Not a Good Day(s)

Somebody asked me if I kept a medical journal. I didn't quite know what to say. I don't, really. Even when I had Girthy Girl on the Move as a SEPARATE blog, that was really focused on getting healthy by losing weight. But that is pretty much it. And even that has now been swallowed up here by Skittles Deferred (but I think I like it that way... I think.)

And yet everyday THAT is what my blogs are about.
Surgery
Hospitals
Scars
Diabetes
Scars
Blood Pressure
Scars
Headaches
Congestion
Depression
X-Rays
MRIs
Pills
Oxygen
Insomnia
ERs
Insurance
Anxiety
Phobias
Flu
Gall Bladder
Hives
Dizziness...

Forget having a medical journal...
I have a medical LIFE... and I just journal it.

I admit it's not the most fun to read, and for that I am sorry. I like to be readable. I LOVE to be funny. It's not exactly a PRIDE thing, it's just, I LIKE writing, and I want to be GOOD at it. You know? I know, I am silly. It's not the most fun to WRITE for that matter, stupid medical stuff, but really in my life, what is left?!

Okay, take today. Woke up. Went to the Nuerologist. Slept. Went to the therapy pool. Got really sick and about passed out in the the dressing room. Watched TV. Yeah... freaking INVALID.

I feel like any day the young women are going to be assigned to bring me cupcakes and sing or something. SIGH. BLAH.
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Oh! It just hit! SLEEP just hit! 4:24 am and Blog to finish or no I need to stop RIGHT NOW before the sleepiness wears off and I am exhausted yet awake once again, so, I say quite literally...

TTYL!!!
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It is now Thursday at 7:00 and our TV is too afraid of the lightning to work. Seriously it IS pretty dang scary. The thunder is loud and almost simultaneous to the lightning flashes! I LOVE storms. But it is ominous. And the doggies are having tizzy fits all over the house, barking their heads off!

So here is the update because, well, nothing NON-medical has happened in my life to warrant a separate post anyway.

Had a regular doctors appointment today. Not that the appoint was regular but that the doctor was just a GP. The appointment was a very depressing one. It was to get papers done up... papers explaining why I had to leave school. :O( SIGH.

Tomorrow Home Health comes and brings a tester machine thing to my house that I put on my finger while I sleep to see how I breathe... or, you know, IF I breathe. Because chances are, like they thought so back when I was kept in the hospital for it, I have Sleep Apnea. If this machine confirms it they bring me another worse machine and I have to sleep with this mask on my face every night like my mom does. She says you get used to it. I say it's impossible. I can't sleep ANYWAY. Put a mask on my face... yeah, RIGHT. I AM SO SCREWED.

And THAT is a SIDE problem. Nobody expects that to *solve* the headache or the dizziness.

So that is tomorrow. Saturday and Sunday I can only imagine I lay around like an idiot doping myself. We got my MRI and MRV moved to moved to Monday so long as we are willing to drive out to Heber, which we are. After that... well... I guess a lot of that depends on whether I have a blood clot in my brain or whatever else they are looking for with the scans that absolutely scare me to death.

I am even more scared now. While at the doctor he said more about the MRV process involving injecting contrast. I won't go into it, but judging by similar stuff in the hospital last time, well I am already feeling sick and shaky and don't think that little prescription of Valium they gave me for the procedure will do ANYTHING. Like fighting a crocodile with thumbtack.

I'm done with this. I want to go home.

My brain hurts. Thinking hurts.

I am afraid of hurting and and being afraid is painful.