BoyKid and Mason sitting in a tree

I feel bad having not mentioned it, because it was a big milestone in my little bro's life, and was quite the talk of our family.  And now it's over?

BoyKid had a girlfriend. Let's call her Mason for reasons she will never know.  She was the first "official" post-mission girlfriend he has had, and in only the space of a week they went from finally having a DTR and saying yes, we are boyfriend and girlfriend to her saying she was "equally" interested in someone else and breaking up. Poor BoyKid.  Poor Mom.  She has been talking about how well Mason would fit into our family, how it will be to finally have a kid-in-law, etc.  And, I'll be honest, I am not sure Mason won't be back.

I think Mom may be thinking, correctly, that BoyKid is her best chance at [non-fuzzy] grandchildren.  Rinny and I are pretty dang relationshiptarded.  Rinny MAY even be more screwed up than me, but with my health as it is, it's not like I am exactly dating.

butterflies and books

Thank you, Pinterest.

But it doesn't make the decision to switch from vet tech to ASL easy.  However, my family is very happy with the idea.  My recent plan, well, we can't afford it.  Hence trying to find SOME help for paying with it.  But becoming even more buried in debt is NOT a way to start to become more responsible. 

So I just finished an amazing book. Hattie Big Sky.  I felt so sad when it ended, just because it was ENDING!  I wanted it to continue. I wanted more chapters. I wanted a sequel.  I got neither.  But I will read it again.  I recommend it, strongly. It is a beautiful book.  

I love to read.  I am almost always reading 3 or 4 books at once, as any who are friends with me on Goodreads can attest.  I am reading something in the bathroom, listening to an audiobook in bed, reading something in my purse, and reading the scriptures (either the Bible or the Book of Mormon) when I am being good. I admit that reading scriptures is something I SHOULD do, whereas a good novel, is like something I NEED for myself.

"Books have to be heavy because the whole world's inside them" - Cornelia Funke

SIGH.  I. Love. Books.

But I do like movies, too.  And right now I am watching Rio with Mom.  It's cute.  And it is about exotic pets, so I will probably review it for my column.  And maybe not surprisingly it makes me miss my roomie, Lark, and her parrots Buddy and McKenzie and the parakeets, Thomas and Critter,too. (She also has canaries, Igor and Celestra, but I wasn't that attatched to them. I am not a bird person, per say.).


But maybe a LITTLE surprisingly, it is also making me think about the BrazilianVampire. Rio recreates some pretty realistic, and beautiful, Brazilian landscapes. And Carnival may beEd still writes me all the time.  I write to him only occasionally.  Because I don't need to complication. Ed likes me. And, unlike other distant boys, he actually plans to move HERE.  However, he's also really wrong for me.  He also will never hold as big a piece of my brutally chopped up heart as MyNigerian, despite the fact that I believe Ola really does need to go back to Nigeria and create amazing social change and be a pioneer for the church... even though it means the end of US.  I admit occasionally, even though I really love Ola, and think there is a chance that I may not ever meet someone else... I sometimes let Ed flirt with me for my d**n self-esteem. Dangerous? Not too. Dumb? Yes. Painful? A little.  


I need to get a life. I need to get a boyfriend. One that lives in the freaking country.


No, I am not really that girl.  I have a LOT of things in my life right now (school, animals, family, work) I don't even know that I have TIME for a boy. But it would be nice.

Speaking of animals (I did! Remember, my last parenthetical comment?!), my USDA papers got REJECTED for Critters 2 Go.  I don't know why.  They lady said she would go over them and help me RE-apply (Oh the red tape!!!) once I get back the papers.  I get them back, with a letter, and call her for further explanation. SIGH.  And I WILL apply again.  I want to do Critters. I want to be SUCCESSFUL at it.  I have PLANS for it. New plans for the website, like a kids' section with games and activities and a Cockroach Club with info about Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches for those that buy them from me.  I have other animals, too, like if my mantis egg sack would ever hatch.  I plan to release most of them but keep a pair or so. I love mantids.  Of course, my dream is an Orchid Mantis, but the Chinese Mantises we have around here (that I can therefore hatch and release will be fun, too.

Confusicopia

My blog is more journal than, I don't know, BLOG.  I write for myself mostly, and someday I may even print it all out into a book. Who knows.  But I am still curious if anyone reads me anymore. It's not important. I don't get paid like I do for the Examiner and writing for nobody but myself does not bother me.  But I am still curious.

Anyway, I have been on a little bit shaky ground with MyNigerian.  Nothing has HAPPENED, it is just so hard to not be in the same dang country that sometimes I get a little weird.  And I don't like his little expiration date of December.  I mean if he wants to date other people, just do it. Don't make it be December when he already knows I can't come. I dunno. It's frustrating.  I guess I just feel like I need to start falling out of love so it doesn't hurt so much. Mom reminds me if it is meant to be it will work out, and if it isn't it won't. But my health and other circumstances are such that it's just probably not going to work.

But the thing is, and I am not being negative here, I am being realistic, how many chances do you think I am going to have?  TexasBoy... Fresno... MyNigerian. Each felt like a miracle.

And then there is the BrazilianVampire.  He swooped right in yesterday, reminding me "I like you how you are" and telling me he'd kiss me and he would move to Utah and pay for a trip to Brazil.  He told me so many things, right when I was feeling my saddest about Ola, that it was tempting.

But that is so literally what he is: Temptation.

He is not an active member of the church and has no desires to go back.  He drinks. He gambles.  He would screw up my life.  It would be worse than PoetryBoy.

How many chances?

I want Ola. I want him and his spiritual powerhouse ways and his sweet words and everything.  And I think I am not going to get him.  I just feel like swearing. DAMNIT.

I hurt.


My HEART hurts.

And it goes with out saying my HEAD HURTS.

OY.  Other than that, I just finished The Castle Corona. Reading is my escape.  I kept getting stories mixed up though (I blame the headache) They were asking what the corno (like a cornucopia) could mean and all I could think was DUH, the thing in the middle of the Game where all the weapons are!  Only that was not IN sweet little Castle Corona. THAT was in Catching Fire of the Hunger Games trilogy. HA!

I just started Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell and it seems interesting.  Maybe I'll go read now.  My brain is tired.

Halloweekly Planning

I officially have my USDA papers and am working on them for my Exhibitor's License!  It is a little daunting.  I need to write up my "Veterinary Plan" of how I care for my animals and get it, and THEM checked out by a qualified vet.  I hope Dr. Dobson will do it! She has been my gliders' vet before, though she has never seen Fable.

Last night we had a little Sibling Party.  Watched Clue (one of my FAVES... haven't watched it since, well, I guess since that date with PoetryBoy in college in Cedar City., carved pumpkins (Mine was Trogdor from Homestar Runner, Spencer's was Boo from Super Mario, and Corinne's was Charlie Brown. Yeah, we are old school.), ate REALLY yummy pumpkin bars from the Thanksgiving Point's Harvest, and fed the pumpkin scraps to the critters. The tortoise, the gliders, the hermit crabs, it's good for everybody.  Not that they will all eat it. Fable wouldn't.

It was good times.  We (me and the parents) will be passing out candy (well, chips.) to the Trick-or-Treaters on SATURDAY, Padre about FREAKED when I said we should save some treats for kids that came Sunday because not everybody knows how Utah operates. "THOSE kids will come to a dark house. They will learn not to bother people on the Sabbath." Jerk.

 I doubt they are PURPOSELY bothering people on the Sabbath. They are just Trick or Treating.  I hope everyone just comes Saturday like the news says they will.  What if they come MONDAY?!

If I had kids they'd go Saturday.... or whenever their friends were going. Safety in numbers and such.  I really want to be a mom.  Someday I am definitely adopting.  Kids, too, not just babies.  Probably from Haiti, maybe from Nigeria if that's easier, if MyNigerian and I are together someday.  Dang but I hope so. I love that man. *SIGH*  And we want kids. They can be from Nigeria, Romania, Haiti, or here in the US, wherever they let us love them.  Someday.

Okay, I'm gonna go read in the bath now.

Broken, and Broke to Boot

Today's headache remedy?  Botox (yes, I have a *pretty* headache again.) and a huge Coke.  The Coke helped a little today, hoping the poison helps within a week or 2.  REALLY hope so. If it does then I am going to have surgery.  Get some muscles in my forehead removed, and the nerves in my temples removed too.  Scary but worth it because a 2 + month long headache is NOT ACCEPTABLE.

I just watched Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.  Getting ready for November and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I!  Woot!  I am such a nerd.  Now I am watching Chuck.  Like I said, NERD. So what?

They still haven't sent my papers to get started on my Exhibitor's License for Critters.  I am getting worried. I hope I am allowed to do shows and classes again SOON.  I have had to turn one down already, and have one as a "Maybe" depending on how long this takes.  SIGH.  I also hope it is not expensive.  I don't have  much at all, plus I am attempting to earn enough to go to Spain to visit MyNigerian.

I haven't been able to work for real, like at Thanksgiving Point.  I spend all my days mostly in bed, my head stabbing and trying to kill me.  It is not cool AT ALL.  So I am not earning any money, either.  This while I am still trying to save as much as I can for that Ola trip.  And I have felt sick besides. 

So NOTHING is really going great in the luuuurve department.  MyNigerian and I hardly talk. We love each other, I think, I mean I KNOW I love him and think he loves me but with his life being all screwy right now with not having any money for school and losing his home and MY life being all screwy with no work and pain in a non-relenting series, ugh.  It is just a struggle catching each other.  Plus I am scared he is going to give up... on me.  I would. :(

Okay, I'm going to take a bath and probably be a baby and cry.  I need to get an appointment with my therapist, I have been too Bleh to go and I just got a letter from her asking if I was doing too well to come. HA! Awesome. That would be so funny. "Sorry, I am a little too happy to come to Therapy, thanks anyway, Ivy." HEE HEE HEE!  Instead I am too, well, BUMMED for THERAPY. hee hee! Yeah, I am a nerd.  A depressed, screwed up, hurting, in-love-with-a-boy-in-Spain, NERD.

Boys and Books I love them both.

Talked (and fought) for a few hours last night, got things SORT of okay.  Somethings were misunderstood... by both MyNigerian and I.  I was confused by his Spanish citizenship requirements.  He thought I was saying I wasn't going to be allowed to come.  We were both wrong, doesn't matter who was MORE wrong.  It was all messed up.  These things happen. We are getting through it.  It was a fight that probably needed to happen.  Yes, I still love Ola.


I have been reading a lot, since I haven't been sleeping.  Currently it's The People of the Book, and Pride and Predjudice and Zombies and Percy Jackson and the Sea of Monsters.  3 at once because PPZ is in my bathroom so I read that whenever I go in there.  PJSM is in my purse for on the go reading.  And then PotB is in my bedroom at night.  Maybe this BookSwim rental thing is a good idea. It works like Netflix but with books.

what becomes of the broken-hearted?

 Everything is wrong.  My head is still terrible. My computer is in the shop being fixed. My phone is lost. And I have said something wrong, I don't know what, but I come to find out that MyNigerian has marked himself "single" again on Facebook.  I can't call him to know why.  I am just sitting on my dad's computer hoping he comes on Facebook when he wakes up and that it is a misunderstanding.  My heart is falling to pieces.

head[ache]ing in the right direction

Today I went to my Neurologist who gave me meds to stave off the headache till the cervical nerve block kicks in.  Then I went to my general Witch Doctor (he is very homeopathic) who gave me a scalp and neck massage thing.  Basically I still feel like crap on a stick, but hopefully I am on my way.

Distractions are good.  Having a boyfriend, even a far far away, is a mighty good distraction.  Oh I love him so much.  He constantly amazes me. I sent him a harmonica and CDs and stuff for Pioneer Day and he is LOVING it. He can play 11 hymns on the thing already!  Musical genius as well as being a spiritual super star. Le Sigh.

keeping dating rules

If one of my friends said THEY were "in love" with some guy from Nigeria and wanting him to immigrate to the US I would think they were at best jumping the gun and moving to fast at Worst being played by a dangerous scammer.  SO I honestly understand the feelings of my friends, and love them for worrying.

HOWEVER, I'm not going anywhere, I'm not sending him any money, (nor has he asked me to) and all this will likely be over the next year or 2 so not THAT fast. 

Also, my rules, my dating rules, have only been BENT not broken.  Still require meeting and dating in person before anything in person. I just happen to believe strongly, and yes, I have been praying about it and feel as though I should most assuredly continue this relationship, that it WILL be serious and don't think it's that big of a deal to call him my boyfriend.  All it does is makes us more, well "exclusive" and and I know I am not wanting anyone else.

Anyway, just wanted to clarify a few things.

My First Time... no not THAT.

Okay, here goes.

I am OFFICIALY Ola's girlfied.  He asked me. I said of course yes. We talked. I did the little "in a relationship" thing on Facebook. I said I loved him. Guys, I have never said that before to a boy.  I have said it ABOUT them, like "I think I may have loved him." but never "Ola, I love you." until today.  He said he loved me a little while ago and I finally said it back and really meant it.  I DO love him.

I think I may end up marrying MyNigerian if we can ever get in the same location.

Happy Happy Joy Joy!

I have had a difficult week.  Work, though I like it a LOT, has been stressful. My left wrist is in a splint for 6 weeks because of SOMEHOW killing it at the family women's retreat.  And my headaches have been kicking my butt lately.  Besides my regular battle (and oh, indeed it is a full-scale BATTLE) with Depression. 

HOWEVER, some very happy things!  So here they are, this week's happy thoughts!

The Penguins

Yes, the ADORABLE Gentoo Penguins have ARRIVED at The Living Planet Aquarium!  They are so cute! Megs and I went to the members only (which reminds my, my membership will expire next month. I will DEFINITELY be renewing. They aquarium is a fun place and membership is a great way to do it... very cheap, compared to how often I go after my Dentist appointments.) Sneak Peak of the penguins and we had a blast.  The penguins were darling, the rest of the aquarium was fascinating as usual, and it was SOOOOOOO GREAT to hang out with my favorite cousin/bestfriend.  We talked and just hung out and I am so proud of her going to church and stuff and we talked about that.  It is good to have her as an example for when things get hard for ME to go.

Today was a hard day for me at church as I felt too sick and had to leave right after the sacrament. Days like that, when I can't complete even the simplest of goals really frustrate me. It's like that machine that fights against itself I just saw on Instructables. 
 
 It made me laugh because I could really relate to that little box!  Especially Sundays because I want so badly just to be able to go and enjoy church.  But like you said, at least the Lord knows my desires and that helps.  I believe He blesses me to be able to at least partake of the sacrament.




JanBrady's Baptism

Yesterday was great though. Squall, well yesterday her little girl, JanBrady, who comes to play at my house a lit because she loves all my animals, was baptized.  Squall is a single mom of 2 little girls now (JanBrady and MiniSquall) and has worked so hard to bring them up in the Church.  So I was proud of her, and of JanBrady, too of course to make that decision!  Baptisms are so happy! I love those little girls and am so glad that they are already following Jesus in this life!  And baptisms make me think about happy times from the Mission, a time I often miss in my life. (Apparently a lot, as last night I dreamed I was hanging out with Coats and Parker.)

A Letter from MyNigerian

LE SIGH! For serious. His letters... GOOD LETTER WRITER that one! Which is handy since, you know, he is a bazillion miles away and I like him a LOT.  He is just... SIGH. I am so twitterpated.  He is so cool. I can finally pronounce his whole name by the way, which is an accomplishment!


So there you go. THOSE are the happy days this week.  Good ones, eh?  Anyway, pics to come later.

WARNING! WARNING! girly blather ahead!

Sooooo twitterpated. Blame the weather! Blame the BOY! I like Ola, MyNigerian a lot.  But hey, since my mood is usually one of depression and pain, I will take twitterpation (okay, and still pain... what are ya gonna do, right?) any day!

Last night I sort of "broke up" with the BrazilianVampire. Not that we were together but basically told him we just really never would be because we were too different, especially in the importance the church is in our lives, respectively. The part I did not go into is that MyNigerian is the complete opposite of him in all the good ways.  I know there are still similarities that are there... internet boy, from another country and culture... but they don't seem so much of an ISSUE with Ola.  They just seem like, "meh. No biggie." because the rest of everything is so good. *LE SIGH!*

In other news (SEE?! I can think about other things!) one of my best friends is moving TO ENGLAND! Congrats, Mali, but geez.... could you go any further from Utah?  I get nervous every tome Jakey jokes about him and Megs just moving to TEXAS! (I seriously would probably have to follow them.  I can just see it. "Yes, this is our first house... And this is my wife's crazy cousin who lives in our basement because she she can't let go of Meg's ankle."  On the bright side I DO know it is legal to own a Capybara* in Texas which would make things much more cheerful!



*This computer's spell check didn't recognize CAPYBARA! (lucky thing *I* know how to spell it.)  My 2nd favorite animal, the largest living rodent, and it doesn't even KNOW THE WORD. I feel highly insulted. Bill Gates, a pox on you and your capy-hating ways!

On the bright side...

I'm now the Girlfriend of a Sex God. No. Wait, that's Georgia Nicholson.

I am not the girlfriend of anything. BUT I AM at my OWN house this week!  YAY! Yep, back at the Ark for a change.  The Roomie is in Florida with her BoyfriendQuestionMark  (at a trade show thing) and *I* am babysitting the puppy dogs and the birds and my own turtle.  The Padres are sorta tending my tortoise, lizards, and frogs back at their house for now.  The gliders are with me. :) I like being at my apartment.  Feeling a small percentage of normalcy. SMALL.

Other than that "bright side" I am not well. I have felt like crap, especially today.

But the good things I did (Remember, *MY* Things-a-Day are considered successful if I do something Creative OR Productive!):
Worked out at the pool a little.
Did the dishes and a load of laundry.
Went grocery shopping.
Read awhile 1. Book of Mormon, 2. Secret Speakers (P.S. Karey, I am LOVING it so far!) 3. 20.000 Leagues Under the Sea. Yeah, I am a Leeeetle ADD.

Married Boy[s that are my best]friends

I don't remember ALL birthdays. I am awful with numbers. But when they coincide with a holiday, it helps.  Parker was born on Lincoln's Birthday.  Lil' Jeppson was born on Boxing Day.  So a couple days ago I texted "Before I forget! Happy Birthday, Parker!" NOT expecting much response as he is not much of a texter and is busy being, you know married and a dad and stuff.  But he called me last night!

"HOW did you remember my birthday?!"
" You were born on Lincoln's Birthday.  Lil' Jeppson was born on Boxing Day."
So we chat awhile. Most of it, same hilarious randomosity as always. When he was talking about rubbing his wife's back to help her sleep, a little awkward.
WHY?!

I have plenty of friends who are married, most of them, even.  Boys too, though I guess the difference is I am friends with both the wife and hubby.  I LIKE Risa, I mean we know each other but not well at all.  I just like her because she is cool with Parker staying friends with the Fringe.  And she seems nice.
But I guess just that difference makes it awkward.  Because it's not, like, a romantic interest or anything (which would make it MORE than awkward) as Parker is like my little brother... LITERALLY.  He is freaking awesome and has the same 1st name, and Jeppers and Parker were our Mission brothers. And we really WERE their SISTERS. hee hee!

But still... Lock-heart Love that kid to bits.

And yet... they DO, Fergie

Blogging is my therapy. When I am having a hard time, I blog. When I am having a VERY hard time I blog a LOT... like, a couple times a day sometimes.

And when things are really REALLY bad I shut up and do not blog for a few days.


And, incidentally, who knew I didn't hate Fergie?
Yeah. this kinda fits me right now. Go figure.

The smell of your skin lingers on me now
You're probably on your flight back to your home town
I need some shelter of my own protection baby
To be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightenin' out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've got to get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry
Don't cry

The path that I'm walking
I must go alone

I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown
Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay

Like the little school mate in the school yard
We'll play jacks and Uno cards
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to
'Cause I want to hold yours too
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds
But it's time for me to go home
It's getting late, dark outside
I need to be with myself and center, clarity
Peace, Serenity

~Big Girls Don't Cry - Fergie

would you like some cheese with my whine?

I am feeling a little better (physically), though, at least, thanks to a WHOLE lot of Lemon Theraflu and books (finished Eclipse last night. Good book, but now I am needing the NEXT and THIS one just came out. SIGH.) and a fair amount of feeling doped up and exhausted all the time... oh and waisting a lot of time goofing around on Gaia.

As for... the boy... I don't know if I said the right thing.

Hey [Fresno],

I will have to see that movie. It sounded interesting (And I like Beatrix Potter).

I want to be able to talk and be friends. I have missed that, a lot. But I am still having a hard time with it all and it still just hurts to get emails from you. It takes a lot for me to fall for somebody, you know?

I hope I will get to that time, I just don't know how long it will be. For now, I don't think I can. I am not over you yet.

Sorry,


[Kipluck]

I *just* sent it, like 20 seconds ago, so I am already questioning. I mean, I have thought about it a lot. And prayed, too. I basically prayed "I am going to tell him I can't talk to him. If I am wrong please tell me!" I got nothing... so... hopefully I am not being stupid.

My heart hurts so much right now.

The doctor told me not to work this week, but I can't get out of tomorrow, it's SCOUTS. But at least it will be something not in the house and, in theory, not related to Fresno. Thinking about him hurts and he pops into my thoughts ALL THE TIME. It is NOT fair.

Anyway, I will write more later. I need to lay down again. BLEH.

Well, it's later. I don't feel better.

I am coughing more. I am DREADING the early morning the begins with boy scouts. And I am sick over Fresno, but not even sick like "oh I should have said" because if I WAS I would write again. I am no closer to the "right" thing to say than before. I just know I wish we hadn't ever met if this is how my life was going to feel from now on.

Goodnight. I am going to feed the babies and take more gaggy lemonade so I might sleep.

Pottery

Just got back from the doctor (waste of time. It's just a really bad cold.). I have not yet responded to Fresno's Buddy Email, but will today, I suppose. Bleh. In other news I got a good email from one of my best guy friends, Gilch, and that was nice. I have missed him. He's like my brother.

Anyway, a quiz (from Stewie)


1) Harry begins Hogwarts and is sorted into a house. Which house do you think you would be sorted in? Gryffindor = Brave Ravenclaw = Smart Hufflepuff = Loyal/hardworking Slytherin = Sly, looking for the easy way

I would say Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff even though I guess we would ALL love to say Gryffindor. But this test was pretty dang detailed and it put me in Hufflepuff

Hufflepuff

Said Hufflepuff, "I'll teach the lot, and treat them just the same."

Hufflepuff students are friendly, fair-minded, modest, and hard-working. A well-known member was Cedric Digory, who represented Hogwarts in the most recent Triwizard Tournament.

Gryffindor 74
Ravenclaw 80
Hufflepuff 89
Slytherin 57

2) The Mirror of Erised, instead of showing a reflection, shows what the subject wants more than anything. What would the Mirror show you?

It's me, but I am thinner and healthy (diabetes and depression free, etc.)! Also, my house is organized and clean.

3) In The Chamber of Secrets, Harry’s new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is a celebrity with an overdeveloped case of ego. Which current celebrity do you think is overblown?

Almost all of them. I have very little respect for celebrity in general. But, yeah, probably Tom Cruise or most boy band boys.

4) Harry calls Fawkes (Dumbledore’s phoenix) to him by exhibiting loyalty. What non-family member would be able to call your phoenix?

CC.

5) In The Prisoner of Azkaban we first see a Boggart, which takes the form of whatever the person fears. What would your boggart turn into?

A Doctor or Dentist with a needle, probably.

6) Harry is able to fight off dementors by using a patronus charm which calls upon a very happy memory. What would your happy moment be?

my sugar gliders chirping in my ear happily... a glider probably would BE my patronus, too.

7) In The Goblet Of Fire Fred and George try to put their names in the goblet even though they are not old enough. What “mature” activity did you try too early?

I have actually been SLOW on most things like that. Granted, I tried to build a space shuttle in kindergarten and such, but nothing REAL. I am a slow mover.

8)In The Order of the Phoenix Harry discusses what he wants to be when he gets out of school. What did you want to be when you were 15?

A teacher. <---Me too, actually. 9) The kids take their defense against the dark arts in a room of requirement where the room becomes whatever you need. What would your personal room of requirement be–when would it appear?

Right now, I think it's just a storage room. A HUGE room with lots of shelves and house elves to help me put things in order.

After that's DONE it would become the glider room of my dreams. giant cages, rain forest murals on the walls, vines and rope lights from the ceiling, washable walls, drain in the floor and a heated hose so I could wash cages right in the room. A fridge and freezer and food prep area right there, with a mealworm and cricket farm.

10) In the Half-Blood Prince we are exposed to Felix Felicitas, a potion that will make you have a wonderful wonderful day. Tell us about a day that you would like to live over again–a wonderful day.
I don't know. I don't think I would like reliving a good day knowing how it ends. :O(


S
P
O
I
L
E
R
S
AHEAD
B
E
W
A
R
E . . .

11) In the Deathly Hallows, Hermione blanks her parents' memory of her existence. Is this something you would do to protect those you loved?

YES.

12) We find that Dumbledore entrusted Snape to kill him. Do you have anyone that you would trust enough to kill you if you asked them to?

Honestly, I don't think I trust the people that love me to kill me if I asked. I think they'd balk at the last second. I'd rather ask someone who DOESN'T like me, that might get some pleasure out of it. Trust them more for it, you know. Sean from work seems a logical choice.

13) Many beloved characters do not make it to the end of the book. What fictional characters' deaths affected you (besides the ones in Harry Potter)?

I get very very very into books. I almost NEVER cry at movies but I bawled when someone died in books I loved like:

Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson

The Two Princesses of Bamarre by Gail C. Levine

The Goose Girl by Shannon Hale

and The Giver by Lois Lowry.

DANGBUT I love books!

clay head

I could feel myself getting a bad cold yesterday, but today I woke up feeling like my head was full of clay. I *hate* being sick.

So, I am taking meds, watching stupid TV, reading the Third Twilight book, Eclipse, and trying to decide what kind of letter to write back to Fresno.

Hey Fresno,

I want to be able to talk and be friends. I have missed that. But I am still having a hard time with it all and it still just hurts to get emails from you. I hope I will get to that time, I just don't know how long it will be, you know? Anyway, yeah.

-Kipluck

or

Dear Fresno,

I am sorry but I can't handle being one of the guys this time. Talk about movies with your roomie.

Love,
Kipluck

or

Fresno,

I am glad you are over us, but you have someone else. Let's not try the friend thing until you mean as little to me as I do to you.

-Kipluck

or

Sorry, I may not be able to write back for awhile. There is a hurricane.

or

Dear Fresno,

Yeah, I wanted to see that movie, too. Was it any good?

Friends?
Kip

Damn.

I hate relationships so very very much.

p.s. this is my 300th entry in the blog. I think I talk too much.

You've Got Male? <:O(

So today at church they talked about how to choose who to marry.

I didn't even finish the meeting. I just left.

How long before I am... well, not NORMAL, but as normal as I was before Fresno? When will I be able to listen to the radio, go to a family reunion, watch a movie, go to a party, see a commercial, etc. without thinking about him?

And then, a few hours ago, I got an email. It was a nothing email. But it was from him.

It is the first thing from him since breaking up. It was just a "hey have you heard of this movie?" type of email and I am sure he thought it was totally fine.

But I don't feel fine.

I don't know if I am mature enough... and OVER him enough... to be friends. Chit-chat about movies and stuff. But on the other hand I am desperate to do just that. Talk to him, about anything or nothing.

But how can I keep it that way in MY head and heart? How can I not want more? How can I keep silly innocuous notes from shredding my heart over and over again?

Not doing so well.

I don't want to explain.

It's just been a really really bad day.

I am not okay.

But, on the bright side Rerun of all people stepped up when I couldn't and actually helped for once. If I was a different girl I would bake him brownies or something for not being his usual level of incompetence.