I didn't even finish the meeting. I just left.
How long before I am... well, not NORMAL, but as normal as I was before Fresno? When will I be able to listen to the radio, go to a family reunion, watch a movie, go to a party, see a commercial, etc. without thinking about him?
And then, a few hours ago, I got an email. It was a nothing email. But it was from him.
It is the first thing from him since breaking up. It was just a "hey have you heard of this movie?" type of email and I am sure he thought it was totally fine.
But I don't feel fine.
I don't know if I am mature enough... and OVER him enough... to be friends. Chit-chat about movies and stuff. But on the other hand I am desperate to do just that. Talk to him, about anything or nothing.
But how can I keep it that way in MY head and heart? How can I not want more? How can I keep silly innocuous notes from shredding my heart over and over again?
He probably doesn't understand how hurt you are by all of this and trying to deal with it. He still sees you has a friend and he has someone else to fill the void - so I am sure he is probably just not thinking that it hurts when you hear from him like nothing ever happened.
ReplyDeleteThey ALL do it. But I think that maybe you need to tell him that you ARE hurting - so he at least knows. Don't hide it. Stop hiding things from him - especially now because you have nothing to lose so-to-speak.
(((((hugs)))))
ReplyDelete:-(
Maybe he needs a small e-mail in return:
"not ready. need space, please."
or something like that.