Another sad/happy moment for the Ark.

But yeah... goodbye Robin, hello hermies.

disintegration

He said:

I'm losing interest real fast.

She Poured Out her Heart:

Dear [Fresno],

I know the most logical thing to do would be to call. But I can't
really think and talk at the same time. And letters help me sort my
thoughts. And so, yeah, I am emailing.

Problem is, I still don't really know what to say.

I am not good at the relationship thing. And long distance makes it a
lot worse. I don't call or email as often as I even THINK I am. It's
not really an "out of sight, out of mind" thing. You are usually on
my mind... especially lately. But with day camps I don't notice the
time as much, and usually don't really sit down till late and then
think "I have so much to say, I won't write or call right now. I'll
wait till I have the time to really talk or write a longer letter."
But then it IS later and I haven't.

Also, sometimes I don't talk when I am not sure my thoughts on things.
Like I don't want to say anything untrue so I wait, trying to figure
out the right way to say stuff, and the right time. And then I miss
the opportunity, I guess.

Here are the things I have been thinking of... but afraid to talk
about in case I am wrong or whatever, since I don't know for sure how
to figure everything out:

I don't think we can (successfully) date much longer with out more
"face time." Like just time doing hanging out stuff... not vacation
stuff, just being around. We know each other pretty well, but still
really haven't spent THAT much time together. I won't pretend I
wouldn't rather you move here. But, also, if you really want to do
the prison thing, well, that is important. So I understand that.

I have sort of been deciding to move to California... at least after
Day Camp and Field Trip season at TGP... like the Winter... and at
least for a little while. But I will be honest, even THAT scares me.
I am scared to be away from my friends and my family... my support
system. And I am still trying to figure out what to do about my
babies.

But the thing is, I want to try. Because I care more about you than,
well, anyone ever before. And I think I love you.

But I am relationshiptarded. And when I don't know what, or how, to
say something, I tend to... just... NOT.

That being said, I really don't want to screw this up. Even though I
admit I am mildly terrified to talk on the phone about this and how
sad this email made me feel, I am home from work and both online AND
near a phone. So after you read this, even if it's super late, call
me.

Love, [Kipluck]

He Did, too:

[Kipluck],

I just finished looking up my maps for work tomorrow and read your email. I would call but I have to get up early so not a good idea tonight. I have like a million thoughts going through my head. Yes I do want to relocate and if it's for the job with Corrections that would make me happy. I did have a great time both times I visited you in Utah. Your visit out here was equally fun. I had a great time. But I'm just feeling more of the whole friend vibe thing going on here.

I have to be honest. I love your personality and character. Who you are is what I dig. But relationships have other parts that need to be there, too. Romantically, I'm struggling. By your kiss, I don't really feel like your "into" me. I always know if a girl is truly into me by their passionate kisses. Your kisses seem scared of me.

And I do realize that you don't do a whole lot of girly stuff (like makeup and such). Maybe that's not very important to you but a man likes to see a girl get all dolled up for him. I mean a little mascara to bring out your eyes and some lipstick to eccentuate your full lips is not too much. I feel like from your pictures when I met you that I misinterpreted them. It seems like you only do that sort of stuff if you're dressing up for halloween or the navy girl.

And mostly I feel that we only talk if I call. I do admit that I let some time pass to see if you would call but you didn't. Relationships are reciprocal. Even a quick note from email lets one know that you were thinking about them or a quick message on a cell phone.

Why don't we think about this for a day and evaluate where we are at and what we want out of this. You can mail me back but I won't get it until tomorrow night and I'd like you to call me sometime Saturday afternoon. Please don't be offended but I had to let you know what I'm feeling inside, too.

[Fresno]

She Said:

[Fresno],

I hope you know that my eyes are pretty water logged over this but NOT
because of you, because of the situation. You have to be honest about
it too, after all. So don't worry, I am SAD, but not OFFENDED. You
could not offend me.

One snaffoo, I am teaching all Saturday. Is there another time? (if
you still want me to call?)

The changeables:

The make up thing, well, I can change. It is true, I really only wear
it when I am dressing up because I feel weird in it... not even
pretty, just like awkward. But I can wear it more (though, it is
likely to LOOK like Rosie as I don't really KNOW "my colors" and
such)... if that would change things.

And I can definitely could call more. You want to know the stupidest
reason for that? I KNOW this makes no sense, but very often I think
of calling and think "No, I don't want to bother him. When he wants
to talk, he'll call me." I do it to my friends, too. They get so
annoyed and tell me "if your calls annoyed me I would just not
answer" but it's a little insecurity/phobia thing I have. I could
call much more often, if that would change things. If that would be
enough....

But the stuff I don't know how to change:

The kissing... I don't know how to kiss more "into you." I honestly
don't. If my kisses seem scared, it's because they are. I am scared
of relationships. I am less scared of relationships with you than
anyone ever before, but I am still nervous. And totally
inexperienced. I GOT kissed once before meeting you... my 19 year old
alcoholic ex-hardly-counts-as-a-boyfriend kissed me once before I ran

away and never came back. And I didn't even kiss him back. You were
the first guy I TRIED to kiss. Maybe with more practice I would kiss,
like, I don't know... "make-out-type" kissing or something. I don't
know. Never been to that point. This has been all new territory for
me, [Fresno]. I don't even KNOW for SURE what I feel... I don't mean
it to be Friend Vibes. But maybe it's the only Vibes I know how to
put out. I don't know.

I am not telling you al this hoping it FIXES THINGS. (that would be
awesome, obviously. These past months have been some of the best) I
just... wanted to lay it out, you know? Yeah.

[Kipluck]

Pretty sure it is still over. I went to work all of an hour before crying and feeling too nauseous to think and telling them I had to leave.

My heart and stomach, PHYSICALLY, hurts SO BAD.

We could call it "The Fallen Sexy!"

Fresno really is pretty much the perfect boy (for me). It has been a very busy, but very fun day. I am EXHAUSTED and may actually SLEEP when I go to bed, which should be soon. So I will probably end up writing this tomorrow.

Here are the pictures from BEFORE...

OR... yeah... not the next day. It is days later. Trying to get caught up on the trip now that I am HOME.

To start with, Saturday morning, Fresno came over to my hotel and we went down to breakfast. It was actually GOOD, not a "continental" breakfast or anything. A full breakfast. We ate and talked and had fun and then took off for our woodsy adventures. First, we went to the grocery store and bought picnic stuff (sushi, trail mix with chocolate, and a box of bottled waters). Then it was off to the mountains!

First we went to King's Canyon National Park to play in and around the giant Sequoias! The pictures make me giggle because so many of them involved Fresno saying "Wave! You have to wave to the camera!" and me arguing "Dude! It's not a video. WHY do we have to WAVE?" So, yeah, lots of "waving."There are also quite a few "Rinny Poses" (ie: Ta-Da!) that just seem to fit the trees' enormity.

Big Trees, Big Fun

Speaking of pictures, there are a LOT you do NOT get to see because they are WAY too silly and embarrassing. Not that they were BAD or anything, we just kept trying to do these stupid sexy Zoolander-esque poses and most of them were pretty humiliating. FUNNY but humiliating. (which could pretty much be the definition of me in a relationship.) Hee hee hee!

We went off the path a lot and hiked and found an awesome unnamed fallen tree to play in that way probably pretty dangerous, but it was SO COOL! Then we decided to get going to the Boyden Caverns as it was supposed to be a "bit of a hike" up there. OH MY HELL. I almost DIED. Just so you know, that little "steep walk" up to the cave would probably do in a lot of people and poor Fresno was basically DRAGGING me up at the end. My calves were on FIRE and I pulled muscles I didn't know I had, and a few of other people's muscles for them. But at LEAST I wasn't trying to CARRY A CHILD up there... one family did.

The cave was pretty cool, but not as good as some. And we got in trouble with Sam the tour guide a few times. Because we touched water we weren't supposed to... and giggled and made semi-inappropriate comments to each other that I am PRETTY sure Sam didn't hear... and Fresno kept saying he was going to sneak off and PEE IN THE CAVE...

"I bet Put would've! You don't think Put ever took a leak in here? Sam said he was lazy!"

...(Now, mind you, Fresno DIDN'T... but the 4 year old who the parents carried up DID! HA!) which was a running (Ha!) joke through out the whole trip because I SWEAR that boy has to pee like EVERY 10 SECONDS which he blamed on me for buying so much water. Anyway, MATL. SIGH.



Spelunking Adventures...

After the cave we had our picnic in "Roaring Meadow." Okay, so it's not really called that it was Zuwalt Meadow or something like that by Roaring River. We kept ROARING whenever we said it, so we started called everything Roaring _____. And making a band called "Beautiful Danger." And kept talking to his car who whines and sounds a little like the Gingerbread man from Shrek mixed with Strong Sad. Yes, he makes his car talk a lot. It is very weird but very VERY funny. Plus Fresno pointed out a bazillion places he used to deliver to in the park (he used to drive for BUDWIESER! HA!)

We had our sushi and really yummy limeade he made from scratch by a pretty (roaring) river and just hung out. It was fun. We also TALKED. Like for really talked. He said that he was sorry for stressing me with the whole moving thing. He told me he had been praying about it and that while he was driving he had "just felt like no matter what, it will be alright. Like, I think, California, Utah, whatever... everything will work out and we will be okay." I told him I thought that was a good answer. :O) (and was pretty much what *I* was praying for, too)

Then we realized we didn't ever see "The General" aka "The Nation's Christmas Tree" which Fresno sang a a program for when he was a kid and so we were determined to see ALL the famous trees. So back we went to the Sequoias... but not before we found a BEAUTIFUL waterfall called Grizzly Falls to play in. But then it was gonna get dark and we wanted to hit the trees before that so off we went again!

Turns out we probably have a TON of pictures OF the general in the background... our off-trail exploring had circled it in every way except the front where the sign was! So we finally found that and then got really silly (more "sexy" facial expressions and far too many jokes about wood) and decided that the tree we explored with no name should HAVE a name and stuff so he named it "The Fallen Sexy or 'The Tree that Which Fell and Nobody Heard'." *rolls eyes*

On the way back, one sad thing happened though. We were talking about how PERFECT this trip had been (and Holy Hannah had it EVER!) and watching the sunset (gorgeous) when there was a road block. Someone had driven off a cliff. There were choppers and ambulances and cops. We felt a little guilty for feeling so happy. We said a prayer and went (slowly) to... Sanger... I think it is?

Where his PARENTS live. Dun Dun DUN! Yeah, I was a little nervous. But HE was freaking panicked. He was SO nervous because, as he said, he wanted me to meet his mom and dad... but NOT have to meet his siblings. So he said we would just sorta SNEAK in the house and hope his jerk of an anti-Mormon psychiatrist brother who was presently living with his wife and kiddlets in his parents' pool house wouldn't notice us come in.

MAN he was NOT kidding about sneaking... as we drove through the grape vineyard they live behind he turned off his headlights and everything. It was SO FUNNY. And then when we got in there, we had to chill awhile anyway because his mom was in the tub and dad was helping her out (she is in a wheelchair now). And while we were waiting, guess who came out to meet us... yep, the brother Fresno hates. And when he introduced himself (albeit in a very condescending way) and shook hands Fresno jumpoed to his feet and almost PUNCHED HIM!!!! IT WAS HILARIOUS! I gave him a very serious "CHILL THE HELL OUT" look but almost laughed out loud. I asked him later "what were you THINKING?!"
His answer? Quite seriously, "All I could think was 'DON'T YOU TALK TO HER. DON'T YOU TOUCH HER. DON'T EVEN LOOK AT HER.'" Umm... Issues much? *rolls eyes*

Psycho.

ANYWAY, his brother IS a rather self-righteous jerkface... but Fresno needs to chill. But it WAS really REALLY funny to me. And when his actual parents came in, well, THEY were cool. His mom was nice and his dad was funny and kept messing with me. He acted JUST like Fresno, but old. SCARY! HA!

We hung out and talked a while and when we left his mom hugged me and his dad shook my hand and said "Well, thanks for coming. Hope to see you around. We'll see how things turn out." and Fresno rolled his eyes and mumbled "Thanks, Dad. Why don't YOU just ask her?" Hee hee hee!

Then it was time to go home, which was good as both of us were both pretty exhausted (especially him). So he took me to the hotel and we planned to meet there for free breakfast again the next day.

Oh, and when we kissed goodnight, way embarrassing, he smiled and said "See, you ARE getting better." Tee hee hee! *blush*

SIGH! He's so cute.

Anyway, the next day we didn't go to the mountains, we went the OTHER direction... to the BEACH! We went to San Francisco! We went to Monterey Bay Aquarium and it was AWESOME! Seriously, amazing place.

P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way Sydney!

We had clam chowder in sourdough soup bowls, got smashed pennies, and walked down Cannery Row holding hands a lot like dorks. Hee hee hee! Then we left, thinking we would have a couple hours to chill at his house with his Alien roomie and the dogs before my flight home. BUT we totally got lost (and it was NOT MY FAULT!!!!). So we only had a little time there, but we DID play with the puppies and just chilled for a little while. It was fun but we were tired and bummed because, well, the vacation was over. <:O(

SIGH. Fresno took me to the airport. We said goodbye. It SUCKED. BLEH. Then we were delayed in Vegas AGAIN with airplane problems. YIKES?! And, there was the trip. (and here is a picture of the casino/airport of Vegas... bad because did you know it's a LAW not to take pictures of gambling people?)

And THAT was the trip! It was a FANTASTIC trip. THE END!

Badges?! We Don' Need No Stinking Badges!

The bad news is that I am still at home, sick.

The good news is that I *am* working! Sometimes my sister Rinny really is a great boss.

See, right now is a really bad time to take time off. It is day camp season! I asked for the Fresno weekend off a LONG time ago, and got it with some iffiness and rescheduling of EVERYONE'S Robotics training and such, but this random being sick for days thing is NOT working out at ALL, especially not so CLOSE to the planned absence. In short, when I call in sick, I know I am putting the whole program in trouble. But I also know that if I get RINNY sick things will COMPLETELY fall apart. So, what do I do?

I'll tell you what... Rinny just emailed me a TON of work I can do from home! How awesome is that? Basically I am revamping the entire Junior Master Gardener program to fulfill scout merrit badge requirements... FROM HOME! It needs to be done. Our Scout classes are extremely popular. Moms come to pick up their kids and ask "okay, so what do they need to do next to get their badge?" and we tell them "nothing. We did it all and will mail in the paperwork." and the moms look like they are going to hug us. We make those boys WORK and they do have fun. They are good classes. And JMG are good classes, too, but if we can make them fulfill a Gardening, Landscape Architecture, Plant Science, or Soil and Water Conservation badge they should go through the roof. The more involved we can get the BIG groups like scouts, schools, and 4-H in this place the better.

Anyway, so now that the Dinosaur museum has curriculum to get started with, my new pet project will be Boy Scouts and JMG. And being able to work on it here at my desk in my basement while I am coughing out a lung and keeping the Kleenex company safely in business for a year is a HUGE help. Rinny gets something done she needs (and does not feel pressure to fire me anytime soon!). I get money I need... but more so I am not so FREAKING BORED!!! And hopefully this gives my immune system and antibiotics one more day to work overtime before I practice high-tech animatronics (and another before I practice not so high-tech osculation. ;O) Heh heh!) Moving on...

while less FUN than showing UP with Fresno's birthday present, I decided to mail it to him with a Don't Open Till June 1st note (and hoping he GETS it by then.) because the airport would probably be nervous about it and unwrap it and I worked HARD on the wrapping. Yes, I am such a girl sometimes. But yeah. However, I never did decide which of 3 cards I bought for him I was going to USE so I didn't include one and now they all seem dumb. So he may not get a card. I don't know. Maybe I will bring them all with me and write one there if I decide to. Give it to him with... I don't know, whatever they have at my continental breakfast? Hee hee! "Here. Happy birthday... blow out the candles on your birthday... cinamon roll." I really should bring a candle. (but not that Elmo having a special moment with the 4 one. Though he is turning THIRTY 4. Hee hee!)

Weird. That really DOESN'T seem that old. I mean it's NOT, but if it was ME it would feel old. Like ME turning 34 would be old-ish. But Fresno doesn't seem much older than me (except when we are teasing each other about it, like me only being 13 when he graduated high school and got ready for his mission and how it was a good thing we didn't know each other and like each other then because GROSS or being in kindergarten when he started Scouts. But it is only teasing because the years really AREN'T that far apart when you are older. But it is still funny to think about, especially when he's wrong, like when he said "...whatever, you couldn't even TALK when I was in 5th grade."
"Dude, I started TALKING in SENTENCES at 10 months."
"Oh."
"Did YOU not talk till you were 3?!"
"No, I probably talked around the same time as you... or something..."
"Whatever."

Sigh. I so like him.

ANYWAY. I need to focus on Scouts now. Plants. Gardens. Merit Badges. Irrigation. Propagation. Horticulture. Greenhouses. Pollination. Earth Worms. Compost. Conservation. TIME TO WORK!

Eeew?

TMI Survey (from Stewie)

1. Sex is best in the morning, afternoon, or night? I don't know yet.
2. What side of the bed do you sleep on? I move a lot. And plus also, I don't share a bed. When I DO have to (like with my sister or cousins at a hotel or something) I just call whatever side has a nightstand. I wear glasses, you know.
3. Pork, Beef, or Chicken? I don't really like beef. Sometimes I like chicken. I like the kind of pork in Cafe Rio salads. I am not a meat person, typically anyway. Though I feel like a carnivore at home with my roomie since she's vegetarian.
4. Have you ever had to pull over on the side of the road to puke? Yeah. Bleh.
5. What leg do you put in pants first when putting them on? To be honest, I think it varies. Whichever way feels the least like I will fall over from. And sometimes that changes.
6. Candles or Incense? Depends on the scent of either. Both have equal capacity to either sooth me or give me a headache, depending.
7. Do you dance when no one is watching? Yes. And ONLY then.
8. Did you play doctor when you were little? Yes. I mean, I played doctor... but I don't remember actually playing doctor, you know? I don't know.
9. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money? Nooo... but is anyone offering?
10. Stove top cooking or microwave? If *I* am doing it? Microwave. If someone else is? Then most things taste better from the stove of oven.
11. Would you rather want your car or your house be dirty? The car. That way at least it is only ME being constantly inconvenienced. Also the car is an easier job to tackle over and over and over than my ever cluttered house.
12. Shower or bath? Shower for cleaning bath for reading and relaxing.
13. Do you pee in the shower? I *have* but just when I was TOLD to for a UTI.
14. Mexican or Chinese food? Chinese!!!
15. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed? IDKY!
16. Do you own sex toys? I wouldn't call anything down there FUN yet.
17. Corn Dogs or Hot Dogs? I really don't like the ORDER of these questions. Disturbing!
18. Your favorite restaurant? Maybe Macaroni Grill or any good Chinese place or, like, Kneaders.
19. What did you have for lunch today? some eggs and toast and milk.
20. Which do you prefer, iceberg or romaine lettuce? I HATE Iceberg. I mostly just like spinach. But romaine hearts are good for wannabe lettuce wraps.
21. When did you last fall down? Hello, I'm ME. So, like, probably last week?
22. Have you ever wished someone were dead? Yes. But I have never acted on it.
23. Love or Money? I should say Love. But money is much less THREATENING. Still, probably love.
24. Credit Cards or cash? If I didn't have to actually PAY BACK the cards, I would so vote plastic because then I don't have to COUNT! But since I *do* have to pay them back, CASH, definitely.
25. Has there ever been anyone in your family you wish wasn't? Yes. USUALLY I want them back the next week after I've cooled down (like in the case of Padre or Aunt O or T-La), but not always. And some (like Padre's Bro Uncle Rude or Mom's BiL Uncle MikeLestor) I would be just plenty pleased if they fell in a hole and never climbed out.
26. Oreos or Vanilla Wafers? Oreo. I want some RIGHT NOW! If they had, like, fat-free sugar-free ones... that tasted the same... that magically appeared in my cupboard right now. ACTUALLY, if they existed they wouldn't have to appear. I'd go buy them right now.
27. How do you like your steak cooked? By someone else, FOR someone else. I don't like steak.
28. How do you like your eggs cooked? Over hard. NOTHING runny. BLEH. Eeew.
29. Have you ever knocked someone off their feet in fight? Not, like punching then and knocking them out, but I have pushed them to the ground, yeah.

30. Would you rather go camping or to a 5 star hotel? Mostly
camping. Until actual time to sleep, because, well, beds are better for my back, but in terms of before and after I LOVE camping!
31. Would you rather have a root canal or minor surgery? surgery. i have extra nerves in my mouth and they *never* get me numb. <--- ME TOO! Weird! Anyway, at least with a major surgery you would be presumably ASLEEP during it and root canals I am awake and super stressed.
32. Would you shave your entire body (including your head)? Why?
33. Would you rather have lice or an STD? LICE.

34. What is your favorite hard candy? I am a HUGE fan of Werther's and Creme Savers because both of them have a sugar free version that tastes just the same!
35. Ever been to a strip club? No
36. Ever been to a bar? yes, but not to drink.
37. Ever been kicked out of a bar or a club? Well, we had to leave that one place that we were getting Garlic Burgers because the "LifeExperience" girl didn't remember to bring her dang LICENSE. I mean, that wasn't really ME getting kicked out, but we were nice and didn't make her eat in the car by herself.
38. Ever been so drunk you had to be carried out of somewhere? Nope.
39. Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex? Not unless you count, like, kissing babies on the forehead or little cousins on the cheek (For the record I do not believe in kissing children on the mouth, not even your own kids. I mean, some people would disagree and I am not saying I would think THEY were bad for doing so, I just think it is... unwise. I think it makes your child more of a target for sexual predators. Too hard for them to know the difference between appropriate and inappropriate affectionate touching.)
40. Thrown up from drinking too much? Yes... but not alcohol. hee hee!
41. Have you ever kissed a stranger? Not on the lips. I had to randomly kiss cheeks with the older Latina ladies on my mission. Which was weird enough, really.
42. Does anyone have naughty pics of you? Not NAUGHTY, No. Heck, not even *I* have naughty pics of me. There are plenty of EMBARRASSING shots out there of me though. *grumble grumble*

Many Pics of Tongues

So, Fresno is really good at cheering me up. I just got off the phone with him. Then read an email that he had sent. Then talked to him on the phone again WHILE looking at another email he sent till my phone died. That last one included pictures of the dogs!

He had a major run-in with one of the neighbors in the new house about those dogs and was all upset. A very scary neighbor guy's little dachshunds who were not on a leash came after Fresno and his ginormous wolfhounds who, of course, WERE on a leash. But the man (who was probably scared to death of Fresno's pups) starts yelling at Fresno! Well, Fresno is holding the leashes as tight as he can but telling the man to come get HIS dogs. The man yelled and screamed profanities and threatens to kill Fresno and his dogs. Even though I think the man was just scared of the big dogs and was just trying to sound tough I told Fresno he should tell the police (not 911 or anything, just the police office) just in case something happens, especially as he is going to have to deal with this guy everyday because he can not not walk his dogs or be afraid in his own new neighborhood.

We talked about that and he sent me pics of the dogs. Darby is brownish gray and his sister, Demi, is white. And he is SO smitten. He LOVES them and says they are just sweethearts and that I will adore them. And I believe him.

I'm excited to eventually meet them. Mom keeps teasing me, "And how is that going to be? You and your husband... in your first tiny house... with your 2 giant dogs... and your 3 stinky gliders?"

To that, I say :OP .

Anyway, his email before the dogs was just CUTE. Because, well, most of the time, he GETS me. And that is just NICE. Because even *I* don't always get me. But it was basically about whether or not I called him my boyfriend to my friends and stuff like that. (To which I said I definitely THOUGHT of him as my boyfriend even if the WORD boyfriend sometimes sticks in my throat and makes me giggle. And he says that is totally okay, so long as HE can call ME his girlfriend. Hee hee hee!) He is just so freaking NICE to me! And... yes... Fresno is my BOYFRIEND.

WEIRD.

Anyway, could be weirder... like my dream last night. THAT was weirder. I dreamed I wanted to PRACTICE kissing before Fresno came to Utah again. And so I was supposed to kiss this random guy (not a real person, just someone my dream brain made up) and we were kissing, but then he tried to French me. But him putting his tongue in my mouth SO disgusted me that I threw up... INTO the guys mouth. EEW?! I woke up almost feeling sick for REAL because it was so vivid and YUCKY.

I do not want to think about that now. *shudder* I do NOT need that dream again and I should feed my babies and go to bed. But I am feeling lazy. So I think they will have something I prepared before and froze. Probably Mango. That always goes over well. And then, of course, BML and a few wiggly mealworms.

Anyway, GOODNIGHT!

Giving My People What They Want...

Kissing details? What does that even MEAN?! Like, I think maybe I do not know enough about kissing to describe it correctly. I think you have to more experience or something maybe.

But here are my details. This trip we kissed every time we separated. Like, he asked again the first time (when I picked him up at the airport), but after that we just sort of kissed goodbye automatically. Unless Padre was in the room and then we stood around smiling awkwardly at each other until Fresno said "Ummm... let me walk you to... the... Garage?" and then Dad said "Are you leaving?" and I sad"no, he's here, I just need to be walked out."

As for the mechanics of the kissing, we usually had, like 3-5 individual kisses per kissing times. But we didn't really, like, "MAKE OUT" per say, as I figure that should just involve less countable kissing... and me being better at it. But that is just a theory. I don't actually know what constitutes actual Make Out criteria.

I still think I may be mildly allergic TO kissing since my lips buzz afterward. WHY would they BUZZ?! I have never kissed anybody with OUT a beard and mustache (my first kiss was PoetryBoy in Cedar City and my 2nd and every other respective kiss has been Fresno) so I thought maybe it was the facial hair, but I don't think so. It's just, like, kissing sucks every bit of moisture right out of my lips in a SECOND, so maybe it is related to that... and blood flow, but I don't know, it's not like he is really SUCKING on my lips like a vacuum or something. I don't know.

I DON'T KNOW! I don't NOT like kissing Fresno... I mean, I really like Fresno. And I REALLY like OTHER silly physical stuff with him. Case in point I seriously LOVE sitting by Fresno. For me, that is big because, well, like with PoetryBoy when he would put his arm around me I would freeze, stop breathing and basically go catatonic while trying not to cry. And this was a nice guy, not like he was trying to kill me! But I definitely did NOT like sitting with him... at all. Not that I am perfectly comfortable yet, even when I THINK I am. I am a freaking bundle of issues.

Like when we were watching The Producers and he was playing with my hand. Fresno started shaking out my hand (almost like those dumb find a vein nurses) and said, "Hey! Relax your hand!"

"It IS relaxed!" (I felt like it WAS! I really LIKED him playing with my hand. However, that is ALSO what usually happens when they try to do IVs on me and say to relax, I am not clenching or anything, I don't know how to BE anymore relaxed than I am... especially considering Fresno was not going to stick me with a needle)

He flopped my hand around more and said "Just relax your hand." It kind of annoyed me. Not annoyed at him... at me... because I don't know how TO be more relaxed than THAT. THAT was relaxed already! And I liked it!

Then he said "You... just don't let people... touch you."

It kind of made me want to cry. I told him I didn't mean to. "I do like this."

But I just was wishing my stupid hand wasn't acting like I was lying. Because I kind of feel like all of me does that. Like why I don't really kiss back that much, even though I WANT to.

I don't want to be the kind of person that... can't... express how I feel. I mean, I do about other things. Hell, I talk circles around most people about some things... dumb things, mostly. But love. It's scary uncharted territory for me. It's stuff I can't say, stuff I can't even make my hand... handle. My hand... my lips... good thing I'm Mormon and that's all I have to worry about yet. Because good gordon I think I may be messed up. More than I thought.

So, there ya go... details. Are you sorry you asked?

My First Ever Valentinesey Valentine's Weekend

The boy has been flown home, my lips hurt like crazy (I think I may be a little allergic to kissing), and now it is time for a weekend Recap Ala... ummm... Boyfriend. Yeah. Ha! Weird.

Friday Fresno flew in from Reno, where he had stayed Thursday night with J-&-Y but really not SLEPT (Y was insisting on an all-night Phase 10 Tournament) so he was pretty exhausted unfortunately. And then I pick him up and drag him all over. hee hee! Oh well, he survived. Anyway, we left the airport and since last time he came we didn't get to see ALL of the dinosaur museum at Thanksgiving Point, well, we wanted to. (And still had free passes Rinny got us so we could go back the next day but hadn't). So as we headed south towards home, we stopped there.

Because we are uber dorks we had a lot of fun. We named the dinosaurs (like, as in, "Mo, a dentist from the south side, until he fell in love with Shelia" NOT "Pachyephalosaurus, Discovered in Wyoming."), played with the erosion table (and got looks from very annoyed children), took silly pictures... and looked for gnomes. Rinny came down from over from her office (still at TGP, but it's not in the Dinos) and talked to us awhile and gave us a eat-at-the-expensive-and-fancy-Harvest gift card! We were happy about that and so we headed over there only to find out that we were there BETWEEN lunch and dinner and it was closed. So, we decided to come back for dinner and go to a movie there and stuff after. First, though, we went back to my house.

Fresno finally got meet the Roomie and J (J as in Roomie's disabled tend-ee, J, not Fresno's J-&-Y in Reno J, obviously. (Yes, in my world there are 2 people that I call just the letter J. Confusing!)) because last time he was here, Roomie was at home in Delta. She thinks he is funny and nice. (He IS!) He thinks she is quiet... and kind of Amish... and older than him... and not funny. (she is quiet... and a little Amish-ish, I suppose, but really IS funny when you get to know her, AND is only 30, 31 in March... younger than Fresno.) Then Fresno decided he wanted to look at pictures and show me random home movie clips on a DVD, mostly he just wanted to show me him and some of his old high school friends in these commercials they made for a class. Very dumb and funny. But then randomly another part of the DVD he starts totally singing and rocking out to Blink 182's What's My Age Again? and I only heard 3 seconds of it before he about died jumping over the coffee table to get the remote to fast forward! It was AWESOME, he was blushing so hardcore, it was adorable. I kept teasing him trying to get him to let me watch but he wouldn't. He was so embarrassed... and so SO cute.

Dang it. I WILL see that music video. Hee hee hee! SOMEHOW, I WILL!!!

Sigh. He is just SO FREAKING CUTE.

Anyway, we watched his niece graduate kindergarten... J-&-Y's boy's open Christmas presents... him and his classmates (including an ex-girlfriend) make fake commercials for hairspray... saw half of church karaoke singing Do Likewise, My Friend ... and saw/heard 3 seconds of What's My Age followed by just seeing the rest, in fast motion with no sound and Fresno trying to cover the screen. Hee hee hee hee hee hee!

He also gave me my valentine's thingies! He gave me a stuffed red doggie with a heart on one foot and XOXO on the other. Sort of like a fluffy Clifford. Also a little red devil that whistles when you squeeze it (that the dogs both seem determined to attack now) that he said he got because it looked like my gliders. Hee hee hee hee! (what do YOU think?)

I gave him the anatomical candy heart and, yes, he thought it was hilarious and very very weird.

Then we looked at random photo albums of mine and pictures on my computer like those from Hawai'i... and he really liked the one with a fake tattoo I got from the Maori village in the PCC. That cracked me up. He HAS a tattoo... which he has told me on more than one occasion he got when he was not as good and wishes he had never done so. Because he really IS a really GOOD boy... mostly. Like way more churchy and righteous than me. But he was looking at that picture and goes "You know... that looks REALLY good on you."

"I know... I have to admit, it is kind of GOOD that I am so scared of needles. Because I kind of like tattoos... like I have drawn a few I would totally like to wear. So being afraid is... better, in some ways."

And then he was just all QUIET. And looking at my (real) arm. And sort of quietly says "What if you just didn't watch them do it?" And then he said "I'm sorry I'm sorry! I mean, never mind! Your body is a temple! And I am sorry I got mine. Yeah. Sorry."

It was cute... but ummm... I am embarrassed to say I do not think he knows how impressionable he randomly makes me. I wouldn't REALLY get a tattoo... but... it was an oddly... flattering(?) notion if that makes ANY sense?

Anyway, while looking at pictures, poor Fresno was about nodding off and just looked EXHAUSTED. We were sitting together on the couch and he asked if he could put his feet up on the coffee table and close his eyes a little. I told him that of course, but that was pretty silly, he was so tired he should actually take the WHOLE couch and take a nap. He just looked DEAD. He finally said "Okay, but only, for, like, 5 minutes." I told him fine (but really he slept for around 15 - 20 or so while I went online.) and moved to the other couch and let him snooze a bit.

When he woke up we went back to TGP for dinner. It was very good food... too good, really, because afterwards I ended up feeling really sick. I apologized to Fresno, and said we could still see a movie, but I was a dope and had NOT brought my blood glucose tester... or my insulin needle... and I was pretty certain I NEEDED it now. The steroid nerve block really does a number on my diabetes and I can NOT afford to splurge with it. YUCK. I felt like crap. Anyway, so we drove home and gave myself a stupid shot and rested for a little bit which was annoying. Then we played with the dogs for a little bit and looked up movies to go to.

We went to Epic Movie because we were in the mood for really silly humor. MISTAKE. Probably, like, 10% of the movie was good, if that. We laughed harder during the previews. (Oh we are SO seeing Blades of Glory!!!! "We will skate to one song and one song only. 'I'm gonna get you get you drunk get you drunk off my hump my hump my lovely lady hump...'" "I don't even know what that means!" "No one knows what it means! It's provocative!") Actually we laughed pretty hard during the movie too, but a lot of that was due to things we were TALKING about during the movie rather than the actual movie, which sucked.

Anyway, after that it was pretty late so we headed to the Padres' house (where he was staying). We talked to BoyKid and the Padres' for a bit (BoyKid had just got home a minute before us) but then Fresno was almost asleep on his feet anyway, so we said goodbye and he went to bed and I went home.

I didn't sleep for awhile, unfortunately, which was bad bad bad because trying to beat insomnia and wake up early enough on time is annoying enough without it interfering with BOY time! But interfere it did. We planned to meet up by 11 at the latest... giving me time to wake up and be ready. Set 3 alarms. Slept through ALL of them... AND several phone calls from the padres and Fresno, including telling me of the plan to go see UTFriend as soon as I got there. But then I wasn't there. And then Mom convinced him to go see UTFriend without me and loaned him their Durango, so he called to say not to rush, that he would just be really quick in Sandy and I could take my time getting up and getting ready and then we'd play. Well, I missed THAT call, too. So I was running like crazy to get to the padres' and then I got there and found out he had JUST left! It was only *then* that I got my messages. *rolls eyes*

Anyway, then I called him and told him I was SOOO sorry for sleeping late, and HE told me he was lost! Then I felt even worse! Because I have, like, the worst sense of direction ever, however one place I CAN get to, thanks to many a visit to Megan, is Sandy, Utah and he had driven all the way into Salt Lake. So I felt worse because I could have at least helped him get off at the right exit. And because I JUST missed him. Anyway, I gave the phone to Mom and we Mapquested him to UTFriend's house. Then he asked me to call him at 2 telling him to come back so that he could definitely leave because he was pretty sure UTFriend was going to try to capture him and not let him go. Because he is a good, but clingy, overbearing sort of friend (who also wants him to invest in real estate with him).

When I called I thought, you know, he might WANT to stay for a little with UTFriend. That would be okay. Or maybe if he wanted to do something in Salt Lake or around there, my mom said she would drive me up there to meet him and we would have their Durango. So when I called him to rescue him, I actually asked him "Hey, you can actually STAY. Do you want me to meet you up there?" and that was all I said before he said, panicked, "No no no no no yeah I can be home in 45 minutes.... is that soon enough? I will hurry. Yes. I am at his office, he is showing me paperwork, but I will hurry home AS FAST AS I CAN, okay?"
"Ah, so the rescue call WAS needed?"
"Yeah, I will do my best and hurry, okay?"
"Gotcha." It TOTALLY cracked me up.

He still didn't escape for quite some time and was upset that he had wanted so much "us time" but I told him not to worry about it. He also really wanted to take pictures of the snowy mountains and also hadn't had lunch but didn't want to say anything because UTFriend wanted to have a BBQ which would have been FOREVER. So I took him to Kneaders and told him we should go up to, like, Squaw Peak so he could get cool scenery shots. (And, YES, Squaw Peak is ALSO a major make out point, but let's face it, I am totally kiss-tarted so that wasn't actually why.) But guess what? It was CLOSED! Who ever figured tops of mountains closed? If they hadn't locked the fence thingy, we would have gone up anyway, because I think it was closed due to snow and I think the jeep could handle it, but oh well. We still took a couple of pics and then continued on and parked in front of a sign that said "No Parking or Stopping Anytime" to take pictures of Bridal Veil Falls and eat our sandwiches. Then this guy was parked right next to us with a camera, but he was pointed the other direction. We kept asking "what do you think he is looking at?" because our view was way pretty and we couldn't see ANYTHING cool his side. We were about to get out and ASK when ANOTHER car drove up and did it for us... "a mountain goat!"

Okay, now, that is really rare around here, but SO not worth getting out of the car in the cold rain to look at from THAT far away! It was like ant size from here! So we got back in the car. hee hee!

After we finished eating and looking at the mountain we went home to my house just to "chill." Fresno decided that he wanted to see the gliders again (he was a little afraid of them before). So we went to try to play with the kids. It went WAY better than I thought. They were all cute and looked at him, and the girls accepted a treat from him, but Heber really liked him and Fresno was really impressed. Heber flew back and forth for him and just LOVED Fresno, I think because he is a boy. He ran all over him and Fresno just talked and talked to him and Heber, like, tried to ANSWER! Like every time he'd talk, he'd chirp back to him. It was cute and Fresno kept laughing at him and making his shirt like a trampoline, but then Hebs would fly over and try and get into his favorite place... which was REALLY awkward considering the company... and Heber loves to try to get into my BRA. Gliders are not MODEST pets.

Then trying to keep him from DOING so, and trying to REMOVE him from my bra without Fresno seeing anything... yeah, it was around then that I suggested we better put the gliders away. Hee hee hee hee hee hee!

Then we looked at the fish for awhile (he ASKED to do these things, by the way. I was NOT dragging him around making him look at my babies, I SWEAR!). Then we went upstairs and he decided to just get out McKenzie the parrot! He was talking to her and sticking his fingers in her cage and I told him "Don't do that! She bites." But he didn't even listen, he was all "she seems nice to me" and opened the cage and took her out. But she DIDN'T bite him. He talked to her, put her on his head... crazy boy... crazy bird. I just kept telling him, she was a nice bird, but could randomly TURN mean... the dogs came in and started barking at him, not mean, just like THEY were saying oh no oh no he has the bird out! So the Roomie came out and I gave her a look like I didn't say he could and she just shrugged at me and then said "McKenzie actually behaves a LOT better for men" and calmed the puppies down. Then he put the bird back, and turned his attention to the dogs who he was way impressed with anyway because he likes that Shasta can "turn into a tiny vicious llama!" WEIRDO.

He asked the Roomie what tricks they could do and it was so funny. He looked like a little kid! He was all hyper and cheering for them! Granted, they earned it. Those puppies can sit, give 5, wave, etc... AND NOW they can say "Hello"... yes, as in SAY IT like those America's Funniest Home Videos dogs.

After the puppy circus we even played with Boo, the gerbil, and Tortuga, the turtle. Not that THEY cared that much, but Fresno wanted to. Hee hee hee! Then we just sat close together on the love seat, and watchedThe Producers which I think is HILARIOUS and he ended up loving (yeah... he loves musicals. But isn't a Rinny-Boy! Cool, eh?) and we laughed a lot (it is a LITTLE dirty for a musical, though, just so I warn anyone who sees it. *I* love it, but would only recommend it to CERTAIN types of sense of humor types, you know?) It was good to just be there, like, next to him watching that silly musical or playing with the puppies or whatever. Yeah. Just good... in GENERAL. He is good. And nice and funny and cute and honest and righteous and real and sweet and silly and hot and intelligent and caring and enthusiastic and strong and loyal.

I was really afraid I would not be able to wake up for church the next day and I REALLY wanted to. I prayed REALLY hard though, and I DID sleep in longer than I wanted but I got ready in, like, 10 minutes. Some kind of record in Girl-World, I tell ya! And we were late, but still ALMOST on time, and I zoomed to the Padres (in the rain), Fresno hopped in (looking VERY good, by the way... he is one of those boys that looks HOT in church clothes rather than, like), and we flew to the church. Actually we were in a very very very very very silly mood. and so when he got in the car and looked at me and said "you look really good" and I said "so do you" he said "nice comeback!" And then we couldn't stop being dumb the whole time at church. Mali saved us seats for our (Mine and Mali's... Fresno does not know her, obviously) friend Jessi's homecoming talk at church (and threatened to sit between us if we didn't behave... because we kept giggling and talking.). Jessi did good. And said something in Russian that sounded like...ummm... Bullsh** that made us snicker because we were still being silly and immature but we found out it meant, like, "more than." Anyway, we were not very reverent.

But it was fun to see people from the old "'hood." And Good to be AT Church again, after some time of NO church. And all that stuff. Yeah. However, Fresno's plane was leaving right after so we talked to Jessi and a few others and then left for the Padre's, grabbed a sandwich and his suitcase, and drove him to the airport. It was SAD! I didn't expect to feel so sad. I will see him in another month or 2, I know, and we talked on the phone 2 times since then already... but I miss him.

ANYWAY, so that is it. *My* Valentine's Day... even though it wasn't the 14th. I am still getting used to this whole Boyfriend idea. But I am LIKING it more... or at least liking him more. And now I miss him. So we will see what happens. "Live and See." But it was a GOOD WEEKEND. And that was a long post. (saving it up is dangerous that way!)