butterflies and books

Thank you, Pinterest.

But it doesn't make the decision to switch from vet tech to ASL easy.  However, my family is very happy with the idea.  My recent plan, well, we can't afford it.  Hence trying to find SOME help for paying with it.  But becoming even more buried in debt is NOT a way to start to become more responsible. 

So I just finished an amazing book. Hattie Big Sky.  I felt so sad when it ended, just because it was ENDING!  I wanted it to continue. I wanted more chapters. I wanted a sequel.  I got neither.  But I will read it again.  I recommend it, strongly. It is a beautiful book.  

I love to read.  I am almost always reading 3 or 4 books at once, as any who are friends with me on Goodreads can attest.  I am reading something in the bathroom, listening to an audiobook in bed, reading something in my purse, and reading the scriptures (either the Bible or the Book of Mormon) when I am being good. I admit that reading scriptures is something I SHOULD do, whereas a good novel, is like something I NEED for myself.

"Books have to be heavy because the whole world's inside them" - Cornelia Funke

SIGH.  I. Love. Books.

But I do like movies, too.  And right now I am watching Rio with Mom.  It's cute.  And it is about exotic pets, so I will probably review it for my column.  And maybe not surprisingly it makes me miss my roomie, Lark, and her parrots Buddy and McKenzie and the parakeets, Thomas and Critter,too. (She also has canaries, Igor and Celestra, but I wasn't that attatched to them. I am not a bird person, per say.).


But maybe a LITTLE surprisingly, it is also making me think about the BrazilianVampire. Rio recreates some pretty realistic, and beautiful, Brazilian landscapes. And Carnival may beEd still writes me all the time.  I write to him only occasionally.  Because I don't need to complication. Ed likes me. And, unlike other distant boys, he actually plans to move HERE.  However, he's also really wrong for me.  He also will never hold as big a piece of my brutally chopped up heart as MyNigerian, despite the fact that I believe Ola really does need to go back to Nigeria and create amazing social change and be a pioneer for the church... even though it means the end of US.  I admit occasionally, even though I really love Ola, and think there is a chance that I may not ever meet someone else... I sometimes let Ed flirt with me for my d**n self-esteem. Dangerous? Not too. Dumb? Yes. Painful? A little.  


I need to get a life. I need to get a boyfriend. One that lives in the freaking country.


No, I am not really that girl.  I have a LOT of things in my life right now (school, animals, family, work) I don't even know that I have TIME for a boy. But it would be nice.

Speaking of animals (I did! Remember, my last parenthetical comment?!), my USDA papers got REJECTED for Critters 2 Go.  I don't know why.  They lady said she would go over them and help me RE-apply (Oh the red tape!!!) once I get back the papers.  I get them back, with a letter, and call her for further explanation. SIGH.  And I WILL apply again.  I want to do Critters. I want to be SUCCESSFUL at it.  I have PLANS for it. New plans for the website, like a kids' section with games and activities and a Cockroach Club with info about Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches for those that buy them from me.  I have other animals, too, like if my mantis egg sack would ever hatch.  I plan to release most of them but keep a pair or so. I love mantids.  Of course, my dream is an Orchid Mantis, but the Chinese Mantises we have around here (that I can therefore hatch and release will be fun, too.

Confusicopia

My blog is more journal than, I don't know, BLOG.  I write for myself mostly, and someday I may even print it all out into a book. Who knows.  But I am still curious if anyone reads me anymore. It's not important. I don't get paid like I do for the Examiner and writing for nobody but myself does not bother me.  But I am still curious.

Anyway, I have been on a little bit shaky ground with MyNigerian.  Nothing has HAPPENED, it is just so hard to not be in the same dang country that sometimes I get a little weird.  And I don't like his little expiration date of December.  I mean if he wants to date other people, just do it. Don't make it be December when he already knows I can't come. I dunno. It's frustrating.  I guess I just feel like I need to start falling out of love so it doesn't hurt so much. Mom reminds me if it is meant to be it will work out, and if it isn't it won't. But my health and other circumstances are such that it's just probably not going to work.

But the thing is, and I am not being negative here, I am being realistic, how many chances do you think I am going to have?  TexasBoy... Fresno... MyNigerian. Each felt like a miracle.

And then there is the BrazilianVampire.  He swooped right in yesterday, reminding me "I like you how you are" and telling me he'd kiss me and he would move to Utah and pay for a trip to Brazil.  He told me so many things, right when I was feeling my saddest about Ola, that it was tempting.

But that is so literally what he is: Temptation.

He is not an active member of the church and has no desires to go back.  He drinks. He gambles.  He would screw up my life.  It would be worse than PoetryBoy.

How many chances?

I want Ola. I want him and his spiritual powerhouse ways and his sweet words and everything.  And I think I am not going to get him.  I just feel like swearing. DAMNIT.

I hurt.


My HEART hurts.

And it goes with out saying my HEAD HURTS.

OY.  Other than that, I just finished The Castle Corona. Reading is my escape.  I kept getting stories mixed up though (I blame the headache) They were asking what the corno (like a cornucopia) could mean and all I could think was DUH, the thing in the middle of the Game where all the weapons are!  Only that was not IN sweet little Castle Corona. THAT was in Catching Fire of the Hunger Games trilogy. HA!

I just started Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell and it seems interesting.  Maybe I'll go read now.  My brain is tired.

Friday's Fave Five... Can one week HOLD this much hilarity?!

The following things totally made me smile this week.

1. I was watching this show and yes, I am embarrassed to admit it because it is really stupid. It is called something like Get Paris a BFF and consists of various contests to eliminate people from being Paris Hilton's Best Friend. WHY these people would want to be her friend I do not know because, seriously, every time she TALKS it reconfirms to me that that chick has NO SOUL!!! I can only assume they are just after her money and she gives them things through out the contest... and I don't even feel BAD for her that these people want her for her fame and fortune because again, I do not think she has a soul. I think she is empty inside. I think if you got to know her, really know the real her deep down... THERE WOULD BE NOTHING. It is creepy. ANYWAY, that is not what made me smile. In the midst of this, one of the things I guess they decided to send them home for was being too fake (okay that DID make me smile. Because Paris is so real and down to earth... but anyway...) and so they were having PEREZ Hilton, this very queeny gay reporter guy grill them about things in an interview.

So he starts going after this chick saying that everyone thinks she is stupid, is she really stupid and her answer, totally unscripted was, " Well, umm, I don't know, I mean, I know I'm not like a rocket surgeon, but..."

And yes, Perez (and it sounded like some camera guy) cracked up. I am sure clip show people were running around screaming "COMEDY GOLD!" because *I* about died. A ROCKET SURGEON?! THAT IS AWESOME!!!! A brilliantly retarded blend of "it's not rocket science" and "he's no brain surgeon" that just made me smile for hours.

2. Rinny has 2 boyfriends, and she can't decide between them. They are SkaterHot and The 12 Year Old. She thinks she truly likes them both equally. She MIGHT like SkaterHot more were it not for the fact that he does NOT dance and 12 Year Old DOES. And they dance weekly. So she goes out with SkaterHot, like 3 times a week, but dances with 12 Year Old every week as well. Does NOT make for smooth sailing in Boyville. BUT it did spark a need to look up Safety Dance on YouTube so we could hear it. And then realize we had never seen the video. And then proceed to laugh and laugh for several hours and watch it 8 times and dance to the video and have my mother wonder what her daughters had taken. OH MY HEART.
Have you SEEN the video?!


3. THEN we needed to watch our favorite bad video 10 times, copy it and laugh till I almost threw up and remember how much BoyKid loves it! Another true TRUE gem.


4. Chatting with the boy I have a slight crush on despite a few issues, BrazilianVampire. He's not uber active, but he is trying to do better. He's a little too desperate/fast for me (like really wants to fly me down for New Years). BUT he is also funny, smart, super cute, hard working, and generally just a very good guy. His dad was a mission president in Brazil (Campinas mission 92-95), and he has family both there in Brazil and in Utah. (and yes, he is legit. I mean I don't KNOW him, like really, but I do know he is a real LDS guy with a Mission president dad and a less active mom who is a SAHM and all that... who is not a scammer) Anyway, Chatting with him has been really fun. I have missed... well... being liked back. I don't know that anything will come of it. Probably not. I mean that's a long LONG distance relationship. But STILL... maybe?

Maybe. I do VERY like him.

5. I have happy friends. It is almost CC's birthday and therefore you should totally buy a subscription to the magazine Wasatch Women! Because... ummm... it's probably not boring if you are into that sort of thing! And CC designs it! W00t!