Sleepy Saturday

Watching Jurassic Park and Pirates of the Caribbean with BoyKid right now while eating a diet Coke Float. Yum!  Hope it helps my head too. (the Coke... not the float... or movies.)  Maybe it will wake me up, too.  These meds are making me SO sleepy. 

So is, I must admit, being up at 4 in the morning with my gliders doesn't help much.  Last night they were so hyper (on par for my 3) it was making me laugh.  They are so smart, sometimes I forget how intelligent they can be.  They put ping pong balls in a row, collect barrel-of-monkeys monkeys into their sleeping pouch, throw food they don't like... those things may not sound smart as they are not trained behaviors.  But they show real intelligence... thinking. Not like squirrels as they might be compared to, more like a small primate like a marmoset.  And oh are they NAUGHTY!  But I love them.  They are my babies and mean so much to me. 

Though I must say I now consider Fable, the Chinchilla up there with them.  He is NOT so smart, but he IS cute and fluffy.  I love my little furrkids.  And then there are my tortoise, turtle, and, gecko... and then my hermit crabs, lizards, frogs, toad, and fishies.  I love them too, they just don't care much that I do. As long as they get food, they could care less who feeds them.  But I love them anyway. Hee hee!

I just wrote a sample article on bonding with sugar gliders for The Examiner.  I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed that it gets picked up because I would love to be a pet expert with them.  It's just an online paper but it's something. It's getting payed to write.

I am working on Remaining Celebrate, too. Not that that is anything more than another blog of mine, but I like the premise so I am doing it.  I like holidays.  It makes everyday more fun... which for me, means more LIVABLE.

Feast with the Beasts (AND with the BEST[cousins]!)

Indeed.

This was a GREAT Thanksgiving. Thanks to the awesomeness of my Cousins, Animals, and the letter Y. Okay, not the letter Y.

For the past week I haven't even known for sure WHERE we were having Thanksgiving. It's been all "Oh, in Vegas with [Uncle J and Aunt J]" (Padre's favorite brother) one day then "We'll stay here and invite [Ostlparkwells] over here"(meaning Mom's favorite sister, Aunt Clare & Uncle Lynn/T-La & Les and their 3 adorable boys, Gabe, Caleb, and Elijah/Megs & Jakey/and probably Uncle-who's-not-really-our-Uncle Pat). So even though I kept pressing for REAL PLANS I got none, So I had to plan for either... like trying to get together a hotel workable travel cage for the suggies. And Nani was sick and on twice daily meds. Only weather seemed to be a major factor with Vegas. BUT having just moved to the new house, that seemed a stressful thing if we stayed. I just kept trying to get firm plans so I could KNOW where we were. And I kept trying to get a promise of if we are in Vegas, to go to the Secret Garden again to see the tigers and lions and dolphins and such. And if we DIDN'T go to Vegas to take everyone to the ZOO! Because I have been mounting a campaign to go to the zoo for a WHILE and zoos are more fun with people. Especially little people. But I really didn't know the plans for SURE till the day before and the AWESOME Ostleparkwells had us over THERE and PLUS ALSO I didn't know that it was a SPECIAL zoo day... Feast with the Beasts!

I am sorry to say, we missed some of it (Like the cool stuff on this video :O( )because of my stupidness in waking up. I really hate that about me A LOT. BUT we still got to see a lot of fun things. We saw the elephants squishing little (meaning NORMAL sized) pumpkins and eating them, black bears eating veggies out of turkey pinatas, the tiger completely snubbing a meat-filled pumpkin in true cattitude, etc. It was awesome! And the little boys had LOTS of cute comments. Because, well, they are cute.

We arrived at Hogle Zoo and picked up the schedule of the feeding. We started rushing down to the Black Bears which were being fed right then BUT got distracted by the fact that the elephants were smooshing pumpkins and eating them! It was so cute!

(Meggy and I later decided that Pumpkin would be a really great name FOR an elephant. We didn't know they liked them so much! But they seemed to really think they were delicious!)

Anyway, when we got to the Black Bears we realized a few things. First of all, that the "featured" animal being fed meant it was REALLY hard to get close and so it was hard for the kiddlets to see them and second of all, that the bears were NOT being fed turkey. Instead, they were being fed veggies and stuff in a Turkey-shaped pinata! The first part was disappointing, but the second part was funny. (The second part was disappointing to PADRE who kept saying they should feed the carnivores LIVE turkeys. Umm, yeah, like THAT wouldn't traumatize the children for life! YIKES!!! Besides, I think the bears (omnivores) seemed plenty impressed with their carrots, sweet potatoes, etc.)The whole time Caleb kept saying he wanted to see the "crocodiles and alligators." He told me they were his favorite animal. We THOUGHT they were in a certain exhibit that we kept passing so we were very glad to see a couple lazy little crocodiles in the reptile house. However, for all his excitement, apparently, Caleb was really SCARED of them. He kept asking us about the glass and touching it to be sure it was still THERE (thank you, Harry Potter.) He stared at them very bravely, though, for a LONG time. He also whispered, very seriously to me, "I think THAT crocodile is LOOKING AT ME."
"Are you sure, Caleb?"
He nodded, looking a little terrified.
"well, would you like to leave?"
"NO."
"Okay. We can keep watching them."
THEN, one of the crocs (the one NOT looking at him) actually moved. Caleb leaped back towards Megan pretty quickly. He DID go back up though... after checking the glass again since "that one came over closer to us!"

I think he was pretty proud of his bravery. So was I, and well, it was pretty dang cute.

One of our favorite animals was the Tiger. Part of the reason Megs and *I* loved it so much was because of how sad the old "cat house" used to make us when the Tiger would just pace around inside looking miserable and how much happier he looks now. Also he is just a BEAUTIFUL animal. I love that cat!!!!

We was just so... chill. Like, oh, no problem that you are all watching me... I think I will just siddle up to the glass and take a nice COOOOOOL bath. Ahhh.





Awesome awesome awesome.

Aaaand... Rinny randomly started dancing by the carousel while the boys had a potty break. And so did Padre. Scary.


ANYWAY, moving on...

The Ape House was hilarious. The little boys AND the apes were both adorable. There was a Gorilla, I think it was, and he had a blanket over it's head like it was sulking or something. Little Eli goes, "I think he's saying 'I'm in time out.'" We cracked up, but so did random strangers who passed the quote around and just cooed over his cuteness.

And then we watched Acara the UBER DARLING baby orangutan show off like crazy. She stood on a bucket, put hay IN a bucket, did somersaults, made faces... everything RIGHT in front of us, like LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME! I AM SOOOO CUTE! (She is right. She IS.)

*sigh* I SOOO love apes.

I also loved when the drinking fountain didn't work, but still got THIS expectant face.

And when we rode the Zoofari Express and Gabe wore a conductor hat.

And when Eli thought he was Hercules pushing that ball in the water.
The zoo was just a really fun time all around. I already want to go back. BUT by this time we were all really ready for T-La's EXTRORDINARY sweet potatoes. (and, for some reason, Mac&Cheese?) so we left and played the funniest game of "Eye Spy" I have ever heard in my LIFE. Adults included.

"..do YOU know what it is anymore, Caleb?" "Umm... I'll go again."

"..something Goldenrod..."

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!

Crappy Mother's Day! (NOT a day for Crappy Mothers)

I have been watching "our" deer more lately and trying to find the ones I knew from before. After this particularly brutal winter, our herd is back down to around 8. And I got some pics of ALL of them in the backyard together! So many we knew from before died... died in our own yard, actually. But at least one of the ones with the very wounded back legs survived. NOT the one with the horrible leg, but the other gimpy mom with her baby, and she and her baby made it through the winter... both are very fluffy (and walk with a limp.) I have named the baby, who was born very late in the season, and thus looks rather young despite having gone through a winter already, Sydney, because she looks like a little Wallaby or Kangaroo out there! She is very bold and keeps sitting right on our porch, as does her mom, Kanga. Or she WAS anyway.

A few days after this photo shoot I noticed Sydney alone for a whole day, much to close to our house, and that isn't normal for her with out mama. And the same day I am afraid I saw a very fluffy doe killed on our street. I think she is orphaned.

Sydney is weaned and SHOULD do okay, physically... but you can see from the pictures she is still really dependent on her mother and I am worried for her. The only other female fawn yet is much older than her and practically looks like one of the adults, and then I think there is that ones twin that also survived who has little nubbies of antlers coming in and is humping everything he can reach. Yay for boys. :OP So She really is alone in her group, too. I hope she makes it.

They are not pets. They don't KNOW their names, nor do I touch them, or feed them... but I still worry for them and watch them. They are "our" deer because they claimed our yard. We don't invite them (though they sure LOVE to eat my mom's petunias and apples and tulip bulbs), but with out Cassie telling them to get out, this is their home, and until the Padre's move, I suspect it will stay that way. And I will NOT let anyone hurt them here. (Including Padre who calls them "our Walking Food Storage." But HE knows, too, he can't REALLY.)

Anyway, at least it's been pretty weather for a change. Except right now (bed time, Mother's day [Translation, not really Mother's Day anymore and I will not admit how late/early it really is but I should really get off this thing and go to bed because I am going to try very very hard to go to work tomorrow come hook or by crook or by hellish migraine.]) it sounds rather stormy out there. Hmmm... I guess we will see.

I will tell you about Mother's Day and how much it SUCKED later. Like as in the day time hours when I SHOULD be up instead of being up with the wind and sugar gliders... and probably, like, vampires or something. Or, well, OTHER insomniacs.

GOOD FREAKING NIGHT. Today was bad. Praying tomorrow is 4,000 times better. But I would settle with, like, 4 times better at this point. Yeah. SIGH. Night.

That Sunday I woke up with an especially vicious migraine. I felt so sick, and like my head might split in half. I crawled to the bathroom and decided that since I felt like I was an inches from tossing my cookies this might be a really good time to try out the new mysterious Spray-in-the-Nose migraine stuff, Migranal, from the new Neurologist, Dr. FTW. But MATL. That's what it's supposed to be extra good for is the ones with nausea because it never has to go in your stomach. Well, I don't know if it just did NOT work for me, like the side effects or something, or if it was just the psychological yuckiness of squirting something in my nose, but let's just say it did NOT work and for half an hour I was hugging porcelain. AND it didn't get rid of the migraine either. And yeah, BAD day. It was like that ALL day.

But THIS Sunday wasn't just any Sunday, it was MOTHER'S DAY! Which, for the families of Mormon Missionaries, is one of the 2 phone calls a year they get to make home. USUALLY. Except that the day before, BoyKid's mission President called us from Italy (thus scaring us to death and causing us each to hold our breath and cry because he could not say "everything is fine" fast enough) to say baby brother would NOT be able to call because he'd be on a train to help with some other missionary's companion. SOmething like that. He wouldn't give us details, it being a private issue of the OTHER elder. But, it's what he needs to do, I guess. He is District Leader, after all.

So, we haven't got to talk to him yet. I miss him SO MUCH! We get to talk to him NEXT week, hopefully. I just want to hear him say STUFF. Anything. The kid is funny. Smart. The greatest little bro EVAH!

Anyway, so, yeah, I have a NEW Neurologist which is a very good thing. If I ever really SAW the ACTUAL neurologist that would be one thing, but I never do. I see her PA who prescribes me the meds that have given me ulcers, made me hallucinate, and just not HELPED in general. I do NOT trust her one bit. So Dr. FTW, who DOES know meds, is a good thing. She has taken me OFF several pills (YAY!) and given me some different headache ones to try. That Migranal, Axert (which *has* really helped a couple times so far!), and some others. But she is also concerned about how my Sleep Test before told me I had "a little, very mild, Sleep Apnea." She said "it's like saying, 'I'm a little pregnant' you're either you are or you aren't."

She also wants to reevaluate my lesions in my brain and stuff. So *SIGH* back to the tests. BLEH. But, hey... maybe this time I will get more conclusive answers?

Sleepy Sabbath and a Nice Day for a [Red?] Wedding

Today was icky. Yesterday was good.

I woke up feeling bad. Hurting. EVERYWHERE, but my foot was screaming (walked a lot yesterday... under a bunch of medication.) and my head was, too. I kept debating whether to go to church, but decided I need to at least TRY. I want to be worthy of the blessings I so desperately need. So I got ready and went. I made it through about 45 minutes before I had to go home and lay down.

I went home and thought I would take an hour nap and then eat something and take meds. This was at about 2. I woke up at 10:30. GREAT.

8 and a half hour nap. I am sure I will sleep SO well tonight.

BUT YESTERDAY was fun. It was Prism's wedding! She and Sluggo got married in the Salt Lake temple and it was GREAT and very THEM! I loved that.

CC met me at the Trax by Meg's house because she is AWESOME and saved me from driving the whole way on meds. There was a wedding breakfast at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building. We got there early so we went to the top and looked at the temple from the window. I still hate those elevators, though.But anyway, the breakfast was pretty fun even though I was hurting.

Yay for times with the girls!


The ceremony itself was, of course, beautiful. (It was in the Temple after all) But I LOVED how Prism and Sluggo seriously did NOT stop holding hands for even a SECOND the whole ceremony. VERY cute.
How cute are they?

MaGurls!


Congratulations to Prism, our Defective Knuck!

If I had an air popper it's name would be Frank Bennedetto and if I had a Camaro it's name would be Bumblebee

But my Microwave IS named Mrs. Bennedetto, for the record. Happy Labor Day!!!! And it really was! Yay!

Only now it is past bedtime and I need to, like actually wake UP for work so I might need to go to bed soon as I HAVE taken pills for that, but BLEH because I am not in the mood to sleep and am using my time so wisely *cough*watchingMASHandplayingonGaia*cough* Yeah, okay, I will update tomorrow. SIGH. BORING. Stupid bed. Stupid non-sleep. Stupid morning.

So yeah, Rinny decided we should go FISHING. Because SHE is so windernessy? I don't know, she just decided that that is what one SHOULD do for Labor day and after convincing Padre to take her she tried to get ME to come (at FIVE IN THE MORNING. HA!).

Okay, now I *like* to camp actually. But fishing, not so much. I like my fish sandwiches pre-murdered, thanks anyway. And spending time with just Padre and Rinny... sometimes not... safe for my psyche. Anyway, there is very VERY little worth getting up that early. So I said no and let Rinn and Padre have a Daddy-Daughter-Date on their OWN. Heh heh.

I went back to bed till around 10-ish. Hee hee hee! Then after some general lazing and animal stuff (bird cages, replacing Tortuga's filter pad, talking to my sugar babies, etc.) me and Mali textingly made some plans! Wee! She would show me her school (because, really, without proof, how am I to believe my friends are REALLY grown ups with grown up jobs? HMMMM?!), maybe do some shopping, and go to Transformers that I REALLY was needing to see. It was a good plan. And I was READY to go.

Till BooBonic, my gerbil, turned SUICIDAL! I was all ready to leave, pretty much, when I glance at Boo to see her PUSHING on the ball bearing of her new water bottle WATCHING it drain out and down her arm like "oooh look what I can do!" Her old bottle was sticking (which is why I replaced it) and I think she really was, just fascinated by the fact that SHE could MAKE the water come out like that. Gerbils really ARE pretty curious and bright little critters. Most rodents are (like rats) Smarter than HAMSTERS anyway.

But I was furious, considering wet litter kills gerbils ALL the time (they are desert animals and their respitory systems do NOT handle that well) and could have caused her sister, Latte's death last October. I grabbed her out of there so quick and yelled "Are you TRYING to die?!" and replaced her Carefresh with what little was already upstairs and put her back.

She was probably rather confused and being yelled at for making such an interesting discovery. Poor thing, but she scared me. Dumb baby. I have gotten very attached, even though she isn't a sugar glider, I LOVE her and do not want to lose her! She only just turned 2 this past June. (However, their life expectancy IS only 2-4 years... though I am planning on her exceeding that, dang it all because she just NEEDS to. She's a good girl! And our house is a little fanatical about our animals anyway. I wonder how those statistics take into account things like Not breeding them, mixing own food for optimal nutrition, etc.)

ANYWAY, after Boo and her Suicide Watch issues Mali and I took off south to her school! I was much impressed (but think that you should hang like test tubes and MASH-like still stuff behind those 4 sinks if they insist on being called a "LABORATORY." Maybe Pinky and the Brain in a cage. Something more laboratory-worthy than, like, 4 sinks in a nook. Geez. hee hee!). Both with the grownupness of HAVING a CLASSROOM of her OWN... and with the goofy stuff of having enough standies, toys, etc. in the room to make it seem like an extension of HER. Hee hee hee! It was hilarious to me. I don't know why it just IS, okay?!

Then we went to the Provo Town Center (or is it Towne Centre? I forget, were they trying to be old English? Like Ye Olde Sweets Shoppes?) to buy our tickets to Transformers. Then, having secured those we did the Mall thing and talked about, you know, STUFF... cuz we are girls... and Mali bought some pretty sweet Celtic music and I decided that I was in a terribly PATHETIC demographic in that even though I am NOT anxious to have children...

I AM a little anxious to DRESS those random children in Hot Topic onsies that have Optimus Prime on them or The White Stripes. Because, really, how cool of babies would I have? THE COOLEST. And they will be rocked to bed by rock that is cooler than lullabies and they will probably quote movies as their first words. Because THAT is how cool my babies will be.

If, you know, I end up ever having some. (Or 500 of them. [Cool] BABIES EVERYWHERE!)

So we shopped and talked and then decided we should get food but not before we found THIS! Okay, first of all, that's just AWESOME. Second of all I think I can make an awesome picture of her disappearing as she touches it, like animated which will amuse me to no end. Why yes, yes, we ARE geeks. But still! Weee!

We went to Bona Brasil for Pao de Queijo... but I must say it was kind of a disappointment. It's like they are different EVERY time. Usually that doesn't matter because they are still FANTASTIC, just different (sort of like German Pancake, you know how it just changes every time even when you follow they EXACT same recipe?) but these ones were just not that great. I mean, they were still okay (and the lemonade was great) but certainly not heaven, and so it was sad! Sometime, Mali, when I get a really good one I am going to save it and make you taste THAT. Because, well, that just was not the same.

Not that you HAVE to like Cheese rolls, it's just... yeah. hee hee!

Anyway, we actually went to the movie then and despite some reviews to the contrary (Eric Snider, who I usually tend to agree with completely, yeah, we part ways on this one) I LOVED IT. I mean, I was a fan of a kid, so I expected to like it. But not as much as I DID. There WAS a lot of jumpy random robot fighting where you would normally be like "who is fighting who?" except that true to Transformers style they usually began by yelling out their opponent's names, which made me laugh, but was also appreciated.

But if it had JUST been robots and cars and eye-candy, even though it WAS cool, it wouldn't have been that great, but it was FUNNY. Mostly because Shia LaBeouf. He seriously CARRIES it and is so likable and awkward and FUN. He is becoming one of my favorite actors, I think. Also, I swear he IS BoyKid. "I'm a child. You know, a teenager." Hee hee!

Also for some inexplicable reason certain things struck me so funny, like the evil cop car, Barricade ("to Punish and Enslave") yelling "ARE YOU USERNAME LADIESMAN217?!" I seriously laughed so hard I thought I might pee my pants. I DIDN'T, mind you, but that... was just... SO FUNNY. WHY?! WHY IS THAT HILARIOUS?! I can't even type it! It makes me laugh so hard!

It was a GLORIOUS summer flick. I definitely intend to BUY this one. And I have disturbingly serious crush on Optimus Prime...

but I did 20 years ago so this is nothing new. SIGH!

Got the Blues?

I am feeling a little better today than yesterday. That's, well, improvement. I am still inexplicably crampy and cry at the drop of a hat... but not so many hats are dropped when I don't have work, I suppose. To think, I almost got trapped into working a Birthday Party today. Good thing I decided I am NOT doing those anymore because I was asked when I WASN'T in such a horrible mood and thus almost said yes. (see kids, that is why you decide to "just say no" long before the situation arises! Be it drugs, sex... or birthday parties...)

The Roomie and I babysat one of her nieces this weekend. Because we can't legally have the Mini-Roomie yet, but her sister who is fostering her is so stressed out, she has been randomly taking one of her OWN kids at a time. We had Miss Corduroy staying for about a week, today we had Tinkerbelle, I *think* she is still upstairs in The Roomie's other room (we each have 2. My other is the sugar babies' room. Her's she uses for when she does respite care with J, a guest room, and, if she gets approval, the Mini-Roomie. For now it is the "Random Child in Our Care" room.) because I didn't hear her parents come get her.

Tinkerbelle LOVED all the animals, though. She sang to the Parrots... made Buddy sing and McKenzie dance... and played with Boo and Tortuga, who love attention. But she never did get to see the gliders since they were not to keen to wake up when she came in and their grumpy crabbing scared her. Finally, before her bed time, I went in with her and chewed out Nani (the only one actually crabbing... she's such a brat!) and let her pet Lilo and feed her a Yoggies which both Tinkerbelle and Lilo REALLY enjoyed. It was so cute.

I love my babies!

However, they are certainly a handful. Especially when I am spacey.

I had a very bad headache around 6 and decided I could lay down just a LITTLE. Set my FlyLady timer for 20 minutes. I slept through it (I don't know how. It sounds like a fire alarm) and woke up from a very vivid dream to find it was almost midnight. Now, naps are ALWAYS against the rules for insomnia. But naps that close to bed are TERRIBLE. So, yes, it is now 2 am and I am super awake. ANYWAY, also during that time, I just realized a few minutes ago, I had left the cage open. I was chatting with CC and heard Lilo barking at me to come play with her. I wasn't GOING to... I had meant to just feed them and go to bed... but when I went in the room I realized she wasn't barking from inside the cage. The door to the room was open, so I am very grateful they like their room so much (or were just too lazy to go further) that they hadn't left the glider room, but I had a heck of a time convincing Nani back into the cage. Lilo came to me first for some cuddles and went right in after letting her wrestle my fingers a bit. Heber was finally convinced to dash in for some food. But Epiphany had to be CAUGHT.

(Oh, so, yeah, CC, that's where I went. Sorry for not saying something. I really thought I'd be right back.)

Speaking of FlyLady (yes I did. The TIMER.), I DID do some productive stuff today. I cleaned my room rather well. I "released" a bag full of clothes I don't wear that are now ready to DI. And I made a dent in the cleaning of my bathroom. (by the way, something we learned from Tinkerbelle today. You know those tablets that turn your water blue every time you flush to keep them clean? They really freak 3 year olds out. She didn't want to use the potty because "somebody already blued in there!" and kept flushing it. It was hilarious.''

Kids really are randomly cool. When I don't hate them.

Yes, I am a little afraid to be a mom someday. My fickleness towards children scares me. Mom and I were talking about that yesterday. Just your basic reminder that "Someday, though, you DO want NON-furry kids too, though... right?" To which I said "this has been a very bad day at day camp, therefore I would not recommend asking that right now. Do you want pictures of my gliders for your wallet."
"No."
"Okay."

Because, strangley, I *always* like my sugar babies.

No, that isn't true. Once I didn't. It wasn't their fault. They are just doing what they do... they are Animals. And Epiphany is a beautiful animal... but a very sucky mother. But when Nani killed Diego, her first baby and I saw it. I tried to love them, but I couldn't. It took a long time before I could do more than just feed them. I had so many nightmares. It was just... awful. I got Heber fixed after that. I never wanted to deal with that again. Plicethenese was an after neuter surprise, but yeah. My little glider colony and I are NOT cut out to be breeders!

And, as Ames is one of the main people who has got me through ever glider crisis I have faced, now is as good a time for any for an update. Unfortunately, there is nothing much new to say. I haven't heard anything since Pioneer Day. It looks like they may be putting Dave in a nursing home because his body is getting healthier (but he is still, mentally, unresponsive), and the hospital costs too much. Please continue to keep my friend and her hubby in your prayers.

Or, if you have, like, extra money laying around, then hey, that would be cool, too.

I will probably write more tomorrow (I mean, you know, chances are. I WRITE ALATIME!) but I should TRIE to go to bed though I think it's pointless. It is, at least, COOLER in my room.

And I mean temperature. I am sweating my head off. Though my room IS pretty "cool" at that! Hee hee hee!

p.s. Not flattering, but accurate....

What Homestarrunner.com character are you? Strong Sad You are annoying, depressing, and whiny. But for some reason, no one's killed you yet. You get pummeled on the hour, every hour......

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Dream of

I am getting rather excited about my upcoming California trip. For one thing, I am one of those weird people who actually LIKES to fly. Also, Fresno has just been super funny and cute lately and so I am missing him. I fly out LATE a week from today. I will just sleep at the Courtyard that night because I don't want him to come get me at, like 3 am. So he can come pick me up the next morning. I don't know ALL of what we are going to do but we plan to:

• Go spelunking... okay, fine, probably just walk it, but STILL! CAVES!
• See other stuff in Sequoia national park
• Play with the monster dogs a lot
• Meet his mom and dad *gulp* and AVOID meeting any siblings.
• Probably go bowling or play games with his Illegal Alien roomie/best friend.
• Make ice cream with the ice cream making hamster ball I gave him for Christmas
• take a lot of silly pictures on the family camera, especially for BoyKid to go in his next letter (he has the same camera... so he can look at them, we just send memory cards back and forth.)

The Roomie is babysitting the sugar babies (and other zoo members) for the trip so I don't have to worry about them. I got work off (I am working right up until I leave from there and to the airport, but that's fine) and am only REALLY missing Saturday. SO, I figure if I can keep the headache under control, barring a plane crash, getting my stuff stolen, etc. I should survive this and have fun. I *hope* anyway!

Other than that, sort of hanging on by the proverbial thread to my sanity and, well, happiness. Lots of "assignments" from the psych and such. They seem too hard though, and I am tired... so tired and things HURT right now. Just muscles in general. My head, OBVIOUSLY. Just trying not to let my fragile mental health as it were screw up this thing with Fresno. It's a good thing, and a more perfect boyfriend I couldn't invent. He is sweet and not shallow and funny and smart and even super cute. I just get so nervous that I am going to mess things up. And, though I am excited for the trip, I admit I am also quietly terrified.

But it is not just the boy... there are other good but potentially terrifying developments. Rinny just asked me to DIRECT ROBOTICS CAMP!!! I will be in charge... and I still don't even know the PROGRAM! Training is on Wednesday. I AM excited to learn it... but I was expecting to HELP a few of the more experienced staff... not be in charge them. I am nervous!

Also, I am being "drafted" into my family's ward at Church. My mom wants me to teach a certain primary class that she can't find anyone for. (She is the Primary President) And I have been thinking about it, and my feelings about my current ward and, at least for the summer, I am "going home" for church.

In a way that makes me uneasy. Not that 1. Bishops should SAY anything to parents 2. I am doing anything major that needs confessing to said Bishop BUT it is still kind of weird to be in a homeward again, especially with the folks, you know? But ward-wise I AM needing a change, and Mom asked me with out pressuring me, so, yeah... I think that's the tentative church plan.

I don't know, I guess we will see what craziness the future brings but I am pretty sure it involves a lot more responsibility, a lot more doctors, a lot less sleep, and a lot more ROBOTS. So at least it's not ALL bad.

Bleeding from the outside in would be... like... a Transfusion, wouldn't it?

Wow, the clouds are so pretty right now. They are BRILLIANT pink. I haven probably had a TV overload. I am watching the season finale of 24 right now. Before that the (tapes of) Scrubs, The Office, and Gilmore Girls.

At least I overloaded on GOOD TV. Hee hee! But, well, BAD TV has it's happy place, too. I am watching TV and an ad for some silly Made-for-TV suspense movie called Pandemic comes on. This guys gets sick and the doctor person says "It's like he bled from the inside out!" Ummm, people, we ALWAYS bleed from the inside out. You can't bleed from the outside in!

But then, I have recently been deciding the world is just full of bad writing. Case in point, margarine at Smith's grocery. HA!

I'm sorry but does that slogan sound a little weird to anyone else?! Like, "I don't know what it IS, but Butter it's NOT..."

Anyway, today was really really frustrating. I am trying to not bawl any more, though, so here goes the sunshine edited version...

First I met with my Psych and ended up crying a ton, because, that's what I DO when I have to talk about Depression stuff. However, he gave me a TON of assignments for the insomnia and said that 15 of 15 people who actually DID the assignments got into normal sleep in 8 weeks. The other 2 in his study didn't do the assignments.

So I have full intentions of being insomnia free by mid-July. And I will never again even take "how early does it start?" into consideration in career exploration! See how positive I am being?
He also told me I needed to go to regular appointments with another psychologist, like therapy and stuff. I haven't CALLED Dr. Apparently yet, but I will tomorrow. Because, well, THIS is not working. Whatever we want to call this.

So I will get an appointment with him soon. I hope he can help.

But I will tell you what I am pretty sure is NOT going to help... this OTHER counselor, a career counselor lady at Voc Rehab which was ALSO today. I only even WENT there because the Psych referred me to try out their program. I didn't want to go anyway. So FINE. Whatever. I don't care if she DOES ever get back to me. I left crying my head off and stayed crying much of the rest of the day.

I want to do this. I want to fix me. I want to stay happy awhile for a change.

I want...
to wake up at a normal time and go to SLEEP when I get in bed.
to be able to have a full-time job with benefits that I like as much as my part-time, $7/hour/ no benefits on at TGP that will, after all, be pretty much phased out once field trip season is over. I mean I can get hours here and there, but yeah, BLEH.
to be happy when things are happy and be able to HANDLE having a good relationship.
to control my blood sugar and not be diabetic!
to lose around 105 pounds, ideally.
to curb these constant headaches and just "get a headache" like a normal person!
to get all normal in my, uhh, SOUTHERN region and the hormonal crap that goes along with that junk.
to gain more flexibilty in my calves so I don't get Charlie Horses so much.
to be on meds that do more HELP than HARM! Grrr!
to be more financially independent... yeah, that's a LITTLE off-topic, but not much because all that makes a significant difference in how difficult THAT particular goal is to accomplish.

ANYWAY, as for the whole insomnia thing, one of those assignments besides a journal thingy to fill out is a very strict bedtime regardless of whether I SLEEP during it. SIGH. Not as hard as the OTHER end though... waking up at 7 am.

So, to that end, I am off to feed the babies and go to bed. :O/