I teach 4 year olds, read books,
& spend the rest of my time playing with my "kids" which happen to be sugar gliders, a hedgehog, turtles, etc.
I'm a Crazy Cat Lady, sans cats.
I am a Spoonie, a Mormon, a Whovian, and Steampunk warms the cogs of my clockwork heart!
I write, I read, I rescue, I rrrrrrrrreally like toys?
You know, the chronic migraines, the Diabetes, the Depression, etc. they all get to me and frankly makes it hard to deal some days. Somedays I don't feel so much like being funny. This is one of those moments. So for just a bit, pardon my rant while I whine a bit about how my Gastroparesis ****s up my life.
Gastroparesis, for me, means: *I'm now vegetarian... but can't have fresh fruit or vegetables. *keeping my fat under 40 grams a day... but never seeming to lose weight. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?! *Stomachaches that hurt so bad I can't go to church, can't go to work, can't go to a party, can't see my friends, can't think about returning to school, can't cope, can't HOPE. *No social life. Wanna go out for dinner? Oh sure, you eat, I'll just bring an Ensure in my pocket! Because I don't seem awkward enough BEFORE! *Pain. *A acceptable reason to turn down anyone's cooking. I am allergic to FOOD! ;) *The food pyramid is crumbling! Nowhole grains, no meat, no veggies, no fruit, little fats and sweets... poor little food Mummies... where will they live? Or be entombed, rather?
Today has been both a very bad and very good day! I will start with the good. It's more fun, and more infrequent, so I gotta take advantage of it. When I was on my mission in Texas there was this AWESOME girl named LeslieKay.
She was, like, super member missionary. She had a CRAZY life. She had been homeless, basically raised her little brother and herself in a shelter, and was a recovering Meth addict. But she was AMAZING about the gospel... and she slept over at our apartment (we got permission from our President, don't worry) to go on exchanges with us. And the thing is I felt like she really was, like, a FRIEND, you know? Like not just a person that helped the missionaries, but a friend, too. And that was rare.
Anyway, this awesome ex-druggie went on a mission herself after I went home and I was SO proud! Well, we lost touch and I always wondered what became of her... did she stay strong? Was she okay? TODAY I found OUT! SHE EMAILED ME! SHE LIVES IN PROVO!!!!! PROVO!
So we can get together and PLAY! Play with LeslieKay!
That was a really fun thing for today. Also fun today, I went with Rinny to HER Movie. No, not sucky Single's 2nd Ward that she's IN... I mean the movie that basically IS her life. ENCHANTED. Hee hee hee! And you know what? It was cute and pretty dang FUNNY! Especially with the pigeons, rats, and cockroaches cleaning the house. (Which is why when I start breeding Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches for feeders and pets my breeder couple WILL be named Giselle and Prince Edward!) That killed me. Bravo, Disney! HA! Pretty good stuff. Made me giggle repeatedly. And I will see it again.
The bad stuff has just been general suckiness. I am tired to death of hurting all the time. Right now they are thinking the stomach/side thing is "Abdominal Cutaneous Nerve Entrapment Syndrome" commonly called ACNES. Hee hee hee! Yeah. Pretty stupid name for it if you ask me. And my psych, Dr. Apparently, thinks I have Fibromyalgia or something making the pain FROM these random things more acute, but who knows.
I had to go BACK to THE VR WITCH this week. They want a full "psychological evaluation" on me now and a bunch of other rather nervous-making stuff. I cried a lot. I'm not excited. A big Psych test AND some other tests. I HATE tests. Except, you know, THESE kind. Hee hee!
You Aren't In the Best Of Moods
While you aren't full on depressed, things aren't going your way.
You may be hurt, angry, frustrated... or all three.
You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous. You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things. Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times.
You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.
You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.
You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person.
You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality.
You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.
You are very well liked, and many people admire you. You are friendly, well mannered, and fun to be around. Of course, you're not perfect... but that's okay. Your friends are usually willing to accept you for who you are!
What People Don't Like About You:
People don't like that you forget them easily. No one wants to be friends with someone who doesn't remember their name!
People don't like that you seem unnatural and stiff at times. You sometimes give off an impression of being standoffish or fake.
What People Like About You:
People like that you're interesting and intriguing. You always have something interesting to say.
People like that you give them complements. You make people feel good about themselves!
People like your self deprecating sense of humor and that you don't take yourself too seriously.
Hey! I am just borrowing my uncle's computer right now to check in... I can't check often because they have DIAL UP. Seriously? Dial Up? Who has that anymore? So pretty much I am taxing it to it's limits just being here. I think I heard the mouse whimper in fear when I came in the room.
At present I am BOOOOOORED! Because we have been in the car for forever (my dad is not a fan of potty breaks) and finally got to my Aunt and Uncle's house and they are gone and even took their DOG with them. And even though we are in "Vegas" we are really in HENDERSON in a retirement neighborhood so pretty much there is not much to do with out a car.
Okay, it is better now because they do have a Jacuzzi that we got up and running while Rinny and Padre went to the Las Vegas bowl. They are still there. And I am still frozen. The hot tub is nice, but considering the pond next to it is covered in thick ice, well, yeah... not exactly swimming weather. Still, it is better than nothing and I am hurting pretty bad right now.
Okay, this isn't as funny as Nitty Gritty, but still. This Moses Person wrote to me and sounded actually cognitive and moderately nice, though I wasn't much interested. But he wanted my PHONE number. So I wrote back a polite, thanks for the note, maybe you could tell me more about yourself because I don't really give out my phone number, but maybe if we wrote awhile, I'd see. (Note, the first letter SOUNDED like someone FROM THIS COUNTRY. I don't know where he pasted it from)
THIS is what I got back...
To: kipluck From: moses Subject: hi ------------------------------------------
Thanks for your mail......i really appreciate what you said in your email...AM the only child of my parent, am single with no kids, i use to work with my dad he own an oil firm but due to our difference i had to stop working with him...I believe that partners are 100% equal in a relationship and both should be able to feel they can trust each other 100% at all times. I feel that any man who ever disrespects a woman is not a man at all.... My comon day schedule create time for fun, i like to get involve with any event outdoor for fun..... Well people that i have met will tell you am honest,concern, caring, respect other people opinion, sharing and not selfish.. I am affectionate also and I have no trouble showing it for the right man in public or private. ..my dream man will be someone who does not loves to argue, respect my opinion.....i want a man that is honest, concern, caring, sharing, loving and loyal. A man with a shoulder i can lean on right now due to what am going through at the moment.A man that his outgoing and funny but not like a clown all the time. A man that is kind not critical, not anal but easy going, spontaneous, affectionate and generous with his feelings, and time. He should like to go out and keep active. I don't like sitting at home on the couch too much. He needs to be an open, honest and patient person but not a pushover. I love walks on the beach,cuddling up and watching television, especially sports.Am a very transparent person in character,am caring, sharing, loving, and most of all trustworthy.....i want a man with enough experience in life to see both of us through....am not ready for mind games and i don't want my match too be the same.....am supportive and also i want my man too be supportive. I am looking for something permanent and I know it takes time and a lot of good effort to form a good relationship. I want my man to be my best friend at all times, my sweetheart, love of my life, my partner and my soul mate all wrapped up into one man. I would be all of that for him and more,I would love him with all of my heart and have nothing but good feelings for him. He should be a very caring person, with a lot of good feelings, be honest, reliable,pleasant and personality. I have been cheated in the past and it really hurt me so much.......because i trusted my ex with everything that i am but he turn out to be a liar, a cheat and a betrayer.....I know what it mean to be hurt and i will not want a fellow human been to go through the samr....Please honest with me..... Tell me about your family background ? If you have a chance to change the world what will you do? Are you trustworthy ? Do you believe in Honest is the best policy? because my om thought me that honesty is the best policy......what do you like to do for fun? what are your dream, what are you ambition? can i confide in you ? will you confide in me? I look forward to read from you With all that i am and Loyalty moses.
Excuse me, WHAT THE?! I wrote back that there was apparently a mistake made and that he was either 1. gay and just sharing his dreams and aspirations with me 2. a woman and thought I was a man, therefore never ACTUALLY read my profile and therefore was a scammer or 3. was not familiar enough with English to understand that there was a difference in Male and Female and also probably was a scammer. I said, sorry, but none of those 3 were going to work for me, relationship-wise.
I also have VERY good news. I have been getting shots directly in my muscle because they now think it is a nerve/muscle thing and IT IS HELPING! I am even SLEEPING IN MY OWN BED!
Yep, I am at my house as we speak! (the book and my meds are still at the padres and I am still being checked on but STILL! BETTER! YAY!!!)
Which also means Mom and I are going with Padre and Rinny to Vegas for Christmas. Both a good and bad thing. Because, well, I AM still hurting, and I am a little nervous about things... one of which is I really hate leaving my suggies kenneled at the vet's starting tomorrow because we leave very early (ugh) Saturday morning.
AND in preparation for Christmas I am going to SEE if I can get someone to chauffeur me around tomorrow but chances are they will be too busy so CC, Cupcake, Stewie, Thai, Prism, Darci, Heatherbella, Bobbie, "neighbor Pam," Coats, Megs, Miss Meliss, and Pepper, know I at least have a card or something for you that WILL be late. Because, yeah, I won't even be in town. hee hee!
I love you all very VERY much.
And now I should dose what I am allowed and turn off awhile. Peace Out.
Today's doctor adventures were at least a little DIFFERENT. I am still in pain... they still don't REALLY know why... but at least it wasn't the same doctors or ALL the same tests.
Did you know there is something I hate more than shots and needles? My horrible veins. I am really REALLY hard to get blood from. I warn every nurse and phlebotomist that I'm a "hard stick." When they ask me which arm I like I tell them I have no preference, but instead tell them what locations have worked most recently... my hand, my wrist, etc. There are different reactions... some are nice and try to be as helpful as possible, using very small needles, getting people in the office who are really good at it to come in, etc. Others poke in wherever, then fish under the skin, which is awful. Some get very angry and prideful, like I have insulted their skill by suggesting they might not get it... and THEN are even madder when they CAN'T like I am purposely hiding my blood from them.
Anyway, I woke up and went straight to one hospital lab for my white blood count. As usual it was difficult, but the nurse was a nice one... and GOOD. She didn't poke 'til she found it (no fishing!) got it on only one try! Yay! Then I went to meet with my new primary care doctor. That's right. No more Dr. Hasacrazywife. Not that he is the one I most want to be rid of (anyone know an endocrinologist in Utah county, preferably that takes Altius, BESIDES Dr. NYB?) but I needed a doctor and I didn't want to keep going to UrgentCare. But Dr. Hasacrazywife is now only working, like, 3 hours a day. I think he has a brain tumor? I think... he's DYING. I feel terrible since he's one of my only doctors who is NOT an idiot, but we were going to have to change at the end of this month to an Altius doc anyway... and I couldn't get an appointment about this stupid Appendicitis-ish mystery, so now I have a new general practitioner.
She is out in American Fork and reminds me a little of Professor Trelawny. Like all the others, she was similarly perplexed by my test results. At the end of her own examination she diagnosed it as POSSIBLY an early, very slow moving, appendicitis. She recommended exploratory surgery, ordered a bunch of tests (including, yes, a stool because...
hee hee hee!
Anyway, she also really wanted us to have the gastroenterologist check over her tests, see if he thought the same, add more, take any away, and basically see what HE thought about me just getting surgery regardless. Since I had HIS appointment right after his, the 2nd opinion seemed natural.
I had never met this doctor yet either and, truth be told, I was a little taken aback by the fact that we was pretty dang CUTE. Gastroenterology should NOT be a CUTE field of work. It's a little... disturbing. AND he was VERY nice. And liked my shirt a lot... but kept trying to find meaning in it.
"I LOVE your shirt. What does it MEAN?" "Ummm... like, it's a unicorn... like Uni... Corn." "I know, but what does it mean politically?" "Nothing?" "Really?" "As far as I know." "But... corn? Maybe like renewable energy? Biodegradable plastics? fuel?" "Maybe it COULD... if you wanted, but I don't think it meant to." "Oh... Still. I love it. Yellow is my color, though. I am very much a yellow guy."
He also went on for FOREVER at one point in the exam with this story about if you were in the woods and there were bears after you and you would pee your pants... and I swear he mentioned peeing your pants, like, 3 times... and kept going on with a LOT of details about this bear attack. The message was stress can make the ulcer worse (umm... Duh?) but he was really INTO his story. Mom and I both admitted in the car we would have told him to shut up and GET to the POINT if we didn't both think he was cute. THAT was kinda funny.
When he wanted to change my meds and I mentioned that I WOULD change meds, but that it was quite expensive and the insurance had already denied it, he said "Oh, Screw it! I'll give you all the samples you need!" Yes, I LIKE this doctor. He also concurred with Dr. Trelawny's tests and so we were sent to the hospital to get those started... and he recommended checking into the ER in the pain got worse because he thought I would be needing a surgeon but, like the others keep saying, "your presentation is... 'abnormal.' I just don't know!"
The next tests were BAD. They were with the type of nurses who are angry that they can't get my blood. Angry and FISHING. She hurt a lot and achieved next to nothing, dumb CBCs again... seeing if my white cells are going up, oh shocker, THEY ARE and they still don't know what is going on, bet you ANYTHING.
I went home and cried and cried. I hit a really bad low. I wanted to die... but I didn't. Instead I gave Bratanik a bath, half listened to a movie, and fell asleep, bawling.
You should not take naps that late, I know. It was long... and when I woke up, The Roomie was asleep and the gliders were awake. It was about 10 pm. Today was Heber's birthday. Well, observed. It is the day I brought him home and we guessed he was about 5 then, so he is about 8 now. My little man. I love him so much. I planned to do something extra fun for him for dinner... like persimmons as they are his favorite, but instead he just got peas because I felt... drained. He likes peas too. And HE doesn't know it's his birthday anyway (but either do human babies, right?). I cuddled him and gave him yogurt treats, though. So I woke up in time to pay some attention to the babies, especially my boy, and then take pain meds and fall back into a bit of a stupor.... watch a Heroes... and cry some more...
but a little less. Because at least I have gliders who need me.
My days are becoming... repetitive. Yesterday I did go to work because we needed to go to a school for a presentation with Journey North and I have been writing our program for that. But I just HURT a lot and spent the rest of the day at Utah Valley Hospital. But other than things I CAN'T get out of, I am not working because I just hurt too much and feel ill all the time. The ulcer is not healing... at least that is probably why I still hurt whenever I eat anything... or don't eat anything for that matter. Tomorrow I meet with a gastroenterologist about that. That crazy appendix/ovary/etc. place in my bottom ride side hurts as does my back like it wants to kill me and they have no idea why so, yes, tomorrow I get another blood test and probably an ultrasound and once again see what the hospital thinks THIS time.
Everyday I just hurt and probably watch Heroes on my mom's online Netflix thing (yay!) and eat nothing good and think too much and get sad.
I miss work on a regular basis. I miss less pain. I miss... well, that's unrelated, but yes Thanksgiving is coming and that is when Fresno and I had our first real date and I hate that because he keeps being in my dumb dreams.
My Depression has been pretty bad lately, too, for obvious reasons, so that doesn't help.
Oh, and then today I got in a mini-fight with my Sister/boss because SHE lost a spare key at work and she asked if I knew where it was. I said I was sorry, but no. She was frustrated with the situation and took it out on me. She asked if maybe I took it and maybe I couldn't remember because of pain pills. Geez. Thanks for basically calling me a junky, Rinn.
I am going to feed the sugar babies and go to bed early. I am not actually tired... I am just tired of today being here.
Another day, another CAT scan (showing nothing) and blood test (showing my white cells going UP... not getting better). Sent me home again, on antibiotics and told to come back AGAIN for ANOTHER blood test.
Because basically they are telling me I MIGHT still have appendicitis... they just don't SEE it. Or the ovary thing... and they will do an ultrasound next. Or it might be something completely unrelated.
I am tired and I just HURT. I am so tired of this. Seriously, I know I am starting to sound whiney but... Jobette.
It's been a long achy day. I am tired, my head REALLY hurts, and so does everything else due to my stupid ice slip at Target. However, I really need to feel happy today because I cried a lot this morning and guess what? It didn't make me feel better. I HATE DEPRESSION. So until I can get past some of this crap and probably get into a psych again I am going to have to "fake it 'til ya make it." Here we go. The following are the good thoughts:
* I went to the doctor because I have been sick for the past 3 weeks, and he decided I had caught something weird in Hawai'i that was Bacterial. He gave me an antibiotic that I only have to take for 3 days and it should make it go away (if he's right)! In just 3 days! Nice, huh?
* My bathroom is SO CLEAN. I have been "Swishing & Swiping" like a pro and so at least ONE area of my house sparkles. It's a start.
* Dwight is back on The Office. (I knew he would be!) But I LOVE that show. It's so freaking funny.
* My little brother, BoyKid, has been keeping me laughing with his tales of his "Girl Scout" job. Also, Fresno is going to try to FLY in for his "Farewell" at Church... February 25th at 9 am (Bleh. MORNING.) and then at Noon the party-ish thing. Okay, that is HALF a happy thought, half sad/weird that BoyKid will be LEAVING for Italy for 2 years.
* I stole some good music today. I love you, LimeWire. Ummm... I mean, listened to... and supported... the Artistry of... emotionally.
*Pain.
